by Clare Bell
Thakur had asked her to leave the shore and journey inland. How could she leave the seamares and the ocean? They comforted her, sustained her, renewed her.
It was too much to ask, too much to even think of asking. Away from the sea she became small, ugly, withdrawn into herself. The fits happened more often. The white mist descended on her mind too often, not letting her think.
He knows! Why does he ask?
Yet if he does know, a part of her argued, and he asks anyway, it must be important.
Thistle swam back and forth, trying to find her answer in the ocean’s touch. How soothing it felt, washing through her coat, lifting her and rocking her. The others of the Named seldom went into the sea, or, if they did, came out shivering and coughing.
Well, they hadn’t grown a heavy undercoat like hers that kept her body’s warmth trapped against her skin. And they had never learned to swim the way she did.
Except Thakur. He had let her teach him and he had tried to understand. It was he who had coaxed her out of herself, had helped start the healing in her leg and her mind.
Don’t have to help him, even after all he has done. But want to.
And Ratha. Her mother had also asked for her to come. Did that make a difference?
She asked for Thakur’s sake. She is not sure herself if she wants me.
Thistle glided and turned as the waves tumbled her gently about. She could feel the sea’s muted power. Sometimes it seemed that she could draw more than just comfort from the ocean.
She remembered Ratha’s words to her. Her mother had chosen the hard path—the truth. Though stung by those words, Thistle was deeply grateful that Ratha had not tried to conceal her uncertainties.
She asked me to give her a chance. Don’t have to, but want to.
When the seamares surfaced, blowing and snorting, she had her answer. Though the journey would be challenging, she would go.
* * *
On the following day, Ratha went down to the beach. She had left her own treeling, Ratharee, with Thakur’s Aree, to be cared for by others of the clan. Fessran ambled along beside her.
“Stop fretting, clan leader,” the Firekeeper said as they trotted over the rolling dunes, with seabirds crying overhead. “I think Thistle will agree. I wouldn’t have come with you to pick up Mishanti if I thought she was going to be stubborn.”
“I almost hope that she doesn’t want to come. I don’t see how she can help Thakur, and I have no idea how I am going to manage her on the trail.”
“Manage her?” Fessran howled derisively. “Clan leader, what do you think she is, a herdbeast?”
“All right, she isn’t,” Ratha snapped, embarrassed. “But I just keep thinking about those fits....”
“They are her worry, not yours. They aren’t going to kill her, and if one happens, there are plenty of pools and streams along the way.”
Ratha sighed. “I wish you were going, Singe-whiskers.”
“Thakur and Bira are already there, and Khushi will travel with you,” Fessran said firmly. “We’ve already agreed on this. I’ve got enough to do without tagging along to protect you from your daughter.”
Ratha was tempted to give Fessran a good swat for that, but the Firekeeper had already sauntered out of reach.
“I’m not afraid of her!” Ratha yowled.
“Not her claws, at any rate. That tongue of hers is sharp enough, even if a little clumsy.”
“Bury it, Firekeeper. We’re almost there.” Ratha picked up her pace, loping ahead of Fessran.
She found Thistle sitting beside her bathing pool, fluffing her coat in the sun. Ratha and Fessran also sat, waiting for Thistle to dry off.
“What did the sea tell you?” Ratha asked her at last, feeling slightly awkward.
Thistle answered simply. “You and Thakur need me. I will go.”
Ratha felt a confusing mixture of delight and dismay at the reply. Glancing at Fessran, she saw the Firekeeper incline her head and lift her whiskers as if to say “I told you so. ”
Thistle raised her muzzle and gave a high chirping call. Mishanti appeared, covered with wet sand. He had evidently been digging a den.
“When did you start calling him like that?” Fessran asked Thistle.
“Not long ago. He pays better attention to it.”
“Good thought. I’ll try it out on the little scamp,” Fessran said as she swept the cub to her with one paw. “Come on, you son of a seamare. Come with Fessran.”
Ratha watched the exchange. She envied Fessran’s free and easy manner with Thistle.
Thistle even speaks less awkwardly with Fessran than with me. But as soon as I try to be friendly, she freezes up and I feel bad. I wonder if having her on this trip is really going to work.
As soon as Fessran had gone, carrying Mishanti by the scruff, Ratha turned to Thistle. “Khushi is coming with us. He’ll be waiting at the top of the cliff. Are you ready?”
“Yes,” Thistle replied softly.
Ratha paced ahead, letting her daughter follow.
* * *
Khushi joined Thistle and her mother on the way up the cliff trail. He would lead, for he knew the way back to Thakur’s camp. No more preparation was needed. Thistle knew that Ratha and Khushi had eaten enough to sustain them for several days. She had tried to do the same, although pickings on the beach were a bit sparser than eating from a kill.
“Don’t worry about food,” Ratha said to Thistle. “I asked you to make this trip, so anything Bira or I catch, we’ll share.”
Her words were meant as reassurance, but they also reminded Thistle that leaving the beach meant that she was much more vulnerable and dependent on others—something she hated.
As she followed Khushi, with Ratha bringing up the rear, she thought, Perhaps Thakur wants me because he has found others like me. She felt the loneliness rise up inside her along with a strange aching hope. If the other clan-cats Thakur had found were like her, they could understand the paths she had to take, paths that the Named could not follow. Perhaps the strangers could give her as much as she could give them.
Chapter Four
It was morning of the third day after they’d set out, and a light rain was falling. The three companions kept to a steady trot. Ratha put Khushi in the lead most of the time. Not only did the young scout know the way, but he chose a pace that was easy for Thistle to keep without straining her nearly healed foreleg. Ratha knew that if she went up front with Khushi, it would be hard for her to keep from leaping ahead, for she was excited and intrigued by Thakur’s message.
Another clan like the Named! Could it be? Had Thakur really discovered a group that might band with their own, providing fresh ideas and new talents?
Ratha felt her hopes soar. If Thakur was sure enough to send for her, he must have found another Named clan. His difficulties in speaking with them would quickly be resolved. They probably have a few different words and customs, that’s all.
Her tail waving in anticipation, she trotted along the trail, eager to speak to the leader of the newly found clan.
* * *
With Khushi as guide, Thistle and Ratha wound their way over the coastal foothills and then down into a river valley, where the soil was marshy.
Thistle watched as Ratha sniffed some huge round footprints in the damp soil.
She listened as Ratha spoke to Khushi about the footprints. “Face-tails,” replied the young scout. “You can’t mistake that stink. Almost as bad as Thistle’s seamares. We do choose smelly animals, don’t we?”
“Well, it makes them easier to find. How far away are Thakur and Bira?” Ratha asked.
“Just up beyond this knoll,” Thistle heard the scout reply as he began pacing through the long, waving grass that covered the hill.
Bira met them at the top. Thistle liked the ruddy-coated Firekeeper, with her long plumed tail and gentle manner. Even the acrid smell of the Red Tongue in Bira’s coat did not put her off.
Bira had a treeling, a male called Bi
aree. Thistle was intrigued by treelings. She had never had one and she wasn’t sure she wanted one, but they were fun to watch. She saw how they soothed and comforted the Named. Perhaps someday she might like a little companion who could comfort her.
Would a treeling ride on my back when I swim?
Biaree jumped briefly onto Thistle’s back for a quick welcoming groom before scampering back to Bira.
“Welcome, everybody,” Bira said, touching noses with Ratha and then Khushi. Turning to Thistle, she said, “If you are hungry, I caught some grouse this morning.”
Thistle’s mouth watered, but first she wanted to see Thakur. Then she would eat. Bira said she would save the birds. There were plenty for everyone.
Eager to meet her friend again, Thistle scampered after Bira as she trotted down into a little hollow where a campfire burned beneath a sheltering overhang. And there was Thakur, his coppery coat gleaming, his green eyes alight at the sight of her. She was so overjoyed to see him that she broke into a run, dashing ahead of Bira.
“Hello, little seamare herder,” Thakur purred, rubbing his chin along her back and flopping his tail over her in greeting.
“Missed you, missed you, missed you,” Thistle answered, losing her eloquence to a rush of emotion. “So much, Thakur.”
She rubbed her head against him and stood back with a satisfied sigh while the others greeted him and rubbed past him, their tails arching over his back. After the greetings were done, Bira provided the promised repast.
When the meal was finished and the leavings buried, all five relaxed around the small fire and listened to Thakur. As he recounted his experiences with the other cat clan, Thistle listened carefully. He spoke of many things that baffled her. Someone called True-of-voice. Something called “the song.” The strange way that the newly found clan seemed to speak and the way that the awareness of an outsider seemed to spread instantaneously through their group.
Thistle also cast glances at Ratha during Thakur’s tale. Though her mother’s ears stayed up, her whiskers drooped a bit in puzzlement and disappointment.
“These face-tail hunters sound even stranger than I thought,” Ratha said. “Are you sure they are not just another group of the empty-eyed Un-Named?”
“Not completely,” Thakur admitted. “But I feel that these clan-cats have the same gift as we do. They just use it differently. Their eyes are not empty, but their awareness is turned... inside themselves.” Thistle felt his gaze travel to her and rest there as he spoke softly. “As yours was when I first found you.”
“Do you think you can bring them outside of themselves, the way you did her?” Ratha asked Thakur.
“Perhaps, although I doubt it. The way they think must be right for them, as our way is for us. I don’t think my coaxing will make any of them become like the Named.”
Ratha’s eyes widened. “Then what do you plan?”
“I tried to speak to them once, but Khushi and I were chased away. I intend to try again. This time I’d like Thistle to come with me.”
Thistle’s belly began to flutter with anticipation, but she heard a silence as the other four exchanged glances with one another.
“I am afraid that you are venturing on trails where I have trouble following,” said Ratha at last. Khushi and Bira made sounds of agreement.
“I know. I’m not comfortable with such things either,” said Thakur, and another silence fell.
Thistle ended it. “This song thing. Ears don’t hear it?”
Thakur answered, “No. Mine can’t. Nor Khushi’s. Judging from the way the hunters spoke, they don’t listen with their ears. I think they hear it inside their heads. Thistle, you have said things to me that sound as though you can also hear things inside your head.”
Thistle felt awkward, though grateful that he had not spoken directly of the Dreambiter. She was not sure how much Khushi or Bira knew about the strange fits that fell on her.
“Yes,” she said slowly. “Sometimes I do. Sometimes frightening things, sometimes good things. Not hearing them as much now as I used to. Talking... takes them away. When I change the way I think, sometimes they come back.”
“Can you still do that? Change the way you think?”
“Not easy. Speaking with you and others—that is easier thing now.”
“Would you be able to go back into your old ways if I asked?”
I risk the Dreambiter, Thistle thought, but quickly forced the fear aside.
“Yes,” she said, looking straight at him. The look he gave her in return made her feel brave and proud, despite her fear.
Bira asked Thakur a question. “Are you thinking that Thistle can hear the same ‘song’ as the hunters can? That seems to be expecting a lot.”
“Maybe it is,” Thakur admitted.
Something made Thistle look at her mother, who was grimacing.
“I must be getting stupid,” Ratha growled. “I don’t understand any of this. Like trying to pick up water in your paw—it’s all running through.”
“None of us really understand it,” said Thakur. “We’re just feeling our way with our whiskers.”
And I am, too, thought Thistle, even if I can hear things inside my head.
Ratha got up and stretched. “I may not understand it, but I trust you, Thakur. When do you want to make the attempt?”
“This afternoon. The hunters made a kill this morning. I found it best to approach them after they’ve eaten and are lazing around.”
“All right. I’ll hide and watch. I want to see what happens. Both of you be careful,” she added as Thistle tried to evade her mother’s meaningful glance.
Will try to do what you want. Hard to do things, though. Especially when they are for you.
* * *
The Dreambiter was prowling. Thistle felt it as she followed Thakur. The herding teacher was taking her to the new clan-cats he had found—the ones he hoped would be enough like the Named to perhaps form an allied clan. Her mother hoped so, too, perhaps even more than Thakur. Thistle could almost feel the intensity of Ratha’s longing and the bleakness of a possible disappointment. Her mother didn’t want the Named to be all alone in their world.
The load of hopes was heavy—a hard burden to lay on the back of one who could barely carry her own hopes and griefs, Thistle thought.
Thakur had not asked her to put away her “I-ness,” her own sense of identity, but it had fled anyway, swept out by the white mist that now seemed to surround her, containing the small clear area that she walked in and the hard beating of her heart.
He seemed to know what state she was in, and guided her carefully. Down the knoll and into the marshy valley, then up toward the head of the valley, where the wind brought the smell of face-tails and the ones who hunted them.
But Thakur had to tell her all this because the mist was so thick that she could not see very far beyond herself. She could not look over the vast expanse of waving grass and the clear sky she knew was above.
She wondered if she had gone deep enough into the mist. But she knew she could go no deeper, for the Dreambiter was prowling, and if she went in farther, she would meet the terror and fall helplessly on her side.
Should I tell Thakur that the Dreambiter stalks?
No. She could not bear to disappoint him. Or Ratha either.
So she walked inside her own circle in the swirl of white until Thakur’s voice told her to stop—they were there.
“Thistle,” she heard him say, as if from a distance, “are you ready?”
Her tongue felt strange in her mouth and she had to twist the words from it. “Can’t see them, Thakur.”
“Over there,” he said softly, and his voice was closer, lifting the haze before her eyes. She felt him nudge her muzzle, pointing her head in the right direction. She fought for command of her tongue and voice, for it was that which made the mist thin. With the struggle, the white opacity faded slightly and she saw many cat forms, sitting, lying, or pacing across the open ground.
; Thakur’s voice was in her ear again. “We will act as though you are one of theirs, lost. I am returning you.” He paused. “I may have to back off, since they may remember me. But don’t be afraid. I won’t leave you. And Bira and Ratha and Khushi are nearby.”
Nearby. With the Red Tongue to sear and punish these strangers should they not understand and try to hurt. Their hopes are on... me... to make the others understand.
Thakur moved forward. She followed. She did as he said and rolled where he told her to. Immersed in the smell of face-tail as well as the swirl of her own confusion, she walked with him to meet the hunters.
In the caverns the Dreambiter prowled.
The cat shapes rose up like shadows in the haze that hung around Thistle. Only the glare of the strangers’ eyes gave color to their forms. These were the hunters, the ones whose trail she was to try to follow.
White on gray; the flash of teeth, the red-pink of a tongue. Thakur alongside, his body against her, trying to control his trembling because the other clan knew him from before and he was frightened. She heard the gruffness of their voices, the resolute yet quavering sound of his in reply, giving the tale he had made up.
“Yours ... lost... found and brought back,” she heard him say, but he sounded very distant, as if someone had thrown him across the sky.
“That one,” came a voice, deep with growling suspicion. Thistle tried to quiet the alarm that went through her. They were speaking about Thakur, not to him. Another voice, its tones harsh, joined the first. “That one with ears that don’t work. True-of-voice does not know him.”
“A lost one is found,” she heard Thakur try again. “In the marshes. Take her back.”
The eyes, in all their colors, were turning to Thistle. “A lost one? There are no lost ones if the song is heard.”
The eyes were waiting. Thistle felt lost, for there was no song in her head. Nothing but the hollow whisper of a wind through caverns where the Dreambiter stood, no longer prowling, but waiting.
The words were wrapped on her tongue, struggling to come loose. The song is heard, she wanted to say, but the lie could not get free.
