by Becca Van
Tara put on the coffeepot and began to get breakfast. By the time she heard the shower running down the hall, she was just finishing up the scrambled eggs, bacon, and toast. She placed the food in a dish in the oven to keep it warm until the two men came to eat.
“Hey, sweetheart, how are you feeling?” Johnny asked as he wrapped his arms around Tara’s waist from behind and planted a kiss on her temple.
“I’m fine,” Tara squeaked out as she held herself stiffly in his arms.
Johnny gave a sigh and released Tara. He poured himself a coffee and sat at the table. “You’re not supposed to be doing any chores yet. Doc said you’re supposed to rest.”
“I’ve had more than enough resting in the last two days to last me a lifetime. I wanted to get up and make you and your brother breakfast. That’s what I’m here for, remember? I can’t just lay about the place when I’ve decided to accept the job to cook and clean for you.”
“I don’t care what we hired you for, baby. If you’re not up to doing anything, then don’t. We don’t want you getting sick again,” Clay stated in a firm voice, his eyes shooting daggers at her.
“I’m much better, thanks, Clay. I wouldn’t have cooked if I wasn’t,” Tara replied as she thrust her chin out at him.
Tara knew Clay was fighting back a smile because she could see the muscle in his jaw flexing as he bit down hard. Tara was beginning to feel a little more like herself. Her gumption was returning. There was no way she was letting Clay and his brother run roughshod over her. She just knew there were going to be fireworks between them. They felt so familiar to her. She was beginning to feel as if she had known them her whole life. But she had to set some ground rules if she was going to be living with the two sexy men. Somehow, she knew deep inside, she wasn’t the sort of person to be pushed around. She couldn’t be anyone other than herself. Even though she wasn’t really sure about who she was, she had a feeling she was usually pretty feisty, and there was no way she was letting these two dominant men control her.
Tara got breakfast out of the oven and placed it on the table. She’d already set the table, so she had nothing else to do. She poured herself another cup of coffee and sat down to eat.
“I’m going into town today to pick up a few things,” Johnny said as he looked at Tara. “Is there anything I can get you?”
“Yes. Do you have a charity shop in town?”
“Yeah. Why?”
“I was wondering if you could get me some clothes and you can take it out of my first paycheck?” Tara muttered as she lowered her eyes, heat racing up to cover her cheeks.
“You won’t be wearing secondhand clothes, baby. Johnny’s going to get you some this morning. No. Don’t you dare argue. You need clothes. You can’t go around wearing our T-shirts all the time. As much as we like the way you look in them, you need some decent clothes. I’ll take a little out of your paycheck each week to cover the cost. Okay?” Clay asked rhetorically.
“Thank you, so much,” Tara said in a voice that broke with emotion.
“Aw, babe. Come here,” Clay said as he pushed back his chair and held a hand out to her.
Tara shook her head and sat quietly with her eyes lowered, and tears leaked out the corner of her eyes to course down her cheeks.
“Tara, look at me,” Clay demanded.
Tara’s head snapped up. She could feel her heart pounding hard against her breasts. Her skin went hot all over, and she felt perspiration break out. Then she went cold, not just skin cold. The cold went bone deep. She began to shake, her breath rasping out of her mouth. She felt sick to her stomach and felt as if all the blood drained from her face. Her memory came rushing back with a vengeance. Pain pierced her skull, and her arms rose as she gripped her head between her hands as the death of her mother, the struggle to survive, and the preceding years flashed across her brain. She remembered hanging around Clay and Johnny when she was kid. She had grown up with them. The horrid sight her young heart would never be able to comprehend came rushing back. She remembered walking in on Clay and Johnny fucking another woman. The loss of her mom and the uncertainty surrounding her father’s disappearance years before, her home, her clothes, her precious photos of her mom all came rushing back. The memories hit her with such a force she fell from her chair to the floor. She doubled over, clutching her stomach as she began to sob.
* * * *
Clay swore under his breath, got off his chair, scooped Tara up into his arms, and pulled her onto his lap as he sat back down. He rocked and soothed her as she cried heart-wrenching sobs against his chest. He began to get worried when she didn’t slow down. He looked over to Johnny to see a worried frown and sadness, which he knew was mirrored in his own eyes. Clay was beginning to be really concerned for Tara’s health when her tears didn’t let up.
He picked her up, gestured to Johnny to follow him to the bathroom. He handed Tara over to Johnny as he stripped out of his clothes and turned the shower on. He saw Johnny begin to strip Tara’s clothes from her body as she leaned against his brother. He watched his brother kiss their woman tenderly on her head, and then he scooped her into his arms and stepped into the warm, soothing shower. He was grateful when the warm water began to soothe, warm, and calm Tara, and sighed with relief as Tara’s tears slowed as did her sobs. He heard her hiccup a few times, and then she slumped down against his chest. Her breathing slowed until she was once again quiet and calm. Clay slid Tara down his naked body and helped to steady her on her feet. He tilted her head up to his and looked into her bloodshot, swollen, red-rimmed eyes.
“I’m sorry,” Tara whispered then hid her face against Clay’s chest and wrapped her arms around his waist.
Clay wouldn’t let Tara back off as she tried to pull away. He slid his arms down her sides and held onto her hips firmly. His cock began to rise as Tara’s little nipples stabbed into his chest as they rubbed against his chest hair and skin.
“Clay, please let me go.”
“No,” Clay replied as he reached the faucets, turned the water off, and scooped Tara into his arms. “I can’t risk you falling down and hurting yourself, baby. You’ve exhausted yourself with your crying, you’re unsteady on your feet and look ready to collapse.” He held her still while Johnny dried her off, then grabbed a clean towel to dry himself as Johnny wrapped Tara up in the robe.
Clay quickly dressed as he watched Tara standing in front of him, glaring at him defiantly. Johnny’s arms kept her still as he wrapped her within his embrace. Clay moved toward her, scooped her up into his arms, and headed back into the kitchen. He sat down and pulled Tara onto his lap, one of his large, muscular arms holding her around the waist like a steel band. He tilted her face up to his and stared down into her eyes.
“Talk to me, Tara. Tell me what’s happened to you,” Clay demanded, the muscle in his jaw flexing as he clenched his teeth.
“Nothing has happened to me.”
“Bullshit. You aren’t going anywhere until you start talking. I can sit here all day and night if I have to,” Clay advised, emphasizing his statement with determination.
“Mom died when I was seventeen. She was hit by a car on her way home from work. I’ve been trying to make ends meet to pay for rent, bills, and food. I was working in a delicatessen, which was the only job I could get. It didn’t pay enough. I barely had any money left for food by the time everything else way paid. I came home from work the other night to find my apartment building on fire and watched as it collapsed to the ground. Everything I owned went up in smoke. We didn’t have any insurance because we couldn’t afford it. I don’t remember what happened after that. I…my mind must have snapped. The only thing I remember is waking up in the diner with you two trying to look after me.”
“Aw, baby. Why didn’t you come home, here to us?” Clay asked as he hugged her to him.
“Why would I want to do that? The last time I came to see you and Johnny, you were both too busy to even notice I was there,” she responded, folding her arms beneath her
breasts protectively.
“When was that? We were never too busy for you, sweetheart,” Johnny said, a frown creasing his forehead.
“It doesn’t matter.”
“Don’t you dare lie to us, Tara. I can hear it in your voice how much it doesn’t matter,” Clay ground out.
“Fuck it,” Johnny yelled. “It was the day you left, wasn’t it? You caught us in the barn fucking that woman. It didn’t mean anything, Tara. We’re a lot older than you, and you have to remember we were younger back then. Our hormones were running rampant. God, we can’t even remember her name.”
“Is that supposed to make it right?” Tara yelled at Johnny as she pushed off Clay’s lap. “I saw you, both of you. I saw what you were doing to that woman, and now you have the gall to tell me you can’t even remember her name? I can’t believe you would use a female like that. My God…”
“Shut up, Tara. You don’t know what you’re talking about. You were too young to know what was going on,” Clay said quietly.
“Do you know how I felt having to come and say good-bye to you two? Knowing I would probably never see you again? To find you fucking a woman, both at the same time? You knew I had a crush on the both of you. You broke my heart that day,” Tara sobbed out then spun on her heels and ran from the room.
Clay stood staring at Johnny, not knowing what to do or say. He watched as Johnny turned his back on him, walked to the coffeepot, and poured himself a cup.
“Fuck it, Clay. Why did you have to call her by name? We could have tried to woo her back to us before her memory returned. I don’t see how we can get her to stay with us now. What the hell are we going to do?” Johnny roared at his brother then hurled his coffee cup across the room. He stormed out of the kitchen, slamming the back door behind him.
Clay sank down on his chair and wiped a hand over his face. He’d really fucked up by not thinking before he spoke. He didn’t know how they were going to keep Tara from running, but he knew they couldn’t let her leave. He got up from his chair and stormed out of the kitchen, down the hall to the closed bedroom door. He raised his hand to knock, hesitated, then dropped his hand to his side. He walked out of the house, slammed his fist against the timber boards, cursing as pain radiated from his knuckles through his hand. He knew they had a bit of time before Tara left. She still had no clothes. He watched Johnny roar past in the truck as he headed to town. He would be waiting for his brother to return. He was going to have to give her the option of leaving, but he was going to try and get her to stay until she was fully recovered. He didn’t want to let her go but knew he couldn’t keep her against her will. No, he couldn’t do that to the woman he loved. He was just going to have to try to get through to her that he and Johnny wanted to protect and help her. He couldn’t let anything else happen to Tara. He loved her too much.
Chapter Five
Tara sat on the window seat in her room, her knees drawn up to her chest as she stared out into the yard. She was glad her memory was back, but her chest felt so tight with pain and despair. She wanted to leave, but had no clothes or money and nowhere to go. At least she had a roof over her head for now. If she left, she would end up living on the streets. As much as her pride demanded she leave, she wasn’t stupid enough to give up the only place she had for now.
Tara had heard Johnny and Clay arguing but couldn’t hear what they’d said. No doubt they had argued over her. She’d heard the crash of something smashing against the wall, the slam of the back door, and then the roar of an engine as one of the men, or maybe both, left the house. Tara sat up straight and lowered her feet to the floor, pushing her hair from her face. She needed to get herself together, organize the cancellation of her credit and ATM cards, since she had lost her purse and wallet, and then she was going to try and find herself a job.
Tara made her phone calls and gave the bank her temporary address. It would be at least two weeks before the bank would send her replacement cards. She went into the ranch office, grabbed the newspaper, and began to peruse the employment section. She picked up the pen to circle any appropriate jobs, found a pad of paper, and began to write letters. She addressed and stamped the letters and hoped Clay or Johnny would mail them for her. If not, she would borrow some clothes and do it herself. She needed to get out of here as soon as she could. There was no way she was hanging around to betray herself any more than she already had. She hoped Clay hadn’t noticed her body’s reaction when he’d taken her into the shower during her meltdown. She had a hard time keeping her eyes off of their hard, sexy bodies. Time and again she found her eyes drawn to their physiques. She was even aware when Clay had caught her in the act. He had given her a sexy half smile and wink, then given her the once-over as well. She had been independent for so long, and she was already beginning to lean on her two friends. She didn’t like that she was becoming dependent on them so quickly.
Tara had never really made friends easily growing up, had spent all of her spare time doing chores, studying, reading, or hanging around Clay and Johnny. She’d always felt as if she were on the outside of a big bubble watching others interact in their perfect little worlds with their perfect friends. She knew now how immature those thoughts had been. Nobody in the world was perfect, and she knew there were others who had a lot worse childhood than she’d had. She had always been a shy, timid person. Her father was probably the main cause of that. He had always been angry. If he wasn’t ranting and raving at her mom, he was busy working on the ranch or in the bottom of a bottle. He’d never hit her mom or her, though. Not that it excused his behavior. Tara had tried to make herself invisible to her father. She had been on the receiving end of his verbal abuse at the early age of eight years old. The only time she’d ever let herself be natural was around her mom when her dad was not home and around Johnny and Clay. They had coaxed her out of her shell, and she was grateful to them. Habits of a lifetime were hard to break, and to be honest with herself, she was just too scared to care for anyone anymore. Anyone she ever cared for always ended up leaving her, whether they wanted to or not. What was the point? She was better off alone. It hurt less that way.
Tara needed to get out of the house. She was going stir crazy and knew she wouldn’t see Clay or Johnny for a while. She headed to the bedroom to rummage in the drawers and find herself something to wear. She looked at herself in the mirror, covered her mouth with her hand, and giggled. She looked ridiculous. The jeans she had borrowed were so big on her, if she hadn’t found a belt and added more holes to it, the pants would be down around her ankles. The legs were rolled up so many times, it looked like her shins and calves were deformed. The jacket she had on over the large T-shirt hid her hands and wouldn’t stay rolled up no matter what she did. The arms were too wide, and she had lost too much weight to keep the rolled fabric in place. Her hands were invisible beneath the floppy ends of the jacket. Tara gave a mental shrug and headed out the back door.
Tara breathed in the scent of the roses and jasmine planted just outside the back door. She wandered down to the corral and leaned on the fence as she took in the beautiful scenery. The expansive plains and fresh country air seeped into her soul, relaxing her for the first time in six years. She had missed her home so much, as well as her two best friends, but she missed her mom the most. She felt like a big, gaping wound had split her chest wide open and would never heal. She had lost the closeness of her best friends the day she moved away from this place, and two years later, she had lost her mom. She had no one anymore and didn’t know if she would ever feel whole again.
The first sob caught Tara by surprise. She would have thought she had no tears left after all the crying she had done over the last couple of days. She slid to the ground and hugged her knees in tight to her chest. She felt so alone. She had no one to lean on, no one to love, and no one to love her in return. She had nothing left. Tara was so caught up in her own grief she didn’t hear the truck coming up the drive.
Strong, muscular arms scooped her up from the ground, pulling
her onto hard, muscular thighs. Tara knew by his scent that Johnny held her in his arms, cradling her on his lap. He rocked her and ran a large palm up and down her back, trying to soothe her pain away. He had always been the more sensitive, compassionate one out of him and Clay. Tara clutched his shirt in her hands as she cried. He didn’t try to stop her, just held and rocked her. When she finally stopped, she slumped against his chest, savoring the comfort and touch of another human being. Before today, it had been so long since she had been held and comforted. She never wanted to let go.
“Are you all right, sweetheart?” Johnny asked as he tipped her head up to his with a finger beneath her chin.
Tara nodded then shook her head. She wasn’t all right and didn’t know if she ever would be again.
“Talk to me, Tara.”
“I can’t do this anymore, Johnny,” Tara replied with a sob.
“What can’t you do, sweetheart?”
“I’m so lonely. My mom died over six years ago. My dad left years ago. I have no friends. I can’t do this anymore.”
“Tara, don’t talk like that. You have me and Clay. We’ll always be here for you, sweetheart,” Johnny replied, and Tara could see anguish on his face for her as she spoke, but she didn’t trust him or Clay anymore and didn’t know if she ever would. She was still that little girl inside. She knew she still loved Johnny and Clay but didn’t think she would ever have that trust again.
“No. I don’t have you and Clay. I never have,” Tara responded, pushing up and off Johnny’s lap.
“What the fuck are you talking about, Tara?” Johnny said as he stood and walked over to her. He grasped her by her upper arms so she couldn’t escape him.
“You and Clay tolerated me as a kid. You didn’t really want me around or like me. If you had, I never would have found you in the barn fucking that woman,” Tara yelled as she glared at Johnny.
