“Well, I can see you came through the harvesting just fine, but your mood hasn’t improved,” she noted dryly.
Although she’d never quite seen Adam scowl before, she realized he was doing it now. Dressed in a football jersey and jeans, he moved a bit gingerly as he went to sit in the wheelchair. “Let’s just get out of here. Any news on Mark? I feel isolated without my computer.”
For Mark, the transplant had probably been the easiest part of his ordeal. The marrow had been introduced into his body through an IV. “He’s doing as well as can be expected.”
“I’m getting so tired of hearing hospital-speak,” Adam grumbled.
“Adam, you know that’s all they can tell us. It’s going to be two to four weeks before we have real news on whether the transplant took. You’re going to have to be patient just like the Cambrys.”
“I’m thin on patience right now.”
Maintaining her calm, she offered, “Then I guess we’ll have to work on that today, won’t we?”
She thought he might give her the I-don’t-need-a-nurse speech, but instead he remained silent as if he knew that was his best course. Obviously, Adam was one of those men who did not make a good patient.
With a sunny smile, a nurse breezed into the room, clutching an instruction sheet in her hand. “You’ll be staying with him?” she asked Leigh now.
“Yes. Unless he orders me off his property,” she added with a smile, hoping to coax one from him.
His nurse’s voice was enthusiastic and clear. “Here are his instructions, not anything complicated. You know what to look for. Make sure he takes the antibiotics and drinks plenty of liquids. He should use ice fifteen to twenty minutes every hour as needed. Switch over to heat tomorrow.”
“I’m right here,” Adam interrupted, obvious tension edging his tone. “You already told me all this. I even signed a paper that I understood it.”
The nurse ignored him and handed Leigh a bag that had been sent up from the hospital pharmacy. “There’s an antibiotic and pain medication in there.”
After Leigh took the bag, the nurse went around to the back of the wheelchair. “All right, the gentleman wants to leave. Let’s make it happen.”
When Adam just rolled his eyes, Leigh suppressed another smile.
After Leigh parked in Adam’s driveway, he got out of her Neon almost as quickly as she did. While she watched, he strode to the door with the movement of a man who was acting as if he was perfectly fine. He wasn’t. She’d seen him surreptitiously shifting in his seat during the ride. Since the bone marrow extraction, she knew he’d felt as if he’d taken a bad fall.
To her dismay, after Adam unlocked the door, he started for his office. “I’m going to call my mother to tell her everything went okay, then work for a while.” The look he gave her dared her to argue with him.
Knowing that argument would be useless, she offered, “I picked up three ice packs at the drugstore last night. They’re in the freezer. I also bought a heat pack for the microwave.”
She thought he might claim he didn’t need those, either. Instead, he went to the kitchen and took two bills from his wallet, placing them on the table. “That should cover it.” Then he took an ice pack from the freezer and went to his office.
Leaving Adam to his own devices for the time being, Leigh prepared lunch. Good food would help his recovery. After she put salmon in the oven to broil, she steamed asparagus and sliced a cantaloupe. Everything was ready when the microwave beeped, signaling the rice was finished.
When Leigh went to Adam’s den to call him, he was still using the ice pack and staring at the computer screen. She suspected the pain was spoiling his concentration, but he wouldn’t admit it.
To her chagrin, all of her attempts at conversation were thwarted during lunch. She’d had enough psych classes to know that more was going on here than Adam’s reaction to a medical procedure.
As he pushed his plate away and stood, she quickly cleared the table. “I think we should talk.”
He eyed her warily. “About what?”
“About what’s bothering you. It’s obvious something is. Are you sorry you asked me to stay with you? Because if you are, I can still move in with Mom.”
Running his hand through his hair, he leaned back against the counter and winced. “Damn,” he muttered.
“That’s exactly what I mean, Adam. You should be resting. You’ll recover quicker if you do. Would you be resting if I weren’t here?”
With a sigh, he admitted, “Probably. Maybe. I don’t know. I just know I don’t like anybody seeing me in a hospital gown or lying in a bed, especially you.”
“Why, especially me? I’m a nurse, for goodness sakes.”
“You’re a woman. A woman who—” He shook his head. “I don’t want you to see me as anything but strong.”
“This is an ego thing?” she asked in amazement.
He flushed slightly. “If you want to call it that. I’m never sick. I don’t take drugs. I’ve done everything in my power to stay out of hospitals. For the past three weeks, I’ve been inside Portland General enough to last me a lifetime.”
So that was the problem. There was even more to it than that, she guessed. “Adam, I know what you went through. I know they took your vitals and hooked you up to a monitor and IV. I know you felt powerless as they gave you anesthesia, and you hated the nurses checking on you afterward. I know it brought everything back about that day in the hospital with Delia. Don’t you realize if you talk about it, it will help? Keeping it all bottled up inside just makes everything worse.”
After he rubbed his hand across his forehead, his gaze met hers again. “The whole experience brought back every bad memory I’d locked away. I recalled everything I saw that day…everything I felt. And after I woke up in recovery, all I could think about was Mark. What if my bone marrow doesn’t take? What if it’s not good enough?”
“Oh, Adam.” She went to him then, put her arms around him and hugged him.
After a moment his arms went around her, too. “I didn’t mean to be such a bear,” he murmured. “I just wanted everyone to go away. I wanted to crawl into a cave and pull a boulder in front of the opening. I knew it would all pass eventually, but it’s not passing quickly enough.”
Leaning away, she looked up at him. “It won’t pass if you don’t talk about it. It will just gnaw at you and stay alive and resurface in the future. Isn’t that what it’s done since you were a kid?”
“I suppose so. But it’s not easy to talk about, so I can’t do it with just anyone.”
“So talk about it with me.”
He closed his eyes then and she suspected that if and when he talked about it with her, he felt vulnerable. He felt as if he were letting his guard down, and he didn’t seem to want to do that.
“Even if I don’t talk about it,” he insisted, “I’m glad you’re here. Believe it or not, having you at Cedar Run does make it all easier.”
Relief flooded through her. “Good. Then I’m glad I’m here. Now would you consider taking one of those pain pills and resting?”
“You’re sure that’s going to help me recover faster?” he asked with some humor in his eyes now.
“I’m positive. You’re in excellent condition and—”
“You’ve noticed that?” he asked with a smile.
She couldn’t help the heat that came into her cheeks. “I’ve noticed.”
When he took her face between his hands, he admitted, “I’ve been trying to stay away from you. I told you there were no strings attached to your staying here, and I don’t want you to think I’ve changed my mind about that. But every time I’m near you, I want to kiss you.”
She wanted to kiss him. He must have seen that because his lips settled on hers with demand and purpose and the intent to find some satisfaction or at least a distraction. After a long while, he broke away.
Forcing a smile, he decided, “I’m going to listen to my nurse’s advice.” Going over to the counte
r, he took out one of the vials and popped the lid.
Though Adam’s words had pleased her, Leigh wondered if he could ever really let his guard down with her…if he’d ever really trust her again.
Leigh’s company soothed Adam in a way nothing ever had, and he remembered again how much he’d enjoyed being with her when they were kids. He did sleep most of Saturday. On Sunday, when Leigh made a big breakfast, he found he was actually hungry. Checking his computer wasn’t such a chore and he found an e-mail from Danielle, assuring him that Mark was holding his own. That was all they could expect right now. The news should have satisfied Adam, but it didn’t.
To keep his mind off of Mark, Leigh played chess with Adam and watched an old movie on TV. After checking to make sure he didn’t mind, she went to visit with her mother for a while.
When she left, the house felt empty. Adam found he liked having her coat hanging in the closet next to his. He liked seeing her face at breakfast. He liked hearing her sweet voice call to him from another room. Yet he knew he couldn’t like any of it too much. Although kissing her was never far from his mind, he didn’t act on any impulses.
By Monday Adam was feeling better but decided to work at home. He found himself looking forward to Leigh returning to the ranch after she finished at the hospital…to having supper with her. He was studying sales figures in foreign markets when she came home. Her step was light as she walked down the hall and peeked into his office.
“Busy?” she asked.
He turned away from the screen. “I can take a break. Any word on Mark?”
“Nothing’s changed. I spoke with Danielle for a while, though. She’s being so strong for all of them. Jared can’t bear to hang around the hospital, but she feels that she can’t leave. I convinced her to at least take a walk in the sunshine. When she came back, she had gotten a candy bar from a machine.”
“Jared should make sure she’s eating. He should be there for her.”
“Everyone handles these kinds of situations differently. He’s coming in tonight to spend the evening with her.”
Was he judging Jared Cambry unfairly? What would he himself do in that situation?
He didn’t know.
“Did you get the mail?” Leigh asked him.
“I didn’t even think about it. I have to go out to feed Thunder in a little while. I can get it then.” His gardener had taken care of Thunder over the weekend.
“How are you feeling?”
“Better. I didn’t take pain meds today. I needed to see these figures clearly on the computer.”
“They didn’t affect your cognitive skills at all. You beat me at chess.”
“I think that’s just because I’ve played more often than you have. I’ll be finished here shortly. I feel a lot better if I don’t stay in one position too long. After Rodney took care of Thunder this morning, I told him I could handle him now.”
“I think I’ll walk down to the mailbox and get the mail. It’s such a beautiful day and it’ll help me clear my head.”
“Of hospital smells?” he joked.
She gave him a weak smile. “No. We have a little girl on the ward who’s not doing so well. I just need to get some distance.”
“I admire the work you do,” Adam said sincerely.
“I usually love it. Today was just…hard.”
He might have gone to her then. He might have taken her into his arms and kissed the vestiges of the day away. But she turned quickly and headed for the living room, and he remembered what she’d said about needing distance. He felt each day they were becoming more connected. If he comforted her now, it would just be another string binding them together. They were eventually going to have to cut all those strings, and it wasn’t going to feel good to do it.
Leigh took in huge lungfuls of air as she walked down the lane toward the mailbox, the end-of-the-day sun shining on her head. Tears had been too close to the surface in Adam’s den and she hadn’t wanted him to feel obligated to listen or to comfort.
As she walked, the wind tossed her hair, and she tried to put everything in perspective. By the time she reached the mailbox, she felt as if she’d gotten her equilibrium back, at least where Adam was concerned.
Pulling open the mailbox, she found three bills for him and a long, legal-looking envelope for her that had been forwarded. Tucking Adam’s bills into the pocket of her jacket she quickly opened her envelope. Removing the letter, she unfolded it and read it quickly. She’d received a full scholarship to Case Western!
A full scholarship. That meant she wouldn’t be as tied down with loans after she graduated, though she still had those from undergrad school to pay.
She walked much more slowly up the lane than she had walked to the mailbox. Her future was unfolding. So why didn’t she feel heady with excitement? Bubbling over with enthusiasm? Impatient to call her mother and tell her?
Instead of going to the house, she stopped by the corral to watch Thunder. Listening to her heart, she knew the reason the scholarship didn’t bring her the joy it should have.
Adam.
While she stood at the fence, she watched Thunder run through the grass. A gust of wind caught her hood and whipped it to one side. As she made sure Adam’s bills were secure in her pocket, she dropped her letter. The next gust spun it, dancing it into the corral. Believing she’d need that letter for verification of the scholarship, she hurriedly crawled through the fence into the corral.
As if it were playing a game with her, the breeze swirled the letter two feet away and then a few feet more. Finally Leigh snatched it, then raised her head to find Adam jogging toward her and calling to her.
“Get out of there, Leigh. Out of there!” His words were loud and harsh.
She wanted to tell him he shouldn’t be running. He was pointing, too, and she realized he was motioning to Thunder.
Then she got it.
The corral…an unpredictable stallion…what had happened to Delia.
Glancing over her shoulder, she saw Thunder was racing toward her. Deep in her soul, she didn’t think the big horse would hurt her. She’d made friends with him, gone to the barn to talk to him often. Still, she hurried the ten feet to the fence and slipped between the rungs, breathless.
“I told you never to go into the corral with Thunder unless I was with you,” Adam said furiously.
The beautiful black horse came up to them at the fence, snorted, and took off again the way he had come.
“I know you did, but the wind blew my letter inside.”
“I don’t care what it blew inside, Leigh. The next time, you let it go. The next time, you come get me. You know what happened to Delia.” Then as if he couldn’t stand to remember, as if he couldn’t stand to look at her and be reminded of what had happened when he was a boy, he turned and strode toward the house.
Running after him, she clasped his arm. “Adam, I’m sorry.”
“Sorry wouldn’t have been enough if I had to call an ambulance and a team of doctors had to put you back together again.” Pulling away from her touch, he went inside and she followed.
He was in the kitchen putting on a pot of coffee to brew when she came in, took his bills from her jacket and hung the coat in the closet. Joining him in the kitchen, she laid the envelopes on the table.
Their gazes met and all the anger seemed to ebb out of Adam, replaced instead by an intense concern. Raking his hand through his thick, brown hair, he said hoarsely, “I don’t want you to get hurt.”
She moved closer to him and murmured, “I know you don’t.” She longed to touch him with the freedom of a lover, with the freedom of a woman who belonged to him, but neither applied to her. Instead she asked, “Are you hurting after that run?”
“Is that the nurse asking?”
“No, it’s your friend asking.” She knew they were that now, if nothing else.
Tipping her chin up with his thumb, he responded, “We’ve always been beyond friends, Leigh, and I’ve never known why.”
>
“Some people just…connect when they meet.”
“We didn’t just connect, we sizzled. We still do. We sizzle when we’re standing this close. We sizzle whenever I touch you.”
He brushed the back of his hand down her cheek and she felt her whole body tremble.
“We sizzle when you look at me with those big, blue eyes and I just want to get lost in them.”
“Oh, Adam…”
“We sizzle when my lips get anywhere near yours.”
As his words became actions, the sizzle between them was a mixture of chemistry, emotion, and past history. As Adam kissed her this time, his hands passed over her breasts. Through her silky blouse and her filmy bra, his touch was fire. Her nipples hardened and her breath caught.
As if he knew exactly what was happening to her, his tongue seduced her mouth while his thumb teased her nipple. The pleasure was so excruciatingly sweet, her knees felt weak. Backed up against the counter, she was grateful for the support.
“Do you know how much you distract me?” he broke the kiss to murmur in her ear. “Do you know how much you make me forget about everything else going on?”
“Is that good?” she breathed.
“I don’t know. It’s never happened with anyone else.”
That was the first he’d admitted that she threw him for a loop, too. It was the first he’d admitted that he thought about kissing her when they weren’t together. It was the first that Adam had given her hope that he still cared for her.
But then she remembered the letter that had blown into the corral—the letter that would make the next few years easier. She couldn’t tell Adam about the scholarship…not here, not now, not when they were doing this. But she couldn’t keep kissing him, either, going farther, knowing she’d leave him as she had the last time. He’d hate her if she did. She just knew he would.
Breathless, dizzy from desire, wishing everything was different, she rested her hands on his chest.
That was all it took for him to back away. “What’s wrong?”
Take A Chance On Me (Logan's Legacy) Page 15
