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“You’re sure. He was with another woman?”
“An old fling. He admitted as much. It was awful, Kendra. Oh God, I’ve made such a muck of my life.”
“Well, you come on down here, and we’ll get you sorted.”
“No. I don’t want to be anywhere close to guitar players, cowboy hats, any country western bars or places where he and his ilk hang out.”
“Well, sweetie, they do have cowboy bars in California.”
“Not in Sonoma County.”
Kendra was quiet. “Okay, Lizzie, you gotta breathe. Charlotte is in—”
“San Diego.”
“Right. And your things, your home is in—”
“San Diego.”
“And Jameson is going to be gone for what, three? Four months?”
“Yes.”
“I don’t see the problem, Lizzie.”
“I share a home with him.”
“Well that would make sense. You are married. Unless you’re gonna dissolve it. You’re not thinking of that are you? Your man leaves for war and you’re gonna divorce him by the time he gets back?”
“Well, yes, that’s what I was thinking.”
“Holy cow. You are mad. You don’t think there’s anything wrong with that?”
“Kendra, whose side are you on? Look what he did to me.”
“Except he said he didn’t. You’re forgetting that part. Could it be possible he’s telling the truth. I mean, have you ever doubted him before?”
“Kendra, she was completely buck naked. And she was his old girlfriend. She had candles and shit all over the room, rose petals. Girls just don’t do that without some kind of advanced planning.”
“Um hum. You don’t think so?”
“I mean, if it were me—well, I did remove my underwear. I was naked too.”
“Just a second. Why did you take your clothes off in a room with your husband and his ex-girlfriend who was also naked? I’m just trying to figure this out, Lizzie.”
“I didn’t take my clothes off in their room. I did it in the lobby.”
“The lobby. You took your clothes off in the lobby of the hotel.”
“No, not exactly the lobby, the women’s bathroom in the lobby.”
“And you walked through the lobby naked, got into the elevator and walked into his room naked.”
“No! I took my clothes off, then I put my dress back on, I went up to his room, then I took my dress off. Geez Kendra, is it that hard to follow?”
“Uh, yes.”
Lizzie let the silence give her time to figure out what she should do next. “So I want to go up to Sonoma County. I love it up there. Maybe help with the winery. Get Charlotte in that reading school Amy told me about.”
“Sure. And stay where?”
“Well, Nick and Devon said they’d be happy to have me there anytime.”
“Nick and Devon’s. The place where you got married? Where all the Team guys go, working on the winery deal? That place.”
Lizzie realized she wasn’t making sense.
“Honey, go back to him. Go back to Jameson and give him a chance to explain.”
“No.”
“Why are you being so stubborn?”
“Look, I got hurt once. He never tried to find me.”
“Lizzie, would you please get a clue? He’s slept with hundreds of women, didn’t you tell me that? You honestly think he remembered?”
“He said he did. He remembered talking to my Dad, riding horses.”
“Okay, you’re right. He could have looked you up. Except you sold your parent’s horse farm, remember?”
She’d forgotten about that.
“And you could have told him you were pregnant. Why didn’t you?”
“I wasn’t sure he wanted us.”
“So, you waited until you were. Until the timing was right. Can’t you see, it’s just like he said. It was perfect timing. You came back together when you could be there for each other.”
“But now he’s back to that same lifestyle.”
“Lizzie, I don’t know what to say to you. I can’t figure this out. You’ll have to do it on your own. But I recommend not doing it where you’ll run across him. If you need to think, think on your own away from him. It will only be a few days. Or, go home, wait for him. Talk to him. Let him explain. Don’t do this right before he has to go.”
“So why do I have to suck it up when he’s the one who made the mistake?”
Kendra’s silence made Lizzie nervous. She sighed. “Well, two reasons. First, he might be telling the truth and what a shame it would be not to hear that. And second, he might not come back, Lizzie. Have you thought about that? Can you imagine how it will feel, his new wife leaving him, or not knowing if she was going to leave him, and he’s over there getting shot at. Personally, I think the man’s worth it, even if he did make a mistake, a lapse, but that’s me. He’s a good man, Lizzie. He’s crazy about you and Charlotte. You are his whole world.”
Lizzie’s tears were unleashed in torrents ribboning down her cheeks.
“Actually, there is a third reason,” Kendra added.
“And that is?”
“I think the makeup sex between the two of you would be fabulous.”
Lizzie managed to giggle through her sniffles. “You bitch.”
“That’s right, just telling it straight. The way you get well is through him, not around him. Maybe you end it, maybe you don’t. I can’t make that decision for you. But you have to face him. You can’t run away. And there isn’t any place you can run away to anyway. You don’t want to be here. You have no family left in Nashville. San Diego is going to put you right into the middle of the community again, and if you’re leaving, that will be painful. Sonoma County is getting to be little San Diego with the winery and everything.” She sighed again and lowered her voice, carefully. “And then there’s Charlotte. When you have that conversation, you gotta be 100% sure it’s the right thing for the both of you.”
Lizzie could see she was right.
“So, should I give him space? Wait until we both get back into San Diego?”
“Oh, that makes a lot of sense. You find a cheap motel room. He languishes in that suite of his, drinking himself to sleep.”
“What if he’s not, what if he’s out on the prowl, drowning his sorrows?”
“God dammit, Lizzie. What if a nuclear war happens before you get over there? Would you listen to yourself, girl?”
“But I don’t know what I would do if he’s figured he’s lost me and called her back. What do I do then?”
“You wanna know what I would do, Lizzie?”
“Yes.”
“I’d fight for that sonofabitch. I’d make him the sorriest motherfucker in the history of the universe, and then I’d make him fuck me all night long until I stopped crying. And for all I’d care, I’d make that bimbo watch.”
Lizzie felt the guard drop, her armor clattering around on the ground at her feet. He’d said it was a mistake, not what it looked like. But she didn’t give him any chance to explain. She’d go back and listen, be reasonable and she’d do it now, not make him wait.
If he was alone. If he wasn’t, she might have to find a gun shop still open.
Lizzie glanced through the lobby, not recognizing anyone, and for that she was grateful. She pressed the button on the elevator, riding to floor six with an older couple. At last the doors opened at floor eleven. She remembered him telling the story about the knock on the door and checking out the peephole to decide if he’d let the girl in or not. She decided she’d stand to the side away from visibility.
She could hear the music still on. She made fists with both hands, then knocked lightly and stepped aside. Nothing happened. She knocked again and again there was no answer.
Putting her ear to the door, she couldn’t hear anything. She tried the door handle and found it locked. She pushed the door and it clicked open, apparently ajar.
Remnants of t
he candle smoke remained in the air. The opened curtains let the lights of downtown in, giving her enough light to scan the room.
And then she found him asleep on the couch, gripping a bottle of champagne tightly. She knelt, carefully removing the champagne, and held it to the outside lights and discovered it was nearly gone. He still had on his special shirt, now stained with sweat. His hair hung out in tufts at the sides. His belt was unbuckled but his boots remained on. She slid her fingers through one of his hands and he was awake instantly.
His eyes got big and round and then he sat up. “Lizzie! Oh my God, Lizzie, I’m so sorry!”
“Shhh.” She placed her fingers over his mouth and he grabbed her hand with his other one, kissing her palm. He lay her hand against his cheek.
In spite of herself, she was warming to him. He looked horrible. His eyes were red. His forehead looked red like he had a fever. His whole face and neck was covered with tiny beads of sweat.
“She means nothing to me. She followed the limo, apparently we’d hooked up some years ago—I don’t even remember, honest! I’m so sorry for my past. If I could take it—”
It stung a bit, but then she knew there had been others before her. Actually seeing someone he’d slept with was a new experience, but she swallowed and remembered it was her job to listen, to let him tell her what happened. “Shhh. Please, Jameson, just tell me what happened. All of it.”
“First, you have to know what happened at the concert.” He leaned over his knees, lacing his other hand through his hair, and then swallowed.
“Let me get you some water.” She was up and had water with ice from the bucket, kneeling before him. “Here.”
He drained it, leaving the ice behind.
“More?”
“No that was great. I’m fine.” His sorrowful eyes filled with moisture, not quite tears. “God, Lizzie. The last thing in the world I would do. I don’t know how you could ever believe me, but this—” he waved his hand over the room, “This used to happen all the time. I was stalked, I had women bring their daughters.”
“You told me.”
“I mean I had to turn away an old veteran who came to my motel room in a wheelchair, begging me to show his wife a good time. I just could never do that, Lizzie. Maybe there are guys who get off on this sort of thing, but that’s not me. Never has been, even when I was so active.”
“How active? Tell me.”
Jameson leaned back against the couch and wiped the back of his neck with his hand, following it up by rolling his left shoulder. She could tell he didn’t want to answer her question.
“How many of them were there?”
He stopped, his lips coming together in a thin line, looking straight into her eyes and said, “Hundreds, Lizzie. Sometimes three, four times a night, sweetheart.”
He threw his head back, and wiped his eyes with his fingers and wouldn’t look at her. She inhaled, surprised by the reveal. Surprised it was so many.
She sat gently on the couch next to him, but not touching, her hands folded in her lap, her knees together. She massaged her fingers, trying to see her wedding ring through the wavy lines her tears formed.
The only way through this is through Jameson.
Kendra’s words were wiser than she knew. It was hard to take. But it was something she needed to know. It confused her how someone could have so much sex and remain sane. As the fog of hurt faded, she became preoccupied with the mechanics of it. “How—” She didn’t even know where to start. “How did you keep it all straight? I mean, no girlfriends?”
“Oh, sure. I had a girl in every town. It was a problem for me when they’d follow me on the road. That was a real problem.”
“I’ll bet. But how did you manage to—I just don’t understand how you could.”
Jameson sat up, placing his arm carefully around her shoulder. “You mean how could I be with so many women in a single night? Well, you have the dressing room backstage. There were usually two sets, so one before, one between and one after. That wasn’t a problem.” He shrugged. “I didn’t enjoy it.”
“Jameson!” She stiffened to let him know she thought he was lying.
“Well, okay, not all of them I liked, and most of them I don’t remember, honey. Honest.”
That she believed.
“So this one, how did she get into your room?”
“Lizzie, you just give the bell desk a twenty, he gives you a key. Or, in some places when they won’t give the key out for security purposes, they’ll open the door. I usually got a warning someone was waiting for me. That was only common courtesy.”
“The candles, the rose petals?”
“Oh hell, all the time, darlin’. I’d come in and they’d be in the tub, covered in chocolate spread-eagled on the bed. I mean, like I said, I never knew what to expect. And I’ll be honest, it got old.”
“Of course.” Lizzie found part of this amusing. She could see now that being a star was sometimes a heavy burden. Having to perform on stage, having to perform three times a night in the bedroom or dressing room.
“In a limo?”
“Or their car.” He hung his head. “Liz just about anything you can think of, I’ve done. Except for those favors for mothers of underage minors or, you know, disabled vets. I couldn’t do that. Take someone else’s wife. Not that I didn’t sleep with married women, but not that way. That’s not me. They always told me they were separated. I knew it was bullshit half the time, but, well, I was a weak and flawed man, Lizzie. I’m not that way anymore. Honest.”
She allowed his arm to remain over her shoulder, but Jameson rightly didn’t make any advances on her. She believed him, but wasn’t sure what she was going to say next.
“Can I ask you something, Lizzie?”
“Sure.”
“Why didn’t you ask me this before? You know, before the wedding?”
“Because I never ran into it like this. Because we weren’t in that environment I guess. Because I’d waited for you for so long, I didn’t want to know until now.”
Their eyes met.
“I love you, Lizzie. There will never be any other. You never have to worry about that. Ever.”
She liked that he was waiting to hear what she had to say first. When she didn’t answer, he added,
“You’re calling the shots, Lizzie. You say we’re done, and we’re done. I won’t make any claims on you, embarrass you. You want out? I’ll give you that, and I’m gone. But understand, I’m one hundred percent convinced no one in this whole wide world will love you like I will, like I have, and like I do now. No one. You have my whole heart and soul, I promise. You always will, no matter what you say here today.”
“I’m sorry, Jameson. I really am. I saw her, and everything from my past just came crashing in on me. I wasn’t prepared for this.”
“Understandable. No one could be prepared for this. I sure as hell wasn’t prepared for it.”
His thumb was rubbing against her shoulder, the gentle back and forth motion raising her heart rate. He carefully put his palm at her ear, rubbing his thumb over her tears.
“Don’t cry, sweetheart. I wish I could take it all back, my past and everything.”
She nodded, smiling up at him as he bent and kissed her. He was careful, taking his time, letting her tell him she wanted their arousal to deepen. She brought her hand to his face. Looking into his eyes, she couldn’t stop the tears from flowing.
“I don’t deserve you, Lizzie, but God knows, I need you something fierce. So help me God you won’t ever have to worry about anything again. I want to be your husband, your protector, the father of your child, children if we can. There won’t ever be anyone else for me. I’m totally done. You’re the one I was looking for. Always have been.”
Chapter 19
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Jameson wouldn’t have bet that the evening would turn out the way it did. Although he regretted she had to go through so much pain, he was grateful they were together at last, happy that she had come
out to be with him. He hadn’t considered she’d try such a thing, or he might have warned her.
She’d asked him to stop saying he was sorry about the tenth time he did. He lifted her and brought her to his bed, laying her down like the fragile, magical being she was. He didn’t take his eyes off her as he disrobed and then finally stood naked and needing her expression of love like he needed air.
He removed her boots with some difficulty. She wasn’t used to wearing them and they weren’t broken in. In the process, as she was pushing against his thigh so he could remove the last boot, she notice her undies were missing.
He pointed down at her. “That’s just about the sexiest thing you do for me, sweetheart. Love you without panties.”
She smiled, angling her head on the pillow. “It was kind of a turn on to walk all the way through the lobby and into the elevator without them. And then, when I dropped my dress, in the hallway, it made me hot. It was dangerous.
“Yes,” he said, as his hand smoothed over the soft flesh of her inner thigh. “Tell me what that felt like.” He peeled her dress up to her waist studying her sex. “Did it feel good right here?” He pinched her nub.
“Oh, yes it did, Jameson. But this feels so much better.”
“I’m hungry for your taste, Lizzie. Are you still mine, sweetheart?”
She frowned, her forehead wrinkling. “Yes, of course.”
“I want to hear you say it. Are you still mine, Lizzie?” His finger slipped inside her opening, but he was watching her face.
“Yes, Jameson.”
“Promise? No hesitation? Now’s your last chance to get out!” His heart was singing. He loved teasing her before sex.
“Yes, Jameson, no hesitation.” She took his hand in one of hers, guiding him until they each inserted a finger into her channel. “Together,” she breathed. Her chest rose as she angled her hips forward and back, making love to their combined fingers. “Take me, please.”
He bent over her, pushing aside their hands and kissed her labia, inserting his tongue, tasting the salty sour sweetness of her pussy, losing himself in her scent, the sounds of her moaning beneath him.
He wanted to be deep inside, so he flipped her over to her belly, lifting her hips and spreading her knees. His nose and then his tongue found her opening again as she jumped and undulated back and forth into the sheets. As she arched backward, raising her sex to him, he pressed his cock into her wetness, feeling her coating all over him, her muscles pulling him deeper still. He wrapped his arms around her waist pulling her lower torso up and into him, then gripping her hips, moving in rhythm with his own as he rode her hard from behind.
Nashville SEAL: Jameson: Nashville SEALs Page 12
