by S. J. West
Aiden’s Story
A Watcher Novel
By
S.J. West
List of Watcher Books in the Watcher Series
The Watchers Trilogy
Cursed
Blessed
Forgiven
The Watcher Chronicles
Broken
Kindred
Oblivion
Ascension
Caylin’s Story
Timeless
Devoted
The Redemption Series
Malcolm
Anna
Lucifer
Redemption
Other Books by S.J. West
The Harvest of Light Trilogy
Harvester
Hope
Dawn
The Vankara Saga
Vankara
Dragon Alliance
War of Atonement (2015)
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events and incidents are either the products of the author’s imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.
©2014 S.J. West. All Rights Reserved.
CHAPTER ONE
Most people go through life convinced it will end up a certain way only to discover that their story isn’t one etched in stone. Each choice you make can either lead you down the path to your ultimate salvation or to your total annihilation. I know I’ve made a countless number of wrong decisions in my life. Choices that almost never seemed to be the right ones, for one reason or another. In my case, self-loathing made me want to find the quickest way down the path to self-destruction. I wanted to end a life that appeared to have no meaning and only caused pain to others. God, on the other hand, never gave up on me. He never abandoned me, even after I disobeyed every one of His commandments in a vain attempt to hurt Him.
After the disastrous life I’ve led, how could I have ever imagined He would give me a second chance? I didn’t deserve it, but I made a point to thank Him every day for not giving up on me and bringing meaning back into my life. Through Caylin’s love, I now know what it means to experience pure joy and contentment. Yet, I still don’t feel worthy of her or her love. If she knew everything about my past…if she knew everything about me, I fear the love I see in her eyes when she looks at me would slowly fade away to be replaced with disgust. Losing her because of who I was is my greatest fear, my greatest worry.
“What could possibly make you look so pensive?”
I feel Caylin’s arms gently encircle my waist from behind as I stand at the window in her living room. I realize I’ve been standing there staring down at the busy street below for quite some time without really seeing anything.
I turn in her arms and enfold her in mine as I lean back against the windowsill.
“Just asking myself how I got to be so lucky,” I tell her, not mentioning that I also wonder if I’ll end up losing her one-day.
For the past two years, I’ve lived with a nagging feeling that all of my happiness, and the life we’ve built with one another so far, could be taken away forever. Am I still due a justified punishment for my past transgressions? Will a day of reckoning come when I least expect it? I’ve done everything within my power to be the man Caylin deserves, but has it been enough to keep the ghosts from my past at bay, or will their spirits come back to haunt me to destroy the joy we share?
“That is an excellent question,” Caylin teases, a promise of a laugh within the gray pools of her eyes. She lifts her arms to wrap them around my neck and begins to play with my hair, a favorite pastime of hers. Her touch sends out tiny tendrils of pleasure, each one wrapping itself around my heart, making it ache from the love I feel from her. “You should consider yourself very fortunate that I am in your life,” she continues matter-of-factly. “Not every man is blessed to have a woman who absolutely adores everything about them.”
I try to smile, but the expression doesn’t quite make it to my lips.
“What’s really wrong with you, Aiden?” Caylin asks in concern, knowing now that something is definitely upsetting me. “Is it the wedding? Did I rush you into it before you were ready?”
Caylin tilts her face down to break the contact of our eyes as if she believes her own words. I cup my hands around her face and gently force her to look back up at me.
“It is not the wedding,” I assure her. “I’ve been ready for it since the first moment I saw you. If you hadn’t been so young then, I probably would have fallen to my knees right then and there and asked you to marry me.”
Caylin’s eyes narrow on me in worry. “Then what is it, Aiden? You’ve been acting as if something’s bothering you for weeks now. Why can’t you talk to me about it? Maybe I can help.”
I’ve tried to tell Caylin about my past a few times over the past couple of years. She knows about some of it but definitely not all the details. For some reason, every time I try to open up about the things I’ve done, I find myself refusing to drag her down into my world of self-depravity and darkness. Caylin is like the sun on a beautiful spring day, and my past is a maelstrom of sorrow and shame. I fear that if she knows everything about my past, it will taint her spirit in some way. I’ve tried my best to live in the present and push my past behind me. Yet, every so often, my guilt creeps back out of the shadows to twist my soul in a grip so tight I know it will never let me forget my sins.
I almost tell Caylin that I’ll be all right, but I know she would see right through my lie. Even if she hadn’t inherited the ability to tell a lie from the truth from her father, Caylin knows me well enough by now to recognize the difference.
As fortune would have it, a knock at the door saves me from answering her question.
“That’s probably Desmond,” I tell her, seeing my way out of her query for now.
Caylin tightens her grip on my hair, forcing me to keep looking at her.
“I can’t help you unless you talk to me,” she says, searching my eyes as if to make sure I realize this is a subject she intends to revisit again later.
I nod my head, letting her know I understand.
She leans into me, pressing her lips to my own. Caylin’s mouth works against mine in a kiss telling me how much she loves me. The pure sweetness of her mouth tastes like fine sugar against my lips and tongue.
Seven days…
That’s how long I have to wait until I can taste and tease certain parts of her body I’ve purposely avoided for the past two years. My self-imposed control over the extent of our physical contact is a constant surprise to me and a clear source of aggravation for her. Nevertheless, Caylin has been patient and understanding about that aspect of our relationship. She has always understood how important it was for me to have our connection to one another transcend simple physical lust. I needed to prove that I could control that part of myself instead of the other way around, and Caylin was the only one who could have bestowed such clarity upon me. There were times I simply wanted to rip the clothes she wore right off her body and have my way with her in a myriad of pleasurable ways, but I didn’t. I respected the boundaries I set for myself where she was concerned, and by accepting those limits, she helped me become a better man. A man almost worthy of her.
With Desmond’s second knock, Caylin reluctantly pulls her lips away from mine.
“Seven days,” she breathes, mirroring my own thoughts, “then you’re all mine, Aiden Keles.”
“I’m already all yours,” I tell her. “I have been since the moment I saw you.”
Caylin smiles at me, causing my heart to ache even more with my love for her.
“Keep that in mind while you’re at your bachelor party this
evening,” she says. “What do the boys have planned for you anyway?”
I shrug. “Not much. I think we’re supposed to go to everyone’s favorite watering hole for a few drinks. It won’t be anything too exciting.”
“So no half-naked women I have to worry about?”
I grin. “The only woman I want to see naked is you, Caylin Rayne Cole.”
“Seven more days and that will be Caylin Rayne Keles,” she sighs contentedly, leaning in one more time to lay claim to my lips with hers.
A third knock on the door makes Caylin groan in frustration, an expression and sound I find incredibly sexy coming from her. She reluctantly drags herself away from me and walks over to the door to yank it open.
Desmond smiles at Caylin when he sees her.
“Hey, Caylin. I’m here to abscond with your fiancé for a few hours, if you’ll let him come out and play with the rest of us.”
“As long as you promise to bring him back in one piece,” Caylin jokes.
Desmond raises his right hand and pledges, “I swear no permanent bodily harm will come to the man you love while he is away from you this evening. He will, at the very least, come back to you in one piece.”
I feel myself squint at Desmond wondering why his promise to Caylin sounds so cryptic.
Caylin steps back from the doorway to let Desmond inside her apartment.
“Grab a jacket, my friend,” Desmond tells me as he walks in and sees me only dressed in a black t-shirt and jeans. “The first stop of the evening is in Kathmandu. It gets a little chilly up there this time of year.”
I push off from the windowsill and tell him, “Be right back.”
I phase to my own apartment and grab a black leather jacket from my bedroom closet.
As I look at the sparsely decorated room, I realize it’s never truly felt like a home to me. It was just somewhere I kept a few belongings while Caylin and I attended Yale together. We would both be leaving school this summer and living in the house I built for us in Colorado. For the past two years, Caylin and I crammed in four years of school so she could earn her degree early. It was one of her life goals. She said keeping busy helped take her mind off other things. She also wanted us to travel around the world before we started a family.
On our second Valentine’s Day together, I asked Caylin to marry me. In a way, the timing was a little selfish on my part. I promised her the year before that we would discuss getting married if she gave me at least a year before we decided when it would take place. After she said yes to my proposal, I asked her if we could wait another year before we actually exchanged our vows. I think she might have been a little hurt by me asking for more time, but I felt sure it would all be worth it in the end.
I still needed to prove to myself that I was no longer the man I was the first night I saw her. Even though I was far from my lowest point then, it was a pivotal moment in my life when I was forced to view myself through other people’s eyes. It was the first time I felt shame over my dalliances with women in an attempt to curb my bloodlust. Caylin knows I used the pleasure of sex to keep me from drinking blood. I think intellectually she understands why I did it, but even her understanding nature wasn’t enough to make me feel any better about myself. I was damaged goods and we all knew it, especially her family.
For over four years, I’ve denied myself that particular favorite pastime with any woman. When I was finally able to be with Caylin, I only allowed our physical contact to go so far before forcing myself to pull back. Desmond once joked that I was trying to ‘re-virginize’ myself for Caylin. Nevertheless, the truth of the matter was, I didn’t want to associate making love to her with any of my experiences. I needed to separate my past from my present, and for someone who has lived as long as I have, a few years of waiting was practically no time at all.
Surprisingly, Malcolm ended up becoming someone I could confide my worries to. He understood my need to put the distance of time in between the women of my past and the woman of my future. Whenever I felt frustrated by my physical need to have Caylin, I would go see Malcolm. He was better than a bucket of cold water splashed in my face. He would make me spar with him until I was too tired even to think about making love to Caylin. The fighting ended up being advantageous to both of us though. Malcolm was able to learn how to fight more like a War Angel, using our phasing capability more to his advantage, and I was given an outlet for my physical frustration.
Of my Watcher friends, he is one of the few who can truly sympathize with what I am going through. He and I had been on parallel paths of immorality at one time, and each of us sought out forgiveness in our own ways after meeting Lilly. Malcolm was fortunate to be so integrated into Lilly’s life after the Tear was formed. I, on the other hand, didn’t have many people I could turn to for help and ended up using sex to lessen my cravings for human blood. It worked for a time, but trading in one addiction for another is never good for a person’s soul. You begin to lose who you are because all you can think about is getting the next fix. My fix was women, as many as I could lay my hands on. I couldn’t remember even half of their names because I didn’t care who they were as long as they satisfied my needs. All I wanted was a way to forget who I was, what I was. I used them to pleasure myself and find a way to hide from my pain for a short period of time. It wasn’t a cure for my bloodlust, but it helped me when I needed it.
I phase back to Caylin’s apartment.
“I’m ready,” I tell Desmond. “So, whose favorite bar is in Kathmandu?”
“Brutus. Don’t ask me why,” Desmond laughs. “He just likes it there.”
I lean over and kiss Caylin chastely on the lips in front of our company.
“I’ll see you when I get back,” I promise her.
“Try to have some fun,” Caylin almost begs me. “This might be the last time for a long while that you get to be with the boys. After we’re married, I don’t think you’ll have much free time.”
“Good!” Desmond proclaims. “The sooner the two of you pop out the first descendent the better! Who knows… maybe she’ll be the one.”
“I think that’s wishful thinking on your part,” I tell my friend.
Desmond shrugs. “I know, but you can’t blame me for hoping.” He turns to Caylin. “I promise to have him back in your arms before you go to sleep tonight.”
“Make sure he has some fun,” Caylin tells him, unable to hide her worry for me. “He needs it.”
Desmond looks concerned by Caylin’s request but just nods his head without asking any questions. He places a hand on my shoulder, and I instantly find us standing outside a ramshackle building surrounded by a foot of newly fallen snow.
“Aiden,” Desmond says, squeezing my shoulder to draw my attention to him before dropping it back down to his side. “What was that all about? Why did Caylin sound worried about you? What’s going on?”
Desmond has been my friend literally since the moment I was created. He knows all about my struggles during my time here on Earth. When I learned I was Caylin’s soulmate, he practically jumped for joy. I, on the other hand, began to worry how I could live up to being everything she needed.
I sigh heavily.
“I’m just letting my unworthiness get the best of me again,” I confess.
“And what have I told you about that?”
I can’t help but grin. “To stop feeling undeserving. That Caylin loves me, and that I must be someone special for someone like her to feel that way about.”
“Exactly,” Desmond says with a smile, obviously happy to know that his words weren’t wasted on deaf ears. “Now, stop looking so glum. This is your bachelor party. You only have a few more days left of being single.”
“Thank God,” I mutter.
We walk into the bar and find the others waiting patiently for us. They’re all sitting before a large stone fireplace that is roaring with flames to chase away the cold inside the building. The bar itself is rather simple. It reminds me of a saloon you normally see i
n movies set during the time cowboys still fought Indians. There was a quality of comfort in its old world ways, and I assumed it was this fact that drew Brutus to it.
“Aiden!” Brutus bellows in his deep voice. He stands from the table the others are at with a bottle of what I presume to be our first libation of the evening sitting in front of him. “The man of the hour has finally arrived! Come on. I’ve been itching to open this bottle of Stoli Elit for a while now.”
Jered, Daniel, Andre, Malcolm, Mason, Malik, and Joshua are sitting around the table with Brutus. I was told at each stop tonight the Watcher who took us there would be buying and serving us their favorite alcoholic beverage. Alcohol didn’t really affect us angels because of our regenerative powers. I hoped each of my friends picked something that at least tasted good.
I sit down at the head of the table while Brutus pops the cork on his expensive bottle of vodka.
“Himalayan Edition?” I ask, knowing the bottle Brutus is sharing with us cost a pretty penny.
Brutus shrugs his big shoulders as he carefully pours us each a portion of his prized possession.
“I thought the occasion deserved to be celebrated with one of the best vodkas ever produced. And since we’re in Nepal, we might as well drink something made from the water found in the Himalayas.”
“How much does this stuff cost?” Joshua asks, sniffing his glass and wrinkling his nose at the contents.
“I know when it was first introduced,” Daniel says, “it sold for about three-thousand dollars a bottle. There’s no telling what it’s worth now.”
“Are you old enough to be drinking with us, Joshua?” Jered asks, sounding and looking skeptical.
Mason slaps Joshua on the back, almost causing our young human friend to spill the drink in his hand.
“Joshua turned twenty-one a few days ago,” Mason announces. “I thought this would be a good experience for him. Maybe put some hair on his chest.”
