by S. J. West
I smiled and shook my head. “I’m afraid it simply isn’t my destiny to have a wife and child.”
Calev studied me for a moment before his eyes grew wide.
“Oh,” he said, sitting back in his chair as if he figured something out about me. “Then men are your preference.”
I felt my own eyes grow wide at Calev’s assumption.
“No,” I said shaking my head. “That isn’t what I meant.”
Calev shrugged his shoulders. “I could care less if you prefer men over women. It is not the first time I have heard of such a thing. I may be old, but I do understand the ways of the world.”
“Well, I’m glad you are so open minded, but that’s not my reason.”
Calev leaned forward with his arms on the table. “Were you injured in the war in your homeland? Are you unable to have…relations with a woman anymore?”
The conversation was definitely not going in the direction that I wanted it to. Luckily, Gil returned with the wine Calev asked for and the subject of my virility was dropped.
Before I left their home that first evening, Hanah handed me some clothing.
“I believe they should fit you,” she told me. “You are about the same size as my late husband.”
“Are these his clothes?” I asked, not wanting to wear the same clothes as a man who beat his wife and child.
She shook her head. “No. Almost everything that belonged to him was burned after his death.”
“Is that your custom?” I asked. “To burn the belongings of the dead.”
“No,” she said, looking uncomfortable answering my question. “It was only my desire to be rid of all his things.”
From what Calev told me about Hanah’s late husband, I could well understand her desire to do away with anything that belonged to him.
“Thank you for the clothes,” I told her, bowing my head.
“Did my father speak to you about helping us sow the fields and take care of our small flock of sheep?”
“Yes,” I said, “I look forward to working with you.”
Hanah smiled as if she were relieved that I agreed to the arrangement.
“I have been worried about his health of late,” she admitted in a whisper. “He’s getting far too old to plow a field, even if the oxen do most of the work. Only having to tend to the sheep will unburden him greatly. Thank you for agreeing to the arrangement. I know you will probably want to have fields of your own one day, but I do appreciate you helping us now.”
“It’s as much a help to me as it is to you,” I assured her.
“Then we will help each other,” Hanah said, placing a hand on one of my arms as if to seal our pact with one another.
I nodded in agreement and left their home to return to my own.
That evening I placed a palette on the ground floor in the middle of the courtyard so I could look up at the stars. I felt a sense of homesickness that I didn’t expect. Heaven seemed so far away, and I wasn’t sure when I would be able to return to it. Right before I closed my eyes, I silently sent up a prayer to God asking Him to give me the knowledge and strength I needed to help Hanah and her family. I had to assume they had been brought into my life for a reason, and I wasn’t about to let them down.
The next morning Calev came to fetch me from my home and showed me the fields he owned which would need to be planted with the seed he had. He taught me how to yoke the oxen and control the plow as they pulled it through the fields. While I maneuvered the oxen, Hanah and her son would follow behind me hand sowing the seeds into the freshly plowed earth.
After a couple of days of plowing and sowing, I came up with an easier way to plant the seeds. I built a device which could be attached to the plow and dispense the seeds more quickly and evenly. All Hanah would have to do is walk along beside me and drop the seeds into the holding container at regular intervals. It was the first of my contributions to human society and one that made life much easier for not only Hanah and her family but for everyone in the village and neighboring ones. I became somewhat famous locally and a few of my neighbors didn’t appreciate my instant notoriety.
I had more than a few unattached women in the village try to gain my interest by plying me with food and clothing, but I quickly and politely declined their attentions and returned their gifts. Hanah seemed to find the whole affair quite entertaining and gained pleasure in watching me squirm as her neighbors tried to woo me. I felt extremely uncomfortable with their romantic interest, which only amused Hanah further.
“You should take a wife soon,” she told me one day as we sowed one of the fields together. “Otherwise, people will start to gossip.”
“I have no desire to take a wife right now,” I told her.
“Why?” She asked, her curiosity piqued. “Not ready to settle down with one woman?”
“Something like that,” I replied, unable to tell her the truth of the matter.
In all honesty, I did want a family. The more time I spent with Hanah, Calev and Gil the more I wanted a family of my own. They were so close to one another and always so loving of each other. I yearned to have that sort of connection, but knew it wasn’t something my own father wanted for me. He had sent me to do a job, and I tried to keep my focus on my objectives.
“A few of the girls have been speculating on why you keep refusing them,” Hanah informed me.
“And what reasons have they come up with?”
“They think you are either not interested in girls, or you have secretly given your heart to someone already.”
“Then they would be wrong on both counts,” I answered, hearing curiosity in Hanah’s own voice on why I wasn’t interested in marriage.
She looked at me for a moment as if she wanted to say something else, but apparently decided not to voice her opinion on the matter.
Later that day, while I was putting the plow up and Hanah was placing the oxen in the small barn behind Calev’s house, a couple of men from the village approached me.
“Aiden,” the one named Doran said, “we wanted to see if you would be interested in a friendly wrestling match we’re having later this evening.”
I knew boxing and wrestling were a favorite pastime of some of the men in the village, but I had purposely stayed away from the events. I knew I could beat any man who was foolish enough to fight me and didn’t want to cause even more strife between the men in the village and myself.
“Thank you for your offer, but I will have to respectfully decline again.”
“People are starting to talk about you,” the second man, whose name was Eben, said to me. “They say you are no man at all since you refuse to take a wife and refuse to fight any of us.”
“I’m not worried about what others think of me,” I replied.
“Some say the reason you don’t take a wife is because you’re not just plowing fields with Hanah all day long. Some think you are trying to sow your own seeds in a barren field.”
I stopped what I was doing and looked up at Eben. From his startled reaction, I knew the expression on my face mirrored the anger in my heart.
“Do not speak that way about Hanah in my presence ever again,” I growled. “She is an honorable woman which is more than I can say about you, Eben.”
“Then prove it,” Eben challenged. “If you can beat me in a fair fight, then I will personally beat anyone who ever says something like that about Hanah again. If you can’t beat me or if you refuse to fight, then it proves you are not a man of honor and Hanah’s reputation will be sullied forever.”
Eben was a well-respected member of the village, and I knew he would keep to his word. His ultimatum really didn’t give me much of a choice in the matter.
“Fine,” I said. “When do we meet?”
“Near sundown in the center of town,” Eben said. “We’ll let the others fight first, and you and I will be the final combatants.”
“I’ll meet you then,” I promised.
After Eben and Doran left, Hanah came up to m
e.
“You don’t have to fight him,” she said to me. “Everyone in the village knows Eben is just a bully. Since you arrived, he’s been waiting for his chance to prove to the others that he’s more of a man than you.”
“I won’t let him tarnish your reputation, Hanah. You don’t deserve to be treated that way.”
“Eben is just jealous,” Hanah tells me. “He tried to court me when we were younger, but I wouldn’t have any of him then and I won’t have any of him now.”
“Isn’t he married?”
“Yes, but he has offered to take me in as a concubine since I can’t bear any children. I’ve refused, of course, but he thinks his offer is the best I can expect to get.”
From what I knew, Eben’s offer was a good one for Hanah, but she wasn’t a woman who would sell herself for financial security.
“I will fight him and win,” I declared. “That will put an end to the gossip mongers.”
“Or, start more rumors about us,” Hanah replied, being a realist about the situation.
“Which would you prefer?” I asked. “Beat him at his own game or let him win?”
“Beat him of course!” Hanah said without hesitation, which made me chuckle at her enthusiasm. “He’s a bully. He always has been. It’s about time someone put him in his place. But, he is a good fighter, Aiden. Are you sure you can win against him?”
“Yes,” I said confidently, not feeling a need to boast any more than that.
Hanah nodded. “You do give the impression that you are a man who would protect those he cares about. You radiate a strong sense of honor that not many men have these days, Aiden. I can see why so many of the women in the village are drawn to you.”
“And here I thought it was purely my good looks they were after,” I joked.
“Being handsome doesn’t hurt,” Hanah said with an appreciative smile. “What woman wouldn’t be attracted to you?”
I saw Hanah’s cheeks turn a soft red hue after she asked her question and felt something stir inside me at the implication of her query and subsequent reaction.
“Eat with us tonight before the fighting begins,” Hanah invited. “I should at least make sure the man fighting to preserve my honor is well fed.”
Hanah turned away from me then to walk back towards her father’s house. Just before she entered through the rear entry, she turned to look back at me and smiled.
It was a simple stretching of the lips, but it ignited something inside me that I hadn’t felt before that moment. I suddenly found myself aching to feel Hanah’s touch and to hear her whisper my name intimately. I shook my head trying to clear it of wanting those things, but something inside my heart wouldn’t let go of the imagery. I guess I should have known then that I was in trouble.
Hanah prepared a simple lamb stew that evening, but I didn’t eat much of it. I think she might have thought I was worried about the fight, but that was the least of my concerns. I was more troubled by the new feelings I was experiencing for her and wondering how to stop them before I did something I might regret later on. When it came time to meet Eben in the center of town, I felt a sense of relief. Fighting was something that came naturally to me, and it had been a while since I was able to put that particular talent to use.
Betting was a common practice in the village during wrestling matches. The fight between Eben and me appeared to be dead even as far as the betting pools were concerned. I found that odd since I hadn’t actually fought anyone in the village before that evening. Eben was the champion of the village, yet it was obvious not everyone thought he could win against me. I even saw Calev make a small wager on my behalf.
I chose to stand away from Hanah and her family while the other matches played out. I told myself it was so people didn’t think I was only fighting for her honor, but I knew the real reason. I didn’t want to be too close to her because I wasn’t sure what I might do. I understood the basics of a sexual relationship between a man and a woman, but I wasn’t exactly a man. I was an angel sent by God on a holy mission. I was supposed to be above the carnal desires of the flesh.
Yet, as I gazed upon Hanah with what seemed like new eyes, I began to feel my body stir with needs I knew I shouldn’t be experiencing. Frustrated by my newfound feelings, I allowed anger to enter my soul, which did nothing but make me even more eager to fight Eben. The physical exertion would, at the very least, give me some sense of release.
When it was finally came time for Eben and me to fight, I felt excited. I knew he wouldn’t be much of a challenge for me, but I was a warrior. I was made to fight and had been denied the opportunity for far too long. There would probably never be another war in Heaven to allow me to fully stretch my abilities, but a simple brawl would do for now to satisfy my momentary needs.
Eben acted a fool when we finally stood in front of each other to begin our match. He lifted his massive arms to the crowd and beat his chest slightly in what I suppose was his way of showing his presumed superiority over me. It simply irritated me having to wait for him to get through posturing in front of the crowd.
Once he was ready to do some actual fighting, he ran straight at me, grabbing me around the waist with both arms to lift me up and slam me on the ground beneath him. Eben was a good forty pounds heavier than I was so his weight would have overpowered a lesser man. I think that’s what he was counting on. He tried to use his weight to his advantage, but with me, it wasn’t one.
Just before he rammed a fisted hand into my face, I easily caught it and pushed him back roughly, causing him to fly through the air and land on his own back a couple of feet away. I heard the collective gasps of our captive audience and knew I had shown a little bit too much strength. I would need to keep myself in check during the rest of the fight. Nevertheless, my unexpected strength appeared to throw Eben off his game. As he stood up, I waited for him to regain his bearings. The look in his eyes told me he knew he would never win the fight. Yet, he couldn’t stop now. Everyone in the village was watching, and he would lose face if he called the fight off.
Begrudgingly, I had to give Eben a little bit of respect for continuing to wrestle me. I made sure I didn’t use my full strength against him, but he knew I would win in the end. I let the fight go on for a few minutes more before delivering the final blow and knocking him down for the last time. I didn’t kill him. I could have, but I didn’t. He didn’t deserve to die, only be taught a lesson in manners.
When the fight was over, I gained the support of more of the men in the village. Therefore, it wasn’t a wasted effort. I knew the more support I had the more I would be accepted into their community. After all, Hanah and Calev weren’t the only ones I was meant to help.
Hanah, Calev, and Gil came up to me after the fight and congratulated me on my win.
“It’s about time someone put Eben in his place,” Calev told me, delighting in my victory. “I’m just sorry it had to be you, Aiden.”
“Why sorry?” I asked, thinking this an odd thing for him to say.
“Now every unmarried woman in the village will want to marry you!” He laughed. “You’ve just become the unwitting target of them all. Though, I suppose you were actually that before this fight. Now it’s just going to be more painfully obvious, I’m afraid.”
“Quit picking on him, father,” Hanah said as she held her son in front of her with her arms hanging down over his chest.
“You know as well as I do that it’s true, Hanah,” Calev said. “Though, there’s a simple solution to both your problems.”
Hanah glared at her father while I simply tried to look elsewhere.
“Fine,” Calev said with his hands in the air as if surrendering. “I will stop trying to play matchmaker between the two of you since it looks as though you’re both too stubborn to admit your feelings for one another. This old man will stay out of it from now on.”
Hanah took one of Gil’s hands and said to me, “Good night, Aiden. We’ll see you in the morning.”
I dared to loo
k in Hanah’s direction and simply nodded my head so she understood I heard her.
Even after they left, I could hear Calev trying to convince Hanah that I would make a perfect husband for her. She tried to quiet him, but he looked like a man on a mission and one who wouldn’t be swayed from it easily.
When I went back to my own home, I prayed very hard to my father to take away the desires I was feeling. Unfortunately, my prayers weren’t answered, and I ended up tossing and turning most of the night on my palette unable to find sleep.
I almost dreaded getting up the next morning. Not because I was tired. I actually didn’t need sleep. I was dreading the moment I saw Hanah again. I felt nervous and unsure what my reaction to her would be. Nevertheless, I forced myself to act as if it was any other day and went to the barn to put the yoke on the oxen so we could finish plowing the fields. It would be our last day having to work so closely together. When Hanah entered the barn, she acted as though nothing was out of the ordinary between us. I began to wonder if maybe I just imagined her interest in me and hoped I wouldn’t have to worry about my feelings for her much longer. I wouldn’t force my affections on someone who didn’t want them, and her disinterest seemed to be the perfect solution to my dilemma.
I thought everything would work out as it should until Hanah placed her hand on my arm, silently asking me to look at her.
When I did, I instantly regretted it.
There were unshed tears in her eyes as she looked up at me, and all I wanted to do was take her in my arms and gently wipe them away.
“Is there something about me you find distasteful?” she asked me, doubt about her own self-worth evident not only in her question but her expression as well.
I stood there remaining completely still without saying a word. I feared what might happen if I moved a muscle or made a reply.
When I continued to remain silent, she removed her hand from my arm and wiped at the tears in her eyes.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to put you on the spot like that,” she said. “Just forget I asked, Aiden. You don’t owe me an explanation.”
