“I am tired. Let’s watch the thing.”
“Television? You can watch while you rest.”
“That would be lovely.”
“Do you want me to go with her?” Raven started to stand, but Shane shook his head, his eyes warning that there was more to his fatigue than illness.
“Actually, I want to get Abby settled, then there are a few things I need to speak with you about.”
“I’ll wait, then.”
He led his aunt out of the kitchen and Raven stood to collect the plates.
“Let me get that.” Ben pulled the dishes from her hands. “Sit down. You look exhausted.”
“You’re being bossy again.” But she sat anyway.
“It’s a tough job, but someone’s got to do it.”
“I wish you hadn’t come home. I feel terrible that you cut your reunion short because of me.”
“I cut it short because I wanted to. Because you’re my sister and I’m worried.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Why? Nothing that happened is your fault.” Ben sat down next to her, his eyes so blue, so filled with understanding, it almost hurt to look in them.
“Funny, that’s what Shane said last night.”
“Shane was right. So tell me, what’s between you two?”
“I don’t know. Some fantasy he’s cooked up about a knight, a damsel in distress and happily ever after.” If her voice sounded wistful Raven refused to hear it.
“Sounds nice.”
“Sounds nice. But reality is a lot different. Reality is people falling out of love. People who thought they’d have a forever having a year or two, or ten.”
“You had a bad marriage. Not everyone does.”
“I know, but I’m not willing to chance another mistake.”
“Maybe you should be. Not everyone should spend life alone.”
“You do.”
“Because I’m content with my life the way it is. I have my ministry, my faith, my friends…and now you. That’s enough.”
“Did you love your wife?”
Ben was silent, the sadness in his eyes making Raven regret the question.
“Sorry. I’m prying. Forget I asked.”
“No. It’s okay. I did love my wife. Theresa and I didn’t get forever, but the years we had were great.”
“I’m glad. It must be wonderful to have that kind of marriage.”
“It is. I wouldn’t trade the time we had for anything.”
“But you don’t want to marry again? Have that kind of relationship again?”
He shrugged. “Like I said, my life is full.”
“So is mine.”
“Is it?”
The question hung between them, the answer still unspoken as Shane stepped back into the room.
Chapter Eighteen
“You guys look serious.”
“Just having a family powwow, right, Rae?”
“Right.”
“Sorry to break up the discussion, but Abby is quiet for a bit and I wanted to talk to you when she wasn’t around. I can never tell how much she’s taking in and I don’t want to scare her.”
“What’s going on?” Raven’s pulse leaped at his tone, remembered fear making her throat dry.
“I got a call from Mark’s wife a few minutes after you left. She was at the emergency room with him. He fell asleep at the wheel on the way home.”
“Oh, no! Is he okay?”
“Just some minor bruising. Problem is, the doctors were having trouble waking him. They did a blood test and found a sedative in his system.”
“Did he take something?”
“He says no and I believe him.”
“The pudding,” Raven said, and Shane nodded.
“That’s what I’m thinking and what Mark was thinking.”
“Is there any way to be sure?”
“Jake took the dish. They’ll do some tests, see what they find.”
“But why sedate Abby?”
“Could be someone had a reason for making sure she was asleep. Could be that person was hoping the sedative would do more than just make her sleep.”
“But why?”
“Good question. Wish I had an answer.”
“At least we know she’s the target. We can take extra precautions and make sure she’s never alone.”
“We will. But Jake still isn’t convinced Abby is the target. He said it could just as easily be someone trying to harm you. What better way to hurt a nurse than to damage her reputation?”
“Wouldn’t I know it if someone hated me enough to hurt me in that way?”
“Probably, but there’s no sense taking chances. Ben and I were talking and we think it would be best if you didn’t stay at the cottage alone.”
“I wish you’d included me in the discussion.”
“We are now.”
“Then I’ll give you my opinion. I’m perfectly capable of taking care of myself, and I’ll be fine at the cottage by myself.”
“No one said you couldn’t take care of yourself. The question is, are you safe being alone?” Shane’s voice and eyes were hard, frustration underlying the words.
“I’ll be—”
“Shane’s right,” Ben cut in smoothly. “This isn’t about your ability to take care of yourself. It’s about safety. Until Jake can figure out what’s going on and catch the person responsible, I’d like to stay at the cottage with you.”
“I can’t ask you to do that, Ben.”
“You’re not asking—I’m offering. Besides, I won’t rest easy until the situation is resolved.”
Raven shrugged, not sure she liked the idea, but knowing it would be best to err on the side of caution. “We can put a bed in the upstairs room.”
“Good. Then I’ll go now, get a few things together and meet you at the cottage later.” He pressed a kiss to the top of her head and said goodbye to Shane.
Shane turned to Raven. She looked tired and scared, though he doubted she’d admit to either. “How’s your hand feeling?”
“It hurts, but I’ve felt worse. Oh—” she dug in her pocket and pulled out some money “—your change.”
“Thanks.” He took the money, trying to ignore the warmth of her fingers as they brushed his.
“Are you still feverish?”
“I took some aspirin. I’ll be fine.” The conversation felt stilted, and everything Shane wanted to say seemed like too much, too soon. “My problem is, I’m an all-or-nothing kind of guy.”
“What?” Raven’s eyebrows went up, but her mouth hinted a smile.
“My father raised me to say it like it is. I try to curb that, but I’m not always successful.”
“I don’t mind.”
“I know. That’s one of the things I like about you. You aren’t offended by my honesty, and you’ll argue with me if you think I’m wrong.”
“Some people would find that annoying.”
“I’m not one of them.” He reached for Raven’s hand and pulled her to her feet. “Look, I don’t have any better way to do this and I’m just not made to pretend. I admire you. I’m attracted to you. I think both those things are obvious.”
Raven stiffened at his words but didn’t pull her hand away. “Yes. They are.”
“So here’s the deal. I know you’ve been through a rough time. Your marriage was terrible. You lost a child and you blame yourself for that loss. You’ve come to Lakeview to get to know your brother, and I don’t think you’re interested in relationships beyond that.”
“That’s true.”
“I just want you to know that I have time. Lots of it. I’m in no hurry. When you’re ready to move on with your life, I’ll be here. And if you’re never ready, I won’t push you for what you can’t give.”
“Shane—”
“Shh.” And as he had earlier, he put his finger against her lips, felt the warmth of her breath, the smoothness of her skin. “I’m the gallant knight, remember? Being patient, understanding and heroic
is what I do.”
“I need to go home. I smell like smoke—” Her voice broke and she hurried from the room.
“Take my car and be careful, Raven.”
“Thanks. I’ll be back tomorrow. Eight a.m.”
“See you then.”
She stepped outside, got in the car and drove away.
As the car drove out of sight, Shane turned and went back into the house. Much as he might like to play the part of gallant and courageous knight, right now he felt tired, sick and lonely. That surprised him. He’d been content with his life until Raven showed up. Now it took everything he had to keep from calling her back and trying to convince her that love could be much sweeter than she’d found it the first time around.
Abby and her husband, Ethan, had been a good example of that kind of love. Their relationship had been constant, abiding and supportive. Shane could remember visiting them, seeing the strength of their love and wondering if he’d ever have that. Now he was beginning think he might. If he could get Raven to believe in him. He smiled as he remembered her face when Abby announced that they were getting married. The next few months should be interesting.
Hopefully they wouldn’t prove deadly, as well.
Who was the target? Abby or Raven? It didn’t seem possible that either could be. Yet it was obvious someone wanted to hurt one of them. Shane closed the door and set the alarm. He had too many questions and not enough answers. For now he needed to rest, and regain his health and strength. Then he’d find out who attacked Raven and Abby.
When he did, someone would pay.
The next few days passed uneventfully. Raven worked with Abby during the day and returned home at night, always accompanied by Ben whether she drove or walked to the Montgomery house. She’d thought it would be difficult to have him at the cottage. The opposite was true. Late at night, when she woke from nightmares with the sound of old wood creaking and groaning around her, it was nice to know she wasn’t alone. Though Ben sometimes asked probing questions he didn’t press for answers, and he let her have privacy and solitude.
No, Ben wasn’t a problem. It was Shane who worried Raven. Shane, who seemed to take up too much of her thoughts.
And he wasn’t even trying.
True to his word he hadn’t pushed for more than she wanted to give. As a matter of fact, he seemed barely aware of Raven’s presence, exchanging pleasantries with her when they came in contact with one another, but no more than that. It shouldn’t have bothered her. It did.
“You almost ready? Won’t do for the pastor to be late for church.” Ben peeked into the open door of her room.
Raven dragged a brush through her hair, pulled the curls into a tight chignon and stepped from the bedroom. “Ready.”
“Wow! My sister’s all grown up and a knockout. I’m not sure I feel comfortable with that.” Ben grinned and pushed the front door open, nudging Merry aside with his toe. “Go to bed, pup, we’ll be home soon.”
Merry looked crestfallen but obeyed, climbing into the doggy bed Raven had bought her.
“How’d you do that? She never listens to me unless I’ve got a treat.”
“You’re too soft and she knows it. Come on. I was going to give you a ride on the motorcycle, but I think we’ll save that for a day when you’re dressed more appropriately.”
“Good plan. I don’t want people at church to think your sister doesn’t know how to make a good impression.”
“The only thing that matters to me is that you’re back in my life. That you’ve turned into a wonderful Christian woman. A woman I’ll be proud of, no matter what anyone else thinks. Which reminds me, I bought you something.”
He handed her a Bible, the leather cover smooth under her fingers as she took it.
“I know yours was stolen and you haven’t had a chance to get a new one.”
“This is wonderful, Ben. Thanks.”
“No problem. Now let’s get going.”
Despite Ben’s comment about being late, they arrived early and walked into an almost empty church. Their footsteps echoed in the hall as they moved toward the offices, and Raven wondered if her brother’s house was as empty when he was there alone. He’d said he was content with his life and happy with his work and friends, but did he ever want more?
“You really don’t think you’ll ever remarry?”
“I doubt it. This is my life now. There isn’t room for anything else.”
“You could make room.”
Ben stopped and turned to face her. “If God wants something else for my life He’s going to have to drop it in my lap, or beat me over the head with it. Otherwise, I’m content to keep doing what I’m doing. Now, I’m going to have a few minutes of quiet time before service begins.”
Raven sighed and stepped into the sanctuary. A few people had arrived before her and were scattered among the pews, heads bowed in prayer. The weight of their struggles hung in the air, the need to connect with God charging the atmosphere. Raven edged back toward the door, feeling like an intruder, a shadow hanging at the edge of things she couldn’t quite understand.
She meant to leave and instead found herself moving forward, the urge to seek her own answers and her own peace pulling her toward the back pew. She took a seat and bowed her head, listening to the silence and to the sound of her own heartbeat. If there were answers she couldn’t find them. If there was a way to fill the emptiness inside her, she didn’t know it.
Behind her the doors to the sanctuary opened and voices drifted into the quiet. People arrived chatting, laughing, eager for fellowship. Raven didn’t move, didn’t look up. The guilt and anger she’d harbored for so long gnawed at her mind.
As the service began she stood, sang, prayed, listened, went through the motions of worship, but found comfort in none of it. Her hands trembled as she opened the Bible and read the passage Ben was speaking on. The love verses. She’d memorized them long ago.
“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.”
But it had failed, hadn’t it?
Wasn’t Micah’s death proof that God’s love was as fickle as the love of the people He’d created? He could have prevented her son’s death. He hadn’t, though He’d known how much she longed for the child she was carrying. The anger inside her surged and receded, pushing and prodding at her tired spirit.
She looked up and saw her brother strong and confident, despite the hardships he’d endured. For a moment their eyes met, and she knew he understood, that he’d seen in her the same kind of anger that had once driven him from his faith.
Her hands shook as she closed the Bible and stood, hurrying from the sanctuary and outside into the bright, spring sun. She crossed the parking lot, moved into the trees that separated the church from Ben’s house. A cool breeze rustled the leaves, reminding Raven of her first day in Lakeview, of the music of the country, the sweet fragrance of clean air that had been so new, so alive with possibilities.
“You okay?”
Raven turned toward the voice, her heart leaping as she saw Shane, his dark hair carefully combed, his eyes as green as the spring that bloomed around them.
“I needed some air.”
He nodded, as if leaving church before the service ended was the most natural thing in the world.
“Is Abby here today?”
“Mark is at home with her. Her immune system is still shaky and we don’t want her contracting something else.”
“And you’re feeling better?”
“Much. How about you?”
“I’m fine.” She turned, pulling a fragrant leaf from a branch and letting it twirl and dance to the ground.
“That’s not true and we both know it. But I won’t push for answers. I won’t ask why you walked out of chur
ch. Why you’re standing here all alone.”
But he wanted to and the knowledge burned between them, the boundaries Raven had erected standing firm, despite the fact she didn’t know if she wanted them there any more.
“Let’s go back inside together.”
He held out his hand and Raven took it, enjoying his strength as he led her back through the trees and into the sunlight. Then he released his hold and stepped away.
She wanted to pull him back, wanted to tell him all the things she was thinking, all the secrets of her heart, wanted to trust him, trust herself, trust that God would take all the anger, the guilt, the fear in her and make it into something beautiful.
A tear slid down her cheek and she turned away from Shane, not wanting him to see what was in her eyes.
But he did. She felt his hands on her shoulders, urging her around. Then she was in his arms, pressed close to his heart. He loosened his hold, looked down into her face, then backed away, wiping the tear from her cheek and smiling, though there was sadness in his eyes.
“We need some time to think, Raven. Both of us. What I feel for you isn’t changing, it’s just becoming more. If you don’t feel the same, I understand, but I can’t keep seeing you day after day, pretending that there’s nothing between us.”
“I know.” And she did.
“Take a week or two off. Give us both some distance from each other. Then we’ll talk. See where we stand. Maybe I’ll come to my senses and stop imagining you at that Christmas Eve wedding.”
“Shane—” She wanted to tell him she didn’t need time. That she saw in his eyes everything she’d longed for. Fear held back the words, the bitter knowledge that she’d believed in love once and learned a hard lesson stopping her from saying what she knew was true.
Coward. She could almost hear the word, though Shane didn’t speak it. It floated through her mind, mocking her as people began to stream from the church, as Shane took a step away, and then another. Until finally she was left alone. An island of aloneness, with only herself to blame.
Die Before Nightfall Page 18
