by Siera Maley
I turned away and shoved the microphone into Crenshaw’s hands, then hissed to Sarah, “Okay, let’s get out of here before we get killed.”
“One second,” she whispered back, then took her crown off and crossed the stage to Christine, who looked less than enthused by our little speeches. “Here’s your dumb crown,” Sarah snapped, shoving it points-up into her arms.
“Ow!” Christine exclaimed, glaring at her. Sarah ignored her and spun to face me, then took my hand and led me back down to the gym floor.
We wound our way through the murmuring crowd, all of whom didn’t take their eyes off of us, and although I was eager to just leave, there was one thing I wanted to do more.
Sarah read my mind. We ducked in between clusters of people and made our way toward the left side of the gym, where, at last, we stopped in front of Jake. Sarah let go of my hand, and he and I made eye contact for what felt like minutes. I couldn’t read his expression. At last, I forced myself to speak.
“I’m sorry,” I said. “I should’ve been honest with you. I wish I had. I wish I’d just told you everything and… and maybe things could’ve been different. Maybe you’d have hated me, but maybe you wouldn’t have and I could’ve gotten advice from you about what I was feeling, because I really was confused for a while. You’re… you’re kind of one of my best friends now, and I really don’t want to lose that. I don’t wanna lose any of you guys.”
I fell silent, and winced as his eyes coldly searched mine. He opened his mouth, and I prepared for the worst.
“So… that first kiss in Room 405 is kind of hilarious in retrospect, now,” he murmured. I look up at him, not daring to smile, and the corners of his mouth quirked upward. “Isn’t it?”
“I saw Jesus for the first time that day,” Sarah replied before I could, a matching smile on her lips. “Did not expect that at all, that’s for sure.”
“You two are definitely assholes,” Jake told us. But then he shrugged his shoulders. “But you’re gay assholes, and you’re going to do a lot of activism to make it up to us, so I can forgive you.”
“Thank you,” I mouthed, and let him pull me in for a hug.
Two Weeks Later:
“This seat taken?”
I looked up from my spot on the bench on my front porch to see Sarah staring down at me. She was wearing a thin coat and shorts, and I marveled at her.
“You’re insane. It’s freezing!”
“Just as insane as you. Who reads outside in this weather? It’s supposed to snow this week.”
“I’ve only been out here for a couple of minutes,” I explained, setting my book aside. “I’m waiting for Austin to come over.”
“Austin?” Sarah looked taken aback. “Should I be jealous? Who else have you been meeting behind my back over Winter Break?”
“Oh, just the usual. Hattie, Dina, Josephine… Jessa invited me over for a threesome with Violet, but I told her I was all booked up.”
“Wait, Jessa and Violet are dating?”
“No, I just threw two names out that made sense. You know, though, a little birdy told me Jake’s got something going on with a guy.”
“No way! Who?”
“Can’t say. I’ll just tell you that it’s someone you know quite well.”
“Henry?”
“Nope. This guy’s not in LAMBDA.”
“Well, given that no one really talks to us anymore other than the LAMBDA kids and our lunch group, that narrows it down to Graham and Connor.”
“It would seem that way,” I agreed, wiggling my eyebrows at her.
“Okay, now I know you’re messing with me. Just tell me who it really is, seriously.”
“Nope.”
“Okay, well… at least tell me why Austin’s coming over.”
“I’m meeting his new girlfriend. He and I are trying this weird thing called friendship, and I hear that’s what friends do, so.”
“Well, you could use more friends,” she joked, “given that most of the school doesn’t like us anymore.”
“True,” I admitted. The homophobic kids hated us anyway, the really gay-friendly kids mostly looked down on us now, and the few who’d taken pity on us were already friends with us in the first place. The rest simply didn’t care enough to strike up a friendship with us anymore than they had before. We’d kept all of our friends from before the Winter Formal drama, which was what we’d really hoped for, although Bonnie’d been a little understandably cold. It turns out we were the reason she’d been inspired to come out, so learning that we’d been living a lie for several months before genuinely dating had rubbed her the wrong way. But things were okay. We’d survive.
“I hear Brett Larson got a girl pregnant,” I said, just making conversation. “Lesbian bonus: We can’t do that.”
Sarah burst into laughter next to me and recited, “Ninety-nine lesbian problems but a pregnancy ain’t one. Nice.”
“Did you just ‘nice’ your own joke?”
“Totally.”
“…Nice.”
She laughed again and shifted closer, resting her head on my shoulder. Her breath was visible on her next exhale, and I followed it as it floated through the air toward the front door. “So does your book have a happy ending?” she asked me. “The one you’re reading?”
“That would require me to finish it first. But I doubt it; it’s a crime thriller about a serial killer.”
“No lesbians?”
“Of course there are lesbians. Every piece of media I consume now must have lesbians. This is how lesbianism works.”
“So do they wind up together?”
“Well, one of them’s the killer’s first victim, so signs point to no.”
She let out another visible breath, this time in the form of a quiet sigh.
“God dammit.”
End
About the Author
Siera Maley was born and raised in the southern Bible Belt, where there wasn't much room for open-mindedness or diversity. After coming out as a lesbian as a teen, she relocated to a more suburban area and is now working on a four-year degree while living with her girlfriend and very adorable dog.
