by Edeet Ravel
Friday
February 29
Hi Xanoth,
I only slept four hours last night. The police woke me at seven in the morning. They were asking everyone if they saw or heard anything.
I wanted to beg them not to knock on Mrs. Coleville’s door, but of course I couldn’t.
Markus answered. He said his mother had taken sleeping pills that “knocked her out,” and he didn’t hear anything because he was at his computer with headphones.
The police were suspicious when he said “knocked her out.” They asked him to wake his mother, but he said she was “dead to the world.” That made them even more suspicious, so they asked him whether he would mind coming down to the station to give his statement.
He followed them like a kid who’s being taken to eat cotton candy and ride on the ferris wheel at La Ronde. I guess even a police station is La Ronde next to Mrs. Coleville.
Yours forever,
Fern
Monday
March 3
Hi Xanoth,
What a horrible day!
I knew I should tell David what happened right away, but I didn’t. I don’t know why. I didn’t tell him until today. He got so mad! He was really scary. I didn’t know he had such a scary side. I guess that’s the part he uses in court.
Then, on top of that, he called back an hour later and said he checked the accounts, and the mousy woman is two months late on the rent. He asked me how come I didn’t notice that her rent was in arrears. I apologized and promised it wouldn’t happen again.
He told me to clear out her stuff and put everything in the cellar. He said he’d come over on Wednesday “to talk.” I’m really nervous about that “talk.” I don’t think he’ll fire me, but I’m still scared.
He wanted to come in the afternoon, but I said I had a dentist appointment and I’d be frozen all evening so he said he’d come in the morning. That was fast thinking.
It was really depressing in that woman’s apartment. Just a few pieces of junk furniture, like a chipped TV table with gold legs and a folding chair and hooker dresses in the closet and make-up that looked like the type kids play with, all sticky and gross. There wasn’t even a bed, only a bunch of blankets on the floor.
I began to feel really sick, the way I did when Mom died. It was almost like the mousy woman was Mom’s ghost.
I’m sorry I was so mean to you, Mom. I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry.
Yours forever,
Fern
Tuesday
March 4
Hi Xanoth,
Victor’s ex-wife’s been visiting him.
I finally bought new jeans today. I found a good pair at VV for only $11.99. I made a new rule. Aside from litter, a bus pass, and fresh fruits and vegetables, I’m allowed to spend $15 a month.
Yours forever,
Fern
Wednesday
March 5
Hi Xanoth,
A lucky thing happened. I found David’s missing papers in this old battered suitcase on a kind of shelf in the cellar. He was really glad I found them. He opened the suitcase and said in a snide voice, “Unique filing system, heh?” If I ever had any doubts, he definitely does not like his father.
Then he gave me a lecture about telling him things that go on. For my own sake too, he said. To protect myself. But he wasn’t mad anymore.
I’m really tired, Xanoth. I feel I could sleep for a whole week straight.
I have to go shovel now. It’s snowing again for a change. It’s supposed to go on snowing all day.
I don’t know what to do about clearing the snow while I’m away. We’re supposed to be getting another 20 cm today. This is the snowiest winter ever.
Yours forever,
Fern
Thursday
March 6
Hi Xanoth,
I didn’t go to the hotel or the restaurant today. The city’s in total chaos because of all the snow. I called Karl and he told me not to bother coming. Then the Tazas called and said the same thing.
Yesterday, the Asian father in the apartment next to me came out while I was clearing the snow and took the shovel from me. He didn’t even ask. He just took over without saying a word. I think he was looking out his window and it frustrated him to see me struggling.
So I got this idea to ask him if he could clear the walk while I’m away. I don’t know if I’m allowed to ask, but I was desperate. He’s always around, because he works at home. Something to do with computers.
He said no problem. He probably needs a break from being cooped up in that small apartment all day.
Yours forever,
Fern
Saturday
March 8
Hi Xanoth,
We had another blizzard today, but I went to Le Baudelaire anyhow, because I didn’t want to miss another day’s pay. I had to walk backwards from the metro to the hotel.
By the time I finished at the hotel, they were telling everyone not to go out if they didn’t need to. I called the Tazas and they said they can’t get down to the restaurant from where they live. So I went home. At least I didn’t have to take any buses. Traffic was down to a crawl.
The walk from the Snowdon metro was the worst. The wind practically lifted me off the ground, and I couldn’t see a thing. It was nice to get home early though.
The Asian father is looking after the walk. I hope David doesn’t catch him at it. I really don’t know if it’s allowed.
I had a long shower and now I’m in bed, with Beauty purring like an engine next to me. It’s only seven, but I’m going to sleep.
Yours forever,
Fern
Sunday
March 9
Hi Xanoth,
We’ve now had the most snow in one winter since 1971.
I saw on the French TV channel how in some places you can actually walk with snowshoes to the roofs of houses. Houses in the country are collapsing from the weight of the snow. And in some parks you can touch the top of the lampposts.
It’s hard to shovel because there’s nowhere to put the snow. I’ll have to wait until they clear the street a bit.
I went to the hotel, but the restaurant is closed again. The snow’s costing me more than $200, but at least I’m getting some sleep. And I can still make my $650 at the bank.
Some jobs you don’t lose money when there’s snow or you’re sick. The worse your job, the easier it is to lose it.
Yours forever,
Fern
Wednesday
March 12
Hi Xanoth,
Karl was a wreck today. His boyfriend François walked out on him. He’s saying he’s going to sell the hotel and either go away or kill himself. He says the hotel will be demolished and turned into condo units, or else it’ll become a brothel and crackhouse.
He followed me all day today, talking nonstop about François. He says it was all because of a fight over baked potatoes, because he was too lazy to go out and buy tin foil. He was saying potatoes are just as good without tin foil, and François was saying you need tin foil to keep in the moisture.
Étienne and I tried to tell him that no one dumps you after 12 years just because of potatoes, but he said we don’t know François, and if he’d only gone out and bought the tin foil, François wouldn’t have left.
I was worried at first, but Étienne said it’s not the first time they’ve had a breakup, and each time it happens Karl says he’s going to close the hotel, but he won’t do it because he’s making too much money on it.
Anyhow, there’s going to be a morale-boosting party for Karl on Saturday. I’m invited. I told Étienne I work until midnight, but he said the party only gets going at midnight, and that I can come in late on Sunday. The party’s on Côte St. Luc Road, on the other side of Decarie, not far from my old school.
This week there were quite a few small repairs in the building, but the Asian father is helping me out. There was a pr
oblem with the light in the hallway, and he got on a ladder and fixed it. He’s an engineer, so he knows about things like light.
The other repairs I did myself. A hinge had to be tightened, a kitchen sink had to be cleared with Drano, a toilet got blocked but luckily didn’t overflow. I don’t think I’ll need Jeff again.
Yours forever,
Fern
Thursday
March 13
Hi Xanoth,
David’s father finally died.
David isn’t sad. If anything he looks relieved. He said, “As soon as the estate is settled I’ll be able to hire you properly.” That means I passed the trial period.
On the other hand, what if he decides to sell the building and the new owners decide they don’t need a janitor?
The couple under Victor left illegally. The ones who thought they were cool. They snuck out during the night without giving notice. They left a huge mess and a lot of stuff. Maybe I’ll find something useful.
A divorced woman who’s a friend of someone in the building took the apartment right away, so I don’t have to show it. I only have to empty it.
The divorced woman came this morning to fill in an application. I forget her name. She looks suicidal, if you ask me.
Yours forever,
Fern
Friday
March 14
Hi Xanoth,
I got good loot from the couple who left – three really nice pictures, a glass salad bowl, wine glasses, a big woven basket, food storage containers, a standing lamp, three wooden chairs, two plants and two drawerfuls of junk that I think they forgot to empty, including two stamps, nail scissors, hair elastics, a loonie, three quarters and two nickels. They also left quite a bit of food.
One of the pictures is a blue clown by Picasso. I really like it. I hung it over my bed. It reminds me a bit of you, Xanoth.
The party on Saturday is BYOB. I don’t drink, so I think it’s OK if I bring lemonade. It’ll have to come out of the $15 I’m allowed to spend this month. I might also be able to sell some of the stuff the couple left.
I may not even go. Everyone there will be cool apart from me. I don’t want to be in that situation again.
Yours forever,
Fern
Sunday
March 16
Hi Xanoth,
It’s four in the morning but I’m not tired. I just got back from the party to cheer up Karl. Karl didn’t need cheering up in the end, because he made up with François, but he had the party anyhow. Sally stayed at the hotel to keep an eye on things. Étienne said she’s not the partying type.
I guess I should explain a few things. The first day I went to kindergarten, this girl Arloe Whittaker came up to me and sniffed me and said, “Ugh, you smell like my dog.” All the kids began to laugh and they all came over to me and sniffed and held their noses and made that sound UGHH. And that was it for the rest of the year. The kids said I smelled like a toilet, a mud puddle, old garbage – anything they could think of. The teacher, Mrs. Brunet, tried to stop it but she couldn’t.
They put all kinds of horrible things in my lunch. Mrs. Brunet finally had to put my lunch out of reach to keep it safe. So then they put things in my boots or my coat pocket, like squished food and toilet paper and clay and rocks.
You won’t believe this, Xanoth, but Arloe tried to kill me. I swear she’s going to end up like Karla Homolka. That’s a woman who was a serial killer here on Earth. Arloe even looked a bit like Karla Homolka, come to think of it.
It was right at the end of kindergarten and we were all in the park, and Arloe suddenly pretended to be nice to me. I was so dumb I actually believed that maybe things had changed. She said, “Do you want to play Jesus?” and I nodded and she told me to lie down in this red wagon, and then she pushed the wagon really hard into the street where cars were coming. A car swerved and just missed hitting me.
She didn’t even get into trouble. I think Mrs. Brunet was scared of her parents. A kid like that, her parents are probably ogres too.
Then in first grade, this one boy, another future criminal, used to come up to me and whisper, “I’m going to rape you, bagface.” He was only six, but he knew exactly what he was talking about.
That was the year Simone left. I sometimes think she left because she knew I was turning into a problem.
By grade two everyone got bored with me because I made myself deaf and I wasn’t scared anymore. I went in the opposite direction of my mother.
So even though Étienne is always nice to me and Karl’s just Karl, I wasn’t sure if I should go to the party. I didn’t think people would be mean to me or anything, but I didn’t feel like sitting in some corner and being invisible.
Finally I decided to go, but I almost changed my mind again at the elevator. The apartment was in one of these historic type buildings, with carved wreaths under the windows and a courtyard with a mermaid fountain in the middle.
I went into the building and pressed the button for the elevator. As I was waiting, three other people came in laughing and talking. They were dressed in sort of punk, and I was sure they were there for the party.
That’s when I almost turned around and went home, but then what would I tell Étienne, so I got on the elevator with them.
As soon as I walked in, Étienne took me around and said, “This is Fern, isn’t she fabulous?” Finally he got to this one girl who sort of frowned and said, “We’ve already met, remember?”
I figured she was someone from Sunnyview, and I thought, this is where it starts. But she said, “I was really worried about you after you left that note. I tried to find you, but no one knew where you moved to. Is your mother OK?”
So then I realized it was Linden, the girl from the rich house. For some reason I didn’t recognize her – maybe because she was wearing a raggedy sweater and she looked like she just woke up, with shadows under her eyes and tangled hair.
I said, “She died, actually.”
Linden looked shocked. She said, “Oh, I’m so sorry to hear that,” and she gave me her phone number on half a napkin and wrote down my number on the other half.
I went over to the table. There was a huge amount of food. I took some bean salad and curry and rice on a plate and I sat down on a chair. People around me were having conversations about movies I never heard of, so I tuned out. But suddenly I realized they were all talking about me.
It turns out that Étienne used to work in a hair salon, and he still does his friends’ hair. So they all decided he had to give me a haircut right there and then. I didn’t even have a chance to say yes or no. Étienne grabbed a chair and pushed it in front of the kitchen sink and he shampooed my hair while people watched and talked and moved around. It reminded me of when I was a little kid and Simone shampooed my hair in the bath.
When he was finished he wrapped my hair in a towel and there was a long discussion about which style would suit me, with everyone giving different opinions.
I was quite freaked out. I thought maybe it was a trick like “Let’s play Jesus” and they were going to give me some horrible haircut on purpose.
This one girl thought short hair would go with my eyes and would look cute on me. That’s probably the first time anyone used the word “cute” and my name in the same sentence.
Linden disagreed and said I should have a shaggy cut that reached my shoulders. Étienne kept changing his mind. Finally he brought a magazine and asked me what I wanted. I pretty much went with the shaggy look Linden suggested.
It wasn’t a trick. He gave me a really good cut and someone said, “Isn’t she adorable?” And even if they were only saying it, it was because they liked me.
Then Linden came over and told me she was going to Sunnyview, which I could hardly believe. We talked about how all the teachers at Sunnyview are just trying to survive with the help of Prozac, except for Mr. Tomorrow, who’s on coke. I never talked about a teacher with anyone before. Linden said everyone hates him because he’s mean and doesn�
��t teach the right things on purpose so he can fail everyone and feel superior, and I said he doesn’t even bother hiding that he’s an addict, with his fingernail and runny nose, and how come he doesn’t get fired, and she said he can’t get fired because of the union. I said I wished I had a union for my jobs.
Maybe if I’d had someone to talk to about school, I would have tried to get something out of it.
Yours forever,
Fern
Tuesday
March 18
Hi Xanoth,
Police again!
Mrs. Coleville had a fit and called them, and I wasn’t around to deal with it. I checked my messages from the hotel, and as usual there was this rant from Mrs. Coleville, with an even faker than usual accent. She was going on about how the police came, where was I, what kind of place is this, yak yak yak.
So I phoned her back and I finally figured out that a woman walked in on Victor and his ex-wife, and the two women had a big fight on the stairs and Mrs. Coleville called the police.
What made her really mad was that when they saw the police, they stopped fighting and said it was only a sisterly argument. Mrs. Coleville said they “tricked the police” in order not to get arrested. She was probably hoping for a public execution.
Then she said she wants Victor to be evicted because “those people are nothing but trouble, next thing you know I’ll be attacked in my sleep like that woman in 308.” She’s really playing with half a deck. Étienne could hear every word through the receiver. He made these big eyes and pretended to stab himself and stagger all over the lobby of the hotel.
I finally calmed her down by promising to “inform the landlord and see what can be done.” I’m hoping this will stop her from calling David herself.
Yours forever,
Fern
Wednesday
March 19
Hi Xanoth,
The worst news. Just what I was most worried about. Mrs. Coleville told David that I’m never around. It turns out she’s been spying on me, and keeping track of when I go out and when I come back. She told him I leave every day at noon and don’t come back until one in the morning.
