I fall to my knees on the hard wood flooring and put my head in my hands and cry myself into oblivion. I hurt so badly and I can’t even confront him, not that I’m sure I would want to either.
Mickey falls to his knees also and wraps his muscular arms around me and cradles my head to his shoulder. I let him because I need some comfort right now, I’m in a world of pain and I just don’t know how I’m going to be able to continue with this tour when I feel so broken. I begin to fight in Mickeys arms as the realisation starts to seep into my bones, the rat bastard cheated on me. How fucking dare he?
I raise my fists and batter them down on Mickey’s torso. I have to get my frustration out somehow otherwise I will implode. I have never felt hurt like this, ever.
Mickey grabs me by the wrists and calms me, he knows I’m hurting and he looks lost as to how he can make the hurt go away. Truth be told I don’t think anything will make me better again. Although Josh and I weren’t in an exclusive relationship we both understood what was going on between us, at least I thought Josh did. Obviously I was wrong.
“Come on Sophie, he’s not worth your tears. I told you he would fuck everything up one way or another and he has done. You are a strong woman and you don’t need his bullshit in your life.” Mickey strokes my hair reverentially.
“How could he do this Mickey? Did I not mean anything to him at all?” The tears are now falling without reluctance and I have to get out of this room before I make a complete show of myself.
I get up slowly and wipe my tears away with the back of my hand but it’s a losing battle as more just fill its place. “Look Mickey I’m going to bed I can only cope with so much shit in a day. Is it okay if I take the private bedroom for tonight?” I need to be alone. I can’t bear to be in the cabin bed tonight in amongst all the guys.
“Sure thing Sophie, try and get some sleep it will all look better in the morning.” Mickey gets up off the floor also and grabs me by my arms, he leans down and gives me a peck on the cheek. I hardly feel it, I am totally numb. I hurt so badly.
I head into the private bedroom and slowly take off my clothing. How could today have gone so wrong? Okay, so we still had the issue of Jasmine hanging over our heads but we were dealing with it. Then Josh just had to go out and get wasted, and of course he had to go and fuck some cheap skank in the bathroom of all places. Do neither of them have any self-respect?
I get into the bed and pull the covers over my head. I just want to forget about today, but I know I’m going to have to deal with it tomorrow when I come face to face with Josh. I’m so damn angry but that is overtaken by the hurt I’m feeling. After everything he said to me, it meant absolutely nothing.
I lie back in the bed and allow the sorrow to wash over me. I want to let it overcome me but I know I have to fight it, I’m no self-pitying girl, but fuck it hurts. I let sleep take me whilst still crying my little heart out.
Chapter 20
Josh
I wake in the middle of the night and stare at the cabin bed above me. So I guess I must have found my way back to the bus and into bed, god knows how because I was completely trashed. I find my jeans on the floor beside my bed and fish my iPhone out of my back pocket and see that it is only just gone 3 am. I’m strangely wide awake and my mind starts to muddle through the hazy memories of last night.
I remember a few things mostly drinking copious amounts of Jagermeister due to my self- pity. I hate myself for hurting both Mickey and Jasmine but I really don’t think there is anything I can do to ease that guilt. I am a prized dick for sure.
Although the memories are fuzzy they are starting to come back to me now that I’m semi awake. I remember the girl sitting with me at the table and attempting a half assed attempt at trying to flirt with me. Of course I shot her down; no one means anything to me except Sophie. The girl even bought me another drink in the hope that it would soften me up for the big kill.
I remember walking to the bathroom to take a slash before I attempted to walk back to the bus. I knew it was going to be a staggered walk but I really needed the fresh air to clear my head before going back and facing Sophie. I knew I had stayed out too long and I would have to face the consequences of that.
Just as I put my dick back in my pants I was confronted by that cheap little tart again. I have no idea why she just couldn’t leave me alone. I made it crystal clear that I wasn’t interested in her, but she really wouldn’t take it. Some women are just totally oblivious to the fact that not every man wants to have her then and there. It wasn’t even if she was totally stunning but she made up for that by the size of her ego it was definitely the size of the U.S. Some women really need to tone down the desperation vibes they emit.
She came right at me where I stood and in the state I was in I was struggling to understand exactly what was happening. She practically launched herself at me. I was taken aback at the strength in her little frame. She pressed her over glossed lips against mine and pressed hard, she tried to force her tongue in my mouth and although I was pretty wasted I knew I didn’t want this. She placed her hand on my nape and tried to force my head down further against hers but I fought with her. The whole time this was happening I knew that this was the last thing I wanted. I had the picture of Sophie’s beautiful face in my mind and the taste of her lips that pushed me on to get the woman off of me.
Thankfully the force I exerted was enough to get her off of me. She fell to the floor with enough force for her to gather herself and get the hell out of the men’s room. As she scurried out I noticed a dark figure standing by the door frame. Once the blurred vision had cleared I realised that the figure was in fact Mickey. Of all the people it could have been, it just had to be Mickey. He has been trying to destroy this thing between Sophie and I from the beginning. The bastard wouldn’t stop smiling at me.
My stomach churned with fear and nerves at what Mickey had made of the situation in front of him. There was no point in asking him what he saw because I knew exactly what he would of made of it all. I swallowed back the lump in my throat as I stared at Mickey. He never took his eyes away from me. The conversation that followed sent chills down my spine.
“It seems you’ve been a busy boy Josh. Does Sophie know about your extra-curricular activities?” Mickey said with a sneer.
“Look, Mickey you saw what went on here don’t make something out of nothing.” I’m near begging Mickey as I know exactly what he intends to do here.
“Josh I have no idea what you are talking about. You keep telling everyone you have turned over a new leaf so I take it you will be telling Sophie about your passionate kiss with the groupie, yes?” Crap. There was no passionate embrace, I tried to push that girl off of me several times but somehow she managed to overpower me, mainly due to the amount of drink I had consumed.
“Mickey I wasn’t kissing her back, you know that, you saw.” I’m pretty sure my eyes are swimming right now; I have had way too much to drink. My head is becoming increasingly fuzzy and my centre of gravity is no longer there.
“Come on I’ll have another drink with you before I drag your ass home.” Christ, another drink? Surely that will finish me off completely? I’m damn well near paralytic now.
I walk back to the bar with Mickey and we down a few vodkas and before I know it my surroundings go completely black. I must have passed out, I don’t remember anything else until I woke up in the middle of the night in my cabin bed.
I sit upright quickly. I need to go wake Mickey and convince him that he can’t say anything to Sophie before I have the chance to explain everything to her. I need that chance, I need to make her see that it was nothing. She came onto me.
I know Mickey will put his own spin on it, that’s something I can’t risk. Anything he says will hurt Sophie beyond repair. I ease myself out of bed. God, my head is banging worse than a beat being hammered by Tanner.
I run to Mickey’s cabin bed but the bed is empty. Don’t tell me that he found a girl to have a good time with while I was
out of it. Hopefully that might mean that he didn’t get the chance to speak to Sophie before me.
The whole bus is so quiet, I’m so glad none of the others are awake; I could do without an audience on this one. I step up to the bedroom door and ease the door handle down quietly so as not to alert him to my presence. I walk into the room and close the door behind me and walk over to the bed.
I can see that Mickey isn’t alone in the bed just as I thought. The sun is just starting to rise so the room has a glow so I can see the figures in the bed. I wonder who Mickey ensnared this time. I see that the girl has beautiful blonde hair just like Sophie’s. Wait a minute…
I stride over to the other side of the bed in a panicked daze as a huge question floats in my fuzzy brain. It can’t be, I keep telling myself over and over, as if it will change the reality of the situation. The morning light is shining on the girls face and there is no mistaking those beautiful features.
Sophie is in bed with fucking Mickey!
That son of a bitch has managed to get Sophie into bed with him. I start pacing back and forth as my emotions start to sky rocket. I’m so damn angry but god I’m hurt. I thought what Sophie and I had was unbreakable. I have never felt a connection to a girl like I have with Sophie.
I’m stunned if I’m honest. I knew Mickey was a back stabbing dick but Sophie wanted this as much as I did. I need to take action now; I can’t just stand around here staring at those two in bed. She’s fucking breaking my heart into little pieces.
I bound round to Mickey’s side of the bed and pull back the covers; he is just lying there with his boxer briefs on. That fucking Judas!
Mickey’s eyes spring open and I actually wonder whether he was sleeping at all or was he just lying in wait for me. I bet he is loving this.
“Sorry did we wake you?” Mickey says with the biggest sneer known to man. I want to kick the living shit out of him.
“You fucking son of a bitch! Why the hell did you have to do this, huh? You know she meant everything to me. I wanted her with everything I have, yet you just had to chase her. You don’t want her; you only wanted to use her to get at me! Fuck!” I’m letting my emotions overrule me and I’m now shouting at the top of my voice. I hate the bastard!
“Oh Josh don’t be under no illusion, she enjoyed every minute of it.” Mickey is now sitting up with his hands clasped behind his head and the rage within me is palpable.
I am going to kick the living hell out of him!
Sophie
I am awoken by a commotion in the bedroom and I’m momentarily confused to as what is happening around me. I stare at the picture being hammered into my brain. I have sore and fuzzy eyes but there is no mistaking the scene that is playing out in front of me.
Josh is completely hysterical. I look at the clock on the bedside table and realise that its only 3.30am. Josh must have woken up in the night; he must have come looking for me to explain what went on. Well isn’t it a pity that Mickey beat him to it.
I sit myself up on the bed and examine the commotion in front of me. Mickey is looking as cocky as ever and well, Josh to put it plainly is damn well crazy.
“Could someone please tell me what this is all about? It’s only just gone 3am.” I say through raw eyes.
Josh falls to his knees in front of the bed and grabs fistfuls of hair. He looks so desolate and lost that my heart tugs for him but no, I refuse to give him any sympathy. He down right betrayed me and that in my book, is unforgiveable. I can see a single tear roll down his cheek, good I’m glad he is hurting then maybe he might have just a little inclination to how I am feeling. He has absolutely no right to feel hurt, he did this to us. I need to get this all out before I self-combust.
“Soph, how the hell could you sleep with him? Mickey of all people, you knew he wanted us apart yet you still weren’t able to resist him, huh?” Josh’s hurt screams at me at my apparent betrayal. I don’t have a clue what the hell he is talking about. I never slept with Mickey and I never would, how he could even think I would. Another thing, why the hell is Mickey in this bedroom in only his boxer briefs?
I’m so angry at Josh’s quite frank and bold assumption of my sexual behaviour. “How dare you, Josh. Why the hell would you think that I would cheat on you by sleeping with Mickey! There is only one deceitful asshole in this room, well okay maybe two but I still think you take the damn trophy for that one.” The anger and venom in my voice must be apparent as Mickey even takes a step back away from me. Josh still eyes me with a fierceness that I have never witnessed. I hate him focussing all of his hurt and anger towards me but hell I haven’t even done anything.
“Damn you Sophie. I walked in here and found you both in bed together! Don’t try and worm your way out of it by denying it. Hell, I can’t even believe this is happening right now.”
Mickey edges closer to Josh. “Look man just calm down a little you aint helping the situation right now by being hysterical.” Mickey tries to calm Josh without much success.
“Don’t you even fucking dare try touching me. At one point we were like brothers and you have completely destroyed that, you are worse than Rob do you know that? After everything you told me about him and how much you hated him it has turned out that you have surpassed him.” Josh spits the words out at Mickey and he visibly recoils at the sting of them. I have never seen Josh be so venomous towards Mickey and Mickey looks stunned at his words.
Who is this Rob? Is it someone from Josh’s or Mickey’s past? Whoever it is he obviously has some hold over them.
“Come on Josh you know that’s beyond the truth, way beyond. I’m nothing like Rob, nothing.” Mickey says desolately. His mind has now wandered somewhere else. Something tells me that this is a lot deeper than either of them is willing to let on. “Fuck this shit, I’m not going to stand around here and let you tear my past to shreds in front of Sophie. Low blow man.”
Josh grabs Mickey by the shoulder roughly as he tries to walk past him. He isn’t letting Mickey go anywhere. This is a completely different side to Josh that I have never seen before and I really don’t want to see again. “You don’t get to go anywhere, I’m not done with you yet.” Josh slams Mickey against the wall, hard. Mickey decides it’s not worth the battle to move when Josh is in this frame of mind. “You son of a bitch, I would of done anything for Sophie. Okay, we may not have been talking lately but you damn well knew that!”
Josh is so angry I fear he may actually burst a vein. I really don’t understand why the hell he gets to act like the betrayed one. I’m not the one who slept with someone while I was wasted. In fact, why the hell did he say that he came in here and caught Mickey and I in bed together? I went to bed alone, I know that much.
“Josh why the hell did you say that you came in here and caught Mickey and I in bed? Did you take a knock to the head? Seriously?”
Josh laughs a sardonic laugh as if I just said something that was ridiculous. What the hell is his problem?
“Sophie I really thought better of you. Him other there, I knew he was a dick but you, I really thought you were different. Guess in the end all women are whores, huh?”
I slap Josh across the face. The slap reverberates throughout the room, it leaves a temporary mark on his cheek. I’m so surprised that Josh could be so hurtful, so hateful, so down right horrible. The tears are threatening to break free again but I need to be strong right now. I need to confront him about his infidelity.
Josh accusing me of being unfaithful with Mickey is ludicrous. However, I’m still confused to why he said I was in bed with Mickey.
“How dare you Josh. I have stood by you when all that crap came out about Jasmine and this is how you repay me? You go out to a shoddy bar and get yourself absolutely hammered and fuck a cheap little tart in the men’s room no less. Yeah you have some nerve giving yourself the moral high ground don’t you think?”
I can’t stop the tears any longer they are now falling down my cheek full force. I’m angry at myself for letting Josh see me
so hurt that I cry. I’m not a crier, never have been but Josh seems to bring out emotions in me that I buried long ago. Crying never did any good when I was the victim of school yard bullying. I have toughened up a lot since then but maybe Josh was the one that I finally felt ready to hand over my everything to.
What a damn fool!
“Sophie I didn’t fuck her, she came onto me and I pushed her away. Mickey saw it all didn’t he tell you?” Josh glances over at Mickey willing him to back him up. It isn’t going to happen seeing as Mickey has already confessed all to me already.
“Don’t look at me mate. You know I came into that bathroom and saw you fucking that little blonde up against the wall. Don’t make it worse for yourself Josh. Sophie deserved to know the truth there’s no way you could have kept it from her. I respect her too much even if you don’t.” Well Mickey don’t sugar-coat it any. He does have a point though, I would have been more hurt if he hadn’t said anything and had kept having a sexual relationship with me.
“You asshole, you know I didn’t fuck her. I pushed her away as you came into the men’s room and you know it. How can you stand there and lie to Sophie. As much as you hate me you know that’s not the truth. I can’t believe you would stoop that low.” Josh is going crazy now and he is struggling to reign in any kind of control.
Mickey again tries to grab Josh by the shoulders to calm him but Josh Is having none of it. Josh swings his fist back and before I know what is happening he has punched Mickey straight between the eyes. I just stand stunned in the middle of the room. I really don’t know what to do, do I let them go at it or do I try to separate them?
Josh and Mickey send blows into each other’s bodies rapidly. Mickey gets the upper hand this time and sends Josh flying across the room into the closet. Josh’s face is in a bloody mess and I hurt for him but I really don’t have it in me to help him.
Rock Me Slowly Page 19
