The devil and Jessie Webster

by Lydia Burke

  At a little before two in the morning, while the rest of the group hung around the station to congratulate themselves and one another on their night's work, Ben filled out his paperwork and dropped it off at the sergeant's desk.

  I'll be there, Jessie had said. Not wanting to take time for his usual shower, he changed out of his grubby and tattered work-

  ing clothes and walked quickly to his car, barely able to repress his simmering impatience.

  The Trans Am rumbled to life. A messy drizzle started to fell, and Ben turned on the intermittent wipers as he guided the car onto the expressway. If the weather turned a few degrees colder, he thought, they might have snow for Christmas, which was only a little over a week away. Jessie would like that.

  Christmas was a big deal to her. She'd talked him into putting up a tree in the living room, his first Christmas tree ever in all the years since he'd left his parents' home. The afternoon they'd sprat buying the ornaments and decorating the tree had filled him with a kind of excited pleasure he hadn't felt since he was a child.

  It had grown dark by the time the last shiny foil icicle had been hung. Jessie had turned off all the lights but those on the tree, and they'd made love on the floor among the discarded ornament boxes. Ben would never foiget how she had looked stretched out under him, the soft multicolored lights reflecting off her naked body like transparent paint on an artist's palette of warm skin. He cherished that memory, hoarding it along with a multitude of others he'd gathered over the past weeks like a miser. After Christmas, they would be all he'd have left of her. Last week he'd made sure of it.

  I'll be there.

  On a night like this, she would probably have a fire burning in the fireplace when he got home. She always fussed over him, making him sit down, worrying if he was hungry or tired, bringing him a drink so he could relax. When he was settled on the couch, she' d cuddle up next to him while he unwound. Then she'd want to talk.

  Ben frowned. He'd have to head her off tonight before she asked the usual questions about his work. It was obvious she didn't like his unwillingness to discuss what he did every day. Last night, in fact, she'd been more dogged than usual and had gone all quiet for a while when, Ceding backed into a corner, he'd flatly told her to drop it.

  He had his reasons for avoiding the topic. For one thing, he knew only too well there was strong justification why so many women found it too stressful to live with cops, and undercover work was the worst. He hadn't forgotten that Becky hadn't

  been able to cope, not with the hazards of his job or the deception. No way in hell was he going to present Jessie with that reality.

  He had resented Becky's unfair judgment of what he'd chosen to do, but now he realized she'd done him and herself a favor. Their marriage would never have worked, even if they'd really loved each other.

  He wouldn't put Jessie through that kind of choice. He was no good for her, no good for anything anymore but lifting up rocks and smashing the bad guys who scurried out. He couldn't even make himself tell her she was better off without him.

  That was why he'd agreed last week to take the job after Christmas. It would force him to leave her, and by the time he got back, he'd wouldn't have to say anything. He'd just stay away.

  He hadn't told her about the new assignment yet. Ultimately he'd have to, but he would put it off as long as possible.

  I'll be there.

  Ben's foot pressed a little harder on the accelerator. Soon he'd be with her, reveling in how easily her robe's slippery sash came apart in his fingers, feeling the warmth of her naked curves, watching her go wild under the touch of his hands.

  Which reminded him—his supply of condoms was low again. Jessie took birth control pills now, but her doctor had warned she couldn't rely on them exclusively for another few weeks. She didn't know yet she wouldn't need to.

  Regretting the delay, Ben turned off the expressway at the next exit.

  He'd made his purchase and was leaving the convenience store when he heard the pickup peel out from the curb across the street. He caught a glimpse of the driver, a pointy-faced man who looked oddly familiar, as the truck squealed away. He stared after it for a moment, trying to place the face, then shook his head. He didn't know anyone in this part of town, and he didn't recognize the pickup, either.

  The incident was easily forgotten as he climbed back into his car.

  Jessie was waiting for him.

  » + +

  "Jess?"

  Here we go, Jessie thought from her seat on the iecliner. She squared her shoulders for the coming confrontation and called out, "In here."

  Ben's eyes found her immediately. He probably wondered why she hadn't been at her post, ready to open the door for him and cater to his every whim.

  But there was no censure in his gaze. He smiled. "There you are."

  She couldn't stop her body's thrumming reaction as he skirted the couch and came to her. Already she could feel her body softening, preparing itself for him.

  With his hands braced on the arms of the chair, he zeroed in for a controlled but thorough taste of her mouth. Jessie submitted to the kiss, lifting her hand to caress his stubbled jaw as she struggled to keep her defenses in place.

  Ben straightened, taking in the slacks and long-sleeved blouse she wore and the pages of her manuscript resting in her lap. "Working late, I see. The book must be going well."

  "Not really. I've written less than three pages all day. My hero isn't cooperating."

  He walked to the closet and removed a small sack from his pocket before putting away his cap and jacket. "You probably need a break. Take tomorrow off and go shopping or something."

  Jessie smiled and shook her head. "That's not the problem. I just have other things on my mind."

  "What other things?" He looked at her speculatively as he closed the closet door. "Is something wrong? Are my crazy hours getting to you?"

  "Of course not. You know I'm a night person."

  He flashed his teeth in an engaging grin. "A middle-of-the-night person, too, as I recall from pleasurable experience. And—" his voice lowered and the smile tipped slightly off center "—an inspired morning person."

  Jessie knew which morning he referred to. At dawn a few days ago, the murmur of Ben's voice had awakened her. She'd opened her eyes and seen the faint smile and the flicker of his eyelids as he slept. When his hand moved down his body to

  brush over his groin under the covers, she realized he was having an orotic dream. Her imagination was fired. What was his dream lover doing to him?

  Fascinated and unable to help herself, Jessie lifted the sheet and found him magnificently aroused. A wave of mischievous sensuality swept over her. Wickedly, slowly, she moved over him, being careful not to disturb his sleep. Delicious anticipation heightened her passion while she straddled him and poised over his erection like a moist, waiting sheath. She watched his face, eager to see his reaction as she lowered herself onto him.

  It was not to be the slow joining she'd envisioned. His head tossed once on the pillow when the tip of his manhood made entrance, then he grabbed her thighs and arched his hips upward, impaling her on his thick hardness to its very root. Jessie's eyes closed at the depth of his possession. When she opened them, he was awake, his gaze hot and hungry, consuming her.

  "Surprise," she whispered.

  He cursed, but it was a tender expletive. Taking control, his strong fingers jerked at her hips while he bucked under her. A moaning climax shook him after only a few deep, frenzied thrusts.

  "Baby, you are a fantasy come to life," he'd breathed while she rested on his pounding chest afterward.

  Then he'd taken an exquisitely long time to reward her for waking him.

  "We didn't use protection the first time that morning," Ben said now, proving his thoughts were in sync with hers.

  "I know, but I was taking the pill by then. It'll probably be all right."

  She waited for him to say more about the possibility of their having created a child
, but he said, "You know, that was the single most fantastic thing that's ever happened to me. I'll never forget it."

  Eyes charged with golden promises, he advanced on her, set her manuscript pages on the table beside her and growled next to her ear, "Let's take a shower together."

  Jessie's determination to have it out with him wavered. If only he wouldn't use that voice. Hastily she shored up her re-

  solve. "You go ahead. When you're finished, I'd like to talk to you."

  "We can talk in the shower."

  She had to smile. "Ha! You know very well we'll do precious little talking."

  "Even better. Does it matter whether we talk before, during, or after?" He nuzzled her neck. "I need you."

  Dangerously dose to giving in, Jessie pushed him away.'' No, Ben. Let's talk."

  He straightened. "This sounds serious."

  "To me, it is," she informed him firmly as she pointed to the couch. "Sit over there."

  Ben didn't move. "What's this all about, Jess?"

  Suddenly she was apprehensive about the outcome of the next few minutes. She wished she could predict how he would react. Unbidden, a sigh escaped her lips.

  "You're tired, honey." He smoothed a hand over her hair. "You don't have to come over every night, you know."

  "If s not that." She raised her eyes and found him staring broodingly down at her.

  "No, I've been selfish, lapping up all your TLC like it was my right," he said. "Tonight if s your turn. Let me take care of you, for a change."

  Disarmed, Jessie stopped him in the middle of reaching to help her up from the couch. "I'm not tired. Really."

  His eyes, more green now than gold, wrinkled at the corners as he smiled. "Come on, give me a chance to baby you a little. A cup of tea, maybe, before I feed you grapes in your bubble bath. Then an all-over body massage to relax you. Soft music to lull you to sleep."

  She eyed him suspiciously. "You'll go to any lengths to avoid talking about this, won't you?"

  The smile evaporated. "What do you mean? I made an honest offer."

  "I'm sorry," she said, regretting she had offended him. "I'm tempted to take you up on it, but this is more important."

  "What the hell is this, I'd like to know." He shoved his fingers through his hair and turned away.

  "Our relationship."

  He sat down in the chair opposite her, his features guarded. "What about it?"

  This was it lime to stop waffling around. Jessie leaned forward earnestly. "Every time I try to talk to you about what you do when you're away from here, Ben, you turn me off. I want to know why."

  "So you are carrying a grudge about last night. Jessie, why do we have to talk about my job in order to have... a relationship?"

  It was Jessie's turn to be offended. "Sex, you mean. And we have more than that, at least I think we do. Ben, you have a whole other life that you're keeping from me. At least acknowledge that our relationship is worth discussion."

  Ben sighed heavily. "You're right. I apologize."

  Soothed by his contrite words, Jessie said, "That's all right. If s hardly surprising, given how quickly everything has happened between us, that there are some rough spots we need to work out."

  "You don't hear me complaining."

  "Come on, Ben. This isn't about leaving your socks on the floor."

  He took a long time to answer. "I don't think I should talk about my work. You'd only worry."

  "I can handle it."

  "You may think so...."

  "I know so. What I can't handle is being shut out of a part of your life that's important to you. It feels like I'm being compartmentalized."

  Ben looked away. "Yeah, I can see how you'd fed that way."

  "I guess I'm still good at covering up and pretending nothing's wrong. I did that with Antonio all the time. But I'm not going to do it with you. I won't let myself fall back into those old ways—I can't live like that again. It wouldn't be good for either of us. I don't want what we have together to be spoiled."

  "I can't do it, Jess." He looked truly sorry.

  Jessie panicked. "Why not? I'm not asking for much. It's not like I have to hear the gory details of what you do. Surely there are people you work with you could tell me about, or ordinary day-to-day activities. You're not in danger every minute, are you?"

  "Most of the time I work alone," he said somberly. "And you wouldn't like the person you'd see if I played out my day-to-day activities for you. Hell, J don't like him. I told you before—this is the place I come to get away from all that."

  "I see." She did see, better than Ben himself, Jessie thought. For the first time she put together his refusal to talk about his work with the things he had told her about himself. She realized she had misunderstood completely what he was doing and the reasons for it. He hadn't compartmentalized her, he had compartmentalized his life, and had been doing so long before they'd met. It was his way of dealing with a career for which he was temperamentally unsuited.

  He sat forward, letting his hands hang limply between his knees. "So where does that leave us, Jess?"

  "How have you stood it for eleven years?"

  "Stood what?"

  "The strain of doing a job you despise?"

  His head jerked up. "What are you talking about? I'm a damned good cop."

  "That's not the point. The real issue is your happiness and well-being. Police work isn't right for you, at least not working undercover. Don't you see that?"

  "How did you reach that brilliant conclusion?"

  She winced at the sudden derision in his voice but continued doggedly. He needed to understand what he was doing to himself.

  "If s the way you live, almost like you're two different people who hate each other so much they won't have anything to do with each other. Here, in this house with me you're a wonderful, kind, loving man. But out there, on the streets, you're— what? Who do you become, Ben? What do you do that makes you—"

  "I do what I have to do to get the job done," he said through gritted teeth. "I am not a schizoid crazy person with multiple personalities."

  "That's not what I'm saying."

  "Close."

  There were two spots of color on Ben's cheekbones. In spite of his obvious anger, his voice remained quietly level.

  "Don't try to make me over, Jessie. I managed to stumble along okay before you came into my life. Some people even appreciate what I've done/'

  "I know that." Jessie could see she shouldn't have started this. A little desperately she said, "I just meant that... Ben, you said yourself the only reason you became a policeman was because of your sister, Maddie. I'm sure she wouldn't want you to sacrifice your whole life to her memory."

  "I'm not sacrificing anything. Just where do you get off, anyway, dammit?" His hands curled into fists on his knees.

  At that moment, Jessie could have sworn he actually disliked her. She recoiled from his narrow-eyed gaze. "I—"

  "listed, you don't know me from horse manure. I can count the number of days since we met on my fingers and toes and have digits left over. So how can you think you have the inside dope on what makes me tick? Hell, I should have known bet-to than to think this would work. It never does."

  Every muscle in Jessie's body went absolutely still. "What are you saying, exactly? That it's over?"

  The color faded from Ben's cheeks and she saw his nostrils flare. "It's up to you—I don't care. Just don't psychoanalyze me."

  "You'd let me go so easily?"

  He didn't answer.

  "Ben?"

  "I didn't say it was over." He stood and walked to the window, his steps rigid, at odds with his usual fluid movements. As though he'd said ail he was going to, he stared out into the night.

  "You're sure as hell not telling me to stick around."

  Without turning to face her, he said, "If s your choice. It has been from the beginning."

  "That's it?" she asked his back. "It doesn't make any difference to you whether we're together or not?" />
  She couldn't believe that was true. How had everything gone so wrong so fast? Frantically she tried to regain some lost ground. "Ben, this isn't like you. I've got to have something I can hang on to. I thought we were building something here— something that would last. We can work this out if you're willing-"

  "I never thought it would last. I told you that when we started—you even agreed with me, remember?"

  His words cut through her entreaty like a sharp knife, clean and lethal. Jessie felt the pain of it deep in her heart. "Yes, but I thought..."

  "I know what you thought."

  Ben turned around, and she saw in his eyes he'd withdrawn from her totally. "I told you, Jess—cops don't make good husbands. Sooner or later the job gets in the way."

  "This isn't about your job," she protested. "It's about you."

  He shrugged as though he couldn't care less. "Same thing. Law enforcement is not just what I do—it's what I am, like it or lump it."

  Jessie knew as surely as she knew her name that he was wrong, but his cold voice took the fight out of her. "All right, then. I'll go."

  With leaden feet she walked to the closet and got her coat and purse.

  "You're leaving now? If s the middle of the night."

  "I don't want to burden you with my presence any longer than necessary."

  She pressed the gate button and stepped halfway into the closet to turn off the nighttime alarm, which Ben had reengaged from the rear door code box when he'd come in from work. It reminded her that he would probably change the codes now, as he had when he realized Ed Brock still had one of the spare remotes.

  "Please don't change the security codes until after tomorrow." She slipped into her coat. "I'll come back while you're at work to get the clothes and things I've left here."

  "I'm not going to change the damned codes. I know you're not going to do anything."

  Surprisingly, Ben's irritation gave her a lift. She even managed a smile. "Then ... I guess this is goodbye."

  As she unlocked the door, Ben said in a sudden rush, "Give it another week, Jess."