by Lydia Burke
"Thaf s not the way it looks to me. Why are you fighting this, Jessie? Do you think he's still mad at you over that disagreement you had? I can tell you without a shadow of a doubt, he's not."
Jessie gaped at her sister. "How did you know we'd quarreled?"
"Ben told me, how do you think?"
"Ben told you?"
Glancing around, Allie wondered aloud, "Is there an echo inhere?"
"What did he say?"
Exasperated, Allie threw up her hands. ''You two are the limit. Ben's crawling in the dirt because he thinks he's not good enough for you, and you're running away because you're afraid
he doesn't want you. Why don't you just sit down and talk to each other?"
"Talking is what got me into trouble in the first place," Jessie muttered morosely.
"Then you didn't say the right things," said her twin in her matter-of-fact way, glancing at her watch. "And since my time is up, you'll have a chance to do better any minute now. I need to get in touch with Mom, anyway, and let her know what happened. I haven't called before now, because I wanted to be able to tell her definitely how you're doing. Do you have a message for her?"
"Tell her I love her and that she doesn't need to come flying up here. I'll be fine."
"Got it. I'll send in you-know-who now."
Allie kissed Jessie on the cheek, promised to come back that evening and sailed out the door.
Ben appeared almost immediately. Jessie's smile felt wobbly as she watched him walk into the room. He found her eyes and held them until he reached her bedside. Only then did he speak. "Hi."
She was so glad to see him, tears threatened, and she had to swallow to hold them back. "Hi, yourself."
"Are you doing okay?"
"Yes, I'm fine."
"How about your injuries? Are you in much pain?"
"Not much. Actually, I've got a buzz on from whatever's in this bag here."
Ben smiled crookedly and looked at the IV hanging from its stand. He followed the path of the dripping solution to the needle taped flat against the back of Jessie's hand. Then he sobered. "I want to say I'm sorry, Jess—sorry for everything."
He kept his eyes on her hand, as polite and distant as a stranger. Suddenly Jessie remembered that dark moment in the warehouse when she wished for a chance to start over. Well, here it was, and she'd be darned if she'd waste it
"I'm sorry, too," she said.
His head came up. "About what?"
"Mostly because you're so far away." She held out her arm the way she had to Allie.
Ben's eyes lightened and his set expression relaxed. He started to reach for her, thai paused. "I don't want to hurt you."
"You won't. Come here, Ben."
Carefully he leaned over the side of the bed and snaked his arms loosely around her. "Okay?"
"Closer. I won't break, honest."
She wrapped her arm around his neck and pulled him down until she could rest her head on his shoulder. He sighed, and Jessie felt the tension leave his big body as he held her gently to his chest.
"God, Jess, this feds so good." He burrowed his face in the hair on top of her head. "I've been going crazy, thinking I'd never hold you again."
"I'm here," she said. "I'm fine." She clutched him fiercely with her free arm and basked in the enveloping warmth of his strong, masculine embrace.
Ben shifted his weight His elbow dug into the mattress. He shifted again. Unexpectedly he chuckled. "I hate to say this, sweetheart, but this metal railing is digging into my legs, and my back is killing me."
Jessie loosened her grip on his shoulders and lay back, amused. "At least I didn't clip you in the chin this time."
Ben straightened and studied the bed. "Let's try something else. This is your good leg, right?" While Jessie nodded, Ben untied his sneakers and slipped them off. "Move over and make room for me on this side of the mattress. The old battle-ax out at the desk will probably have my head for it, but what the hell—let's make the most of my five minutes."
"It's more like three now," Jessie said, delighted. She lifted the covers so they wouldn't rub the large bandage on her thigh and gingerly scooted her bottom closer to the edge of the mattress.
"If we're lucky, she isn't counting."
"Watch out for the IV," Jessie warned.
"I've got it. Here, put your arm around me so you don't pull the damned thing out." With caution, Ben eased onto the bed
and lay down on top of the covers. "Now, where's the controller that operates—here it is."
After a couple of misses, he found the right button and raised the head of the automatic bed to a near-sitting position. Then he turned to Jessie, slipped his arm under her shoulders and settled back.
"That's better," he murmured. "Is your leg okay?"
"Every part of me is humming." She smiled up at him. For the first time she noticed his unshaven jaw and bloodshot eyes. "Have you had any sleep lately?"
"Not since nine o'clock yesterday morning, when I woke up alone in my bed and realized you'd sneaked off to call your agent without saying goodbye."
"Was that only yesterday? It seems like a lifetime ago, now."
"It almost was. I was so sure I would be poison to you, I made it a self-fulfilling prophesy."
Jessie frowned and put her hand over her lips. "Don't. It wasn't your fault that I opened the gate last night and practically walked into Ed Brock's gun muzzle so he had a convenient hostage to use against you. None of what happened afterward was your fault, either, any more than..." She bit her lip and finished lamely, "I just don't want you to blame yourself."
"Any more than what?" Ben prompted. "Go ahead—finish your thought."
"I'd better not. Last night I spouted off, and we saw how that turned out."
He laughed softly. "Don't look now, but you're making a good case for my blaming you for all of it."
Jessie blinked. He was right. Chagrined, she said, "There, you see how ridiculous it sounds?"
"Allie felt responsible, too—did she tell you? She said if she hadn't stolen the journal, you wouldn't have taken those bullets."
"Oh, brother," she said disgustedly.
"Do you see a pattern here? Allie, me, even you—all of us are trying to take the blame for what a bunch of criminals did to you."
"I'm glad you see that/'
''You were going to say that last night wasn't my fault, any mote than what happened to Maddie was my fault, weren't you?"
Sighing, Jessie gave in. "All right, yes. You think you should have been there to stop it, but there's no guarantee you could have changed anything, even if you had come home the weekend she was killed. Presidents have been shot, for goodness 9 sake, while they were surrounded by Secret Service men. And don't you dare get up and walk out of here just because I can't control my runaway mouth!"
She tightened her arm around him and pressed her head against his hard shoulder, though she knew very well if he wanted to leave, she couldn't stop him. "I don't care if you fed responsible for what happened to Maddie or me or anybody else, Ben. I don't care if you won't talk about your job or bare your soul to me. I don't even care if you take more undercover assignments, as long as you come back to me. I don't care about anything as much as I care about being with you."
Ben put his hand on her neck and caressed her jaw with his thumb. "I'm prepared to make adjustments."
She tilted her head back* "What?"
He looked into her eyes, his gaze intent and searching. "Al-lie told me I make you happy, Jess. I admit it's hard to believe that after what you've been through, but with that twin ESP thing the two of you have, she should know, right?"
His voice sent chills through her. "You do make me happy-happier than any woman has a right to be."
"The thing is," he said, "I want you back. You were right when you said I didn't give us a chance to work things out. I want to give it another shot, honey, if you're game."
Jessie's eyes filled with happy tears and his face blurred "I'm game,"
she said softly.
Somehow, in spite of their positions, Ben found her lips in a brief, sweet kiss, then lay his head back down against the elevated mattress. "I talked to Leutzinger this morning while the doctors were working on you. He was all excited about recovering the journal and maybe getting Rory Douglas to testify
against some major crime figures. And you know what? I couldn't have cared less. There was no sense of accomplishment, no feeling of triumph that we got the bastards. I just felt sick of the whole business. I've decided Pm not going to work undercover anymore, Jess. Pm going to back out of that assignment after Christmas."
* 'Oh, Ben, Pm so glad. I know somebody has to do it, but it was destroying you."
"If I have to, I'll quit the force altogether. But first I thought I would lobby the city council to put my neighborhood program into effect citywide. If they go for it, maybe they'll let me head it up. If not, I can always go bade to school. I could get a masters in psychology or sociology and do social work of some kind. What would you think of that?"
"You're asking me?" Jessie asked cautiously.
Ben squeezed her. "I guess Pm getting ahead of myself. Do you... still love me, Jess?"
Her heart took wing at the direction of the conversation. "More than anything," she said fervently. "Can you live with that?"
"Honey, I can't live without it. That was another thing I realized this morning. I always believed I was destined to be a loner forever, but life looked pietty grim when I thought you weien' t going to be in it anymore. The thing is, I love you, too.''
Jessie shrieked. Somehow she managed to push herself higher and pull his head closer. She scattered messy kisses all over his face. The wound in her leg protested, but not unbearably, so she ignored it.
"Hey." He laughed. "Watch it, you'ie going to pull that IV loose."
"I don't care," she said happily.
"Whaf s going on in here?" a strident voice demanded. "What are you doing on that bed? That's against hospital regulations."
Bra and Jessie turned to see the battle-ax, plump arms akimbo, glaring at both of them.
"Sorry, guys." Allie peeked out from behind the nurse's broad figure. "I couldn't keep her away any longer."
Ben beamed his most winning anile across the room. "Please don't make me leave yet, Nurse. Fm in the middle of a proposal."
"You told me you were already engaged to her," she said with a suspicious frown.
"Not quite, but if you'll give me a minute, I'll take care of it," Ben coaxed charmingly.
Apparently the woman's crusty exterior hid a romantic soul. Her face softened briefly before she stiffened her spine, tightened her lips and said gruffly, "Get on with it then. You have three minutes."
S he herded Aiiie out in front of her and closed the door.
As soon as they were gone, Ben turned to Jessie and stopped the laugh that threatened by the simple expedient of covering her mouth with his. It was a wonderful kiss, one that soon touched the core of passion inside her. She opened her lips to tempt his tongue, and he accepted her lure. Their lips slid together deliciousiy, Ben's stroking tongue rough and agile in her mouth. Jessie moved against him in pleasure.
He drew back, cupped her tenderly through her hospital gown and whispered, "These wonderful breasts. They almost make me forget myself."
He kissed her again, but in Jessie's mind, he ended it too soon, lifting his mouth away and drawing her face to his chest. His breath had quickened, and she could feel the strong, rapid beat of his heart under her ear.
"Marry me, Jess," he rasped into her hair. "Let's fill those bedrooms upstairs in our house with our sons and daughters, make a family, and grow old together."
"That sounded more like an order than a proposal," Jessie sassed, happiness filling her heart to bursting.
He put his hand under her chin and tipped it up. She saw the playful warning in his eyes and heard it in his voice. "Are you suggesting I'm pushing you around again, woman?"
"Well..." she drawled.
"I've got about thirty seconds left before that old war-horse comes in here and throws me out," he growled. "Say yes, dammit."
She pretended to consider, then sighed in resignation. "Oh, very well. Yes, dammit/ *
When the war-horse returned, she found them laughing in each other's arms.
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