by Bry Ann
“Mia,” I said quietly.
“Oh Rex!” Mia sat up immediately and wiped the tears off her face. “What’s up?”
“You were crying.”
She waved her hand flippantly. “Oh, it’s nothing bro.”
Mia never hid her feelings. Ever. She liked the attention. I frowned.
“Mia, I can’t deal with you too. Can one damn female just tell me how they really feel? GEEZ!” My hands balled into fists.
“Okay, okay chill out Rex. I feel sad for Alex. That’s all.”
My shoulders slumped, and I sat next to her on the bed.
“Me too Mia, me too.”
Alexa’s voice snaps me back to the present in an instant.
“What the fuck with this detail Rex?” All eyes are on her. She is pacing the room like a crazy person “I mean what the fuck asshole, huh? You’re doing this to get back at me you stupid fucker.”
“Alexa,” Sam whispers and Alexa turns around to glare at her, so intensely that Logan puts a hand on Sam’s thigh protectively. Of course, Sam pulls it off and frowns at him.
I grin. “I’m telling the story. Like I was asked.”
She narrows her eyes at me.
“You used to be so nice.”
I laugh bitterly. “Oh, I’m still nice, but I’m around you so I’m just trying to keep up. Nice only got my heart broken with you.”
“I… you… “She glares at me again. I take a chance and look over at Gunner who looks thoroughly amused, and the dude never smiles.
“I’m telling the rest of the story,” Alex snaps. “The rest is mine.”
“Oh, come one Alexa,” Dana jumps in. “You’ll leave so much stuff out. Rex is being honest. He’s not being mean.”
“Shut the fuck up Dana. I’ll be honest okay. I swear, but I don’t want to hear anymore from Rex.”
I feel that fire in my body again. Every muscle tightens like a bow ready to lash out.
“Hard to hear what you left behind, huh? Hard to hear that I was a person with real feelings for you. Who gave a shit!”
I expect Alexa to fight me and defend her honor and all that, but she doesn’t. She simply stares at me, empty.
“Yeah.”
With one word all of our mouths drop, including mine. I clear my throat.
“You tell it then.” She nods and begins her story.
The story of what it’s like to live in hell.
Chapter 5:
This fucking sucks. I haven’t talked to anyone about this since Rex, and Rex hates me. His presence shouldn’t be comforting. I shouldn’t need him to tell this story, but still I find myself looking at him for permission. Permission I don’t fucking need, and I hate myself for it. He simply nods at me, the glimmer of tattoos hanging out from his shirt. It still blows my flipping mind that he got so good looking. I shake my head and turn away from my everyone.
“So yeah like Carter said, I went home. To a nightmare. My mom was knocked out on all sorts of drugs or whatever, and my dad was glaring at me with pure hatred…”
“Rex Carter’s house, huh?” he asked as he circled me.
“I… yeah. He… I didn’t know…”
“And the hospital? My fucking insurance!” His eyes darkened to a black color, and I felt myself pee my pants a little. I wasn’t even humiliated either. I was just terrified.
“They made me go,” I squeaked out. “I didn’t say anything. They just saw the burn. What was I supposed to do?”
He grabbed the front of my shirt and threw me across the room. I fell into the counter and sliced my hand on a knife. It knocked the wind out of me.
“You need to learn manners Alexandra.”
I hate my name, and this is why. Because he used it.
“I don’t need shit from you!” I yelled. My two personalities clashed, fear and pride.
My dad smiled mischievously.
“Go ahead. Beat me. Have your stupid friends rape me. What the fuck ever. Do what you want. My body's immune. Dad.”
“Oh kid,” he laughed. Then he walked over to my mom’s bed and to her beside.
“What are you doing?” I asked breathlessly, following him.
He pulled a needle out of her bedside table.
“NO!” I ran forward at full speed, but my dad smirked and pulled a gun from the back of his pants. He pointed it at my mom. I stopped immediately. My skin went pale. My mom. She was nuts and I acted like I hated her, but I didn’t. I loved her with everything and craved the moments her disease wouldn’t take her away from me, where she could just be my mom. I literally lived for those moments, and my dad knew it.
“So, here’s how it’s gonna be kid,” his eyes gleamed with absolute pleasure. In that moment I learned what true hatred was. “If you try and stop me I will shoot her. It’ll look like a suicide and your precious mother will die a bloody death with everyone thinking she offed herself… or I will shoot her up with this,” he held up the needle, “It’s painless and undetectable. She’ll die in her sleep. You can pick kid. Pick your poison, your punishment. You won’t cross me again.”
“Why?” I rasped out. “You love her?”
He laughed. “Love isn’t real Alexandra. There’s a piece of fatherly advice for you. If you don’t pick I’ll shoot her. You’ll still be choosing her fate.”
“I hate you.” I felt dizzy. I felt sick. My mom.
“Pick you stupid bitch. You fucking crossed me.” His eyes narrowed.
I wanted to fight him, but I knew I couldn’t. Everything about him screamed power. His business suit, his perfectly gelled hair. The young, muscular build he still held onto. I had to pick, or he’d shoot her. I wouldn’t let the world think she killed herself. I was dizzy, and sick.
“The needle.”
...And then I fainted.
Chapter 6:
I woke up chained to a bedpost.
“Fuck,” I whispered. I was literally sitting in my own piss. I groaned. I pissed my fucking pants like a baby. This is why I acted so tough because behind closed doors I was the girl sitting in her own piss, because she was so scared she actually peed herself.
Then my dad walked in and it all came swirling back.
I got up on my knees, as much as I could go while chained up.
“I hate you!” I shrieked. “I hate you. You are an asshole, nothing. You fuck,” my voice cracked. “Is she dead?”
“Awful brave talk for a girl sitting in her own piss,” he laughed. I practically growled at him. He shrugged. “Yeah she’s gone. We’ll have to deal with that.”
I wanted to cry but was unable. I felt that gut wrenching need to cry, but I just dropped my head and felt my body go limp. I failed my mom.
“Why am I chained up Erik? Your friends aren’t here.”
“Don’t call me by my first fucking name Alexandra. I am your father!” he roared.
“No, you’re not.”
He stomped over to me and grabbed my jaw roughly. I stared at him definitely, all out of shits to give.
“Your chained because it’s my fucking turn you shit.”
“NO!” I jerked away and yanked on my chains. I ignored the pain in wrists. My “dad” just stepped back and watch me jerk around helplessly, laughing. I could tolerate a lot, but not his. Not his hands on me. I vomited all over the floor.
“Don’t do this to me,” I whispered. The fight was leaving me.
My dad stormed off and for a second, I thought he actually was going to cut me some slack, but the second he came back in he threw a washcloth, a paper towel and some wet wipes at me.
“Clean up or your friend Rex will join your mother.”
“Leave Rex Carter alone!” I screamed.
My dad walked to the door and turned back towards me.
“Then clean up and be fucking ready for me.”
He winked, and I allowed myself dry heave on the floor. The one last piece of humanity I’d allow myself.
After wrenching out everything I’d eaten I cleaned myself u
p. I didn’t really think my dad would kill Rex, but he’d tell him. He would drag him into this mess and I couldn’t let that happen. Ever.
I washed out my mouth. Then I wiped myself down wherever it was necessary. This was all gross for sure. My dad came in the room fifteen minutes later.
“You sick fuck,” he whispered, seeing all the stuff on the floor. I just stared at him with all the hatred in my heart that I could muster.
“Yeah okay. Here’s how this is going to go. I am going to take you to another room. Somewhere where we don’t have all this shit on the floor. If you fight me on this, you know I will involve your friend. I know he has a sister. I have friends Alexandra. Don’t make this hard. Your stupid mother isn’t here to hold anything over me anymore. You’re mine.”
My mom did what? She protected me? Even though she was sick. He murdered her. I was an idiot for letting Rex in, and his saint of a sister. A. fucking. idiot.
I felt like vomiting again.
“I’ll do what you say,” I whispered.
“Good.”
He walked over and undid my chains. I fought my instincts to fight him. I did. I thought of Rex and Mia and everyone that could get hurt if I fought, but when I saw the door to his room my basal instincts took over. I was a fighter. This was one thing I couldn’t not fight.
I kneed him in the groin and socked him square across the face. Then for good measure I took a vase off the side table and smashed it over his head. It wasn’t a large base, but definitely hurt and disarmed him. I took off running. I didn’t grab anything. I just ran out the front door, down the street until I saw the bus stop. I hid in the bushes and saw my dad driving around looking for me, but I was out of sight. I didn’t come out until the bus pulled up. I ran inside and hid in the back, breathing heavy.
I stayed on the bus until the very last stop where I was literally forced off. It wasn’t until I was all alone in the middle of the sidewalk in a random city that it all hit me. I left Rex, Mia and his amazing parents. I was alone. Homeless. With no money. Honestly, almost all of it was worth it. I’d be homeless, broke and alone all over again if it meant staying away from my dad. Leaving Rex, however, that destroyed me a little. I hated myself for letting myself become attached to someone, for allowing that kind of pain willingly into my life. I actually wanted to turn to him for help. Like I could involve anyone else in this shit. I cursed myself and wandered around, wondering what my next steps would be. I desperately wanted to change my pink striped hair. Dying and cutting my hair has always been my coping mechanism, and if there was ever a moment I needed to cope, this was it.
I finally found a spot in between buildings and decided to settle there for the night. I didn’t really care. I was cold, but it wasn’t like I hadn’t been physically uncomfortable before. My main concern was getting food and water. Even I couldn’t survive without that, and I sure as shit wasn’t going to ask anyone for help. I wouldn’t risk my dad finding me. I wouldn’t risk anyone else getting hurt.
Two days went by with no food and very shitty water. I was getting weak and I knew it. I’d have rather died of starvation than go back and face everything, but still, I wasn’t about to die without a fight.
I walked into a local pub and sat at the bar. I was smelly and nasty but was still pretty hot and I knew my attitude turned some sick fucks on. Maybe one of them would offer to buy me a drink, and I could turn on my charm and ask for a burger instead. Weird, but it’d buy me a little time to think, if I could pull it off. It’s hard to think when you are starving, and your brain is screaming for food.
I entered the bar with all the attitude I could muster. Regardless of my disgusting as fuck look I took a seat right at the front of the bar on a bar stool. They guy asked when what I wanted to drink, while throwing me a dirty look knowing I wasn’t paying for anything. I lied and said I was waiting on someone. Well it wasn’t really a lie. I was waiting on someone… to pay for me.
I waited at the bar for twenty minutes before I was approached.
“Looking a little raggedy girl there, aren’t ‘cha?”
I was facing away from him, so I rolled my eyes and swallowed the bile in my throat before turning around. When I did I found myself face to face with a guy in his early twenties. He had overly gelled, slicked back hair, a gold necklace and a casual suit outfit. He looked like he was a creeper version of someone in the Russian mafia. I don’t even know why that description came to mind, but that is exactly what he looked like to me. He was by no means attractive, but a lot better than I was expecting given the state of my appearance. I wasn’t going to play some slutty bar girl. I was going to be myself and if he bought me what I needed, great. If not, I’d find a way. I wasn’t going to belittle myself. Even the thought made me scoff.
“Well what the fuck do you expect? A girl to get all dolled up for a fucking drink,” I snapped back. He smirked.
“You got no drink hun.”
“I’m waiting on a friend.”
The man’s smile grew. He looked me up and down.
“You got no friend comin’,” he smirked. I popped out of my chair, offended, even though he was right. My anger was irrational, but the truth in it is what probably fueled my rage.
“What the hell? You don’t know a thing about me fucker!”
“Chill out doll.”
I glared at him.
“You need food, right?... and maybe a fucking shower. You’re homeless. You’re a runaway. I can spot them from a mile away. I will say though, you are much feistier than the typical desperate girls who hang around here.”
“I’m no damn runaway, and I'm sure as fuck not desperate. I'm in between stages.”
He let out a full deep belly laugh. When he finally caught his breath, he looked at me.
“I like you. I have an offer for you.”
I crossed my arm over my chest and cocked an eyebrow. “Yeah, get on with it.”
He nodded his head and turned to the bartender. “Get her a burger. Make it a double with a side of fries.”
Then the guy turned back to me as he threw some cash at the bartender. “Meet me outside in twenty or you’re paying me back for that burger. Name?”
“Chris.”
“Real name,” he laughed.
I groaned. What did I really have to lose?
“Alex.”
He looked at me for a second, studying me. “Damn, you’re telling the truth. Sticking with a boy’s name theme are ya?”
“It’s just my name.”
“Short for Alexandra?”
I pounced on him and wrapped my hand around his throat so fast he didn’t see it coming.
“Don’t call me that,” I seethed.
Two large men I didn’t even see with him pulled me off him. The guy rubbed his throat and nodded his head, still wearing a smirk.
“Touché. See ya outside in twenty, Alexandra.”
“I’ll kill you!” I called after him as he made his way outside. God, I hated him, but I had this weird feeling about him. I needed him. He was danger, but I knew he was the danger that was about to save me.
When the bartender placed the burger in front I pretty much attacked it. I devoured that burger and craved more. When it was done I wanted to cry. I didn’t know how it was possible, but I was hungrier after I ate than before. I craved food with a vengeance. I would have given up pretty much anything for food. I almost shed a tear handing my empty plate back to the bartender. The only hope I had left was waiting for me outside of this dingy bar. He put me in a position where I would have done pretty much anything for him if it meant being fed. He played me. Well.
Hanging my head, I walked out of the bar. He was leaning casually against the wall with those two big guys behind him.
“Alexandra,” he sarcastically greeted with his arms extended. I didn’t even hear what else he had to say. If he was going to call me Alexandra. I was out. I would starve. I spun on my heel and headed the other direction. I heard laughter and then the guy spoke u
p again.
“Okay fine Alex. Quit being a shithead and get over here. I can practically hear your stomach growling from here.”
I didn’t even need to turn around to know he was smirking. That asshole knew he had me. The fucker played me. It wouldn’t happen again. I spun back around.
“What’s your name? Tell me or I'm gone.”
He smiled and looked at his other two guys.
“Ptyor. Sounds like Peter. It’s…”
“Russian. I knew you were fucking Russian. What’s this deal you spoke of? I'm not big on small talk.”
“Me either. Why don’t you come over here, so we can talk?”
I dug my nails into my skin and debated. When I felt blood trickle down my palm I reluctantly I made my way over to them. I had no choice.
“Okay better?” I snapped when I got over there.
One of the big guys rolled his eyes and said something in Russian to Ptyor.
“Oh hell no. Don’t start speaking Russian in front of me and not tell me what you say. That’s bullshit.”
The big guy with intense green eyes turned to me with an evil glimmer in his eye. Then he resumed his post not saying a word to me. I frowned.
“In his own words he said you are a stubborn fuck and not worth it.”
I scowled at him and turned back to Pytor. I hesitated. This is where shit was about to get real.
“Not worth what?”
“Training.”
“For what?”
“I know a way for you to make money Alex,” Pytor said with a calmer voice. He still radiated power and wealth. I knew this guy was a big deal, and I think I even knew then I was getting in way over my head but was too desperate to care.
“How?” I side eyed him. My gut was twisting. I was in a fucking mess and I knew it.
“Are you good at fucking?” the big green eyed Russian guard asked me, amusement lacing his voice. The other guard reminded silent, at alert. Pytor looked over at the green-eyed guard and cocked an eyebrow. I did everything I could to not react. That’s what the guard wanted, to scare me off, and I wouldn’t give it to him. I cocked a hip and stared at him.
