by Bry Ann
“The job is done,” he said slowly. I could feel my heart beating out of my chest. “Your mother is at the hospital. Fairly minor injuries. A few stitches, the like.”
“Mia?” I asked, barely breathing.
Gunner studied me for a long second before speaking. “She was dead upon arrival.”
Just like that my legs gave out from underneath me. Gunner stopped the fall before I could smack down on the pavement. “Dead?” I choked out.
He nodded. He seemed unphased, but I knew better. He was bothered too. I had become an expert at reading people who dedicated their life to hiding their feelings. Once I was able to get back on my feet Gunner turned back to me, seemingly uncomfortable.
“I’m sorry for your loss,” he said slowly. I could feel my eyes puffy from unshed tears and pain. “Whether or not it seems like it, this is a pain I know all too well. You have my number if you know...” he stopped himself before he could offer help, because, well, that would go against his immoral code. “You still me owe that favor.”
Both of us knew he had no intention of holding me to that. He looked entirely unconvinced as he said it.
“Yeah, right,” I said, sounding empty.
Gunner nodded and turned to leave. He threw me one last unreadable expression before walking off.
Now I had to go to help my mom, and deal with the fact that I’d never see my strong, bright eyed sister again.
Chapter 25:
I’d never felt more breakable as I scrambled to get to the hospital. I couldn’t cry, not when my mom so desperately needed my strength. What if my mom saw Mia die? Shit. Fuck. This hurt in a way I’d never be able to recover from. It wasn’t fair. I got to the hospital in less than five minutes. I ran to the front desk.
“I need to see my mom. Last name Carter,” I shouted at the lady running the front desk.
“Oh,” she said with a shaky voice. “You must be Rex. We were told to expect you. She’s on the fourth floor, room 4121.”
Damn, Gunner thought of everything.
“Thank you,” I rushed out before bolting up the stairs. My adrenaline was on high. I couldn’t think of anything but seeing my mom. That was until I reached her door. It was like led settled in my stomach. The reality of everything just hit me. Hard. I didn’t protect them. I ran to the bathroom and puked. Mia was gone. How?
It was an all-consuming pain I had to push aside. I had to keep it together for my mom, the last living family member that loved me. I’d do anything to protect her, keep her safe. Like I should have done Mia. With a heavy heart and a queasy stomach, I opened the door to my mom’s room, not really sure what I was going to find. The second I opened the door and my mom laid eyes on me, she sat up.
“My baby boy!” she cried, extending her arms. “Come here right now.”
Be strong. Be strong. Be a man.
But shit, I could barely look at her.
I made my way to her bedside and she grabbed my shirt and pulled me into her arms. I tried to keep it together, I really tried, but the second my mom had her arms around me, I lost it. I cried. I apologized over and over, and when the tears died down my mom pulled me away, so I could look at her. She had a stern expression on her face, something she didn’t wear often.
“Now you listen to me right now Rex Carter. Do not apologize. This is not your fault!” There were tears in her eyes as well, but she didn’t let them fall.
“But… Mia?”
The strong, determined expression my mom wore wavered a minute before she put her mask back on, hiding the all-consuming pain. I know the mask didn’t take away the pain, but she was a mom. A warrior. It hid the pain. For me. She loved her kids more than anything in the world, and Mia was her baby girl.
“Mia understood. Mia made peace with what happened. We…” my mom’s voice wavered, but she cleared her throat. “Had time to talk before she… passed. She said some things. I will tell you when you are ready.”
“I’m ready now. I…”
My mom held up a hand. “When I say you are ready.”
“I deserve to know my sister’s last words!” I yelled, cringing because I never yelled at my mom.
My mom sighed. “I don’t have the strength to fight you right now Rex.” I leaned forward, and my mom studied me. She knew this would break me. I knew it would break me, but I had to know. “She knew why we were there, better than me I think. She explained it all. About Alex, her dad, her job, how you guys have spent time with her, how she ran away. We were informed why were there, and do you know why Mia cried Rex?”
I nodded, swallowing the anger mixed with hate swirling in my stomach.
“Because she felt so bad for Alex. She felt terrible knowing they found her again. That she couldn’t be with you. Her last words were all about your happiness Rex. She loved you and protected you like the amazing big sister she is. She protected and loved you until her very last breath. She wanted me to tell you,” mom was crying now, “that she loved you and to not harbor on this. Celebrate her life and live it in a way she would be proud. She said to not, and I quote, piss it away because she will be pissed. Then she said,” mom studied me again, “to forgive Alex for whatever mistakes she made to get us tangled up in all this. She said to help her. Mia told me how much she loves Alex, and how bad she’s always felt we didn’t help her more. Then she was… then she passed.”
My head fell to my chest and I just… cried. There was nothing left to do. My mom rubbed my head and I felt her tears hit my hands. We cried for a long time before I finally asked the question I should have asked the second I entered her hospital room.
“Mom, what did they do to you? Are you hurt?”
“They killed my daughter and broke my son’s heart.”
I sighed. “Mom….”
“No Rex. That is the worst of it. Everything else is irrelevant and not information you need. It was done to hurt you and Alex, and I won’t give them that.”
Then I knew.
“Fuck!” I yelled, standing up. “Just fuck, fuck, fuck!”
“Rex,” my mom practically begged, but I couldn’t hear here. The room was spinning.
“I need air,” I said abruptly. I sprinted out to the back of the hospital, and leaned my head against the wall, trying to take deep breaths. Then I picked up my phone and called the only other person I had in my life that I gave a damn about.
“I need one more favor.”
“Do you?” Gunner’s voice came over the phone.
I was about to be such a hypocrite. All the times I told Alex revenge isn’t the answer and here I was.
“I need revenge.”
“On Pytor I am assuming.”
“Yes.”
“No can do. Honestly man, I am fucking would have killed him then if I could have, but his operation runs deep. That would cause all sorts of problems that I can’t dive into. His associate or whatever is dead, Eric Ray. Looked into him. Just a random piece of shit.”
“Not random,” I said coldly. “His daughter is the reason I am in this.”
“Oh…” I could hear the shock in his voice. “You’re welcome then,” he said before clicking off.
I growled and swore to myself that no matter what I did I’d get revenge on Alex for dragging me into this and leaving me alone.
I knew for a fact that I hated her with everything I had. I vowed that that would never, ever change.
Chapter 26:
I can’t even look at Rex when he finishes. I’ve shifted all the way to the other end of the couch and am holding onto my knees for dear life. I can feel the tears running down my face. Mia didn’t deserve the death she received, and yet she still loved me. She still forgave me. I can’t take it. I never in a million years meant to hurt them. I left to protect them, and yet, once again, my efforts backfired, and people got hurt. I didn’t just get Rex’s family killed and raped, but I also left him alone during the whole ordeal when he never left me alone, not once.
I see Rex trying to scoot closer
to me, but I hold up my hand.
“You should hate me.”
“I want to,” Rex says honestly. I watch him drop his head and shake it against his chest. “But that would be the coward's way out. You’re just as much of a victim as everyone else, and I understand the choices you made given the circumstances.”
Rex keeps his distance and watches me carefully. I don’t know what to say. I feel like all the hard work I put in with Sam, Jazmine, Logan and Dana has been for nothing. I feel more broken than ever.
“Alexa,” Rex repeats. “Are you with me?”
I can still hear the pain in his voice from recounting the story of his sister’s death.
“How’s your mom?”
“She’s good. It’s my mom. My mom’s a fighter, much like you. She got therapy for what she went through and has been there for me every day since Mia’s death. She’s the one who got me to take the football job out here mentoring kids. She came out with me. I’m beyond lucky to have her.”
“Good. And Blaze?”
“Alexa, you’re torturing yourself.”
I feel myself gritting my teeth.
“He’s not okay, is he?”
“It’s Blaze Alexa. He’s you in male form with less language. Are you okay?”
I turn away from Rex. “No.”
I stare out in the distance. All this fight, and what has it gotten me? This constant questioning is the story of my life. I am so zoned out I don’t even see Rex scooting up next to me. I try desperately to scoot away from him, but before I can scatter he grabs my shoulders and turns me to face him. His grip leaves no room for slack, no room to escape.
“Look at me Alexa! Look at me,” he softens the slightest bit. “You’re hurting.”
I turn away from him. “I’m fine. I feel bad for Mia. For your mom. For Blaze.”
“Yes,” Rex says flippantly, tightening his grip again. “But you are hurting.”
“Stop being so damn nice to me. I don’t deserve it.”
“Then what do you deserve Alexa? Tell me.” He releases his grip on my shoulders, and for the second time I lose it.
“What do I deserve?!” I stand up, shrieking. “I deserve to die! I deserve to die like my daughter did. Like Mia did. I deserve every piece of shit that’s been handed to me. I’m an ex-hooker, a slut, I curse, I drink, I’m not a fucking good person Rex Carter! You,” I point at him, “have always been way, way too fucking good for me. I don’t deserve anything!”
I see Rex wince, but I ignore it. “What about Sam? Dana? Gunner? What do they think you deserve?”
“I… don’t know,” I bite my lower lip. “It honestly feels like two separate lives. Alex, the girl you know. The girl with all the shit. Then Alexa. The strong, badass, I don’t give a fuck girl. They can’t coexist, but now I can’t ever go back to being Alexa. You ruined me Rex Carter. Rightfully so. I think you did a long time ago, but I just can’t build that wall back up anymore. I love you,” I choke on the words, “but I don’t deserve you. I never have.”
“Come here.” Rex grabs my hand and pulls me down the couch, towards him. I don’t move a muscle. He gently pulls my head down onto his chest.
“I won’t fight with you about your feelings. They are yours, but that is not how I feel about you Alex. Not after hearing your story.”
I turn around, so my face is in his shirt. I let him hold me, even though I shouldn’t. He strokes my hair gently. I can’t remember the last time I’ve been touched like this. Gently. With compassion. The last time I saw Rex I presume. About twenty minutes later the stroking stops.
“Alex, we should probably let your friends back in. They’ll want the rest of your story. Ya know, the parts where they get involved. To be honest, I want to know that too. I’m damn curious how you finagled your way into Logan Prescott’s scene.”
“Hey!” I snapped. “This is Sam Perkins scene. Logan entered way later.”
“Sorry,” Rex said, but I could see he was fighting a smile. “So, you feel like torturing them now with your side of their story?”
“Damn right I do!”
Rex grabbed my chin gently. “See, there it is.”
“There what is?”
“Alexa. Alex. They aren’t two people sweeties. They are both right here.”
“We are being so fucking mushy,” I let my head fall back dramatically, “I can’t take it anymore.”
“Yeah,” Rex nods, “but Mia would be so proud.”
I feel my eyes water all over again. “Yeah. Yeah, she would.”
“I’ll grab your friends. You take deep breaths. I promise we will continue this conversation later.”
I went to tell him to not do anything to embarrass me in front of my other friends, but he is already gone. I assume charming them with his politically correct lingo.
I stay seated on the couch, feeling totally lost, totally hurt and totally hopeful for the second time in my life.
And nervous….
Because I fucking know Rex is going to pull some shit to embarrass me in front of my crew. I just fucking know it.
Chapter 27:
Honestly, I have no clue what Rex is saying to my friends. Ten minutes have passed and the anxiety I don’t even fucking have is through the roof. I mean what the hell? I stand up to go storm out there and demand they all stop talking about me when the door swings open. Logan looks at me seemingly surprised, but everyone else in the room is smirking.
“Losing your patience,” Rex observes with a smirk.
“Well, I mean it's been ten fucking minutes.”
Rex smiles and takes a seat. Sam is watching the two of us with keen interest. Gunner is busy messing with Dana, and she is swatting him away trying to pay attention to me and Rex. Logan looks out of place. I feel sorry for the poor guy. We get along, but he doesn’t understand me, and I think he is boring as shit in real life. His media persona is much more exciting to me.
I grunt and take my seat by Rex. Only then does everyone else follow suit.
“You’ve been crying,” Dana whispers. Sam rolls her eyes, scolding Dana nonverbally, but Dana isn’t paying attention. See Dana is all about feelings and acknowledging them. She wholeheartedly believes in the power of therapy and being open with how you feel. Even though it is still something she struggles with a bit, she is better than the rest of us. Plus, she has Gunner and discusses everything with him… and I do mean everything.
“Yeah thanks for pointing it out,” I grumble and touch the spot under my eye. I realize my eyes must still be red, wet and swollen. I cannot believe I did not think to clean myself up. “Just ignore the tears. I got a little sappy, but I’m freaking fine.”
“You’re actually human. It’s incredible,” Logan chimes in. I’m surprised by his sarcasm. It’s a part of him I rarely see.
“Asshole,” Sam mumbles, but she is grinning. She loves when he is something other than polite and politically correct. I mean Rex is politically correct in the sense that he is good at dealing with people and getting on their good side, but Logan is out of control. He’d rather die than get on someone’s bad side.
“Anyway,” I draw out. “Do you guys want to hear where you guys come in or not? I'm over telling this sob story, so if you all don’t shut up about my face I’m leaving.”
“We’re done,” Dana speaks for the group. “Sorry for bringing it up in the first place,” she mumbles. She’s so damn cute and innocent looking I hear myself telling her it’s fine. I’m turning soft.
“Good.” I look over at Rex who nods. Why the fuck do I keep needing his encouragement? I guess I don’t need it. I want it. Rex puts his hand on my thigh and squeezes. I turn bright red and everyone’s jaw drops, except Gunner. He smirks and winks at Rex.
“‘Bout damn time,” Gunner grumbles. “It’s been torture waiting for you two to figure your shit out.”
“Oh sorry, my past trauma and Rex thinking I was responsible for his sister’s death inconvenienced you.”
“Not an
inconvenience, just complicated and slightly annoying,” Gunner says with no inflection in his voice whatsoever, like usual. Too bad the pitying expression he gives Rex anytime Mia’s name gets mentioned gives him away.
“I’m continuing,” I snap. Gunner stops talking and turns to me. For the first time I see it. Why Dana ended up with him. I see why Rex stayed in touch with him all these years and was willing to die for him. In Gunner’s eyes is the promise of vengeance. His own personal way of caring. I have no doubt if I asked him to go hunt down Pytor right now and kill him, he would. No questions asked. For some reason that makes me feel good. The most uncaring man in the world, the one that is the hardest to win over gives somewhat of a damn about me. I can’t even lie. That feels amazing… and fucking safe. Gunner’s one of two men I would never want to mess with. I would never ask Gunner for revenge though. Not only because I am over revenge, cause I'm not, but I would never do that to Dana. I would never risk the life of the man she loves. With all that swirling around in my fucked-up mind I continue my story...
After I got out of that fuck dungeon, I ran. Like my life depended on it. I sprinted as far away from there as I could until I had no air in my lungs. Then I hitchhiked to an airport. I had no money, no nothing. I begged on the side of the road until I earned $45. Not much but it was something. I went to the ticket counter much like Sam did and asked if there was any ticket I could get for $45. I looked like absolute hell. Pure and simple. The lady looked me up and down several times before answering. Wisconsin. There was a ticket to Wisconsin for $40, leaving me $5 to spare. Luggage was extra, but that didn’t matter, I had none. I had nothing, but I felt so fucking happy. It was an out, and a place Pytor would never think to look for me. The first time I tried to escape him I thought I should have gone to a small town, a deserted place, but I didn’t listen and that got my daughter killed. I knew I was making the right choice this time. A security guard approached me at the gate and asked if I was okay. Probably because I looked so out of sorts, but I lied and told him I was fine. It took some convincing, but he left me alone. The last thing I wanted to do was involve more people in my life. I cleaned myself up as best as I could in the bathroom. I didn’t want anyone else approaching me. I didn’t want anyone else knowing my name, because with every added person who knew I was, I risked him knowing.
