by Ellen Hutton
Beatrice struggles to balance her love life with her boyfriend, Stephen Holmes and the new sense of inexplicable desire she has begun to feel for her own brother. How does she manage these secret feelings without breaking her own heart with each passing day? What happens when Stephen gets to find out that his girlfriend’s reason for refusing to get intimate with him is because of her desire to get intimate with another, who happens to be her brother?
Chapter One
I threw the thick blanket to the side and slid out of bed, rushing to the window to see my parents drive out the gate. College was resuming, but I was not ready to resume just yet. The reason was not far-fetched – my brother was home. He was done with his master’s program and was now home until the right job would present itself. He was just back yesterday and I wanted to speak to him and listen to him talk. I enjoyed listening to him speak every time. At eighteen years of age, I still had memories of when I was much younger and Kirk used to sing me lullabies until I fell asleep at night. The memories are always fresh in my mind. I loved the sound of his voice and the melody that came with it. We were always very close and I told him all about my world. He would listen to me and give advice. It was great to always have someone to talk to. I told him about the first boy who ever asked me out. In told him about the first time I placed my lip on a boy’s. I filled him in on every detail of my life as a little girl. But then I started to mature and I could not be as close to him as I was before. I had a sister, Katy, who was just a year older than I was, but I never really did have the kind of connection that I had with Kirk with her until Kirk went to college and then I suddenly had to establish a bond with my sister. We became close; quite close. I trusted her with my deepest secrets, and she trusted me with hers. But girls would be girls and we had our issues like all sisters do. We never once said sorry, but we never let a disagreement or the grudges that came with it linger for too long.
I had missed Kirk so much and I really wanted to rekindle the connection that we once had. I wanted us to be close once more despite how differently our paths had led. Still, he was my Kirk, and I still wanted him to see me as the little girl he sang lullabies to. I still wanted him to see me as his sweet little sister who could do no wrong. Just as the thoughts ran through my mind, I placed both hands on my chest when my phone suddenly began to ring. It had shocked me out of the reverie that I was having. I walked toward the bed and saw Stephen’s name on the caller ID. I answered and waited for the sound of his voice. It came light as always.
“Hi, Beatrice my love, how are you doing today?” His voice sounded sweetly from the other end of the phone. Stephen was my boyfriend and one of the sweetest guys I knew. He was brilliant and smart and our relationship began from him teaching me some difficult topics in Mathematics in my first year in college. He was committed to the cause and made sure that I understood every single angle. I later got to know that he had eagerly agreed to tutor me because he was a secret admirer. It did not bother me because I already liked him for who he was… plus he was handsome. And since Kirk, my big brother was not in close proximity in all ways imaginable; I needed someone to fill that void. I did not just treat Stephen as my boyfriend; I also treated him as my brother. I talked with him and sought his advice. He was young and inexperienced but he always did his best to give me the best advice that he could.
When I found out that Stephen was secretly seeing Rosaline in another department, I was broken at first, but was surprised at how quickly I got over it,. When he asked me to forgive him for the umpteenth time, I did. It felt strange that I was not as hurt as I initially thought I would be. It then occurred to me that maybe I just did not love him enough. I admired him, quite alright, but it was not love. It was simply admiration and the fact that I liked him for who he was. And then one day we were alone in the house. Everybody had gone out, and I had stayed back, feigning illness. He called me and I mentioned that I was home alone. It felt like a millisecond between when I dropped the call and when I heard the croaking of the doorbell. He came in with a wide smile and his white set teeth reflected my face. I returned his smile, noticing the brightness of his eyes.
We spoke slowly and talked about us. He told me how much he loved me but I just gave a nod. And then I felt the heat of his hand on mine. I looked up and saw that he had his eyes pointed directly into mine. It was at that moment that I realized what was about to happen. We had kissed and touched before, but we had never had sex. I knew that it was what he had in mind. He wanted to have sex with me. My mind took a swirl and many questions pounced into my fragile head. Did I really want to have sex with him? I had already established the fact that I did not love him half as much as I once thought I did. Was I ready to give my virginity to him?
But what did it matter? I was a grown lady and I did not need to think too much of sex. I always fascinated and imagined how my first sexual experience would be like. It was time to find out for real. I gave a slight smile, and one also appeared on the corner of his lips. He had my consent now, so he leaned in and kissed me on my lip. I did not respond at first. He glared at me and planted another soft kiss on my lip. While his lips were still on mine, I slowly parted my lips and allowed him tasted the heat from my mouth. He was encouraged by this and continued to kiss me. And then his tongue slid in and danced tango with mine. I felt him begin to get up. We were both lying on the bed. He got up over me and continued kissing me deeply. I felt his hand slowly begin to work its way to my breast and I knew from the change in his breathing that he could not wait to do many things to me.
The first touch of his hand on my breast was sensual through the fabric of my clothing and I gasped with his mouth still in mine. He touched me and squeezed me and then hen got me naked. It was the first time that I was completely naked before him. I saw a line of sweat going down his neck just as he swallowed some saliva and I also saw the movement through his throat. He also got naked and I was happy to see that his manhood was just as eager as he was. I felt the increasing wetness between my legs and I could not wait for him to slide into me. When he finally plunged into me, it felt good, and then I felt the pain so I closed my eyes. It became more intense, and I bit my lip. I almost asked him to stop when it suddenly became sweet once more. The pain had turned into something different. I loved the feeling that I was experiencing so I urged him on with my hand behinds his back. He worked his way in and out of me and my legs soon followed the path of my hands, pinning him down, as if saying that he could never leave my vagina. And then the pleasure became more intense and I felt the rush of thick liquid. But it was not from me. It was his. He had released his cream inside me.
Chapter Two
My heart stopped beating and my breathing changed at that very moment as a thousand thoughts ran through my head. I did not know what to think. All the thoughts competed for attention but one thing that I discovered that I was certain about was my uncertainty. The fear was building. Was this right? Was I going to get pregnant? I had not thought about this all before. But now my consciousness was overwhelmed by these thoughts. I noticed that he had also gone quiet and stiff. I was sure that he completely knew what was going on in my head. And then our gazes met.
Just as the memories began to take shape, I heard a knock on the door. My senses became immediately alert as I stood still; frozen, in fact. I looked around hurriedly and then scampered toward the bed and jumped on top of it, immediately putting the blanket over myself. I knew who it was already. It was Kirk. He was the only one home. I thought about telling him "hey, I'm actually feeling very fine. I just wanted to stay back because you were home" but then again, it had been so long and I was a big girl now. I did not want my brother knowing the extent to which I was glad that he was home.
"Come in" I said softly.
The door pushed open and I saw his frame enter.
He looked so good in that T-shirt that clung to his body. He was working out really good. Even I was enticed by what I saw. I could only imagine the number of girls he had flocking
around him. I could not wait to brag with him.
"Hey you shrimp." His thick masculine voice dampened the air with its sweetness.
"Hey you Squid" I said softly with a smile across my face.
"I heard you weren't feeling too well. Are you lying?" He smirked... and then a grin appeared across his face.
"Why would I lie?" I asked, rolling my eyes.
"Well, I don't know. No one likes school, so I won't blame you if you were lying" he said.
I just smiled and kept my gaze on him.
He walked slowly and sat on the edge of the bed. He looked at me like he used to when he wanted to tell me stories and sing lullabies when I was much younger. At that moment, I felt safe and secure. We started to talk and he told me all about the events that have happen din the last one year of his life. He told me about his school, how he escaped poor grades, his friends, and finally, his girlfriend, Sharon. And then he asked me about my own life. I have to admit, it totally felt strange speaking to him about myself once again. I even told him about me and Stephen.
“So what would you say has been the most interesting thing to happen to you so far in school” He asked along the line.
“Just before I came back home, my department went for an event and we got to meet Justin Bieber” I said proudly.
“You did? Wow that’s great” he said.
“Yes, I even have a couple of pictures. Let me show you.” I said, with the intention of going to get my phone from my drawer where I keep it at night right before I sleep. I also wanted to show him my photo album.
I was about lift the blanket off my body when I froze.
Kirk’s eyes caught mine. He had not realized why I stopped my action dead in its tracks. The silence was deafening. It was awkward; so awkward that it did not take rocket scientist to figure out what the problem was any more. The look in Kirk’s eyes revealed that he knew. And then he quickly spoke to take away the cloud of awkwardness that was hovering over our heads.
“Where did you keep it?” he asked.
“There, in the drawer” I said, pointing to the table to his right that had two drawers just beneath its top.
He got up to help get my phone as ten thousand words went through my mind in seconds. I had not realized that I slept in just my tiny bra and panties until I was about to get up to pick the phone. It was weird to think of walking in such little clothing around my brother, even if he had seen me in all my naked glory when I was little. Things seemed a tad different this time. I had matured, and my lady parts had grown bigger and riper than they ever were. Even as I lay there under the blanket, I could feel my nipples poking hard at the thick fabric. I did not understand why my nipples were so hard, but I knew that they were. I could feel them.
Before I could think another word, I heard Kirk’s voice announce his return.
“Here you go” he said, handing over my phone to me. I noticed that the screen light was on. His finger must have pressed the side button by accident. I stretched my hand to receive my phone and forced a smile as I thanked him.
But just as my eyes made contact with the screen, I immediately became petulant and embarrassed. Shit, I had totally forgotten to close all the open applications on my phone. My browser was still up, and the last site I had visited the previous night was a sexual content hub. I kept my gaze on my phone as my fingers immediately swiped the screen in a desperate attempt to restore my dignity that had already been lost. I avoided his stare. I could not look at his eyes. He had just seen that I watch porn and not just the regular ones. Shy as I was, I was a lover of freaky adventure, and it reflected in my taste of videos. I could not get the image of the dark, African manhood that threatened to break he screen of my phone. Kirk had seen the same exact thing and he must now be wondering how spoilt his little sister had become. I did not know what to expect from him. I had no idea what he would say. I feared that he would scold me.
Second seemed like hours as I tried to deflect every glance that could catch both our eyes.
“You should put a lock on your phone, you know” he said.
“Huh” was the sound that emanated from my vocal cords. Did he just… Oh my… he was not going to scold me. Did I hear him right? Well, I could not understand the reason I was making so much of a fuss from all of this, because if it was someone else, I probably would not have been bothered by it at all. I wouldn’t care.
But this was Kirk – My Kirk. I cared what he thought of me.
“I said you should always put a password or pattern lock on your phone” he repeated without the slightest glint of anger in his eyes.
All I could do was nod. My embarrassment was still skin deep but at least Kirk did not make a big deal out of it. We continued to speak like nothing happened and I showed him the pictures that I had intended, except for the ones in the photo album, because the problem of getting up was still there.
Before he left that morning, he leaned in and planted a kiss on my forehead. Shivers ran through my young flesh as my dry skin shocked me from within. He had no idea that he had this effect on me. If only he did. If only I knew what it was!
“Breakfast is ready!” He said just as he closed the door behind him. I9 shut my eyes and threw myself on the bed incessantly.
Chapter Three
The new school semester had resumed and unfortunately, I was not left out. I had to resume too sadly as my fake fever died a premature death. The classes were boring as always and I spent most of my time in class yawning and day dreaming about things that I desired. I had no idea why kirk kept on rummaging through my thoughts. There was nothing that I could do to stop it. It was already deeply rooted in my thought process.
I looked to the left and found Simon staring at me. He quickly took away his gaze the moment he realized that UI had caught him. He was always a creep, that one. He liked me, and it was the most obvious thing in the world. I paid no mind to him and continued to feign focus on whatever the lecturer was saying. He was a middle aged man with a funny beard. Some girls thought he was quite handsome and would do anything to have him. That was their piece of cake. I had bigger ones on my plate.
I took my gaze toward my left and caught sight of Stephen. He was jotting something really fast. At least I knew that he was going to put me through on whatever it was later on. As I maintained my gaze on him, my mind drifted back to the first time we had sex once more. As we stayed there, looking into each other’s eyes, confused and scared, the world seemed to be taking a slow spin. I was the first to get my composure back.
“What did you do?” I yelled at him.
“I am sorry. I am so sorry. I could not hold it back. I am sorry. It won’t happen next time” he said, sounding truly sorry. I could not even tell what he was sorry for. Did he think he had cum too quickly or was he scared for the same reasons that I was scared?
“Next time? There won’t be a next time, Stephen!” I told him. “For all we know, I am pregnant right now. You just could not hold it.” I screamed.
“Hey Beatrice, don’t say that. We will work through this like we always do, okay?’ He said. I was about to release another round of angry words when it dawned on me that it was not totally Stephen’s fault that he came inside me. I was also as entranced by the passionate love making that I urged him on and did not give him any chance.
“Please don’t be mad” he said in his usual gentle voice.
“I am not mad at you Stephen” I said, rolling away and searching for my clothes.
The next couple of days were difficult for me because every change in my body gave me a reason to doubt and fear and wonder. I was increasingly petrified with each passing minute, waiting for signs that would tell me for sure that I had a baby growing inside of me. But no such sign came. My life slowly returned to normal.
I was brought back to reality when Stephen winked at me from his seat. I smiled at him with my ‘come get me’ look and quickly returned my gaze to Dr. Anderson.
My phone beeped just then. It was very silent,
but just loud enough for me to hear, coupled with the vibration that practically almost frizzled my skin. I looked at it and saw that Stephen had texted me.
“Hi,” he typed.
“Hey” I responded.
“So I saw you checking me out the last time, and I know that look. You want to come over to my place this weekend?” He put a smiley of love and kisses after his text.
“Hmm. You are supposed to be learning right now, you know?” I responded, trying to get him to stop texting me in class.
“Don’t tell me you are thinking about this class right now, Bea” he said. “I need some of those bee love bites you give me, darling” he was trying to get me hot, but all his texts were doing was pissing me off.
“Okay, I’ll come to your place this weekend… but to study” I replied just to get him to stop.
“Sure. There are many things I would like to study with you. I would like to feel your boobs… sorry I meant books. Damn I don’t know what my life would be like without you” he added a serious face emoji after that.
“Pervert” I replied and looked up to find Dr. Anderson’s eyes on me.
“It seems Miss Beatrice here has something revolutionary to share with us here… probably the sixth law of motion… or is that not what you were texting whatever Professor of Physics you are on the phone with?” He said, staring sternly and mockingly at me.
The class laughed as I glared grudgingly at Stephen. He had a smile hidden in the shadows of the corner of his lips.
