by Dawn Peers
Like the flame will gutter in the base of a candle before it flickers and dies, Quinn worked through the wick of her grief. Her chest was sore and her eyes and cheeks were red and hot, but she did feel better. Embarrassed suddenly at the way she had used her friend’s emotions for her own gain, she huddled her knees up to her chest, wrapping her arms around her legs and resting her chin on the kneecaps. Maertn placed a hand on her head. He didn’t say anything. He seemed to sense that he didn’t need to. He had always been that way. Perhaps that’s what made him such a talented healer. He waited a long silence before asking her the question.
“What’s happening to you, Quinn?”
She paused, thinking, and answered him truthfully. “I don’t know.”
Maertn took a deep breath. “I thought you were going to die.” He clasped her hand harder, and she fought hard not to sense him. She couldn’t keep doing this to him. One day she would have to let him down. If their abilities had been the same both sides, he would already know that she did not feel the same way about him. Yet she had no trouble using his love for her own personal gain.
“Don’t be silly,” she muttered, more into her legs than at him. “I wasn’t going to die.”
Her memories told her otherwise.
“Sammah thought so too.”
This gave her pause. Why had Sammah been worried? Did it have anything to do with what she had felt when she touched him? What did he know about her that he had been keeping to herself? What was she? More importantly, what was he? And why did he want to keep both of them a secret? Quinn shivered, a sudden cold sweeping over her body. She wasn’t sure that it was safe to be in Everfell anymore. The city or the country.
“Maertn, did you ever wonder why Sammah picked us to look after? I mean, of all the children in this country, why us?”
Maertn looked surprised by the question, but he did have a quick answer. “We’re orphans. He was helping the ones that needed it most.”
“But there must be dozens—hundreds of orphans across Everfell. Especially after the war. He’s been our father since as long as we remember. Do you have any memories of your mother and father?”
Maertn shook his head. Quinn remembered him from an early age, colliding around the castle together at an age where they were still young enough to be allowed to play. She and Maertn had been here for a long time. “No. I can’t remember them.”
“Me either. Sammah is all we’ve ever had and we’ve never questioned that. I’ve started wondering recently, just why things are the way they are. Look at all the poverty in the city. And that’s just Everfell. Things are much worse in the other cities, I’ve heard. Are we really that lucky? To have a Sha’sekian baron swoop in and save us from that? Out of all the other hundreds?”
Maertn shrugged offhandedly. “Maybe. It’s got to be someone hasn’t it? Why not us?”
Quinn shook her head, flatly refusing that fate would hand them such a simple hand. Sammah was so deeply integrated in to court life, he wouldn’t have them if they didn’t serve him some purpose. Hers she knew. It was simple. What was Maertn’s gift that Sammah used? Either he didn’t know, or he was as good at hiding it from her as she was from him. Quinn knew that she would have been able to sense him lying before now so it made more sense that he didn’t know. If Maertn was oblivious to this, then she couldn’t afford to let him know about how she could sense emotions. She had no way of knowing how he’d react to that. As far as she knew, they’d never encountered anyone else with odd talents.
“I don’t feel safe Maertn. The last couple of days have been frightening. I have to leave Everfell.”
Maertn looked shocked and hurt, as if he wasn’t enough to protect her, and that he had somehow failed. “Quinn, whatever it is that’s wrong with you, Sammah can help, like he has for all of us. I’ve healed you. We’re both here for you.”
“I think he’s the problem. I can’t explain it to you. You just have to trust me. I feel wrong about him. You’ve seen me, the last few days. Does any of this seem right to you?”
Maertn’s blood curdled at remembering her scream, and her spine arched in agony in the very bed she lay in now. No. That had not been the Quinn he knew.
“What can I do to help?”
Quinn reached out to him as she answered. “I’m not sure if you can.” She felt immediate hurt, and sought to cushion her words. “You do so much for me. And I know there is no ill will between you and Sammah. I can’t help but think this is between me and him. I think you’ll be safer if I’m not here.” His hurt was replaced with confusion. All well and good, she thought to herself, that’s a better emotion than any other I could leave him with.
“There must be something I can do though. To help you to stay? To make you safe?”
Quinn shivered and rubbed at her arms. The room was sweltering. Her goosebumps weren’t because of the cold. “You can keep being you, Maertn. You’re more than I feel I deserve right now. Can you stay with me? I don’t want to sleep on my own tonight.”
And she didn’t. Waking up with Sirah in the same room, watching over her like a night ghoul, and the horror that Sammah might visit her in the night and touch her again with his hand of fire, set her teeth hammering. Maertn didn’t question her any further. He curled on top of the covers next to her as she lay back down. He threw a skinny arm over her in a loose hug. It felt like the best protection in the world. Quinn closed her eyes.
This time she slept voluntarily. And her power was her own, now. She slept deeply, and darkly.
21
A sniggering brought her awake. Quinn didn’t have to open her eyes to know the source. Her first instinct had been to grab hold of the nearest hard object and throw it at the two girls. Her second, and more subtle course of action, was to send out a tendril. Her powers stroked over Yvette. It was exactly as Quinn suspected. The girl was feeling malice. It was a prickly emotion, hot like most impassioned emotions, but hurtful on its edges. It was usually hard to find in isolation, but the practice she had from feeling it over the years made it stand out easily enough to Quinn. She sent a barb out to Grainne this time, but was surprised by what she found. Grainne was harder to read, because the emotion was there but not directed at Quinn, or Maertn. It felt like malice, but was hotter and sharper. What would feel like that? Not quite anger. Resentment? Was that aimed at Yvette? Did Grainne even want to be there, poking fun at them? Quinn immediately felt ashamed for the number of times she had assumed both of the girls had been equally at odds against her. Yvette was a strong-headed young woman. It would be easy for Grainne, blond, dainty and impressionable, to be swept away by her strong personality. They were all victims equally, caught in the inexorable current of Yvette’s jealousy and cynicism.
There was more to people than met the eye, Quinn realised, whether she could feel their emotions or not.
Up until now she had never been so aware, able to feel so acutely. Her collapse in the courtyard had to be at the centre of it, she knew. But how could she find out?
Ask Sammah, that was how.
Quinn opened her eyes and sat bolt upright without warning. Both girls yelped, surprised. Yvette’s eyes glittered angrily at being caught unawares. Quinn took advantage of the bully’s faltering as Maertn, jolted awake by Quinn’s movement, yelped and rubbed sleep out of his eyes.
“You’re not scaring anyone, Yvette. And you’re not fooling anyone, Grainne.”
“We’re not trying to scare you,” Yvette sneered “but looks like you’re trying to scare everyone else, letting the herb boy sleep in your bed. Don’t know what you might have caught now.”
“No worse than I’d catch after a handshake with you.”
Quinn sprinted off, leaving the trio confused in her wake. She headed straight for Sammah’s apartments, not caring that she was still in clothes she had worn when she collapsed, blood still covering her shirt, dirt probably ingrained in to her skin. What a sight she must have been for the stunned pages she sprinted past! It was only blind luc
k that she avoided anyone important. Even though it was a small distance between the orphans’ rooms and Sammah’s apartments, important men of the king’s court frequented these hallways on business throughout the day.
Bursting through to make a scene, Quinn was disappointed to find Sammah’s antechamber empty. Not even Elias waited there. Normally the impassive bodyguard siphoned those that wanted to see Sammah from those that Sammah wanted to see. Leaning at the door, she could hear angry words coming from within.
“You don’t want the hard way Shiver, trust me. You don’t have a choice in the matter, though I don’t know why you’re arguing. Vance treats you like a dog. Why would you want to carry on the way you are when I can…” the voices went quiet, and Quinn held her breath in the sudden silence. It didn’t occur to her to run, and when the door was pulled open she yelped in fright as she was presented with Elias's broad chest. He pulled her in to the room and pushed the door shut with an echoing thud.
In Sammah’s bright main rooms there was a veritable party. Sammah was standing by the window; his usual position for over-indulgent speeches, or for when he wanted to mete out a punishment. There were two men sitting at his large desk. Quinn recognised Shiver; the black-haired and green-eyed lord was famous, though for all the wrong reasons these days. By his side was an absolutely monstrous man. He was bulky and as visually appealing as the backside of an ass. Both men twisted to her. Whilst Shiver peeled off a lascivious grin, the man next to him twisted his mouth in an ugly expression of hatred.
Sammah reeled on her. As she opened her mouth, he waved his arm in a curious fashion at Elias. The bodyguard clamped one giant hand over the lower half of her face, muffling anything she might have said. Shiver and his silent friend both found this amusing, and snorted at her.
“Eh, what’s all this Sammah? Our entertainment come early, has it?” he looked her up and down, chuckling. “She could have taken a bath, first. Is that blood?”
Sammah let his eyes slide up and down Quinn slowly. They were cold, dark, and full of hatred. “No. This is my daughter. Only I may touch her.”
Despite herself, she trembled. Sammah sounded like he meant every word, despite them having no truth. Or did they? She had only been his for her whole life. She had come here because she wanted to know why. Was that the reason why?
“I didn’t think you had it in you. Thought you liked different things over in the desert islands.”
“You have no idea.” Sammah drawled. The statement was purposely vague, and Quinn had no idea what he meant by it. Shiver thought it was hilarious, however, and bawled throatily as he punched the man next to him in the arm.
“No idea he thinks, Harn! I think we’ll have to make the trip across the desert, sooner rather than later, after all!”
“Yes, my lord.” The man drawled, obviously bored with proceedings.
“You are now in the acquaintance of one of the oldest of my current crop of orphans. Her name is Quinn. Quinn has supposedly learned better manners over the years, such as only visiting the chambers of her elders when summoned, and not listening at doors.”
Shiver paled almost as quickly as Quinn had, though Sammah put up a placatory hand. “She can be trusted, Shiver. I’m sure that if she heard something she shouldn’t, it shall not be going any further than this room. Leave us, please. I’m sure Quinn has a very good reason for bursting in, in such an odd manner.”
The men nodded and brusquely left, the mood suddenly somber. Quinn knew she was in trouble when Elias simply watched them leave the room, closing the door after it was clear they had left the antechamber.
“Face me, Quinn.”
Quinn did as she was bidden. Elias's hands pressed down on each shoulder. She was forced down to her knees. She went with very little resistance. Curious despite the situation, she reached out to him. There was very little emotion there. A pressure exerted itself on her temples, like a miniature version of the pain she had felt in the courtyard. What was that elusive emotion?
“What are you doing here, Quinn?”
She grinned at him. His question reminded her so much of her own. “How are you going to know?”
He took a chair and dragged it over to her. The wooden legs scraped against the bare stone floor, the noise grating against her ears. She couldn’t help but wince, though she had wanted to hide that. He turned it so he could sit neatly in front of her. They weren’t at eye level; he was still looking down at her. But he wasn’t looming.
Every movement so carefully judged, she thought. how much have I missed over the years whilst I’ve spent it blindly devoted?
“I might not be an empath, little Quinn, but I don’t need special abilities to see whether or not you’re lying. You know what the problem is, growing up knowing what emotions everyone is broadcasting? It makes you a terrible liar. Especially to the one person in the world you can’t feel. Now. Why are you here?”
Quinn gulped. “I want to know why you took me in. Maertn, too. And all the others. They’re all like me, aren’t they?”
Sammah chuckled. “Oh my dear, none of them are like you. I can tell you with my hand on my heart and swearing to whichever spirit you choose to pick, that you are the only person like you in the entirety of Everfell.”
“And what about Sha’sek?”
“Oh, observant aren’t we for one so young? No. There is no one like you in Sha’sek either. Not at the moment. And I know what you meant. Yes. Maertn and the others have gifts, like you.”
“Why are you keeping us here?”
“No one is keeping you anywhere, child. Go! Leave now. I won’t stop you.” Sammah licked his lips, wetting his finger and running a tip over an eyebrow. It was an odd gesture for Sammah, and Quinn thought he might even be ruffled. “Do you think you would have survived out there without me? I kept the world out for you Quinn. I gave you a place. And not just as a maid. The Satori? You think you would have become that, out there? You would have gone insane in a matter of days trying to keep the feelings out. You think you’re immune? Think again. You would have died if you hadn’t had Maertn there to help you.”
“What is Maertn’s skill?”
“You tell me. He is your friend, is he not? Lover? Whatever he is to you, you have seen inside him.”
Quinn didn’t protest Sammah’s assumptions. She didn’t care. Maertn certainly was her friend. She had to know what he was. “He’s…he’s a healer.”
“Close. Come back to me when you know him as well as you think you do, and as well as I do.”
Tears started to roll down Quinn’s face. Maertn had saved her life, and not only did she not know how, she hadn’t even thanked him for it. What kind of ugly person would she see if she looked inside herself? Sammah had saved her. Why was she questioning him all of sudden?
Sammah saw this conflict play across her vulnerable and open face. He stopped the smirk as it started to tweak the corners of her mouth. Deep down, she still believed she needed him. She had to keep believing that.
Suddenly, as if her mind had accidentally stumbled across an open door to a chamber previously denied to her, Quinn looked at him sharply.
“Why did you burn when I touched you?”
“You can’t feel me Quinn. You know that.”
“But it’s never felt like that before. Before, there was nothing. Now, it hurts.”
“Does it hurt now?”
Quinn held her tongue before answering. She hadn’t wanted to tell Sammah she had stopped being bombarded. She didn’t want him to know that she was in control now. Sammah though was one step ahead.
“They’re not troubling you any more, are they? You have to go searching for what people feel, if you want to feel anything at all. You can pick and choose what gets in. Before, you had to concentrate to keep people out. Now, you have to concentrate to let them in. Look me in the eye and tell me that I’m wrong.”
She looked down at the floor. That was enough of an answer for Sammah.
“You felt that, child,
because you will never be able to sense me. You’re growing up, Quinn. You’re a young woman. Next year, you will simply be a woman, and beyond the legality of my care. Being able to control your ability more effectively is a natural step of growing up. Maertn can control his better now, too. Which is just as well for you, otherwise the Beach of Bones would have just been the start of your journey.”
Quinn let the tears drop openly now. Sammah reached out with a handkerchief and mopped them gently away.
“I don’t want to upset you, Quinn. But you’re a dangerous woman. Your reputation precedes you. I have to keep you safe, for your own sake. You understand, don’t you, that this is for the best?”
Quinn nodded. Sammah nodded in time with her, and Elias's hands lifted away.
“Good. Now, you shouldn’t even be out of bed. You’ve had a lot of shocks in the last couple of days, and I want you to rest. Get strong valerian from Maertn, make sure you put it in your tea. Ask him to burn some bergamot in your room, too. That should help with the pain.”
It was then that Quinn remembered she wasn’t in pain. All the agony she had felt, both times, had been in her mind. “Why did I collapse, Sammah?”
She thought she saw his eyes darken again, but as quickly as it appeared, it went, to be replaced with consternation and a furrowed brow.
“That many emotions at once? I’m not surprised you collapsed, child. Remember what you were like with Sirah? That many men fighting each other at once? Brutes, to a man? It must have been terrible for you. Now, to bed with you. And I’ll send Elias to check on you to make sure you’re resting like I’ve asked.”
