by Lexi Blake
He’d already taken so much. She wanted to have it out with him, to let him know the truth about all things, but she couldn’t. So instead she gave him some truth of her own. He wanted honesty? She could give it to him. She moved in, needing him to understand that he couldn’t intimidate her. “You know what I thought when Levi told me he had the drug?”
“No. What did you think?”
He was infuriatingly calm now. It bothered her because she felt white hot. Like a live wire that was twitching and jumping, looking for something to send all that energy through.
“When he told me he had that drug and that he planned to use it on me, I was afraid at first. Then he pointed out that all my pain would go away because I wouldn’t remember who you were. I wouldn’t remember how easy it was to break me because I wouldn’t remember meeting the man who’d done it.”
His eyes flared, the first sign of his emotion. “You think you can forget me? You think some drug can make either of us forget?”
“I think I might like to try.” She didn’t mean it. She would never give up her memories of him. For a brief time he’d been everything to her. He’d been her future, and while they’d been together the world had been a better place. She would cling to that memory until the day she died.
His hand came up, gripping her hair and forcing her head back. “Then maybe I should remind you.”
His mouth came down on hers and all thoughts of leaving fled.
She knew she should be fighting him, but how long had she wanted this? How long had she waited for those gorgeous lips of his to be on hers again? All these years and she’d had a few encounters, one she didn’t remember at all, the one that cost her any hope of a reconciliation—but no one ever moved her the way Beckett Kent did.
She brought her arms up to circle his shoulder and bumped against the bandage on his arm. He hissed. She tried to pull away, but he tugged hard enough on her hair to make her gasp.
“No. Don’t stop me.”
She shook her head. “You’re hurt.”
“I’m always hurt around you. Make me feel better. You’re the only fucking person in the world who can make me feel better.”
She couldn’t resist him, couldn’t say no, though she worried there was a stark undertone to his words. All that mattered was taking this moment. She might never see him again. This might finally be the end, and she wanted something sweet, something to hold on to, something that she would fight to remember even if Levi caught her again.
She wanted one more moment with Beck.
He devoured her mouth, kissing her with a hunger she matched with her own.
“This is what you need, what we both need,” he whispered against her mouth. “Take off those pants and those fucking panties and let me touch you. Let me help clear some of this poison. Let’s get it all out of our systems, and then I’ll beg you to not make me sleep on the couch tonight.”
This was such a dangerous place to be. “You can’t make me forget. You’ve been an asshole to me for years.”
“I can. Give me a chance. You don’t have to love me again. You only have to want me. You have to trust me to get you through this. Let me start by getting you through the night. Tell me you don’t want this. Tell me you don’t want to know what I can do to you now and I’ll walk away. I’ll sleep on that couch and we can go right back to being polite in the morning.”
“You are never polite.”
“Because you don’t need polite. That’s not what you want in bed. You want me to take charge. You want to be able to close your eyes and focus on the pleasure. You want to shut your brain off and know that you can relax. I promise you won’t be thinking about anything but the way I can make you feel. Let me show you what I’ve learned over the years we’ve spent apart. Let me show you how much better I can take care of you now. Give me the power.”
She wanted to, but there needed to be boundaries. “I can’t make love to you.”
His hands tightened in her hair, lighting up her scalp and making her skin tingle. “Who said anything about making love? I want to fuck you. I want to spank you and make you cry for me. I want to hurt you but in the best way, in the way that unleashes your pain and makes me feel like I can do something good with all the bad inside me.”
If he’d offered her something tender, she couldn’t have even considered it. There was no tenderness between them, but there was need. The need to find out if he could do all the things he promised, if he could take her out of herself, if he could make her forget even for a few moments that she was alone in the world.
She nodded.
“No, you have to say it,” Beck commanded. “You have to give me the power, but with the understanding that you can take it back at any time. You can stop me. But I have to hear the words. There’s no shame in it. There’s no shame in this dungeon. It might coat the world outside, but it has no place here.”
She wanted to believe it, needed at least to try this with him. She shoved away every single reason to run from him.
“Please hurt me, Beck.”
Chapter Five
She couldn’t believe she’d said the words, but they were true. She wanted what he was offering. How long had this need been inside her, unfilled, unresolved?
Beck’s hand came up to grip her neck, to force her to look up at him. “You obey me in this room. You will do what I tell you, take what I give you here. If I scare you or tell you to do something you don’t want to do, say the word red and I’ll stop. I mean anything, Kim. You can stop this at any time.”
She could take everything he had to give and stop him before actual sex. He was telling her she didn’t have to pay him back with intercourse.
But the sex would be for her, too. “I’m not going to stop you.”
His fingers tightened slightly, bringing her up on her toes. “You always have a choice, but sometimes it’s fun to pretend you don’t. I need to hear you tell me you understand that you do.”
He was offering her a fantasy but needed her to understand consent was everything or the fantasy didn’t work. “I can tell you no if that makes it hotter for me, but all I have to do to stop it is say the word red. You need to understand that I want you. I want everything you promised me, but I’m afraid that you’ll hold back because you know how much I want it.”
“I promise, I’m not trying to punish you, but in the end you’ll have to trust me. If you can do that, take the rest of your clothes off and then I want you to go to the table where I rubbed your legs and I want you to put your hands on top and spread your legs wide with that pretty ass of yours up in the air.”
“You’re going to spank me.”
“I am. I’m going to make your ass red and your pussy wet. I’m going to touch you everywhere I want because for these moments your body belongs to me and you don’t have to think about anything but following my commands and taking my discipline. If that doesn’t work for you, we can try something else, but I want to be in bed with you tonight and I want to be the reason you can sleep. Tell me if the idea of me disciplining you is frightening or arousing.”
“You know it’s arousing.”
“I do, but unless you’re willing to admit it, this can’t work.”
She stepped back slightly and he let go of his hold. He didn’t scare her on any physical level. He wouldn’t hurt her like that. Emotionally he could wreck her, but she couldn’t let this chance go. If there was any way to connect with him again, she would take it because she was an idiot and she was still so in love with this man.
Maybe tomorrow she could fool herself again, shove those emotions deep, but tonight she wasn’t going to lie to herself.
She hooked her thumbs under the plain cotton undies she was wearing and eased them over her hips, her heart starting to thud in her chest in a mix of excitement and dread. It was an intoxicating cocktail because she’d been numb for so long.
“You are so fucking gorgeous.” He stopped her before she could do what he’d asked, and his eyes were b
ack on the scar from the bullet wound she’d gotten in Colorado.
“Don’t, Beck. Please don’t bring him into this.” She couldn’t have Levi here with them. It felt like Levi was always there between them, pushing them apart.
His jaw tightened but he nodded. “Then do as I told you.”
She breathed a sigh of relief and moved across the floor to the table he’d indicated. She placed her hands on the padded top palms down and spread her legs outward. The position made her incredibly vulnerable, putting almost every inch of her skin on display for the man who was about to discipline her.
His hand came down on her ass with a resounding whack. The pain hit her system and she gasped, forcing air into her lungs. He held his hand there as if he could force the heat into her skin. After a moment that same hand stroked down to her thigh and back up again.
The wait was killing her. She would rather he’d gone fast and gotten through this part so she could feel his arms around her, his body moving inside hers.
Another hard smack and tears pierced her eyes. The pain was jarring, and he coupled it with the sweet sensation of his hand stroking her skin. It reminded her of how good it felt to have him touch her. Not merely anyone, but this man.
“I’ve dreamed of doing this to you, of being here with you. In my dreams you’re always naked.” He spanked her again, a sharp smack against the underside of her ass. “You always start out unsure about whether or not you like this.”
“Your dreams are my reality,” she admitted as he spanked her again. “Is it always so slow?”
His big palm cupped her, and he gave her a squeeze that made her heart rate tick up. “Not at all. Sometimes I’ll pull you over my lap and spank you hard and fast. You won’t have a chance to breathe, it’ll be so shocking.”
“And this is supposed to do something for me?” Even as she asked the question she knew the answer because she could feel heat flooding her system and she was deeply aware of how close his hand was to her pussy. The brief pain she’d felt was working to sensitize her.
He was right. This was what she needed. She needed the pain to give her permission to feel the pleasure. She was sure a therapist would tell her she needed to spend some time on a couch, but she didn’t care. She would take any moment of respite she could find.
She lost track of how many times he slapped her ass and then eased the ache with the touch of his hand.
“Still wonder if it’s doing something for you?” His voice had gone deep and she felt his hand slide between her legs. He slid a finger through her pussy. “Yes, I dream about this, too. I dream about how fucking wet you get every time I touch you. I dream about how good you smell, and I fucking can’t wait to taste you again. Tell me how you feel right now.”
She didn’t want to talk. She wanted that finger inside her, but he was skimming over her flesh, teasing her.
He slapped her pussy, sending a jarring wave of pleasure/pain through her. “I asked a question. I expect an answer. Now.”
She wished she didn’t love it when he took charge. Her life would be so much easier if she didn’t feel that tug inside her the minute Beck’s tone went all commanding. “It hurts but not so much I want you to stop. I want you to touch me. I’m getting antsy.”
“You’re getting impatient, but I’m going to show you how good it can be to go slow,” he replied as he gently fucked a single finger into her pussy.
It wasn’t enough but she tilted her hips to try to get him to that spot he always found so quickly.
His hand was suddenly gone, and he peppered her ass with sharp, short slaps.
She groaned and sucked in air, letting the pain flare before the wave of heat rolled over her.
“You don’t get to control this.” He wrapped his hand around the nape of her neck and gently eased her up. He moved in behind her, so close she could feel his cock against her tender ass. “I control this. Do I make myself clear?”
“Yes.” She needed to give this a shot because not being in control sounded so fucking good. She was always in control, always had the heavy burden of responsibility on her shoulders, and she had for years.
His hands moved to her waist and then he brushed them up her torso to cup her breasts. “Excellent. I want you to be a very good girl because I would hate to stop when you’re so close to an orgasm. I want to watch you come. I want to feel you shake when I suck your clit between my lips. Would you like that?”
Her spine felt like it was going to melt. No one in her whole history had ever eaten her pussy the way Beck had. He could do it for what felt like hours, bringing her pleasure again and again until she couldn’t take another orgasm and he finally gave in and gave her his cock and proved that she could. “Yes. You know I would.”
“How do I know?”
“Because I used to love it when you would eat my pussy.”
His teeth scraped the shell of her ear, making her shiver and wish he would bite down just a little. “I love that you’re willing to talk dirty. I don’t have to pull it out of you. Tell me what you want. Let me hear every dirty, glorious word out of that sweet mouth of yours.”
It was funny because it put other men off. Never Beck. He liked her dirty and hot. He was the only man she’d ever felt fit her sexually. “I want you to eat my pussy, and then I want you to fuck me hard. I want that cock of yours inside me, and I don’t want you to stop until neither one of us can stay awake a moment longer. Then do it again in the morning.”
“I’m clean. I’ve had a physical recently. You would be surprised how quick Tag is with tests.”
He didn’t want to wear a condom. She didn’t want one either. “I haven’t had sex in over a year and I passed my last physical. Fuck me, Beck. Please. Don’t make me beg.”
“I like to hear you beg,” he admitted as his fingers found her nipples and she arched her back. “I like every single noise you make when I’m fucking you. I’m definitely going to like the sounds you make when I use a violet wand on you. I’m going to tie you down and light up these nipples until you scream.”
“I might scream soon if you don’t stop teasing me.”
He pinched her nipples. Hard. The pain shot through her like lightning going straight to her pussy where she felt a surge of fresh arousal. She was soaking wet. She might have been embarrassed by it, but not with him. He would love it. He would revel in it and lick it all up. When he kissed her she would be able to taste her own arousal on his lips.
“I’ll stop teasing you when I want to.” He licked her ear and then kissed his way down her neck. “I should do what I said I would. I should push you until you cry.”
She reached around and put her hands on his waist. “Please. I don’t need to. I need this. I need you.”
She didn’t want to get emotional. It could spark a fight, and all she wanted was some peace. She could find that but only if they didn’t talk about the past. This was a moment in time that suspended past and future. She wanted to stay in it.
He turned her and she found herself up and on the table in an instant. “Lie down. Spread your legs.”
She breathed a sigh of relief because she knew that look in his eyes. He was done playing. He was ready to move on to the main event, and she had avoided the one thing she didn’t want to do with him.
Get really emotional. Open up. She could take his affection without offering up her soul, and that would be best for both of them. She wasn’t a fool. He would leave again at some point. They’d passed the moment when they could have had forever. So she would take these hours and hold them close.
Beck stood at the end of the table and stared at her. He slowly brought his hand down to grip his own cock.
Maybe he wasn’t done playing yet.
She stared right back at him, memorizing the way his body looked now, including the new scars. She’d loved and worshipped every inch of his gorgeous body, from his silky dark hair to those ridiculously large feet. But she adored his cock. It was long and thick, and a pearl of creamy fluid
pulsed at the slit as he stroked from the head all the way down to those heavy balls she loved to cup. She could spend a long time licking and sucking that cock and working his balls into her mouth.
“While we’re stuck here, every night we’ll come down here after hours and play. That will be my time. You’ll serve me down here, and all day I’ll do whatever you need me to do on this investigation. You’re in charge of that. I’m in charge of this.”
She could handle those rules. She wanted to explore this part of his life, to see how it could bring them closer together for the time they had. The last thing she wanted to do was waste a moment of it. “Yes, Sir.”
He stopped and shook his head. “No. I want to hear my name.”
She felt those words in her heart and knew she was going to lose the whole don’t-give-your-soul-to-him game. If he could get back to being Beck, they might have a shot. For so many years he’d used Ezra’s name as a shield to protect himself. “Beck. Yes, Beck. In this room, you’re the king and I am your happy sub.”
She might be happy if they could break through the walls.
He gripped her ankles and dragged her down the table so her pussy was right on the edge. He spread her ankles wide, and she was utterly vulnerable to him.
The table seemed to be at the perfect height. Beck dropped to his knees and she watched as he breathed in her scent. The decadent look on his face made her breath catch. Then he leaned down and licked her, and then she wasn’t breathing at all. Then her eyes were rolling back and her whole body focused on one thing, that soft feeling at her core.
Beck’s tongue worked her over, spearing her again and again. She could feel a pleasant ache where he’d spanked her. The ache coupled with the soft stroke of his tongue, drowning her in sensation. He pushed her higher and higher as he settled his mouth over her clit, and that big finger pressed inside her pussy. She brought her head up so she could see him. His eyes were staring right at her, connecting them and tearing down any shield that might have protected her from him.
