by Lexi Blake
She wanted to argue that she knew what he was trying to do, but he was holding up the earrings, and they were not meant for her ears. He showed her the clamp that would hold the jewelry in place. They would bite into her nipples. They would hurt.
She kind of craved them. “You’re going to put them on me to sensitize my nipples?”
She would ignore all the stuff she didn’t want to hear.
His frown told her he knew what she was doing, but he moved on anyway. “I’m going to put them on you so you’ll be very aware of your breasts. They’ll go numb at some point, but when I take them off, you’ll get a hard rush of pain that I think is going to do something for you. You’ve got a masochistic streak. It’s okay to indulge it. To a point.”
“Yes, I think I can look back and say my masochism has gotten me in trouble many times. It’s certainly kept me hanging around when I shouldn’t.” Fuck. She hadn’t meant to say that.
He cupped her breast with that big palm of his. She didn’t have petite breasts, but Beck could hold her in one hand. “Good. That’s honest. I think you’ll find I reward honesty.”
He dropped to one knee and leaned over, sucking her nipple in between his lips.
She gasped and felt heat curl through her system, making her hold on to the rope that bound her wrists. It was over all too soon and he was straightening up.
He gently pinched her nipple again, twisting it before he slipped the clamp on. It bit into her flesh and made her grit her teeth, but there was something about the pain that made her hot, too. She could feel it in her pussy, feel herself getting slick and wet.
“I’ve got a bit of a sadistic streak when it comes to you, my love,” Beck admitted. “But I promise I’m going to keep it to the dungeon from now on.”
“What are you talking about?”
He cupped her other breast, giving it the same treatment. “I’m talking about taking my anger out on the one person I should protect above all others. Except Roman. He’s up there with you. I’m saying I don’t ever want to hurt you the way I did. I’ve worked hard for seven years to make sure I don’t. You’re safe with me.”
Safe? She’d thought she was safe with him and the minute she’d proven inconvenient he’d tossed her aside like a piece of fucking garbage. His words made her stop.
His actions made her body go liquid. He was kissing her breast, biting it softly and getting her ready for the clamp.
She hissed when the teeth bit into her nipple. She wanted to sink into the feeling, to float along, but he was being every bit the sadist he claimed to be. “Fuck you, Beck.”
His eyes were on her breasts, as though studying his work. “I didn’t think I got the clamps too tight. Did I?”
He was such a bastard. “Stop talking about the past.”
His eyes came up, holding hers. “Fine. Let’s talk about your clit.”
That was better. It was certainly a safer subject. And it was good to know he wasn’t serious. If Beck was serious about something, he rarely let himself be sidetracked. “My clit wouldn’t mind some attention.”
He turned and she was treated to a delicious view of his back. His strong back. When they’d been married she would wrap her arms around him and feel the muscles of his back, the long line of his spine, and she had felt safe with him.
She wanted to feel that way, but how stupid would she be if she walked back into that fire again?
You’re playing around the edges. You know you’ll fall in and you’ll burn up this time.
Beck had gone to the mystery tray again, and this time he came back with a chain in his hands. “This is for you, too.”
She gasped as he gently pulled on the ring of her clamp and attached one end of the chain. When he attached the second part of the chain, he released it and she felt the drag against her nipples. She bit her lip against the ache the weight caused.
It brought her right back to that nice place where she didn’t worry about anything but how good it felt to have Beck touch her. She still had hours before she would have to even think about the future again.
“I thought we were supposed to talk about my clit.” Every word made the chain move slightly, and she felt it in her nipples.
He moved in, his left hand disappearing while his right came up around her throat. “I would never forget your clit.”
Her whole body reacted to the buzzing sensation that simulated her clit when he ran his finger across her pussy. “What the hell?”
“It’s a small vibe that fits on my finger. But what it lacks in size, it makes up in power.”
Her breasts bounced and she was trapped between the pleasure from the vibe and the bite at her nipples.
“Oh, you like that, don’t you?” He was looking right into her eyes, that gaze of his piercing her.
She liked how close he was, that she could almost kiss him. She loved how she was on the edge, caught between pleasure and a pain that defined the pleasure in a way she’d never felt before.
God, she could get in so deep with this. If they could have this…maybe they could keep a small connection. Maybe.
“You won’t let me talk about the past, so let’s talk about the future,” he whispered. “I want you to stay with me in Dallas.”
She shook her head to clear it because that wasn’t what she’d expected. “What?”
She shuddered as he stroked her with the vibe.
“I want to throw out the three-month thing. We don’t need it. We need to acknowledge that we were always supposed to be together.”
“Again with the fuck you.” What was he trying to do?
He sighed and stepped back, taking away the pleasure part of her torture. His hand came up and he gently pulled on the chain, making pain flare through her nipples. “No cursing. Not unless the fuck is used kindly. Like fuck me Beck, or I need to fuck you. Those fucks are acceptable. Anything else will get you punished.”
“You said we only live in the moment here. We’re not supposed to talk about anything but sex.”
He was gorgeous when he frowned. “I think that was our problem in the first place. We didn’t talk enough. Kim, I love you, but beyond that I know you. I know what you’re planning. You want to take this time with me so you can tell yourself and Roman that you tried, but you’ve already checked out.”
That was too close to the truth. “I’m here, asshole. What more do you want?”
He winced and suddenly he was pulling the chain again. “We only talk about pretty assholes and how fun it would be to fuck yours.”
She was thinking he wouldn’t ever see her pussy again, much less her asshole. “Are you into that now?”
He moved in and touched his forehead to hers. “I’m into everything about you. I want us to be together in any way that brings us both pleasure. But I can’t do that if you won’t open up to me.”
This wasn’t going how she’d thought it would and everything she’d talked to Eve about threatened to bubble over. She couldn’t do this with him. “Maybe you should untie me. You said you wouldn’t use this time to rehash our relationship.”
Without the vibe, her nipples ached with nothing to balance them, but that reminded her what life with Beck had been like. Pleasure and pain. Mostly pain.
Except the last few days had felt like a new beginning.
He kissed her forehead. “I can’t treat this like sex. I know I said I would, but it’s too important. I love you. You’re in my soul and I’m empty without you. If you don’t want to talk here, let’s go to therapy and talk it all out there.”
He was pushing her every button. “You want to relive some past history, Beck? You’re such a hypocrite, and you don’t even realize it. You get me all hot and bothered and then think I’ll do anything to please you?”
“No,” he replied. “It’s the attempt of a desperate man. Say you’ll go with me and I’ll do my best to get this scene back on track.”
He wanted to bargain? When he’d just broken their last one? “Or it’s proof t
hat you never change. Not ever.”
His eyes were oddly soft as he stepped back. “How do I not change?”
Apparently she had to say it. Maybe it would feel good to say it. She was naked and clamped, and he’d done it all to her. “You’re always a bastard. You’re the one who tells someone you want them and then it turns out to be a trick.”
“That’s not all I did.”
Was she falling right into his trap? “No.”
“Say it, Kimberly,” he said quietly. “Say what I did to you.”
She wasn’t going to do anything he told her to. “Fuck you.”
He stepped in and lowered his head to her forehead, cupping her cheeks and whispering to her. “You can’t heal until you acknowledge the wound.”
Had he been talking to Eve? Was this one big conspiracy to force her into fucking therapy? “Let me out.”
He didn’t move, simply kept stroking her hair. “Baby, you can walk away from me. Maybe I don’t deserve a second chance, but you do. You deserve a chance to find a man who doesn’t hurt you, who stands by you no matter what. I want to be that man, but more than that, I need to know if that man shows up, you’ll give him a chance.”
She was not doing this with him. No. He was being a manipulative fucker and she wasn’t doing this. He didn’t get to put her in a damn corner. “Let me out. This is over. Get these stupid things off me and untie me and I am leaving. Do you understand? Roman and I are going to be on a plane tomorrow and you can fuck yourself.”
“I don’t want that. I’m trying so hard to avoid that.” There was a stubborn gleam in his eyes. “If you get on a plane, I’ll be behind you. You need to understand that. I won’t leave you again. Even if you never let yourself love me again, I’ll be your friend.”
“You were never my friend. You wanted to use me until I proved I wasn’t worthy of you.”
“I was cruel to you.”
She wanted him to fight, wanted him to argue that he’d been justified. The fact that he was agreeing with her made her even madder. “Get me out of these ties, Beck. I’m not playing with you this way one second longer.”
But the thought of not getting one last night out of him threatened to break her.
He looked like he wanted to argue. “Please talk to me. We can’t go on this way. We have to find a way through this.”
“I told you what I wanted. Or was this one more trick? Beck gets what he wants. Beck gets to do whatever he wants and everyone forgives him. Beck fucks me over and still comes out of it with a family. I do everything I can to save his brother and do you know what I get?”
“Left alone. You get left alone.” He smoothed back her hair. “If I’d reacted differently you might have trusted me enough to tell me the secret.”
She struggled against the bonds, needing desperately to fight something because he was so close to the truth. “If you’d shown one moment of love to me, I would have told you. I would have broken my promise to Ezra. Do you know how alone I felt? Do you think I wanted all that responsibility? I had to smuggle him out of a foreign country. I had to keep the fact that he was alive a secret or he would have been killed. Do you think I wanted to fucking do it alone?”
“No.” He was staring down at her, a stark look on his face. “No. You didn’t. You saved my brother and I never thanked you. All I did was tear you apart. I made you the bad guy because I didn’t know how to handle my grief. I didn’t know how to deal with it. I’d lost most of my family by that point. My stepdad. My brother. My mom was sick. It was good to be angry with you. It was good to lose you, Kim, because if I went ahead and broke off that piece of myself, I could get on with my life. If I could cut you out of my heart, I didn’t have to mourn you, too.”
“You fucking coward.” The world had gone watery and she couldn’t even feel her nipples anymore. “I’m doing it. I’m saying my safe word. You let me out of here right now.”
A hollow look came into his eyes. “Kim, please…”
She was going to have to use his language. “Red. That’s my safe word. Get me out of these bindings or I’ll make sure Tag never lets you in this club again.”
“I won’t come here without you,” he said, but his hands were working the ties that held her to the cross. “I won’t be here without you. Baby, we need to talk.”
Naturally now he wanted to talk. And Beck always got his way. Always. “I tried it for years after our divorce. You didn’t want to talk to me then. You could have turned to me. I loved you so much I would have moved heaven and earth to help you. But you didn’t. You were scared? That’s your excuse?”
He moved to her other hand. “It’s not an excuse. There is no excuse. And at the time I didn’t think I was scared. I was angry at the world, and I took it out on you. I truly believed you made the mistake that cost my brother his life. I should have talked to you. I should have given you a chance.”
She was free, but she didn’t feel that way. Rage poured through her. He’d ruined it all again. She felt so stupid. “We could have had this, Beck. We could have had this one connection, but you can’t accept anything less than full submission, can you? This has all been bullshit. This has all been a way to get what you want.”
“Let me help you out of the clamps, baby.”
She wasn’t letting him do anything for her. She reached up and released the clamps, wincing as the pain hit her. It pulsed through her, oddly reminding her of everything she’d wanted out of the evening, everything he’d denied her.
“Damn it,” Beck said. “That had to hurt. I didn’t mean to hurt you.”
She threw the clamps at him, hitting him in the shoulder with one and narrowly missing his head with the other. “You should have been the one wearing them. I don’t have to submit to you.”
He stared for a moment. “Okay. You can put them on me if you want. You can tie me to that cross and use every toy in this room on me. There’s some cock and ball torture toys in the closet.”
Her nipples ached and she knew she should take her clothes and leave, but she watched as he kicked off his boots and worked the ties of his leathers. He shoved them off and tossed them to the side. She heard something ping against the tray, but she was staring at him as he moved around her.
He went to the cross and laid his arms against the ties. “Do it. You do whatever you want to me. I deserve it and I want it. If you want me to submit to you every night for the rest of my life, I’ll do it.”
She laughed, but it wasn’t because she was amused. It was because the entire thought was ridiculous. “You want me to torture your balls?”
“If that’s what it takes to get you to forgive me. Yes. It’ll hurt so much less than losing you again, than losing this chance we have at making a family together.”
They’d lost that chance years before. “You threw that away. You threw me away.”
He nodded. “I did. I did all of it and more, and I am begging you to not be as cruel as I was. I’m begging you to do what I couldn’t. Be brave. Be Kim. Be the best part of us.”
Us. For so many years she’d wanted to be a part of an us. No. Not any us. She’d wanted to be part of Kim and Beck.
Why did it have to be this man? Why?
“Please, Kim. I’ll do anything. I’ve spent seven years working to figure out how to be the man you need.”
He was naked and vulnerable. He had tears in his eyes.
“Are you doing this for Roman?” It would be okay. She could handle it.
“I didn’t know Roman even existed.” He brought his hands down, his shoulders slumping. “I went into therapy for you. Because I wanted to be ready if I got another shot. Let’s try couple’s therapy. We don’t have to do anything but talk.”
Talking was where he would get her.
“I meant what I said. If it’s not me, then I want there to be someone for you. You deserve it. I fucked up. I fucked up my life. I fucked up your life. God, I fucked up the life we could have had, but I promise I will dedicate the rest of my li
fe to making sure you’re happy.”
It was everything she’d longed to hear from him. It was all she’d ever wanted out of life—to have someone who loved her and she could love back.
But they’d missed their chance. Hadn’t they?
She shook her head and backed up. And pain flared across her foot. She bent down and picked up what she’d stepped on. A ring. She knew that ring. She held it in her palm. “I thought you threw it away.”
His wedding ring.
“I couldn’t. I’ve carried it with me pretty much everywhere I’ve gone. At first to remind me of what went wrong, and later to remind me you were still out there in the world and we still had a chance. Kim, I love you. I’ve always loved you.”
She stared down at that ring and remembered the vows he’d made, the promises he hadn’t kept.
She’d never loved anyone the way she did Beck. Roman had opened her heart to a different kind of love, but it had been Beck who’d haunted her dreams.
She tossed the ring aside. She would have her one last night with him.
She walked right up to him and kissed him, pressing her aching nipples against his chest. She wanted the pain, wanted it to balance out the pleasure, to remind her that there would always be pain with this man.
Who gets out of this life without pain? Even as his arms encircled her and he held her with a desperation she could feel, her mind was working.
She didn’t owe Beck anything. Not forgiveness. Not another chance. She didn’t owe Roman anything but to be civil to his father and accommodate their relationship.
“God, I’ll never get used to having you in my arms again.” Beck’s hands moved across her back and down to her ass where he cupped her and pressed her against his body. “It’s like I was missing a piece of myself.”
He kissed her again, his tongue going deep, sliding against hers and bringing her right back to aroused as hell, though this time it was tinged with deep emotion. There had been something so good about telling him how she’d felt all these years.
