by Sandra Kitt
“Max…it was never my feelings I was worried about…but yours!” Eva was surprised that he hadn’t figured that out. But Maxwell looked at her blankly, truly lost as to her meaning. In that instant, she actually smiled. The amazing Adam Maxwell did not know everything after all.
Eva’s voice grew soft and gentle as she tried to explain. “It was you who said I was like every other woman. It was you who told me what it was I really wanted and how I really am. You, Maxwell! And if you ever saw or learned anything differently you never said so.”
As she talked, Maxwell watched her face with a thoughtful frown. In the background Eva heard a pot top being put into place on a saucepan. Probably the carrots, she thought, with complete irrelevance to the moment. And then the yard door from the kitchen opened and closed.
“Perhaps I did learn something, Eva,” Maxwell admitted. “But maybe it’s all too late,” he added with a kind of finality that was not only sad but lonely…and sorry as well.
How could she tell him it was never too late. But then she had no idea why he was really here before her now. Was it just out of anger and hurt pride? Or was it something more significant? “What did you learn?” Eva asked him softly, as if the gentleness of her voice would coax the truth out of him.
He came several steps closer to her, pushing his large hands into his trouser pockets. “I learned that you know how to take care of yourself. You are a lot stronger than I ever thought you’d be.” He moved his eyes slowly, searchingly, over her features. “And you probably don’t need anyone. You don’t need me.”
Eva couldn’t stand it. She couldn’t bear to see him so uncertain and struggling with feelings that were hard for him to admit to, truths that were hard to believe.
Adam shook his head. “You deserve romance. You should have gentleness. I’m not any of those things. But I wish I could give them to you.”
Eva’s heart turned over at his admission. Maxwell walked past her to the window overlooking the back of the house and a screened-in sun porch. Eva reached out a hand to touch him, but drew it back.
In the yard Adam saw Eva’s mother, an attractive, plump woman in her mid-sixties, as she hung up freshly washed clothes to dry in the late afternoon August sun. Flowers grew along a fence; yellow, orange, and lilac. A vegetable garden was near to harvesting. It was so domestic, so much like a real home again. He spoke again without turning around.
“I never believed that I would ever tell another soul as long as I lived that I loved them. Never. I just didn’t think it possible. But…I love you. I haven’t been able to do much of anything since you left, dammit…because I love you. And everything in my life was suddenly different without you.”
Adam’s voice was low, deep, pained, and genuine. Eva could see very clearly the tension of his body, all across the taut broad shoulders and the stiff stance of his legs. Eva could feel his need, held in check until he’d said what he had to say.
Eva walked up behind him and stroked his arm and back in a familiar way. He turned his head with his ruggedly hewn features to look down at her. To anyone else he’d seem hard, closed, angry, unbending. But Eva knew better. “Was that so hard to say? That you love me?” she asked, awed. Adam’s jaw tightened.
“I love you, Eva,” he said slowly, distinctly. “And it was damned hard to say!”
Eva shook her head in confused wonder. “I wasn’t sure you cared at all.”
“I know. I did a hell of a job keeping it from you, didn’t I?” he said bitterly.
“Yes, you did,” Eva agreed softly, seeing some of his uncertainty and confusion. It was, however, very gratifying to know that Adam was as vulnerable as any man to doubts. Maybe in some ways, more so.
Adam suddenly laughed softly without any humor. “When I found you were gone, I said okay, the hell with you! But I wanted to break your neck! Then I wondered why. I thought that was it. I’d never see you again.”
Eva stroked his back again. “I was sort of hoping you’d write.”
“Where?” he stormed again, making her flinch. “I didn’t even know where you lived! New York, New Jersey…somewhere up here! I had to call Diane to get your address!” he continued in exasperation.
Eva let him shout his frustrations out. She smiled warmly at him, her brown eyes alight. She came right up to Adam and curved her arms around and up his back, resting her head on his chest. Adam stood stunned for an instant before folding himself around her, crushing her to him.
“Eva…” he said thickly against her temple.
“Max…I love you, too. But, you don’t know how hard it was, losing everything and starting over…”
“I think I do. I might have lost Diane, never really gotten to know her if it wasn’t for you.”
“I’ve done things and have been things in the last two years I never would have dreamed of when Kevin was alive.”
“I know,” he whispered, holding her.
“You used to tease me that I’d make a good lawyer. Well…I decided I think I’d like to try out for law school. I mean, I have a lot of other schooling to do first, but…I think I can do it!” She pulled back her head to look up into his now serious, attentive eyes. “When I was on St. John with you, I found out I could love again, too. And I fell in love with you…”
Adam’s hands came up to gently cup her face. Very slowly the drawn look was leaving his face.
“With you I discovered another part of myself, another woman who was passionate, giving, and free. She loves you very much.”
Adam let out a barely audible sigh and bent to pull a kiss in a tender manner from her smiling lips. “And what about the woman here and now?”
Eva smiled impishly, hugging him. “She feels the same way. It’s a package deal. If you take part of me, you have to take all!”
She was finally rewarded with a slow smile curving Adam’s wide well-shaped mouth. He kissed her again, deeply and lingeringly, and didn’t hear Eva’s mother reenter the house. Embarrassed and worried about what her mother would think, Eva tried to pull away from Adam, but he wouldn’t release her and continued to kiss her with thorough deliberation.
“My, my!” Mrs. Stewart chuckled in amusement and continued through the house with an empty laundry basket.
Finally Adam lifted his head, but Eva was already beginning to feel light-headed and aroused. “Do you think she’ll mind?” Adam asked huskily.
“I—I don’t think so,” Eva managed.
“Have you told her anything about me?”
“I told her everything.”
Adam arched a brow in doubt.
“Well…not everything. But she knows that I…”
His hands moved up from her waist to just under and to the sides of her breasts. Eva shivered with the sensual touch. Her arms curved around his upper arms. “That you, what?” Adam prompted seductively.
Eva looked up at him. “That I love you,” she whispered.
Adam raised a hand to touch her cheek, trail his fingers down her smooth skin to her jaw. Eva rubbed her cheek against the large hand affectionately. His thumb brushed across her bottom lip. “I wish I’d known,” Adam said lowly, but it was just a statement of fact and not meant as a criticism of her.
“I had to tell her, Max. You weren’t here and I had to talk to someone. I kept thinking of Kevin and Gail when I got home. Suddenly I felt so guilty. St. John made everything seem so unreal. I wasn’t sure anymore what had really happened.”
Adam laughed in self-derision and shook his head slightly. “It was very real to me. Remind me to show you the hole I punched in the kitchen wall sometime, when I found out you were gone…”
Eva’s mouth dropped open and her eyes widened. “You’re kidding!”
He shook his head no. “And I threw some of my research books off the deck. I still can’t find one of them,” he said in a rueful voice.
Eva started to laugh at her mental image of an angry Adam Maxwell taking out his displeasure on anything close at hand. “Oh Max! I’m sorr
y!”
“You should be!” he growled roughly, amusement nonetheless shining from his eyes. Eva’s smile slowly faded. She touched and stroked his arms again.
“Maxwell…I—I need to love you,” she said struggling with her own knowledge. Adam looked at her tenderly, watching the lovely glow of her face, slipping his arms around her back, bringing her hips and chest against him.
“When…” he whispered thickly.
Eva felt a sudden rush of blood to her neck and face at his implication. She looked down at the muscle of his chest imprinted under the fabric of his shirt, his male nipple outlined. “That’s not what I meant…” she responded softly.
Adam put a hand under her chin and lifted her face to his. “Eva…I know what you meant.” And he gently gathered her against his chest again. He brushed a kiss on her forehead, down to her cheek. He squeezed her suddenly, bending to bite erotically on her earlobe, his hand searching down her back to her curved bottom.
Eva gasped softly and turned her head to kiss his throat, feeling her body start to tremble with the desire he was bringing to life within her. She was fast thinking that she needed to be closer to him. It was Adam who actually voiced both their desire and need.
“Can’t we go somewhere to be alone?” he asked a little impatiently.
“Where are you staying?” Eva asked simply. Adam’s brow cleared and he grinned wolfishly.
“See how bad I’ve gotten? How come I didn’t think of that?” He released her completely. “Go tell your mother you’re going to be very late for dinner.”
“But…what reason should I give her?” Eva frowned, struggling for a conservative excuse that wouldn’t shock her mother.
Adam put his hands on her shoulders. “If she knows you love me, Eva, I think she’ll figure it out!” He turned her and pushed her gently toward the door through which her mother had recently disappeared.
“MAXWELL?”
“Ummmmm?”
“How long are you going to stay here?”
The words were absorbed by the hair on Maxwell’s chest. Eva lay half across his torso, one leg lying between his, the other leg pressed against his thigh. Maxwell’s left arm was bent back behind his head and the right was around Eva, the large hand rhythmically stroking up and down her back, side, and thigh.
“How long do you want me to stay?”
Eva heard the question but did not answer. Her sense of caution was still in play. “I was just wondering about your research. The ship and the house…”
Maxwell sighed deeply, silently. “The experiments are under control. They’ll wait for me. Troy has the ship…”
Now it was Eva’s turn to sigh. She gently pulled away from Adam and climbed off the bed. She walked gracefully over to the low, long dresser, feeling in the dark until she located Adam’s watch. The illuminated face read almost eight o’clock. She put it down feeling that it shouldn’t be that late. Maxwell had only just arrived. Sometime soon she knew he’d have to leave. Knowing that they loved each other hadn’t really settled anything.
Maxwell hoisted himself up against the headboard of the large bed, stuffing pillows behind his back. He watched the dark form of Eva as she stood across the room from him. He watched as she went to draw open the orange curtains of the hotel room, just enough to show the sky gradually darkening after sunset.
“I can only stay a week,” he finally answered her question. He saw her nod her head.
Eva was chilly in the dark air-conditioned room, but she didn’t immediately go back to the bed or start to dress. She was suddenly panic-stricken that she’d do something foolish like cling to Maxwell. It came out of an overwhelming sense of happiness that he’d come to her, confessed he loved her, had loved her here in this impersonal room. But she was afraid to recognize that it might not be enough.
“What will you do the whole week?” she asked softly.
Maxwell bent a knee, putting his foot flat on the tangled sheets, and crossed his arms behind his head. It bulged the muscles in his shoulders and upper arms. His eyes narrowed in her direction.
“I haven’t worked it all out yet. The most important thing yesterday seemed to just get to you today,” he whispered in his deep voice. He didn’t like the distance she’d put between them again.
Eva turned to stare at him, lounging comfortably on the bed. They’d both been deliciously satisfied after having assuaged their immediate need. But she wondered if he’d considered afterward. She could see Adam clearly, but he couldn’t really see her.
“What about Lavona?” Eva asked. Maxwell frowned deeply, his jaw tensing almost in anger. “You’re not usually given to being foolish Eva…what’s this about Lavona?”
Eva drew her arms up to her naked breasts. Her voice dropped with uncertainty. “I just—just thought that after I left…” Her voice trailed off.
“Dammit, Eva,” Maxwell ground out suddenly. “You understood my relationship to Lavona as well as I did. You even told me so!”
But that was before Eva knew she loved him herself. Way before Lavona could ever be a threat to her.
“Don’t forget you had what’s-his-name after you. How was I supposed to feel?”
Eva looked up surprised. “How did you feel?” she whispered in curiosity.
“Damned jealous!” Maxwell said without hesitation. “I didn’t like him anywhere near you!”
“But it wasn’t the same thing! Everyone on St. John seemed to know about you and Lavona. There was absolutely nothing between me and Deacon!”
Maxwell grunted. His arms came down, one resting on his bent knee. “But I still didn’t like it!”
Eva was amazed. “You have a lot of nerve!” she said, in a combination of true amusement and exasperation.
“I know,” Maxwell said, completely unabashed. But his expression suddenly got very thoughtful. His brows furrowed together, as he began to understand her continuing doubts. “Look, Eva…Lavona is every man’s fantasy of whom he’d most like to be with on an island. But I never intended staying forever on an island.”
Eva swallowed hard trying not to yell out her real fears. She turned her back to him. “Anyway…there’s your work…”
Maxwell quickly swung off the bed and stood up.
“And your daughter.”
He took his time walking up to her, reaching out his hands.
“I’m thinking about school. I told my mother I want to find my own pla…”
Maxwell grabbed her and turned Eva roughly into his arms. He crushed her to him. Eva’s face was pressed tightly to his chest.
“Oh, Maxwell…what are we going to do?” she asked in a broken voice.
Maxwell caressed her chilled flesh, warming her against his hard body. “We’re going to sit and talk. We’re going to work this out.” He pushed her back to see her face, see tears glistening and threatening to spill from her eyes. He bent to her, his tongue brushing to coax her lips apart so he could kiss her with intimate meaning. He kept pulling and playing gently until Eva was soft and warm and calmer. Then he released her, turning her toward the bed. He sat on the edge pulling Eva down beside him.
“Eva…the first thing I wanted to do was see you. I wanted you to know that I loved you. The next thing I’m going to do is get reassigned to a research project in the States…”
“But you like doing research in the Virgin Islands!” Eva protested in his behalf.
“That’s right, I do…” Maxwell took hold of her face and looked full into her eyes. “But they don’t have law schools in the Virgin Islands.”
Eva’s eyes grew bright and wide. But she was still unsure of his meaning.
“What do you think of Washington, D.C.?” Adam asked her now, letting go of her face.
“I don’t know. I’ve never been to Washington,” Eva admitted.
“I could do a lot in Washington. I could go back with the Navy, or teach, or work for Smithsonian. You could go to Georgetown or to Howard University to study. But we’d be together.”
<
br /> “Max!” Eva breathed out, feeling joyous.
“I have a friend who works in the Defense Department who could help us find an apartment or a house. Something big…so Diane could visit…”
Eva went cold. She didn’t think it a good idea that Diane be made aware of her arrangement with her father. But, of course, Maxwell would want to see his daughter now, as much as possible. “I—I don’t know if we should…” Eva hesitated.
Maxwell frowned at her for a long moment. “What do you think I’m suggesting?” he asked in a tight voice.
“That we—we live together. I—I don’t mind that. But you can’t expect Diane…”
“I’m not saying we should just live together,” he said patiently, but his jaw tensed again, and he sighed. “Sometimes I’d like to shake you…”
“I don’t know what to expect from you, Maxwell. Just because you say you love me doesn’t make everything automatically clear,” Eva said softly in self-defense.
Maxwell looked at her carefully and smiled wryly. “You’re right.” He stroked a hand up her arm to her shoulder to her neck. He began to massage there sensuously. His light brown eyes commanded her attention.
“I realize that you loved your husband very much. You were both very lucky. I believed you when you said you didn’t necessarily want to marry again. I wasn’t so lucky, and I knew for sure I didn’t want to…”
Eva laced her fingers together and looked down at them resting on her bare thighs. Maxwell continued to gently rub her neck. His voice grew low and seductive.
“But you’re not the kind of woman a man just sleeps with. If we do this…if I get a job in Washington and you get accepted to law school, then we should get married…”
Eva looked at him with so much love that Maxwell gulped a tight knot in his throat. He opened his arms and Eva fell into them against his chest. “I love you,” he whispered. “And I need you!” They stayed that way a long time.
“It might take a while to work out everything. All my research stuff has to be shipped from St. John. The department may want to send someone else there in my place.”
“Do you think you’ll ever go back?”
