I skipped up the steps to the front door. I had time for cool down stretches and a shower before breakfast and the University. The jog had cleared my head and I felt ready for the day.
Except, where is he?
Chapter 38
I watched Louie, Sherry and Yvonne scramble out of the car and shrug on bright parkas and all I could think of was sex. Most stores had closed down, though not the bookstore where I spent the last two hours male hard and guzzling espresso in a pitiful attempt to pretend I wasn't hard. Fortunately my own parka was long enough to hide under and I tossed my cup and went outside.
The walks were lined with people waiting to dine and young lovers enduring the chill for the romance of strolling along the lake. Only one thing was just now opening for business - night skiing.
“The slopes shouldn't be crowded tonight,” Louie said, nodding at the people. “Night skiing is slightly dangerous, ladies. Are you certain you want to give it a go?” They laughed at his caution and we drove to the lodge and skied for hours before lazing in our bubbling jacuzzi around 11pm.
“I think I hurt everywhere,” Yvonne groaned. She'd taken a good spill and rotated her sore body in front of the pulsing jets. “Even the water hurts.”
Louie was at her side. “I’ll rub some lotion on you, darling. It'll still hurt more tomorrow, though.”
“It was worth it. I think I’m in love with night skiing.” She pulled him closer. Louie turned his head to nuzzle her and I got out of the bubbling water. Sherry came with me.
“You’re kind of quiet tonight,” I said.
“Sorry. Just tired.”
I gave her a friendly hug with one arm around her shoulder. “Why don’t you get into something dry and I’ll fix a snack.”
She flipped her towel at the cold fireplace. “Could you start the fire?”
“You got it.”
She closed the bedroom door and I wrestled with myself. Sherry had already more or less invited me to her bed, which is a kind of requirement of mine. No taking against her will. I wasn't going to act on the offer, but neither was I going to spend the night hungry. What a joke! I haven't been so full in years. Yet I still hungered.
I poured wine, set crackers, olives and cheese nibbles on a plate for her and started the fire. When she opened the door, I went in and dressed. The fire was toasty warm and we sat on the couch, gradually settling into peaceful small talk. Well, not so peaceful for hyped up me.
“Yvonne, you're shivering. Let me comb your hair out.” It was pleasant, fluffing to help it dry. She munched and sipped and leaned against me, relaxed. I approved of relaxed and didn’t debate the 'if’ but only the ‘which place’ I would to bite her this time. Poor gal, tired mostly because of the nightly way she energized me.
Murmuring soft words of no importance, I shifted her into that unaware state where the mind makes no memories. When I swept her hair aside and placed my mouth on her throat, she made a little sound and lifted her chin. My mind flicked through the choices - be the source of fear and pain, or passion and gasping pleasure? I chose none of those, providing unawareness instead. And I cupped her breast while I fed.
In dazed comfort, she touched my leg and I felt glad that we can feed without damaging the provider. Ironic that, although humans kill both plants and animals in order to eat, we never need to kill at all - and both Louie and I were careful that these women and all others remained healthy and whole.
I relaxed back in well fed warmth and after a bit Louie and Yvonne came in and headed for the shower. I pulled Sherry to her feet and guided her to the bedroom, laughing softly with her as she apologized for flaking out on me. I squatted on the floor beside her and muttered words of dreamy nothingness, sending her deep into renewing delta waves of sleep.
Then I struggled. I've avoided it so far, but tonight I wanted what I wanted. Not possible. Conflict tore at me, but logic usually takes me where I belong, so I did my confounded debate.
Some things aren’t illegal, nor precisely wrong, but they nag and pull at my human conscience. Like people, when they've been given too much change and don't say anything to the clerk. Like when they flirt with the person their best friend loves. Things that were not against the law, but that moved tight along the edge of moral values. I thought I wouldn't touch Sherry, but I'd been aroused for days and she was attractive. I could soar her into ecstasy. So why the stir of unease?
There was zero personal relationship here, no pretense of caring beyond being nice. I gazed at her sleeping face. I felt no qualms about hunger and sex was a beautiful thing, a needful thing, and she was willing. Yet, I was conflicted, like it was betrayal. The question was - betrayal over what? Henna? But we haven't cemented our relationship yet.
I returned to the couch and downed more wine. Louie would be with Yvonne for a while, so there was time to resolve this.
Betrayal. Not a respectable emotion for a vampire to feel. A wimpy and pointless sentiment. So what the hell was going on? Was it the frequency of my drinking? Obviously, I have to eat. I shielded Sherry from knowledge and that’s a huge deal for her. True, I never ask for permission when I take what is not mine and make it mine, but I only drink what is naturally replaced - and in any case, there's no choice, really, being what I am.
My groin ached and I went out to stand on the front steps. I haven’t been with a woman in a very long time and I was feeling the lack. If not now, tonight, then it would be soon with someone else. Not Henna, because sex would include biting her, which I won't do yet. So why hesitate with Sherry?
She'd thrown back the covers, like destiny. Conflicted still, I did it anyway. I swept her from sleep to dimmed awareness and turned her body, opening both her throat to my thirst and her robe to my body. I transported Sherry to a heaven she would never remember and took my time about it. And it was wild. If I took, I also gave. No thoughts, no recriminations, just the act I do so well.
Enough! It was never enough, but I made it be enough.
I stood, my body sated, my mind a mess. I wrapped her in the robe, gathered scattered covers from the floor and, rolling her to and fro, tucked in corners. I found and fluffed the pillows, then smoothed out wrinkles, deftly returning exhausted Sherry and her bed to their innocent selves. I closed the door and sat on the couch, both filled and emptied, but it was Henna who occupied my thoughts, and it was Henna’s body I really wanted beneath my roving tongue. Henna my fangs ached for.
Dangerous thoughts, for her. A different sort of danger for me. Louie was still with Yvonne, so I made a rash decision - although, heh. I thought it through first.
I never dream, unless I want to. If I decide to sleep and decide to dream, I always wonder what part of me is in control. The subconscious? Countless times Louie and I have discussed the fact that the human subconscious is still present in all vampires. When I first knew him in Amsterdam, there was no knowledge of the hidden aspects of mind and personality. Yet, he told me, those aspects were always there, influencing our duel lives.
Louie, somehow, has always been aware of the self beneath and he put me in touch with my own very early on, then left me free to explore. I was immediately fascinated and spent weeks pondering my newly discovered 'under-self', as I called it. I questioned every move, every deed, every thought or passing desire. I probed my intentions, my hopes, my family upbringing and the effects of the world around me. Endless questions that I still enjoy.
Back then I wrestled in anguish with what I had become. Strange, in a way, to doubt my own existence, but I had believed that we were all aberrations, products of the devil, evil and apt to dissolve into vapor at God’s whim. How, I wondered, could I be vampire and human at the same time?
I pondered the good and the bad of my reality. I struggled with vanity and groped with the idea of my eternal vampire life. Was this it? Or did I still possess an even more eternal soul? I asked myself why I had the urge to kill and why I didn't resist the petty cruelties that gave me so much enjoyment. That still give me enjoyment. I to
ok a good look at the world and blamed that cruelty on my human side.
I thanked God always, and still do, for granting me Louie. And for the long ago gift of Sonja, a most remarkable woman, unfailingly good in every way. She was grounded in her faith, in her commitment to Louie and in her choice to become his wife.
Yet, though Louie cannot live without love, I have chosen to no longer look for it. To me, love means hurt, so beyond the love I feel for Louie - no! And then came Henna. I still had time tonight. Let the subconscious rule. I decided to sleep and to dream about Henna.
It was misty, vague, a wonderland of sorts, but felt so real. I saw her with me, knowing me for what I am and wanting to be with me anyway. I saw her blossoming and creating and sharing her blossoms and creations and incredible self in close, tender hours with me. I felt us meld and join then part and return again. I saw her sleeping in safe ease and reaching her remarkable energies out for me in our times of separation. I heard her singing and I sensed her moods and understood her thoughts as she did mine. I drank from her and through the dream, I saw a glorious human loving a vampire who loved back. And both of us were glowing Silver.
I awoke besieged, again, with that awful knowledge of potential, unfathomable pain. But I could leave the mountains because now I knew what to do. One way or the other, be she vamped or not - I would have Henna.
Chapter 39
Finally Louie came out to talk. I handed him a glass of wine and he grinned at me. “She's a noisy one, Sherry is.”
My mouth dropped. Louie and I don't do conquest talk
“Just that it was unexpected, mon ami, and I had to do an extra memory swipe on Yvonne.” He slid gracefully to the floor in near the fire. “Sorry I took so long. I decided to give Yvonne blood to help her soreness heal.” He sighed. “Fresh snow and skiing. I've missed it.”
I stared at the dancing flames. “I haven’t skied since 1939.”
“Yes, and nothing compares to the Alps.”
“Better without the Nazis. And better equipment now,” I said.
He gazed peacefully into the fire. “You're leaving us.”
“I'll stay through the day.”
“That long? Ah, you don't wish to wait around down there while Henna's at work.”
“If she's still working.” I slapped my hand against the side of the couch, picturing Henna as a newbie killer. Would she even be in Claremont anymore? No matter. I could find her.
Louie was watching me. “My guess is she hasn't turned, and won't. Why not plan that way, Brecken.”
“I'm trying, but I think she has. If not, I'll have a lot of kissing up to do. No contact for four days? She'll be royally pissed.”
“Change her memories. Plant the idea of a needed trip with me. Make me the bad guy.”
“Now there's a thought,” I laughed. “No, I want to play this fair and square. She's fallen for me, Louie.”
He laughed low. “And you for her.”
I closed my eyes. “Yes, that, too.”
“Brecken, we haven't talked about the Silver.”
“I told you I've given her a lot. Doesn't affect me. I'm so stuffed with excess I could gag.”
“Like mother's milk when she’s away from the infant?”
I spluttered. “Wouldn't have put it that way, Louie. Apt, though. I'll keep on feeding it to her.”
“Good.” I could almost hear him thinking. “Interesting to see where this experiment goes,” he said. “There has to be some reason she's able to both accept and use our energy. Even if she's vamped.”
“I agree.” How to solve that astounding puzzle? “No worry. I'll ferret it out.”
He glanced at me. “I thought you'd need convincing, after all the turmoil. Thought you'd be introspective and self-examining. Since when are you Monsieur Decisive?”
I looked at him and laughed. “Since I've been introspective and self-examining for four days in the presence of Monsieur Get Your Act Together Before I Kick Your Butt!”
The women slept soundly and late. I got crescents and coffee from the bakery and sat with them while they ate. Yvonne's mind didn't remember, but her body did and she had a healthy glow of release and contentment. Louie cocked his eyebrow at me and smirked. It was after noon before they all left to ski Big Bear and I went out for a barefoot stroll.
I trekked through the pristine snow, leaving deep prints under the snow laden pines and cedars, wholly at one with God and nature. I'd leave in a few hours. And I was ready, plans in place.
First, Henna was not food. I sternly set the boundaries for my disgruntled, darker self. Second, Henna was special and I intended to have her heart, then that lovely body. Ultimately, blood, also.
Third, if she had turned, was one of us, I still wanted her. End of story.
I dropped on my back in the snow, sweeping my legs and arms to make an angel, as children have done since forever. Icy cold sifted down my neck. I felt in harmony with myself and lay there playing with my body's heat - melting the snow to puddles then letting it ice around me again. The afternoon passed and it was truth time.
Leaving the snowy image of my angel behind, I tramped off to help create what waited.
Chapter 40
The curving road down the mountains was slow, but beautiful, sky clear, valley lights spreading below, the moon rising full. Truth, for better or worse, waiting for me. Then as I neared Claremont, I felt the power of an unrecognized vampire and my breath caught. Was it Henna? No, it was male - and not Russell. So who the hell was in my territory?
I jammed the pedal to the floor. Ten minutes to her house. I made it in five, a frisson of Henna's human vibes buzzing me as I closed in. Human. Henna was human, not turned. My relief was palpable, an unbearable weight lifted. I had to hear her voice so I barricaded my own vibes and moved next to the house to eavesdrop on her and her cousin. They were getting dressed. The two of them were going to the Tavern to hear the new musician perform.
I wanted to ring the doorbell or climb the wall, but I felt the strange vampire on the move. My car was down the block from Henna, he was on the way, no time to drive home, so I leaned against the car to wait. Face him here, move to the hills for protocol. Find out if he made Henna drink his blood. Kill him if he did, and if not, banish the cussed monster from my territory.
The movement stopped and stayed stopped. Stranger vamp had settled. What? Waiting for me to come to him? But perhaps he thought I was the intruder, since I'd been out of town when he came. Sullen, I gave him the benefit of the doubt and slid into my car to seek him out. And straighten him out - 'out' being the operative word. Russell, too. No more vampires near my territory.
Then shock. The vamp's trail led to the Tavern and the guy advertised on the poster was singing on Henna's platform. Conor. I almost ran my fist through his picture. Of course, he knew I was there. I slipped in the door and gave him a hard stare. A twitchy newbie, eyes wild and blinking in panic. His fingers faltered on the guitar, but he sang on. Henna was on the way and now was not the time to talk. I raised my eyebrows in warning, set my barriers and slipped out to the my window behind the shrubbery.
The damned newbie didn't come out. He stayed on the platform during his break, like it was a sanctuary from evil. He was right. Henna and Christina were seated close, chatting with him. I was torn with concern for Henna and reluctance to go public in front of the thirty or so customers, so I settled with lurking at the window, ready to break through the wall if he made a move towards her.
He was aware I watched and darted confused glances my way again and again. Odd behavior for our kind. What was with him? He obviously knew Henna and actually shook hands with her cousin. Right in front of me, pretending I wasn't waiting. My body rippled with urge to slash at him. To strike at his throat, tear at his heart, rip off his head. Protect Henna. Ironic that her presence was protecting him.
He sang another faltering set. Yet, the crowd was pleased. He was good at hiding anxiety, but Henna noticed his mistakes and looked a little sad.
At the second break she and her cousin left. I couldn't follow yet, but I monitored their drive home. The girl, Crystal, arrived and Conor rushed over to her and they whispered for a couple of minutes, then she left. He did his final set, thanked the listeners and walked slowly towards the exit. A long hesitation, his body shaking, then straightened stance and out the door to me. For sure, this wasn't a guy who could make Henna drink without completely draining her himself. So who did it then? My money was back on Russell.
I moved away from the window into the shade of a tree and forced myself to calm. He hadn't come out right away, but one could understand why. And he didn't touch Henna, didn't shake her hand or let his eyes linger on her face. His dark energy was held in and his demeanor very human. Perfect fooling of the crowd. But why was a second vampire in my territory?
Russell had mentioned looking for someone, maybe this guy. Obvious that Conor was newly turned, maybe by Russell. Conor had the power of his vampire self and used it when he performed. I for sure noticed. How much has Henna noticed? He sent those vampire speed glances my way every few minutes, with her right there. Conor was nervous, yet mostly hide that nervousness. A good performer, he performed well even at that.
Without Henna in the picture, I'd handle things differently. As it was, I intended to run him off before she tuned in to his true nature and before he acted on her extraordinary appeal. I burned, imagining him drawn to her, running to her. If Conor resisted, violence is a familiar friend to me.
A shadow moved and he was in sight, vacillating, eyes rounded in alarm. For a moment I thought he might run away, which I wouldn't have allowed. Newbie or not, he was a dangerous vamp in my space and near Henna. I meant to learn everything about him.
Then he was in front of me. I looked him up and down, appraising his demeanor. A perfect composite of who we are: wary, curious, friendly human, yet defiant, temperamental vamp. But the human shone through, so my human talked to his.
Silver Page 23
