“It doesn’t work that way.” Kyra sped through a yellow light, then whipped into a parking spot near the front of the hospital. “Want me to get a wheelchair, or can you walk?”
“I can walk,” Sienna said.
Kyra nodded, unbuckling her seat belt and reaching for the door handle.
“Wait.” Sienna grabbed her arm. Mascara had smudged under her wide, fearful eyes. She looked so young. A child, really. And soon she would be a mother.
Soon Kyra would be a mother. Again.
“I’m scared.” Sienna’s hand cradled her belly. “He’s not going to be mine anymore.”
Kyra put her hand over the top of Sienna’s. When she spoke, her voice was thick with emotion. “You will always be a part of his life. You’re as much a part of our family now as he is, for as long as you want to be.”
Sienna started crying. “You’ve been so nice to me. But I keep worrying once I give you what you want, you’ll blow me off.”
“We won’t. I promise. Sienna, you’re giving us the greatest gift we could ever ask for. And we’ll never forget that.”
Sienna leaned over and gasped, a contraction breaking their moment.
“I’ll get a wheelchair,” Kyra told her, opening her door.
“No, I can walk. I don’t want to be alone.”
Kyra helped Sienna across the parking lot, stopping once for a contraction. They took the elevator up to labor and delivery, and Sienna waddled to the admitting desk.
“I think my water broke,” she told the nurse.
The nurse’s mouth twitched, probably at Sienna’s obvious youth. “Let me get some information, and we’ll get you to a room as soon as possible. How far apart are your contractions?”
“I don’t know. I just started having them.”
The nurse looked to Kyra. “About ten minutes,” Kyra told her. She’d been timing them, even if Sienna hadn’t.
“Are you her sister?” the nurse asked, uncertainty in her tone.
“No.” Kyra wondered how to answer.
“She’s the baby’s mom,” Sienna said. “She’s adopting him.”
“Sienna!” Annabelle raced through the doors and hugged her daughter tightly. “Are you okay?”
Sienna nodded. “Kyra’s been with me the whole time.”
Annabelle turned to Kyra. “Thank you.”
“Let’s go,” the nurse said. “We’ll do a test to make sure your water really broke and admit you.”
Kyra stood there, feeling lost. What was her role in all of this? She wanted to be there for every second of Sienna’s labor and delivery. She wanted to be in the room when her son cried for the first time. But she also wanted to respect Sienna’s privacy.
Sienna grabbed Kyra’s hand, her fingernails biting into the flesh. “Come with me. I want you to be there when he’s born.”
Kyra blinked to hold back the tears and nodded. “Of course. Whatever you want. I’m here for you.”
Sienna turned to the nurse. “I want her to have one of those wristband thingies or whatever so she can stay with the baby after he’s born. My caseworker said to make sure you knew.”
After Sienna was officially admitted, Kyra called David. Thirty minutes later he arrived at the hospital to pace in the waiting room. Kyra’s heart went out to him, but they had agreed it would be uncomfortable to have him wait in Sienna’s room.
Sienna’s labor progressed quickly, and only five hours after arriving at the hospital the doctor told her, “It’s time to push.”
Sienna grabbed Kyra’s hand. “Don’t leave.”
“I’m staying right here,” Kyra said.
“On your next contraction, bear down,” the doctor told Sienna.
“You can do it,” Kyra said. She stood on one side of Sienna, and Annabelle stood on the other. Sienna gripped both of their hands. Kyra’s fingers tingled from lack of blood circulation.
“Push now,” the doctor commanded.
“It’ll all be over soon, honey,” Annabelle said. “Push!”
“I am pushing!” Sienna yelled.
For twenty minutes Sienna pushed. Tears pooled in Kyra’s eyes as Sienna screamed and yelled and cried from pain and exhaustion. She wished she could switch places with Sienna and go through the agony for her. “You’re doing so well,” Kyra said over and over.
“His shoulders are almost out,” the doctor said. “One more should do it.”
Sienna let out a scream, bearing down. A moment later, a newborn cry pierced the air.
Tears fell down Kyra’s cheeks. Her baby. Her son. He let out another cry, louder than before, and she wanted to rush over and soothe him. She felt exactly the same as she had with Sophie’s first cry—completely and totally in love. It didn’t matter that she hadn’t given birth to him. He was hers.
Sienna collapsed against the bed, sobbing. “You did good,” Annabelle said, rubbing Sienna’s shoulders. Tears streamed down her cheeks.
“Seven pounds, two ounces,” a nurse announced.
“You were amazing,” Kyra said.
A nurse walked over, the baby in her arms. “Do you want to hold him?” she asked Sienna.
Sienna nodded. Kyra’s heart wrenched as she watched Sienna take him. Would she change her mind? How on earth could she possibly give such a precious child away?
“Hi, little guy,” Sienna cooed, putting her finger out for the baby to grasp. Kyra’s arms ached to hold him, but he wasn’t hers. Not legally. Not yet. Sienna needed this moment.
The baby’s cries settled down as Sienna cuddled him close. The moment felt so private that Kyra wondered if she should leave.
“I have waited so long to see you,” Sienna whispered. “There’s someone I want to introduce you to.” She reached out with her free hand, grasping Kyra’s. Kyra stepped forward in surprise. “This is your mother,” Sienna whispered in the baby’s ears.
Kyra let out a sob. Annabelle buried her face in her hands.
Sienna transferred the baby into Kyra’s arms. “He’s your son now. Not mine.”
Kyra stared in wonder at the baby. His eyes, gray and beautiful, were opened wide as he took in his surroundings. His face was red from the trauma of birth, his head slightly misshaped. Kyra had never seen a more beautiful baby boy in her life. “Hi, little guy,” she whispered. “I’m your mommy. And I love you so much.” Kyra turned to Sienna, unable to hold back the sobs. “I can never repay you for this. Thank you feels inadequate.”
“We need to take him to the nursery,” a nurse said. “Hospital procedure says he needs to be transported in the bassinet.”
Kyra nodded, leaning down to kiss his head before placing him in the bassinet.
“Are you coming with us to the nursery, Mom?” the nurse asked.
Kyra glanced over at Sienna. Annabelle sat on the edge of Sienna’s bed, her daughter’s head buried against her chest as both their shoulders shook with sobs. Kyra turned away, her own shoulders shaking with emotion. “Yes.” The baby was her priority now, and Sienna needed time with her mother.
The nurse wheeled the bassinet, and Kyra followed, her eyes glued to the baby inside. Her son.
“My husband’s in the waiting room,” Kyra told the nurse. “Can he come to the nursery too?”
“Sure. I’ll send a nurse to find him.”
“Thank you.” Kyra wouldn’t leave the baby’s side, but she longed for David to meet their child.
Kyra watched as the nurse checked the baby’s vitals and helped bathe him for the first time. He screamed and screamed. “He’s got a healthy set of lungs on him,” the nurse said with a laugh as she wrapped him in a blanket. “We’re done for now. Would you like to hold him?”
Kyra nodded eagerly. The nurse transferred him to her arms. “Hey, little guy.” Kyra bounced him gently. “It’s okay. Mommy’s here.”
His cries stopped. He looked up at Kyra with beautiful dark gray eyes and let out a coo.
“He knows his mother’s voice,” the nurse said. She pointed outside the
nursery window. David stood there, his expression one of awe. “Looks like the nurse found Daddy. Shall I let him in?”
Kyra nodded. The nurse opened the door, and David hurried inside. He peered over Kyra’s shoulder and down into the baby’s face. “He’s absolutely beautiful.”
“He is.” Kyra gently placed the baby in David’s arms.
David’s face glowed as he stared at their son in awe. “Hey, buddy.” He held the baby with the expertise of someone who’d already had a child. “He’s beautiful, Kyr.”
“He’s our son.”
He blinked. “I can’t believe it. A month ago, we hadn’t even been placed with Sienna. And now he’s here.”
“Congratulations, Daddy.” Kyra kissed him softly on the lips. “We’re officially a family of four.”
Megan anxiously stared at the ultrasound screen. “Well?” she asked. “Can you or can’t you?” She was twenty-four weeks, and they still weren’t certain what the genders of their children were. They were pretty sure there was a boy in the mix, but despite all their ultrasounds, they had yet to get a clear shot of each child. Apparently their kids were too darn modest.
“I definitely can tell,” Dr. Johnson said.
“For absolute certain?”
“For absolute certain.”
“What are they?” Megan demanded.
“It’s three boys,” Trent guessed.
Dr. Johnson shook his head. “One boy and two identical girls. Congratulations.”
Trent and Megan stared at each other in amazement.
“I can’t believe it.” Megan laughed in pure joy. It was all becoming real.
Life had changed so much in the last month. Christina had lost a child, and Kyra had gained one. Megan had reached a big milestone in pregnancy—twenty-four weeks, the age of viability. She was on complete bed rest now due to pre-term labor, and knew there was a big chance she’d soon be hospitalized for the rest of her pregnancy. But they were hopeful she could go at least another eight weeks before the birth of their children.
At home a few hours later, Megan wandered into the guest bedroom and lay down. She looked around the room. The guest bed disappeared, replaced by three cribs. The reading alcove she’d so desperately wanted in Logan materialized in one corner of the room. Mobiles hung above each crib.
Megan closed her eyes, smiling with pure joy. She softly hummed a lullaby. Maybe she’d paint the walls a pale yellow or green, something gender neutral. A music theme would be perfect. She’d find canvases with music notes and hang them over the cribs.
Nine months ago, she’d stood in an empty room in Logan, her heart longing for what could’ve been. Now all she could see were the possibilities, and what the future held.
Trent sank onto the bed next to Megan, brushing back her hair. “What are you doing in here?”
“Trying to decide what to do for the nursery. Guess it’s time to sell this bed.” Megan patted the mattress. She lay in bed on her left side, just as Dr. Johnson recommended to alleviate possible contractions.
“We never have guests anyway.” Trent kissed her neck. “I’d rather have three babies.”
Megan laughed. “Me too.”
Christina and Kyra came over that night so Megan could share the good news with them.
Kyra arrived first with baby Hunter, her face alight with the joy of new motherhood. “Did you find out for certain?” she asked, leaning down to hug Megan.
“Yes,” Megan said with a grin. “But you have to wait until Christina gets here to find out.” Megan motioned to the tiny infant, asleep in his car seat. “How’s Hunter doing?”
Kyra set the carrier on the floor. “He’s doing amazing. Sophie absolutely adores him.”
“And how’s Sienna?” Bed rest meant Megan regrettably had to let her piano students go—for now, at least. She missed the weekly contact with Sienna, but she’d be in Pennsylvania soon anyway. Megan had texted her a few times over the week since Hunter’s birth, but mostly Megan had tried to give Sienna space.
“Struggling,” Kyra admitted. “She had to relinquish her parental rights twenty-four hours after his birth, and that was really hard.”
“Has she been over to see him?”
“Once. I think it hurts too much right now. She’s really looking forward to leaving for Philadelphia in a few weeks.”
“I can’t even imagine. I’m happy for you, but my heart hurts for her.”
“I know.” Kyra sank into a chair by Megan’s bed. “I’ve never felt such joy and pain simultaneously.”
There was a knock at the door, and Christina walked in. “Hi.”
Kyra rose, giving Christina a hug. Christina bent down to hug Megan. “Well?” she asked, sitting down.
“Well what?” Megan said.
Christina gave an exasperated sigh. “Did you find out or not?”
“Yes.” Megan couldn’t stop the silly grin from splitting her face. “I’m planning a gender reveal photo shoot for Friday.”
“You can’t make us wait,” Christina said.
“I don’t know . . .”
“Megan Burke!”
Megan grinned. “You have to act surprised at the party. But . . .” She pulled back the blanket on the bed, revealed three pairs of baby booties—two pink, and one blue. “We’re having two girls and a boy.”
“Ahh!” Kyra hugged Megan.
Christina hugged Megan too. “Congratulations.” Her eyes couldn’t quite hide the pain. “They would’ve all had so much fun together. Hunter and Grace and your triplets.”
Megan frowned. “If this is too hard for you, Christina . . .”
Christina shook her head. “No. I want you to tell me everything. I’m so excited for you.”
Megan reached for Christina’s hand. “You and Gary will have another child one day. Our kids will play together then.”
“We need time to heal,” Christina said.
Kyra nodded. “Of course you do. No one expects you to jump back into it immediately.”
Christina brushed back a tear. “We don’t want to replace Grace. And that’s what trying again right now feels like. We’ll wait a few months, and then see how we feel about things.”
“Of course,” Megan said. “You should take all the time you need. When it’s right, you’ll know it.”
“And you can come over and hold Hunter whenever you need to,” Kyra said. “Or not come over. It’s your choice.”
“Same with these three,” Megan said, pointing to her belly.
Christina laughed, reaching forward and taking Hunter from Kyra’s arms. “Oh, I definitely need to hold the babies. All of them.” She nuzzled Hunter’s neck, breathing in deeply. “When the time is right, we’ll try again. I have faith that God has something more in store for us than this pain.”
“I know he does,” Megan said.
Kyra linked her arm through Christina’s. “And in the meantime, we’ll all be living our someday.”
1. In Chasing Someday, each woman’s perception of herself is closely tied to her inability to have children. Do you think motherhood is an appropriate indicator of self-worth?
2. All three women in the story take a different approach to infertility. Christina and Kyra are both very secretive, and Megan is very open. Which approach would you take, given their situations? Is one approach better than the other?
3. Infertility is often a taboo subject in our society. How do the characters in the story reinforce or fight that stigma? Should infertility continue to be a subject that is kept quiet?
4. At one point in the story, Megan says she doesn’t just want to be a mom—she wants to have a baby. How are the two different?
5. Motherhood is a theme throughout Chasing Someday. How has the book influence and changed your ideas about motherhood and womanhood?
6. Throughout the story, Kyra is worried someone will find out she’s struggling to have another baby. Why does she want to keep her infertility quiet?
7. After the move to Rivert
on, why is Megan resistant to beginning fertility treatments again?
8. At the beginning of the story, we find out Christina went off birth control without telling Gary. Do you feel she was justified to do this? Why or why not?
9. Which of the characters did you connect with the most? Why?
10. Which of the characters grew the most over the course of the story? How was this growth shown?
11. How does Megan’s perception of unwed mothers change as she teaches Sienna?
12. After Grace’s death, Christina and Gary decide to wait instead of trying immediately for another baby. Do you agree or disagree with their reasons for waiting? What would you do in their situation?
13. How has this book changed your perception of infertility?
14. None of the women get the ending they imagined at the beginning of the story. As a reader, do you feel the ending was emotionally satisfying? Why or why not?
Lindzee Armstrong is available for book club visits. Email her at [email protected] for more information.
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