by Claire Adams
I grabbed a stack of the photocopies, though, and stood up, handing them out. When Kristin shot me a quizzical look, I shrugged it off.
“Just trying to feel useful,” I said.
She smiled, obviously thinking that I was giving her a compliment because she’d just conducted class so well. I handed copies of the stapled article to each student, glad that Tessa was sitting at the far end of the row, meaning I would get to her last. I handed a copy to her friend Lindsey, who was giving me the eyes, and then I pretended several of the articles were stuck together, buying me a little time, before I finally detached one and gave it to Tessa. Our fingertips brushed.
“Wait 10 minutes and then come to my office,” I said in a low voice. I wasn’t sure if she’d even heard me, but then she nodded. She started to pack up her stuff and follow the rest of the students out of the classroom.
“So, how’d I do?” Kristin asked. “I think it went pretty well,” she said before I could respond. “I’d say most of them actually did the reading. Which is a pleasant surprise.”
“You’re right,” I said. She looked pleased that I was agreeing with her. “That whole class was one big pleasant surprise.”
Chapter Nine
Tessa
After class, I packed up my stuff and acted as if I was going to leave. Instead, though, I hung out in the small lobby near the entrance. I could feel people’s eyes on me as they walked past, though I tried to ignore it. I pulled out my textbook and opened it randomly to a page, starting to read, even though I wasn’t really able to focus on what the words were saying. I just wanted to do something so it would look like I was busy.
I heard someone say my name.
I looked up. It was Nick, and he was with his best friend, Seth, who was one of his teammates. They were both tall, fit, and good-looking, and they were both walking toward me.
“Tessa,” Nick said. He had the same expression on his face that he had when we first started hanging out. “I thought that was you. I like the outfit. A special occasion?”
“Um . . .” I wracked my brain, trying to think of some sort of witty response. “Laundry day,” was the best I could come up with.
Nick nodded. “It should be laundry day more often. How’ve you been?”
“I’m okay.”
“Great. Glad to hear it. What are you up to right now?”
“Oh, um, I’m just . . . just waiting for someone.”
“Yeah?
“Yeah.”
“Cause I was thinking maybe—”
“Come on, man,” Seth interrupted, laughing. “Don’t get started on that shit. We’ve got to get to class. You know I can’t flunk out of Professor Murphy’s class, and you know she’ll dock you for being late. Get your mind outta the gutter and let’s go.” He looked at me. “Not that I’m trying to ruin anyone’s plans or anything, but you understand, right?”
“Of course,” I said, feeling my face flush. I pulled my phone out of my purse and looked at it. Ten minutes was almost up. “As a matter of fact, I have to get going, too. Nice to see you guys.”
I stuffed my book back into my backpack and hurried off, not needing to turn to look to know that Nick was watching me as I went. I did feel a little surge of adrenaline shoot through me, just knowing that he was watching me, that what I was wearing today had managed to catch his eye. I made a note to tell Lindsey when I saw her later.
I went into his office, trying not to feel nervous. I tried to replay what Lindsey had said to me, like a mantra, in my head. You’re doing this for you. This is empowering.
But there was a part of me that was saying no self-respecting woman would do a thing like this, and that I certainly wouldn’t be in this situation if I didn’t need a better grade. Stop it. I pushed the thought out of my mind.
“That’s quite the outfit,” he said slowly, his eyes moving up and down my body. But instead of just standing there with my gaze down like I was on display for his viewing pleasure only, I returned the look, taking in his square cut jaw, his long, straight nose, the bright blue eyes. Underneath his clothes, you could tell he had the sort of body that was home to supple, smooth muscles that would feel like silk underneath your fingertips. He was the sort of guy that had probably never been turned down by a girl before, and the thought that he wanted to do this with me made my whole body feel hypersensitive.
“My mother bought it for me,” I said.
He raised his eyebrows. “Really.”
“Yeah. She was into road cycling for a while, and she tried to get me into it, too. I think she was more interested in the outfits, though. And the shoes. She liked the shoes; she said they were like reverse high heels.”
“I see.”
“I never actually wore this out riding a bike.”
“That’s a shame. It’s very . . . striking.”
He came over and stood in front of me, our bodies only inches from each other. My heart thudded; I could feel the pounding in my ears. My whole body felt electrified, the little hairs on my arms were standing straight up. I smiled, and that smile turned into a laugh, even though nothing funny had happened. I just needed a way to relieve a little of the pressure.
“What’s so funny?” he asked softly.
“I don’t know. This. It’s not funny, it’s just . . . I never thought that I’d be doing something like this.”
“And what is it we’re doing?”
Before I could respond, though, he brought his hand up to touch the side of my face, his forearm brushing my left nipple, which felt hard as glass, pushing against the thin material.
The Lycra of the skin suit suddenly felt as though it were actually more like a wetsuit, this awful impediment that I just had to get rid of as quickly as I could. I reached up to pull the zipper down, because I was suddenly overwhelmed by the need to feel his hands against my bare skin. It was as if my flesh were on fire and his touch would be the only thing capable of putting it out.
I got the zipper halfway down.
There was a knock at the door.
He pushed back from me so quickly he almost fell backward. I could see he had a huge erection, pressing against the front of his pants. I yanked the zipper back up and sat down in the chair in front of his desk.
“Come in,” he barked.
The door opened and Professor Douglass, one of the other journalism teachers, came in.
“Oh,” she said, look of surprise crossing her face. “I’m sorry; I didn’t realize you were having a meeting.”
“That’s generally what a closed door means,” he said, settling himself back in the chair behind his desk. I breathed a little sigh of relief; at least this way she wouldn’t be able to see that he had an erection.
I hoped my own face wouldn’t betray anything. My cheeks were probably flushed, but I tried to look as though we had just been talking about something that had to do with class. I felt Professor Douglass’s eyes take in my outfit, though she didn’t say anything. About that, anyway.
“I just wanted to borrow your copy of Feature Writing Fundamentals. My own copy seems to have gone missing, and there’s a chapter I’d like to have as a handout for my next class.”
“Yeah, sure, whatever you want,” Leo said. He swiveled in his chair to the overstuffed bookshelf behind his desk. He pulled a tattered copy of the book out and held it out to her. She looked unimpressed that he wasn’t going to get up and hand it to her, so I reached over and got it from him, then turned and handed it to her.
“Thank you,” she said to me, though her eyes were still on Leo. “I’ll get this back to you shortly.”
She paused, waiting for him to say something in return, but he didn’t, so she turned and left, though not before letting her gaze linger on me a few more seconds.
“She’s wondering where on earth you got an outfit like that,” Leo said, breaking the silence once Professor Douglass was gone.
“She looked more horrified that I’d actually wear something like that out of the house.”<
br />
“She’s just envious because she knows she’d never look as good as you do, no matter how many Pilates classes she took.” He leaned back in his chair, rubbing his palms together. “It’s kind of insane how good that looks on you, though I must admit, I’d much rather see it off.”
I thought back to a few minutes ago, his hand on the side of my face, my whole body tingling with this overwhelming desire. I couldn’t remember ever feeling this way, not even with Nick. It was like all Leo had to do was ask me to take my clothes off and lay across his desk and I would.
But he didn’t; he took a deep breath and shook his head, rubbing a hand across his eyes. “That won’t do,” he said. “What just happened there. I’m all for the exciting aspect of this, but having Carla fucking Douglass walk in on me like that doesn’t fall into that category. What are you doing tomorrow night?”
“Tomorrow night? Um, studying?”
“Why don’t you come over to my place. You can study over there.”
“Sure,” I said, even though I knew studying was the last thing that we’d be doing.
Chapter Ten
Leo
I was heading to the faculty parking lot when I heard someone yelling my name. I turned and saw Jack, hurrying after me, his Timbuk2 messenger bag stuffed full of books and papers, bouncing off his side as he jogged.
“Hey, what’s up man?” I said when he caught up with me. He stood there for a moment, trying to get his breath back. I eyed his bag. “What the hell do you have in that thing, anyway?”
He waved a hand. “Oh, you know. The essentials. What are you doing right now? You want to go grab a drink later?”
“I can’t,” I said. “I’ve got plans.”
His face lit up. “With Colette? It was really good seeing her the other night.”
“No, not with Colette. Why don’t you call Colette?”
Jack tried to hide his disappointment. “No, I’m not going to do that.” Jack had been very heartbroken to hear that Colette and I had broken up. At first, I thought he had liked her himself and would have been thrilled that he could have waited a few months and then made a move, but so far, that wasn’t happening, and I was beginning to believe that what Jack really enjoyed was getting to hang out with Colette and me as a couple.
“I’m sure she’d be thrilled to hear from you.”
“No, she wouldn’t, because I’d remind her of you. So it would probably just depress her. What are you doing tonight?”
I paused. I hadn’t decided on whether or not I was going to share the latest developments with Tessa with Jack, but since he was asking, I decided I might as well.
“Tessa’s coming over,” I said. “She decided to take me up on my offer for extra credit.”
Jack laughed. “Ha, ha, that’s a good one. What are you really doing?”
“That. I’m doing that.”
“I thought you were going to apologize to her.”
“You know, I was. I really was. I had full intentions of saying I was sorry and I was a dirty rotten scoundrel, but then she said she wanted to take me up on the offer. And you know what? I decided to go for it.”
Jack shook his head. Now he really looked disappointed. “I can’t believe that you’re going to actually do something like this. It’s not going to end well. It might be all fun and exciting now, but it’s going to turn into a shitshow, and not the good sort of kind.”
“Who knows? Maybe she’s the love of my life.”
“Stop it, Leo. This is wrong. You shouldn’t be doing it. You’re abusing your position of power. You’re taking advantage of a student who is in a desperate situation. It isn’t right, and I know that you’re not the sort of person who would do something like this.”
“See, I’m not really looking at it that way,” I said. “I don’t see myself as this person in power, taking advantage of anything. If anything, I think this is going to be a mutually beneficial thing.”
“You really think that?”
“Yeah, I do. It’s kind of hard to describe, but I just got this feeling that this isn’t something she’s doing out of desperation.”
“Or that’s just what you’re telling yourself.”
But I did have that feeling, especially after our almost-rendezvous in my office earlier. I didn’t feel like this was something that she was being forced to do—she wanted to do it.
“It’s not,” I said. “It’s not just what I’m telling myself. But even if it was, I don’t really care.”
“I’m worried about you,” Jack said. “You don’t really do any of the same stuff you used to do.”
“You’re right—I’m no longer a journalist, but a journalism professor.”
“That’s not what I mean. And you know as well as I do that you could get back into it very easily, if you wanted to. I mean, you don’t go fishing or ride your bike or play disc golf anymore. When was the last time you did anything like that? You can go ahead and tell me that you’re too busy with work, but that’s total bullshit, and you know it. And so yeah, when I say that I’m concerned, I am, because it seems like you’re not really that happy with the way your life is going right now, and I don’t think that getting involved with a student is going to improve that.”
I had to hold back my laughter. He really did have a concerned look on his face, like he thought I was going to go home and take a razor blade to my wrists. “This whole thing sort of seems like some kind of cry for help, if you want to know the truth.”
“Cry for help? Are you kidding me? This sort of thing is what most guys dream about. Don’t tell me for a second that if some hot little thing came up and propositioned you that you wouldn’t at least consider it.”
“I would never do anything like that.” Jack shook his head. “No way. I would never do anything that would jeopardize my position here.”
“Well, I guess that’s the difference between the two of us. And I don’t believe you. I don’t believe that you wouldn’t at least consider it. Or, if not consider it, think about it later and wonder just what it would be like.”
“I would put it out of my mind and not think about it again,” Jack said.
Okay. I could see that we could stand here debating this for the rest of the night if we wanted to, which I sure as hell did not.
“Why don’t we go do something? Go out to eat, go check out a movie or something. Why don’t you do that with me tonight, and then see how you feel about getting involved with a student. I think it might just be something that you need to give yourself a little time to think about, and realize how bad of an idea it is.”
“Sorry; I’m not choosing dinner and a movie with you over seeing Tessa tonight. But I will let you know how it goes.”
I lived in an apartment that overlooked the Financial District. It was rent-controlled, which was the only way I’d ever be able to afford a place like it, and for that, I was grateful. In the past, though, this apartment had really been like a home base, a place that I’d live in a few weeks at a time before heading off to some new location I’d never been to, to write up a story.
The magazine that I’d previously worked at had sent me all over the globe to cover all sorts of stories, though my niche had eventually evolved into extreme sports. So I’d go to Rotorua, New Zealand for Crankworx, do a feature on diving at Shark Cave in Bali, and my last assignment before I’d gotten canned was to go out to Leogang, Austria, to do a write-up on freeskiing.
Now, it would be fair to say that had I not made the decision to sleep with the boss’s wife, I’d still be gainfully employed, getting paid to travel around the world and write up stories. I get it. And was it worth it? If I could go back and do it again, would I do anything differently? Of course I fucking would, but I couldn’t let myself think like that. There was no point, because as far as I knew, no one had created a time machine that would let you go back and fix your mistakes like that.
Was I making a mistake here with Tessa? Maybe. But at this point, it didn’t matter to m
e either way if I got fired. Life had suddenly become interesting again, and I didn’t want to do anything to fuck with that. It had been too long.
Chapter Eleven
Tessa
I stood in my bedroom, looking into my closet, trying to decide what I should wear when I went over to Leo’s tonight. So far, I had only decided on a black lace bra with a little rose in the middle, and a black G-string. I’d only worn the G-string once; it was uncomfortable, though Lindsey said it just felt that way because I wasn’t used to wearing one, and if I did it on a regular basis, eventually, I wouldn’t even notice that I had it on.
The doorbell buzzed. I left my bedroom and went over to the small front hallway to the intercom. I pressed the call button, expecting to hear Lindsey’s voice outside. But it wasn’t; it was my mother.
“Mom!” I said. “What are you doing here?”
“Sorry to drop by unannounced, but I met up with Marjorie for tea at Top of the Mark, and I thought I should at least swing by and say hello! I didn’t bring my key, though—will you let me in?”
“Oh! Okay! Hold on.”
“Just buzz me in, Tessa! I need to use your bathroom; I had way too much tea.”
I was standing there in my underwear, I realized. If she came in and saw me dressed like this, she’d know that something was up. I breathed a little sigh of relief that she’d forgotten her copy of the key she had to my apartment; if she’d remembered it, she would have just let herself right in, like the place was hers, which, I supposed, since she and Dad were the ones paying for it, it kind of was.
