by Claire Adams
“I do. I was just walking Tessa to her class.”
“Thanks,” I said, more to Seth for holding the door than to Nick for walking with me. “I think Nick might like it if you walked him across campus to his lecture.”
“I can manage that,” Seth said. He punched Nick lightly on the shoulder. “Come on, bro,” he said, an easy smile on his face. Nick looked like he was going to say something else to me, but then changed his mind, which I was glad about. The two of them walked off together, and for a second, I wondered what it must be like to be either of them, to have everything come so easy.
Later that day, after I got home from my classes, I checked the mail. There were a couple bills, which suddenly made me feel more anxious than they ever had before. Before, getting the bills was really nothing more than a formality because my parents had set up automatic withdrawals for electricity, internet, rent. My phone was on their plan. Would they take me off of that? Deactivate the number? I sighed and tried to push the thought out of my mind.
And then, underneath the bills and the coupons for the local grocery store, I saw an envelope, my address typed out on it, no return address.
You’ve done well on the first two papers. Good work.
The final assignment that you will be required to complete is for submission
to the first issue of the Benton Daily Journal, which, you may be aware, is
going to be relaunched. While there are no specific guidelines in regards
to what people are allowed to submit, you will need to write an article
that is interesting and readable, ideally something that is a new take
on a familiar topic.
Great, I thought sarcastically. This was really what I needed right now. I stuffed the letter into my purse and squeezed my eyes shut, pressing my fingers up to my temples. Whoever the hell was sending this obviously had no idea about all the other shit that was happening in my life. And what would they do if I simply refused? If I didn’t do the assignment? They’d go to the dean with whatever proof they had; I’d probably be disciplined, maybe expelled. Leo would most certainly get fired. My parents would probably never speak to me again. So despite how tempting it sounded to just not do the assignment, I knew I had to. And it seemed like whoever was sending me these letters knew that, too. The only good part about it was this would be the last one. And then hopefully I would never get another letter from this person again.
I went over to Leo’s that evening, eager to see him, if for no other reason than I felt less stressed out just being around him. Sex with him was amazing, but I would’ve been happy just watching him do laundry or going to the grocery store or something. It wasn’t so much the activity that we were doing; rather, it was just getting to be near him. There was a part of me that I thought I should just stay in, but when he texted and asked what I was up to, I immediately replied that I wasn’t doing anything. Besides, I’d been working since I’d gotten back home. My eyes were starting to glaze over just looking at the laptop screen.
When I got there, he gave me a hug, and I inhaled, still able to smell the faint traces of whatever aftershave he had used that morning.
“How are you doing?” he asked.
“Better now,” I said. “Though things are still totally stressful.”
“Come sit down.”
I followed him into the living room and sat next to him on the couch. He put his hand on my leg and squeezed lightly.
“Have you heard anything from your parents?” he asked.
“Not since the other day. So they haven’t changed their minds about cutting me off.”
“I was wondering if it had come to that.”
“Yeah. That’s basically what my father had told me when he called. And then I got this today, on top of everything else.” I dug through my purse and handed him the letter, which he skimmed, his brow furrowing.
“This is such bullshit, Tessa,” he said. He crumpled the paper up and tossed it onto the floor. “You don’t need to be doing this. Fuck this person. I mean seriously. Whoever the fuck is sending this shit to you needs to fucking stop.”
“Well, I was already planning on writing an article of my own for it, so this shouldn’t be too much harder. Oh, except I actually need to go out and find a job.”
“A job? Right now?”
“Maybe not this very second, but soon. I’ve got bills I need to pay. Lindsey offered to lend me the money for rent,” I said. “I probably would take her up on that offer, except I have other expenses besides rent, and I’m not going to ask her for more money.”
“So what are you going to do?”
“That’s why I have to find a job. Maybe I’ll need to drop a couple classes. Next year, I’ll have to apply for financial aid and all that, and probably take out some loans. Start living in the dorms.” I could feel tears threatening to escape, but I gritted my teeth and took a deep breath. I wasn’t going to cry about this anymore. So maybe my plans had changed a little, maybe I wasn’t going to graduate when I thought I was, maybe I’d have to start living in a dorm with a roommate and eating in the cafeteria—big deal. It would be an adjustment, but I could do it. What was my other choice? Just stop going to school completely? No. I wasn’t going to let myself fail just because my parents had suddenly stopped supporting me. I could do it without them. It might be harder, and it might take longer, but I could still do it, and I was determined not to let anything stop me.
“It’s not exactly how I thought things were going to work out, but that’s okay,” I said. I hated the quiver in my voice. But I just needed to keep saying the words until I could finally believe them. Maybe I’d never totally believe them, but that’s the way it was going to have to be, if I wanted to finish college. And I’d come too far to just give up on it now.
“I imagine it’s not,” Leo said. He brought his hand up and rubbed his chin, looking off into the distance. Then he focused on me. “I have an idea,” he said. “Why don’t you come live with me.”
“I—what?” I asked, certain I had heard him wrong.
He nodded. “Yeah, I know. Not the most orthodox thing. But we’re already sleeping together, so why not? The semester will be over soon enough. And that way you won’t have to worry about paying rent or put college on hold or something ridiculous like that.”
He was kidding, wasn’t he? Living together? I had never lived with anyone before, except for my parents, and I had certainly never lived with another guy.
He smiled. “I know you’re probably thinking this is moving waaayyy too fast. And trust me—I’m not the sort of person who is just going around extending this sort of offer. But . . . I think we can both agree with is a special circumstance, right?”
“It’s definitely something,” I said, still trying to wrap my head around the idea of living with him, what the reality of that might be like.
“If you want, we can give it a try. That way you won’t have to worry about how you’re going to pay your bills and complete all of your schoolwork.”
“Yeah, but I don’t want you to pay all my bills.”
His smile turned a little coy. “I’ll bet we could work something out.”
“Isn’t that what got me into this mess in the first place?”
“It is. And I’m mostly joking about that last part. I’m offering because I want to help out, because I care about you as a person. Not because I want to get anything from you in exchange. It might have originally started out as that, but . . . it’s definitely changed. So, if I can help you out, I want to do that. And if you decide to move in and it doesn’t work out, then we tried, and we’ll figure some other arrangement out.”
I’d been realizing lately just how precarious life was. I’d spent so much time thinking about all the possible scenarios for what I was going to do, how I was going to do it, if it would all work out. I had never considered moving in with Leo, but not that he was sitting here making that offer, it seemed like the best choice.
“Ok
ay,” I said. “I will. If you’re really all right with that.”
“I am.”
“If you want to have a little more time to think about it, though, I totally understand—”
He cut me off by leaning over and kissing me, his hand moving up my leg to my waist. He slid his hand underneath my shirt, his palm warm and smooth against my skin. I turned so I was leaning into him, and when I felt the tip of his tongue lightly against my lips, I opened my mouth and touched my own tongue to his. He moved his hand higher, bringing it around my back, unhooking my bra easily with one hand. He ran his fingers down the column of my spine, then traced his hand back around, pushing my bra out of the way, cupping my breast. He squeezed lightly, and I felt tingles overtake my whole body, my groin aching as I rocked my pelvis against him. I reached down and put my hand in his lap, feeling his erection through the front of his jeans. I undid his pants and pushed them down far enough so his cock sprang out, and I pulled back from the kiss and climbed down off the couch, repositioning myself on my knees in front of him, between his legs. I pulled my shirt off, shrugged my shoulders out of the bra, and then pulled my hair back from my face.
“I don’t think I got to finish this the last time,” I said, lowering my face toward his lap, slowly taking the head of his cock into my mouth. I held onto the shaft with one hand as I worked my mouth up and down, and when he was slick enough with my saliva, I moved my hand, too. I varied the speed and the force with which I was sucking him, and he groaned and ran his fingers through my hair.
I could feel him get bigger in my mouth, could tell that he was close, but then he pulled me up, pushing my pants and underwear down. I stepped out of them and climbed onto his lap, and he held my hips while I slowly eased myself down. I was so wet that he easily slid right in, and we both let out sighs as I lowered myself all the way down.
He kept his hands on my hips and rocked me back and forth, and I made an undulating motion that made it feel as though his cock was further inside me than it ever had before. He let go of my hips with one hand and reached up and pinched my nipple and I closed my eyes and bit my lower lip, seeing a kaleidoscope of colors explode behind my eyelids.
It felt as though we had both dissolved into something else, that we weren’t these separate entities but had somehow connected and were the same thing. He brought his hand down and started rubbing my clit as we moved, and I put my palm down on his chest to brace myself so I could really grind into him.
The sensation felt as though it was going to overtake my entire body. It was concentrated in my groin, but everywhere—from the tips of my toes to the top of my head—was engulfed in this tingling, overwhelmingly delicious feeling. It was so strong that it felt like my brain had ceased to work, other than to register this feeling of pleasure, and I had to cry out, otherwise I was certain that I was going to end up exploding.
When the climax happened, my whole body went rigid, as if it was trying to capture that feeling and keep it there forever, though of course no one could go around feeling that intensely amazing all the time. As it peaked, it felt almost like I was about to black out, but then there were Leo’s hands, gripping my hips, grounding me, pulling me back just enough that I was able to stay fully coherent.
I collapsed down on top of him, and he wrapped his arms around me, our bodies slick with sweat, both of us breathing heavily, skin still tingling.
“Holy fucking shit,” he said. “I don’t even know what to say about that. Worth the wait.”
I smiled and closed my eyes and let myself wish that we could stay just like that forever.
I met up with Lindsey for coffee, and because I wanted to talk to her about my new living situation. “Thank you so much for offering to lend me the money,” I said, “but I’m not going to take it.”
She stirred a sugar packet into her latte. “Really? Why not? My parents would be totally cool about it if they found out. So don’t worry about that.”
“It’s not that. I just don’t know how and when I’ll be able to pay you back, and let’s just say they did happen to find out and they weren’t okay with it . . . I don’t want you to get in trouble over it. I had originally thought that I’d be able to get a job and keep up with my coursework and everything, but there’s no way that’s going to happen unless I cut back on how many classes I’m taking and end up enrolled in college for like six years or something.”
“Are you sure?” Lindsey asked. “I really don’t mind. That’s what friends are for.”
“I’m sure,” I said. “And I got another letter, and they want another assignment. So on top of all my own work, I’ve got to do this, too.”
“They sent you another letter?”
“Yeah. Supposedly this is the last one, but it’s like the worst timing ever, just because the end of the semester always feels like a huge scramble.”
“That’s such bullshit. What do they want it to be about this time?”
“I’m supposed to write an article to submit to the Daily Journal.”
She rolled her eyes. “I don’t think you should do it.”
“Yeah, but I have to. Especially now.”
“Why?”
“Well . . . I’m going to stay with Leo for the time being.”
Her eyes widened. “Seriously? Like, live with him?”
I nodded. “He offered, and it seems like the best thing to do for right now. Of course, there’d be no way to deny anything if the person comes forward about it, so I need to just do this last assignment. And then hopefully they’ll be happy and leave me alone.”
“Wow,” Lindsey said.
“I know; it seems kind of crazy. This whole semester has been a shitshow,” I said.
“But you’ve been handling it,” she said. “I actually really admire how well you’ve been handling everything. I know it might sound kind of cheesy, but if I were in your position, Tessa, I’d be freaking out and completely failing on every level. You should be proud of yourself.” She picked up her mug and toasted mine with it.
I didn’t know if I felt proud, exactly, but it was nice to think I was at least an inspiration to someone.
Chapter Twenty
Leo
I had never cohabited with a woman before. Not like this. I wasn’t sure how long this thing with Tessa would last, but I was going to enjoy it while it was happening.
Our first weekend together, I woke up early and made coffee, pancakes, and scrambled eggs. I brought the whole thing to her on a tray while she was still in bed, and though I felt like it was a bit of a cliche, I was also reveling in the fact of how nice it was. I’d never brought someone breakfast in bed before, and when I slid the tray across her lap, Tessa grinned sleepily and said that she’d never had someone bring her breakfast in bed.
“Well, then I am happy to get that honor,” I said, sliding back under the covers. There were two mugs of coffee on the tray, and I took one and had a sip. I couldn’t ever remember actually having coffee in bed, either with someone or by myself, and it was quite nice.
I would’ve been more than happy to spend the entire day in bed, alternating between sex, dozing, more sex, and maybe getting up to bring another tray of food in. But Tessa had to get up, eventually, and get started on her schoolwork, and I actually did have some papers I needed to grade. Since it wasn’t too windy, and the sun was out and the air was warm, we sat outside on the patio, Tessa with her laptop and books, me with a stack of papers and a red pen, and we got to work.
I finished grading the papers in about an hour and a half, and then I looked shit up on my phone, flipped through a magazine, and tried not to bother Tessa, who was still clearly deep in the midst of her schoolwork. I decided to give Aaron a call and see what he was up to.
“How’s it going, man?” I asked when he picked up.
“Hey, not much,” he said. “Funny that you called; I was just thinking about you. How’ve you been? How’s it going with that student of yours?”
I had come inside to call him so
I wouldn’t bother Tessa; I was sitting on the couch, which gave me a clear view of her sitting out on the patio, her back to me.
“She’s great,” I said. “You’re not going to believe it, but she’s actually staying here with me.”
“The two of you are living together?”
“Yeah. For the time being.”
“Shit, man, that sounds serious. I’ve got some news, too.”
“Oh yeah? What?”
“I’ve decided to stay in Paris.”
“Really? For good?”
“For the foreseeable future, anyway. Just signed a lease on a really great place. I’ll still travel around and everything, but I want to call this my home base. You guys should come out and visit! Would really love to have you guys out here.”
“We’ll see,” I said. Out on the patio, Tessa sat up straight and stretched, rolling her head from side to side, her hair cascading down her back.
“I think it’d be dope if you did, man. And seeing as I’ve never met any of your ladies before, you should do it. Free place to stay and everything.”
“Trust me, there’s nothing I’d rather be doing than traveling all over the place again,” I said. “Do you think staying in one spot like this has been easy?”
“I don’t know—you’ve been doing it for a while now, so I assumed there must be some part of you that was enjoying it.”
“There’s a few parts of it I’m enjoying,” I said, watching Tessa as she resumed tapping away at her laptop. “But it’s good to know we’ve got a place to stay if we decide to head out that way. And we will; I’m just not sure when.”
“Sweet. Looking forward to it when it finally does happen.”
We talked for a few more minutes and then Aaron had to go. I tossed the phone down on the cushion next to me right as Tessa came in, stifling a yawn.
“I was just talking with my brother,” I said.
She nodded. “Oh? I didn’t know you had a brother.”
“Yeah. He’s a professional skateboarder. He invited us to visit him in Paris.”
