by Claire Adams
“You’re right,” Billy’s father said. “He’s really not. That’s something that I’ve respected about him all these years, too. But . . . there are a few things one could say to him that he’d have reason to go along with.”
“Like what?” I asked, narrowing my eyes. “What did you say to him?”
“Do you really want to get into this? It’s all water under the bridge now.”
“No, it’s not, because whatever it was you talked to him about directly affected me. So it’s not just ‘water under the bridge now’ or whatever it is you want to call it.”
“Perhaps this isn’t the time or the place for this,” Billy’s mother said.
“I don’t think it’s ever the time or place to have your parents interfere with something like this.” I could feel my anger rising, my voice getting louder; I didn’t care. Who the hell did these people think they were? Why did they think for a second that it would be okay? “You know what? You don’t have to tell me what you said to Ian—I’m sure it was something vile. Or it was probably a lie. Or some combination of the two. But now let me tell you something. I am not interested in dating your son.”
The air seemed to hang heavily between us. Billy’s mother blinked like she couldn’t believe that someone was actually saying this about her son. His father’s expression was harder to read, though it might have been bordering on one of amusement. Billy, I could only see out of the corner of my eye, and his head was in his hands.
“It’s not that I don’t think he’s very nice—because I do,” I said, wanting to backpedal a little, but not enough so they’d get the wrong idea. “He seems very nice, and we actually get along quite well, but I will never date him. And would you like to know why?”
“No, it’s really okay,” Billy said, picking his head up. “It’d be great if we actually just terminated this entire conversation. Is that possible? Can we do that? Or should I just get up and leave?”
His mother reached out and patted his hand. “Sweetie, it’s your birthday,” she said. “I want this to be a happy celebration.”
He grimaced. “Well, there’s no way in hell that’s going to happen.” He looked at me. “Daisy, I’m really sorry. I think I got the wrong idea, or maybe it was just wishful thinking. I think you’re really great—I’ve got no shame in admitting that. And if you wanted to date me, I’d be thrilled. But if it’s just a friend thing for you, that’s cool. I’m fine with that. I don’t want you to feel like you’re being pressured into anything.”
“That’s good,” I said. “I’m glad to hear you feel that way, even if it seems that your parents don’t. And please don’t take this the wrong way, but there is no way in hell I am going to date you. I realize that sounds pretty harsh, but I think that’s required in this sort of situation.”
I was looking at Billy’s dad as I said this though, and he was just sitting there like he couldn’t be more amused. Is that all he thought this was? Did he think this was funny?
“I can see that you mean business,” he said finally. He held up his hands. “I apologize if it seems that any boundaries were crossed. That wasn’t my intention.”
“Just because it wasn’t your intention doesn’t mean it didn’t happen,” I said. “But I do mean exactly what I’m saying, and that is that regardless of whether Ian and I end up back together or not; I’m not dating your son. You don’t get to make that choice for me.”
Billy’s dad nodded. “I can see that you mean it,” he said. “I won’t interfere.”
“And I don’t know what exactly the terms of all this were with Ian, but he certainly doesn’t seem like the type of person who just goes and does something because someone asked him to. So whether you were going to take your business elsewhere or do something to him, may I suggest that you don’t do that.”
“Or what?” Billy’s father asked. “What sorts of repercussions will be facing if we do?”
“Seamus.” Billy’s mom shook her head. She looked at me. “We’re sorry,” she said. “Truly. Billy’s father and I have been hoping he’d find a girl and settle down soon, and we were delighted when your name started coming up because it seemed like he’d really taken an interest in you. But obviously we don’t want to force anyone to do anything, and we want everyone to be happy. So please accept our apologies about this whole . . . misunderstanding. It certainly was not our intention.”
“Um, yeah. Well, I better get going. I’m sorry if this ruined your birthday.”
I left, wondering if that whole interaction had just been one bizarre dream. So many completely implausible things seemed to have happened to me lately that it wouldn’t have surprised me at all if I had woken up to find myself still employed at the salon, Ian just a figment of my (obviously) twisted imagination.
I felt agitated, and I didn’t know what to do with that. Part of me wanted to call Ian, wanted to go find him, throw myself into his arms again. Tell him I knew why he’d said what he did, and that he didn’t have to do what Seamus said.
But instead of calling Ian, I called Carl. Whether he was aware of it or not, he had really helped me when I had talked to him for the research he was doing for his book, and I was hopeful that maybe he could help me again, though I wasn’t exactly sure what that help would look like.
“It’s good to see you again, Daisy,” he said.
“Thanks for meeting with me. I know it was short notice.”
“Of course. So what is it that you wanted to talk about? You sounded a little frazzled when you called.”
“Well . . . a lot has happened since I last talked to you, yet somehow, I basically find myself in the same position that I was in before. Which seems odd because of all that has happened. And I just really don’t know how to process it. You know that guy that I said I felt like I was meant to be with? We ended up getting back together after that, because I was trusting my feelings, you know, like you had said. And it was great. Really, really great. For a very short time, I felt as though things were actually working out how they should be. I didn’t feel so . . . lost. Which I guess sounds kind of stupid now, but it’s the truth.”
“It doesn’t sound stupid,” Carl said. “So what happened?”
“What happened is the guy—Ian—suddenly told me he couldn’t see me anymore. It made no sense because we’d only just gotten back together, and things were great, and then out of the blue, he says this. Something didn’t seem right about it, but I couldn’t figure out what it was. And then this other guy that I’m kind of friendly with who is a client of Ian’s, he’s interested in me, I guess. And his father basically told Ian to back off so his son could have a chance.”
“Really,” Carl said. “That must’ve been a surprise to you.”
“It was. I mean, I don’t know exactly how old he is, but I think he’s closer to Ian’s age, so that makes him in his early thirties. And to have your father getting involved like that seems sort of . . . weird.”
“Intrusive.”
“Exactly.”
“Desire is an interesting thing,” Carl said. “It’s closely intertwined with both pleasure and pain, and unchecked desire can morph into craving, into obsession. I think most people would say they want to be desired, but then you also run the risk of it going too far, which can be problematic.”
“Is that what this is all about?” I asked. “Desire?”
“Desire is the driving force behind a lot of things, not just romantic ones. I think what you need to do is figure out what it is that you desire. It seems you’ve been a rather passive participant in a lot of what has happened so far. My best advice would be to think about what it is that you, Daisy, really want.”
I nodded. The way he put it, it sounded so simple, but the truth of it was, I had no idea what I wanted.
The next morning, I got up and checked my email, hoping for some response to any of the resumes that I’d sent out. Nothing. I reread the article that I’d written and did a little editing while I drank my coffee. I was about to
start sending out more resumes when the doorbell buzzed. I went over to the intercom.
“Hello?” I said, trying not to sound wary. I really hoped it wasn’t Noah.
“Daisy,” a male voice said. “Hey. It’s Jonathan. Can I come in?”
“Jonathan—hey. Sure. Hold on.” I went out and opened the main door and let him in. He followed me into my apartment.
“I’ve missed seeing you around the office,” he said. “How’s it been going?”
“It’s been all right. Still on the hunt for a job.”
“Yeah? That sucks. I know the market’s pretty tough out there right now.”
“Something will work out. I’ve been sending out resumes and stuff. I’ve got a little bit of money saved to tide me over.”
Jonathan nodded. “Good. I’m glad to hear that. And Ben told me about what went down with Noah, so you probably won’t have to move now, right?”
“I don’t think so,” I said. “Unless of course I decide to uproot my life and go out to California or something. Maybe Seattle.”
“Really?” he asked. “You’re thinking about doing that?”
I shrugged. “I’m not sure—but maybe a change would be good? Maybe it’d be nice to see another part of the country. There’s not really anything holding me here anymore.”
He rubbed his palms together and took a deep breath. “Look, Daisy,” he said. “I should’ve been up front with you about this from the very beginning. I like you. I like you a lot. Not in just a friend way. I mean, I think you’re a great friend, but I’ve been interested in you as more than just a friend for . . . well, it’s been a while.” I stared at him as his words started to sink in. Then I burst out laughing. Probably not the response that he was hoping for.
“I’m sorry,” I said, in between fits of laughter. “I’m not laughing at you. I’m just . . . this whole thing . . . I just don’t even know what to think.”
“It was messed up the way Ian’s been treating you,” he said. “But I . . . I did something.”
I stopped laughing. “You did something? What do you mean?”
“That whole thing with Martin Harris? That was me.”
“What do you mean, that was you? You were the one who let it get out that whole thing was happening?”
“Yes.” He was trying not to smile. He looked at me as though he was expecting me to go over and give him a high five. “I know it probably doesn’t seem like much, but it’s something.”
I stared at him. “Why would you do that?” I asked.
“To get back at him, I guess. I realize how stupid it was. But I was really pissed at him. Not just because he lied to me about you.”
“What else?” I asked. “What else could he have possibly done to you that would make you want to sabotage your own company, just to hurt him?”
But Jonathan was shaking his head. “This isn’t my company,” he said. “Ian might like to play it off like we started this together, but at the end of the day, it’s his company. At the end of the day, he’s the one who’s in charge and calling all the shots. That’s how it’s always been though, even when we were just kids. I don’t know how much he’s told you about his past, but he basically integrated himself into my family. I think my mother loved him more than she loved me sometimes, to be honest. And he was always better at sports, and as we got older, he got stronger and better-looking, and it was like he could do no wrong. He hardly ever even works out, and he looks like that, did you know that? And my father had always hoped I’d join the military, but I wanted to go to college, and then Ian ends up as a Marine. He and I have a whole long history that I don’t think you’re even aware of.”
“Okay,” I said slowly, “that might very well be the case, but that doesn’t mean you should’ve done something like that, Jonathan. That’s pretty messed up. Ian was adamant that it wasn’t someone on this end. He trusts you.”
“Well, I trusted him!” Jonathan yelled. “I was honest with him about how I felt about you, and he told me that he was going to get a feel for whether or not you were ready to be in a relationship with someone. He told me he was going to do that and he ends up getting with you himself. Which I should have expected. I should have known this was going to happen.”
“Are we in high school?” I asked, unable to believe what I was hearing. “You asked him to find out for you if I was interested in dating? Why wouldn’t you just ask me yourself? Don’t you think if someone doesn’t have the guts to do it themselves, then maybe they don’t deserve it?”
“I’m not saying I’d do it the same way if I could go back,” he said, scowling. “I just felt so caught up in it, and I liked you so much that I didn’t want to mess things up. I knew all the shit that you were going through with Noah, and I didn’t want to scare you off. And he told me that he talked to you and you weren’t ready to see anyone, so I just backed off.”
“And then you found out that we were seeing each other and you decided to leak private information? I can’t believe this. Does Ian know?”
“No.”
I took a deep breath. I didn’t know what to say; the whole thing was kind of hard to believe. “I think you should go, Jonathan. I really don’t even know what else to say. I mean, I don’t work there anymore, I don’t have anything to do with the company. But regardless, it seems like it’s pretty messed up to go behind your friend’s back and do something like that. I don’t actually think I could go out with someone who would be willing to do that.”
“I understand,” he said. “I honestly wasn’t expecting that you’d say otherwise. But I wanted to tell you. And now since I’ve told you . . . I guess I’ll just go.”
“I think that would be best.”
He paused, like there was something else he wanted to tell me, but then thought better of it.
After he left, I called Caroline. “I’m starving, and I need to talk,” I said. “Want to meet for breakfast? Somewhere cheap.”
“Sure,” she said. “How about Bette’s Diner? Is everything okay?”
“The diner sounds good, and I’ll tell you when I see you,” I said.
At the diner, I slid across the smooth turquoise vinyl booth across from Caroline. The waitress came over right away, and I accepted her offer of a cup of coffee and then ordered a Belgian waffle and a side of scrambled eggs.
“So what’s going on?” Caroline asked.
“There has been so much messed up stuff happening I don’t even know where to begin. Jonathan had just stopped by before I called you.”
“Jonathan? Really?”
“Yeah. He came over to let me know that the whole reason I basically got hired there in the first place was because he liked me. But he didn’t say anything about it because he’d asked Ian to find out if I was interested in dating anyone, or if I wasn’t ready for something like that because of Noah.”
“Wow,” Caroline said. “Looks like Ian took that one a little too far.”
“You don’t think that’s a little bit . . . I don’t know, lame? I would’ve had more respect for him if he had just been upfront himself about it.”
“Well, yeah,” Caroline said, peeling the top off a little container of half and half. “He should have grown a pair and told you himself. I guess it’s a little bit cute, but in a juvenile sort of way, that he couldn’t tell you himself.”
“Right,” I said. “I think he thought I was going to be happy about that, or think that it made him this upstanding sort of person or something, but really, the whole thing is stupid.” I shook my head. “It’s crazy. Suddenly everyone is confessing their love for me. Whose life is this?”
Caroline laughed. “Most women would be dying to be in your position, you know.”
“Well, I’m not. It’s not as much fun as it might sound like. It’s really weird, if you want to know the truth.”
“Yeah, I wouldn’t know,” she said. “I’ve never had five guys drooling over me at the same time.”
“It’s not five,” I said. “B
ut I’m not even used to having one. I used to feel like I was pretty much invisible to guys before all of this.”
“Obviously not,” she said. “You’ve had a stalker, you’ve got a guy whose parents are trying to arrange a marriage, you’ve got guy from the gym who’s getting you a job at his company because he has a secret crush on you, and then you’ve got . . . Ian. I don’t even know what to say about him.”
“He’s the one that I really felt like I had the connection with, though,” I said. “Out of all of them. And Billy and Jonathan are both so nice. Well, Billy is. I didn’t tell you the other part of what Jonathan told me.”
Caroline’s eyes widened. “What?”
“There was a leak with one of Hard Tail’s bigger clients, this banker whose brother and niece, I think it was, are famous actors, and it got out. It was supposed to be kept quiet so there wouldn’t be a bunch of media there, but the information got out and it was kind of a huge disaster, even though everything ended up working out. And Jonathan told me that it was him. He was the one who had done it.”
“Why? Why would he do that? He works there too.”
“He was pissed at Ian.”
“Wow,” she said. “This apparently goes deeper than I thought. So . . . how did you leave it with him?”
“I eventually told him that he needed to go because I didn’t know what to say. And I still don’t really know what to say about this whole thing. Part of me just wants to pack up what little shit I have and move somewhere like Seattle or something.”
“I’d miss you,” Caroline said. “But I would totally support you doing something like that. And I’ve always wanted to visit Seattle!”
Our waitress came over with our plates then, and I leaned back as she slid it in front of me.
“Thanks,” I said.
She smiled. She was older than us, probably in her mid-forties, her curly brown hair streaked with gray. “Now, I didn’t mean to eavesdrop,” she said, “but it sounds like you’ve got men interested in you left and right, honey. Believe it or not—when I was your age, I used to have the same problem. It can be flattering at first, but eventually, it gets tiresome. You love any of these men?”
