by Felix, Lila
“What are you thinking, you have this grin, it’s so guilty looking.”
I shrugged, “Just thinking about dessert.”
“Huh.” He got my drift, I thought. I crossed my arms over myself and fiddled with my bracelets.
We parked at a swank, contemporary looking restaurant called Crustacean. I’d never been there before, but I was impressed he’d takenI me to a nice place. And once we’d gotten inside, I found he’d even called ahead to make reservations. We sat at a table clothed in white linen with what looked like ivory chopsticks.
The waiter approached and I ordered two sweet teas with no ice and Rex didn’t bat an eye. He ordered a water with lemon and added an order of pork belly sliders. I looked at him like he was nuts. Usually guys were critical of my no ice choice.
“What? I know, pork belly sounds shady, but they are delicious. Trust me.”
“Ok.”
We sat in silence for a minute. I looked around the place, taking in the sophisticated atmosphere, lit by Japanese lanterns hanging from the teak wood ceiling.
“They make your eyes sparkle, the lanterns.”
I looked down, really expecting to see the smile of a joking man, but I didn’t. He was serious.
“Thank you.”
“Tell me about the bakery. Did you go to culinary school?”
“Yes. I did. I’ve always wanted to be a pastry chef. My mom would always let me cook with her. She was always baking something. And then when I went to St. Agnes, there was a baking class after school. I loved it.”
“I can tell.”
“You’re not from here, are you? You have no accent at all. It’s kinda cool.”
“I’ve lived all over the place, but mostly in California.”
“So, not a Southern boy?”
“Only Southern California. Does that give me a strike?”
“No, just wondering.”
The pork belly sliders were set on the table along with our drinks and I hadn’t even looked at the menu.
“Just order me whatever you’re having. I’m at your mercy.”
God, please don’t let him order chicken nuggets.
“I like the sound of that.”
He glanced at the menu and then turned to the waiter, “We’ll share the Imperial Fried Rice, the Dengaku duck breast, coconut shrimp and the lemongrass beef.”
“Excellent choices, Sir.” The waiter retrieved the menus and walked away.
“I know it sounds like a lot, but I wanted you to taste everything, including these,” he pointed to the sliders.
I picked one up with the chopsticks and put it in my plate. I attempted to cut it, “Just pick it up, I won’t tell the manners police, I swear.”
I took a bite. The dumpling was soft and sweet and the pork belly was salty and rich. It was perfect.
Then I heard a phone click.
“It’s only fair,” he said, showing me a picture of my face while I chewed.
“It’s very good.”
We ate the rest of the sliders and just when we finished, our food was brought out and I tasted everything. I could’ve kissed him just for remembering my name and ordering big boy food. I saw him looking at my legs and my first instinct was to pull my skirt down, “Wait, I was just looking at your tattoo. I’ve seen it from a distance, but not up close, may I?”
May he what? See my tattoo? Yes. Touch my leg? Hell, yes. Push my dress back up with his very big hands, Hell, yes, please.
I nodded. He reached out a trembling hand and pushed my dress up just enough to reveal my garter belt tattoo. It was pure black and made of intricate lace drawings. It took three sessions to finish. It was a painful place for such a detailed tattoo, but so worth it.
“It’s beautiful.”
“Thanks. You have some ink yourself.”
He looked down at his arms and shrugged, “I realized at an early age, not exactly a legal age, that sometimes pain helps numb pain. A lot of my earlier ones are on my back, so my mom wouldn’t see.”
“You’ll have to show me sometime.”
“Sure.”
We spent the next hour talking about tattoos and piercings. He was funny and every time he told a story, I got totally engrossed. He described everything in detail and I could see what he was talking about in my mind’s eye.
“Are you ready? The waiter has been giving me the ‘get out of my table’ look.”
“Yes, I am.” He’d already paid the ticket. We were just enjoying ourselves.
I wasn’t. I could sit and talk to him forever. And I wanted his hand on my leg again. But I had a feeling, this was going to be a give and take with Rex. And since he’d touched my thigh, I wanted to take my turn. As we got up and headed out of the restaurant, I grabbed his hand in a simple hold. And just like I needed him to react, he threaded his fingers with mine and kept moving.
I’d never been so turned on by hand holding—ever. Were hands an erogenous zone? It was usually me analyzing the guy’s hand, too hot, too clammy, his hold too tight or too loose, but Rex was just right. My hand felt like it was being wrapped in an electric blanket, set to Hayes.
We got into the truck, he opened my door first and I wondered if we were going anywhere else. I would be exhausted the next day, but that was pretty normal in my world—plus, very worth it. Much to my dismay, he brought me home. But he made no move to get out.
“I’m torn here,” he laughed, “I know you need to go home and rest, but I don’t want to wait another week to see you.”
“That’s quite a dilemma. You’ll figure it out—I hope.”
I hoped he took the challenge.
He gave me a curt nod and got out, opened my door and walked me up the stairs to my door.
I had absolutely no desire to go inside without him—or with him, it was confusing. I thought it was the problem every woman faced. If you asked him in, he got the wrong idea, if you didn’t you were an ice queen.
I looked at him, looking at me and craved the ability to read his thoughts. I wanted to know if he wanted to kiss me as much as I wanted to kiss him. I wanted to know if he’d had as good a time as I did. And mostly I wondered if he really couldn’t wait to see me again.
He took a step towards me. It was obvious his eyes were on my lips but he made no further move to kiss me.
“Goodnight, Rex.”
“Goodnight,” he said and kissed my hand—my hand!
He bounced down the steps and into his truck. I waited for him to leave, but he waved at me, more of a pushing motion, indicating he wanted me to go inside before he pulled away. He may not be Southern, but the boy was a gentleman. I went inside and listened for his truck driving away. I kicked off my heels right there at the door and slid down the length of it, carrying a shit eating grin as wide as my face. I felt my phone vibrate in my purse and I opened it.
“Hello?”
“Hi honey, you answered. It’s over already?”
“Yes, but not because it wasn’t good, he was worried because I need to sleep.”
“Oh Hayes, that’s the cutest thing I’ve ever heard.”
“Right? Oh Mom, he’s just sweet and nice and he said he didn’t want to wait another week to see me.”
“Ahhhhh!!!” She screamed over the phone.
“I know. I’m gonna go, Mom. I really do want to try to get some sleep.”
“Ok, be good.”
“Goodnight, Mom.”
I almost expected him to be at the bakery the next morning. I practically demanded that Vera work in the back while I worked the front counter, hoping he would show up. By ten that morning, I’d given up.
After getting off at noon, I went home, made myself a sandwich, turned on the Sons of Sylvia and bunkered down in my big round chair with a zombie book. Before long I’d fallen asleep and woke up after three. I checked my phone, but he hadn’t called or texted. I got up and forced myself to clean the house and wash clothes before going to practice. I wouldn’t be late again. Nellie had made me do twice a
s many drills as everyone else. She was tough as nails on the rink.
Vera came over right at four and made me spill the details of the date again—she’d already made me tell her at the bakery in the morning. But we were both half dead, so she claimed she didn’t remember. She also told me that Colt, her husband was coming home the next day for a week and she wanted Rex and me to double with her that weekend.
“I’ll ask him. I don’t know if he’s available or whatever.”
“He better be available. The best friend has to approve the boyfriend. Plus, my mom and your mom are dying to know more. Your mom told me last night that she wants him to come to Sunday dinner at your house.”
“Oh no, not with Hazel and Baxter. I’d rather run naked through the Aquarium of the Americas.”
“Oh, the aquarium!! Let’s go there.”
She missed my point, out of control hyper factory that she was.
“I’ll ask, okay? He hasn’t even called or texted.”
“It hasn’t even been twenty four hours, don’t get your panties in a twist.”
“Don’t you worry about my panties.”
“Eeww, I’m not. I’m gonna make coffee, do you want a cup?”
“Since we’ve been friends, has my answer ever been no?”
“No.”
“So just make it and hersh.”
“Hersh?”
“Yes, it’s my John Wayne version of hush.”
“You need to sleep more.”
“You need to scoop faster.”
Vera and I were both really fast with the comebacks, so most of our conversations were simple insults back and forth. We never really had any in depth conversations. That’s what I loved about her. Even after she found out about doomsday, we didn’t talk about it. I hated to admit it, but that was the main reason I was friends with her. I was safe in her company. She never asked to see the scars. She never tried to get me to remove my bracelets—never asked me why I didn’t wear bathing suits. She knew why and she didn’t push it. But sometimes it felt like I could have the same relationship with a stranger. Sometimes I wanted to talk to someone about it and I had no one who could possibly understand. Even my own sister didn’t want to talk about it. She acted like I had leprosy starting the moment I woke up in the hospital. Not that we’d ever really been close before. She was the kind of sister who was constantly in competition with me in all things.
Boy did I show her.
Vera and I drank coffee and she showed me her plans to expand the bakery since the space next to hers, a yogurt shop, had gone under and the space was available for purchase. I was excited for her, but also a twinge jealous. It seemed like I was at a standstill while everyone else was constantly progressing in their lives. Except Hazel, marrying Baxter was what I considered a step back. Vera also planned to expand the menu into a line of frozen dough products. She would sell them from a freezer case in her shop and there was a chance they would be available in grocery stores as well.
“I’m so proud of you. That’s huge!”
“I know. Colt doesn’t approve. He called last night. I was so excited to tell him everything and he started yelling about me working too much already. He said when he comes home, I’m not even home half the time. I just don’t get it. This is what we always dreamed of. He knew that when we were kids. It’s not like he thought he was marrying a computer programmer and then I turned into an entrepreneur. There was no surprise. And honestly, what am I supposed to do, sit around and twiddle my thumbs until he gets home every two weeks?”
“Aww, I’m sorry. But he’s coming home this weekend. You’ll be all made up again in no time.”
She circled the rim of her coffee cup with her index finger, “I don’t know. We said some pretty awful things last night. And the last time he was in, he left a full week early because we were fighting so much. He said he’d rather be on a rig in the middle of the ocean than to be cooped up with me arguing.”
Tears were now pouring down her face.
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
She shrugged. Obviously this was her vice in our relationship. I didn’t talk to her about my scars and she didn’t tell me about her marital problems. She must not have told her mother either or else mine would know and my mom would’ve called me in a heartbeat.
“I’m sure when he comes home this time it will be different. It has to be. Y’all have been together forever. It’s just a bump in the road.”
She wiped her face and replaced the tears with a fake grin, “I hope so. It’s almost five. You need to eat something and get to practice.”
“I do. Do you want to spend the night?”
“No,” she cringed and I didn’t know what about. “Actually that’s another thing Colt and I have been arguing about. He says I’m too old to spend the night with my best friend every night. He’s just being an ass. But I’d better get home. I don’t want to fight with him anymore.”
“Ok.”
I didn’t know what else to say. I didn’t want to bad mouth my best friend’s husband no matter how much she did. But I also didn’t understand it one bit. How could you not want your spouse to be successful?
There was no point in arguing with myself over it. I showed her out, changed my clothes, and decided to grab something to eat on the way to practice.
“I Kilda Girl, you’re early.”
“Give me a break, Hellie. I was late one time in two years. Lay off.”
“I was just teasing with you. You’re dating one of the boys now. Get used to it. Speaking of which, how’d it go?”
I turned to her surprised, “He didn’t tell everyone?”
“Nope. He’s being all tight lipped about it, which is driving us to the point of insanity. I mean, we are a sharing is caring kind of family. The last time I had diarrhea, Reed was at my house with Imodium before I could even wipe. We tell each other everything.”
Then I began to get worried. Was he not telling them because he didn’t plan to see me again? Was the date so bad in his book that it wasn’t worth talking about? I’m sure most girls would be all self loathing, wondering what they did wrong, but that wasn’t me. I was pissed. That was one of the best dates I’ve ever had—and now he’d ruined it.
I took it out on myself though, not having another outlet, like my dough handy, I skated it out. I took the falls like a boss. I may have been a little over aggressive in the mock jam, but my team was tough. Even after practice ended, Nellie stayed with me and we skated another full hour. Finally, worn to the edge of exhaustion, we stopped skating in circles and just lay on the cool rink.
“What’s going on in that head of yours,” she asked.
“I just kinda wanted this one to go beyond the first date.”
“Who says it won’t?”
“He hasn’t called. He didn’t say anything to y’all.”
She sat up, “So? It’s Rex. Getting information from that boy is like…I don’t know what, but it’s hard. He just stays so closed up. I guess it’s from being with his Dad like that alone for so long.”
“Like what?”
“He didn’t tell you about his Dad?”
“He said he died, but that was it.”
“Rex will tell you when he’s ready. Take it easy on him, he was given a rocky start. But the more we love on him, the better he gets.”
“Okay.”
I remembered how frigid he was the other night at the bout and then as soon as Scout hugged him, he defrosted. I figured it would be the same with me. Maybe if I killed him with kindness he’d melt for me.
Falcon
Vomit is an illusionist. It stinks to high hell and back, when it belongs to a stranger, but when it belongs to someone you love, there’s no smell at all.
I walked through the door of the Victorian home I’d bought for her; it seemed like so long ago. I heard Reed’s voice on the phone and it sounded frantic. It was late at night. On Thursdays I worked at the restaurant finishing up their payroll.
�
��Yes, I will. You’ll be here soon?”
“Thank you.”
“I hear you Falcon.”
I rushed into the bedroom, “What’s wrong, Poppy?”
“My water broke earlier. There’s no contractions. But Ella is going to come over anyway, just to check me.”
Ella was her midwife. She was an older, no nonsense woman and though I was skeptical in the beginning, she always answered Reed’s calls and came to the house twice a week. She was excellent at what she did.
But it wouldn’t matter if she was the best midwife in the world, it worried me for Reed to give birth just in general, even a hospital scared me. But I guess our babies needed out.
We’d made sure to take pictures of Reed in the same dress in the same part of her garden in the backyard once a month. She was stunning. I just thought she was beautiful before but now she was carrying our children. It made her shine.
“Do you need anything? What can I do?”
I tried very hard to keep my voice steady.
“I already took a shower, I just want to get to my chair and relax.”
“Hold on to me. You look spent.”
“Is that a way to tell me I look like crap?”
“No, it’s a way to tell you that you look like my gorgeous wife who is tired from carrying two babies around in her belly all day. Let’s get you to your chair and then I’ll make you tea.”
“You’re the best.”
“Just wait, when the babies are coming you’re gonna hate me.”
She giggled, “No I won’t. Well, maybe.”
I set her down in the chair I’d bought her for her birthday after we found out she was pregnant. Her back was hurting all the time, so I got her the best massage chair money could buy. I heard the buzz of it start up as I got out a mug and turned on the kettle. Ella insisted Reed drink red raspberry leaf tea four or five times a day. And around our house, whatever Ella said, went.
I looked at her as I approached the chair, her hair was blonde now. She’s dyed it back to her natural color when we really started trying for a baby. She didn’t want to have orange hair with blonde roots claiming she’d look like a distorted candy corn. I handed her the tea and told her she had to pay for it, which meant she had to kiss me.
