I embraced my little girl, slowly rocking her in my arms, terrified at what may have happened if I had not come back home.
Jessica fell asleep in my arms. I laid her on my bed and slowly tucked the covers around her, kissing her on her forehead. The lights were out, but I couldn’t sleep. My head spun and I kept imagining what could have happened if I hadn’t returned.
Around midnight, I heard footsteps creak down the staircase. Jessica’s door slowly squeaked open. I held my daughter tighter.
Dylan’s words haunted me. He is a stranger. You can’t move in with a stranger.
I could hear the footsteps creak back up the stairs. It can’t be. He’s got two sons. My heartbeat rose.
Different memories invaded my head like popcorn, overlapping each other.
I have this nanny coming in. She will get here this month, I remembered him saying. Two months had come and gone. Was there even a nanny? All of a sudden, my mind flashed back to the night I told Carl I needed a nanny and a place to stay. I realized Steve had been at the table right next to us.
Could it be that he had heard I had a child? Could he have lied about the nanny so I’d move in with my daughter?
I made a lot today and thought I would pass on some of the profit. You can buy a stuffed animal for your daughter or something. I have two kids of my own, so I know how important it is.
I never told him I had a daughter. He must have been listening to our conversation.
A chill came over me. Am I being paranoid? I wished so much that Dylan would call me or that Chris was still in the country. Why haven’t his sons gotten here by now? Does he have sons?
I hadn’t seen any pictures. What about their room? I had never been upstairs. Did they even have a bedroom?
The video he showed us with his wife and all of their houses—there wasn’t video footage of his sons. Why would you take video of your houses, but not video of your children?
I considered everything as if I was analyzing it through a magnifying glass, trying to remember every detail that may either convict him in my mind or get him off.
If he had sons, why would he build a pastel gingerbread house with curtains, filled with pots and pans and little plastic food?
For the boys, he would build a tree house, workshop, or something not so frilly. If he had sons, he would have movies like Bob the Builder or Thomas the Tank Engine, not the Little Mermaid, Mulan, Pocahontas, and Disney Princesses.
Tomorrow I would check for signs boys lived here. Maybe all of these things were to attract little girls. I hoped it wasn’t true, but I wasn’t willing to take the chance with my daughter.
I had to send Jessica home with Emily—back to the safety of her grandmother—until I knew it was safe. I shook my head. Why did I give him all of the money Dylan let me borrow? I thought Steve was a millionaire and could just pay me back in a day or two. That was before I found out he was possibly lying about everything.
We have to get out of here. I didn’t know how to do it safely. Where could I move? With what money? I needed to call my mom to see if Jessica could stay with her a little while longer. I looked around the room…We had to pack things so Steve wouldn’t be suspicious. Maybe Emily could get a storage unit in town, and we could take things there that were important to us.
So many things penetrated my head. Did it make sense to go home? Ronald was still angry. What if I ended up in the hospital again? Mom and Dad assured me that there was no way that Ronald would find Jess. They lived far enough away. But if I went back and spoke to any of my old friends, it could put not only me in danger, but all of us.
I really needed money. At work I’ll be safe. Brad and Pete wouldn’t let anything happen to me. When Emily and Jessica are safe in the Lower 48, I’ll pack up the car with everything else and leave this stupid house forever. I just needed somewhere to stay.
It was two in the morning. Where was Emily? Because of my nerves, I started to worry about her driving on the Alaskan highway. We hadn’t heard of any more killings, but I hated the fact she had to drive so far at night alone.
Just then, I heard the front door open. It was like the sound of the angels. Relieved, I sighed. I opened the door to my room, waiting for her to come down the stairs. I didn’t hear anything. What was she doing? Why wasn’t she coming down? I looked out the bedroom window to see if I could see our car. I hadn’t heard a car. I just heard the door open. All I could see was pitch-black outside. No sign of her.
“Steve? Steve, are you still awake?” I glanced to see that the door was open still. “Steve, are you there? Do you have any aspirin?” I stuck my head out the door apprehensively.
“Hello?” I was really nervous. Dear Lord, be with me. I slowly walked up the stairs. “Steve, are you there?” Suddenly a figure popped up at the front door and surprised me.
I gasped.
“Oh, hey, Nicole. I almost forgot to take out the trash. If I wait till morning, they always show up before I get it out.”
“Oh, I got a little worried when I saw the front door open. I wasn’t sure if the wind had blown it open or something.” There was no wind, but I had no idea what to say.
“I’m glad you are still awake. Do you have any aspirin or anything? My head still hurts.”
“Yeah, I think I have some in the kitchen.”
I remembered the huge hunting knife in the drawer and followed him apprehensively. I sighed, relieved when he opened the cabinet, and handed me the aspirin.
“Thank you.” He handed me a glass of water as Emily pulled in front of the house.
“So, did I miss the party? I thought you all would be asleep,” Emily said, entering the house.
“I was, but I had a headache.”
“Oh, you’re still not feeling better?” she asked.
We turned to Steve as we walked downstairs. “Goodnight, Steve.”
“Thanks for the aspirin,” I called back.
As Emily and I walked down stairs, I continued. “So how was it tonight?” I motioned her to come in my room.
“It was good. The band was great and the tips were excellent.”
“Is Brad really pissed I didn’t show up?”
“He’s not happy.”
I was worried Steve might be listening, so I scribbled on a piece of paper and handed it to Emily.
Lock your door tonight. We need to talk tomorrow.
It’s really important.
I’m worried he was going to do something to Jessica.
I’m scared. I need to talk to you in the morning.
LOCK YOUR DOOR!
Emily gave me a questioning look.
“I’ll see you in the morning,” I said loud enough for Steve to hear if he was listening. I gave her a hug and whispered, “I’ll explain everything tomorrow. Lock your door.”
I closed the door to my room and lay down on the bed next to Jess. I held my little girl tightly, as if I could protect her.
I should have listened to Dylan. How I missed him! He would protect us. But why didn’t he call? He called every few days last time he was gone. This time, he only called once since he left. Maybe the mention of the apartment and Jess asking him to be her daddy made him feel things were going too fast. Maybe he decided he wasn’t ready to be a father figure to someone. I held tight to Jessica. What have I done? Why did we move here?
I sat in the darkness, bombarded with questions, watching the sun rise through the window. I couldn’t sleep. Every creak, every noise, put me on edge. Who was the man upstairs? Are we in danger?
Chapter Thirty-nine
When Steve finally got up and left in the morning, I knew we had only a short time to search the house for evidence. I gently tapped on Emily’s door. Entering, I sat on her bed and explained to her my worries. I asked her if she would take Jessica to stay with my mom, while I tried to make some money. I hoped I was wrong, but we began our search in the living room to make sure.
“See look, every one of these videos is for girls. Not one is for bo
ys.” I listed them out.
“Yeah, that makes no sense.” Emily shook her head. We searched around on the entry level.
“It doesn’t make sense that there are no pictures of them, does it?”
“Yeah, it’s really weird he doesn’t have any out, especially since they have been gone for so long.” Emily searched the bookshelves for photo albums in case there was something we overlooked.
“I’m gonna run upstairs. Can you keep watch for me?”
“Be careful. If I yell ‘Do you want lunch?’ then he’s home.” Emily searched the kitchen, staying in view of the window. I rushed upstairs, realizing in the movies people always seem to get back when someone is looking through their stuff.
I entered the first door to the left. It was Steve’s room. I looked first in the obvious places, like on his dresser, but I didn’t find pictures.
I tugged at the top drawer and a glass spilled over. Damn what have I done? I quickly wiped up the water with my shirt. My hands were shaking. Would he notice the half-empty glass? I couldn’t do it. I abandoned the idea of searching his drawers, deciding to first see if there was a kids’ bedroom. I crept down the hall and sighed with relief—a room with two single beds dressed in Thomas the Tank Engine comforters, a little train track, and blue curtains. It was a good sign. I rushed out of the room. Maybe he had been taking out the trash last night. Relieved, I glanced in the third room, a guest bedroom. That must be the nanny’s room, I thought as I sprinted down the stairs quickly.
“I didn’t find any pictures, but at least it’s obvious he wasn’t lying about his sons. They have a room upstairs.” Emily followed me downstairs to my room where Jessica was playing with her dolls.
“Nicole, let me show you something.” Emily motioned me over, pulling out a newspaper article. We walked into Emily’s room. “Nicole, they found another body. It’s a man’s body this time—a man in his twenties. They haven’t been able to identify it yet. This one was stabbed and left in the woods.” She spoke in a soft voice. “I don’t think you should stay here when I leave with Jess. Maybe you read things wrong yesterday, but maybe you didn’t. I think you should move out when we leave.”
“I’ll move out fast, but if I leave, I will never get my money back. We paid this month’s rent. I don’t have money, yet, to get a place in town.”
“You’re so far from Anchorage. Maybe you could stay with Katie or Bradley until you have enough money to get a hotel. It would make it easy to get to work. Brad is a good friend of Dylan’s. He won’t let anything happen to you.”
“I think I’ll be okay. I’m probably just being paranoid. I really do need to get that money back. Dylan will kill me if he finds out I gave it to the one person he was trying to protect me from. God, I feel so stupid.”
“Nikki, he will kill you if he finds out you put yourself in danger to get his money back. Don’t be stupid. You’re just too trusting, Nicole. You look for the good in everyone. I hate to say it, but you are still way too naive. I’m worried about leaving you here. Why don’t you come home with us?”
“Emily, I can’t go back now. Ronald is really upset I left, and I’m afraid what he might do to me this time. Or even my family. We know so many of the same people; I’d be scared to talk to anyone. That was so messed up. Bobby told him where I was going to be.”
“Nikki, you need to get out of here. I don’t think Steve is going to give the money to you. If the nanny stole the money from you all, he’s not going to give it back.”
Tears started falling down my cheeks. “I feel so stupid. Why did we come here? I should have listened to Dylan.” I gave her a hug. “Emily, he hasn’t called me since he left. I don’t know why. He told me he loved me. Now maybe he realizes he doesn’t. I feel like an idiot. I was finally falling in love again. I was finally letting down my guard, and he stopped calling. He changed his mind. He dumped me without the courtesy of a phone call.”
“I’m sure he’s just busy. He is crazy about you.”
“Then why hasn’t he called?”
I felt like my world was falling apart. My daughter had to leave again, my best friend was going away, my boyfriend left me, and I was broke.
“Come back with us, Nicole.”
“I love it here in Alaska, Emily. I want to rebuild my savings and bring Jess back. I don’t want to go home right now. Ronald always seems to know when I get home. I can’t face him right now. I’m terrified of him, Emily. He would’ve beaten me again if we weren’t surrounded by people. I need my distance. And I can’t go home with nothing. I need to be stronger. Right now, I’m a failure.” I wiped the tears from my eyes.
“You’re not a failure, Nicole. You have just been too trusting. That is why I’m afraid to leave you here alone.”
“I can’t leave. I need to have some money before I return. I want to be able to stand on my own two feet. I need to be able to provide a better life for Jessica. If I leave now, I’ll be stuck in another dead-end job and have to struggle to make ends meet. If I sacrifice a little now, her life will be better in the future. I can’t leave a failure, Emily.”
“You’re not a failure Nikki,” Emily gave me a hug. “I’m just worried about you.”
“You know what is weird, Nicole? Katie said Alan left without saying goodbye. She said they were getting serious, and then one day Alan didn’t show up for a date. She was asking if I knew anything about it. Now Timothy is not showing up to work, out of the blue . . . it’s just—I don’t know . . . it makes you think. Steve owed both of them a lot of money for work. Nicole, he owes you a lot of money. You just need to be careful.”
“I’ll move back to Anchorage really soon. Maybe I can stay with Katie till I can afford a place on my own. I will ask this week. Once I’m able to work a little bit, I’ll move into a place in town. I don’t want to be in this house, either. I’ll just stay a few weeks at the most if no one lets me crash at their place, and I will lock my door at night. If he doesn’t pay me soon, I’ll know I have to just accept that I lost the money. I won’t push it. I think I’ll be okay. I’ll get out of here quickly, I promise.”
Chapter Forty
I grabbed the phone and called the bar; hoping Brad wouldn’t be too upset with me. “Bradley, I’m so sorry about last night. I moved into this stupid place ‘cause the guy said he had a live-in nanny. The nanny still hasn’t shown up. I started to leave Jess with him out of necessity, but couldn’t do it. I had a weird feeling, and I couldn’t take any chances. I don’t want to lose my job, but can you take me off the schedule again till I can figure something out?”
“Yeah, it sucks. Emily told me. Listen, Nicole, I was talking to my sister last night. She lives over there in Wasilla, and said she would be willing to help out for a few days. She doesn’t want it to be a regular thing, but she said she would let Jessica come over for a week, just to help out. She said Jessica could sleep with her daughter, and you could pick her up in the morning. She didn’t want you showing up at two in the morning.”
“Are you serious? Bradley that would be awesome. I really need the money. Is there any way Jessica and I could meet her first? I would feel more comfortable than just dropping her off there.”
“I guarantee she will be a hell of a lot safer than some perv you met at a bar.”
“Yeah, this was probably the stupidest thing I have ever done. I admit it. I’m sure she is fine, but you know, she is related to you and all.” I hoped he could hear the sarcasm in my voice.
“Funny. Listen, I gotta go. Do you have something to write her number on?”
I grabbed a pen and wrote it on my hand. “Yeah, what is it?”
He gave me the number. “You should come in tonight. This band is really good, and it’s a Saturday night. Come in, we need you.”
“I’ll call her now. What is her name?
“Karen.”
“Thank you, Brad. I really appreciate your help.”
“Oh and Nicole, I don’t know if you heard, but they picked up that
creep, Chuck. He was arrested for rape—sick bastard. You don’t have to worry about him bothering you.”
A feeling of relief washed over me.
I went upstairs. “Emily, why don’t we stick some of the things in the trunk now, before he gets home?”
“What if he shows up?”
“I don’t know, we can say we are dry cleaning or something?”
We packed the trunk with a load of stuff. We had accumulated so much; it no longer fit in our suitcases easily. I packed all of the things from my shopping spree with Dylan, some of Jesse’s favorite stuffed animals, and most of her clothes. As long as we kept the closet doors closed, Steve wouldn’t know anything was gone.
I walked back inside. The blank canvas sat in the corner of my room. It stared back at me. Opening the drawer, I pulled out the sealed paints. Why can’t I create? Why haven’t I even tried? I took them to the car and stuck them in the trunk, thinking perhaps they would forever go untouched. But they had a special meaning to me. A new beginning. Everything was changing, but this too will be a new beginning. Somehow everything was going to be all right.
As Emily brought out her last bag, I got in the car with Jess to meet the sitter. Jessica held my hand tight as we walked up the paved sidewalk to the brick house. Karen, Bradley’s sister, answered the door with her six-year-old daughter, Mary. Mary grabbed Jess’s hand and quickly the girls were off playing with Barbies in the other room as if they were the best of friends. I was so relieved.
“Brad said you were in a bind. I can help out for about a week but that is all,” Karen said as I was leaving.
“This is so perfect. I need to make a little money before Jess goes home with my friend Emily. Really, this is perfect. Thank you.”
I didn’t do any doubles. During the day, I stayed and played with Jesse—mostly in the snow or in the gingerbread house. Emily and I worked the night shift. Steve seemed a little upset that I was taking her somewhere else. He said he would be home anyway, but I explained to him she had made a little friend, and they were having fun sleepover parties.
The Impostor, A Love Story Page 24
