by Clare Revell
Jim went below to sleep for a while.
Lou limped out on deck with Deefer at her heels. It was cold outside, the wind making it feel colder. She shivered.
Deefer ran off across the deck as Lou made her way to the side of the boat. She leant on the edge and gazed out to sea. Tears stung her eyes. Her leg hurt despite the painkillers she had taken. Not that there were many of them left, so she’d have to ease up on them. It wouldn’t be easy persuading Jim and Staci to leave her behind, but it was for the best.
In time, they would realize that.
15
As the days passed they slipped back into the old routine.
Lou’s behavior was a constant source of worry for Jim. She wasn’t eating and spent as much time alone as she could. She was quiet and withdrawn, with the occasional violent mood swing, and Jim was afraid of what she might do. October became November with no sign of her coming out of it.
The passage of time had just strengthened her resolve to leave and go it alone. The infection had cleared up and the new skin was red, tight and mismatched. Lou left the dressings off as much as possible now and only wore the bottom splint. She had become quite adept at using the crutches.
Jim had made her a walking stick to try to encourage her to start putting weight on her left leg but she wouldn’t.
The further south they went, the warmer it became, but even though Jim and Staci lived in shorts and tee shirts, Lou wore nothing but baggy tops and leggings.
Deefer followed her around like a lost sheep. He too, seemed worried about his mistress. He could do nothing but be there for her.
Jim had checked the charts and decided that the largest island—Kiritimati—would be the best bet as it had an airport.
Lou had other ideas and had volunteered to do the whole of the night shift. She had changed course and increased speed. As a result, they were now a long way off course. She did it off her own bat, without discussing it.
Jim was incensed when he realized. He checked the chart and turned on her. “Are you trying to kill us all?” he yelled. “What is it with you these days?”
“Kiritimati’s too populated,” Lou said woodenly.
“For crying out loud, Lou. We need somewhere populated. We need food and fuel. We need the radio repaired. You have just taken us almost two hundred miles in the wrong direction.”
Staci came up to the bridge yawning. “What’s all the noise?” she asked sleepily.
“Lou has gone and done it again. She had taken us miles off course because Kiritimati is too crowded. She doesn’t care that we need the radio fixed. She doesn’t care about anything or anyone other than herself these days. She doesn’t care that this whole trip was to find Mum and Dad and every day we waste out here is a day longer they are lost. In fact,” he said looking icily at Lou, “I don’t know why I bothered wasting all that time saving your life. I should have left you to the shark.”
“I wish you had,” Lou said quietly.
“Sorry?” Jim said, thinking he’d misheard her.
“I said I wish you had. I don‘t need this.”
Jim turned to Staci. “Go and do breakfast, kiddo.”
Staci shot him a strange look, but caught the anger in his voice and left without arguing.
“I wish I was dead.”
“That won’t solve anything. Will it?”
“It would solve a lot of things,” Lou muttered listlessly.
“Like what? Name ten things that killing yourself would solve?”
Lou refused to meet his gaze. “I wouldn’t feel like this for a start. My leg wouldn’t hurt.”
“That’s two. I need eight more.”
“I can’t wear shorts anymore. I can’t walk. I’m tired of it. I can’t sleep. It hurts all the time. I can’t do this anymore, Jim. Any of it. I have had enough.” She checked them off on her fingers as she listed them. Tears rolled down her cheeks. “If I die then it will all be over. It won’t hurt anymore. It won’t be a struggle to get dressed or move. It takes so much effort just to get through each day. I can’t cope with anything. I don’t want to be a burden anymore.”
Jim hugged her tightly. “You aren’t a burden, Lou, no matter what you think. Once we get you to a doctor, they can stop your leg from hurting. Plastic surgery can sort out the scars. It’s all fixable.”
“But I’m not.”
“What do you mean? Talk to me.”
“Not here.”
Jim helped her down the steps to the galley. “Staci, can you watch the bridge? We’re going outside for a bit.”
“What about breakfast? I’ve just poured the tea.”
“We’ll take it with us.” He picked up the two mugs of tea and followed Lou out onto the deck.
They went to the front of the boat and sat on the box containing the remaining dinghy.
“Talk to me,” Jim said.
Lou put her crutches down and took her tea. She wrapped her hands round the mug. “I don’t know how,” she said. “Or where to start.”
“You said you weren’t fixable. What did you mean?”
Lou sighed and took a mouthful of tea. “I don’t feel anything. Not for you or Staci or Deefer. I just don’t care about anything anymore. That can’t be fixed. That’s why I have to leave. I have this heavy weight inside me that’s pulling me under. I’m too tired to fight anymore. I don’t know who I am.”
“That’s why you need us, Lou. All you have to do is let me in. I’m here.”
“I just want out. I can’t do this anymore.”
“I’m not expecting you to. Lou, you are feeling like this because you’re ill. You need help. But you have to take the first step by yourself. I can’t do that for you.” Jim held out his hand. “All you have to do is reach out. Just take the first step.”
“I can’t. There’s this voice inside me. It tells me how useless I am. If it takes over, I’ll be lost. That scares me, but at the same time it doesn‘t.”
“Being scared is normal. Look, you are my friend more than anything else. You are also family. We need you. There is always something in life worth hanging on to. We all doubt ourselves at times and have bad days, or months, but life is too full of options, choices and possibilities to be cut short. So you’re going through a rough patch right now. We all do, but life has many surprises both good and bad. You never know what’s round the next corner. You’re not alone. It may feel like it right now, but I’m here. I am not going to leave you.”
“It won’t change anything.”
“You are stronger than you think. You can do this. One small step.”
Lou looked at him.
He smiled and waved his hand at her. “Just reach out,” he said. “It’s as simple as that.”
Lou looked at her hand. Then she reached out and took hold of Jim’s hand. “OK.”
Jim set down his tea and set Lou’s next to it. He gathered her into his arms and held her. “I’m here,” he told her. “I’ll never leave you.” After a few, he smiled. “I’m starved. Coming to watch me eat?”
She nodded, walking inside with him.
Jim called “Breakfast.”
Staci went down to the galley. “Good. I was going to start without you. I’m starving.” She put the kettle on again.
Lou smiled at him and looked at Staci. “So long as you leave some for me.”
“So where are we headed then?” Staci asked. “You never did say?”
“The North Mariana Islands. They are further north and nearer the Philippines than Kiribati. That is, if Jim doesn’t object.”
“I have given up objecting. So long as we have food and fuel and we stop soon. OK?”
Lou nodded and Jim pulled out a stool for her. Sitting down, Lou buttered some bread.
Staci brought the tea over and breakfast became quite lively, with Lou joining in the conversation. After breakfast Lou yawned. “I might go to bed for a while. I’m tired.”
Jim shot her a quick look. “Will you be OK?” he asked gently.
“I’ll be fine,” she assured him. “Honest.”
“I’ll come check on you later,” he called as she hopped down the steps.
“I’ll be there.”
~*~
Lou felt as if she had begun to recover. She slowly started to eat and regain her strength. The pain in her leg reduced through exercise and regular meals to the point where she could cope with it. Although it never went away, she didn’t let it interfere with things anymore. She was still as fed up as she had been a few days before, but something pushed inside her. So instead of hiding away below decks, she would spend her time with the others, chatting and playing cards. She spent long hours on the deck in the sun, playing with Deefer, who was glad to have his mistress back again.
Staci was also glad to have Lou back and she told her so on many occasions.
On November fifteenth, Jim was sailing and the two girls were sat on the dinghy box.
Lou looked at Staci. “Isn’t it about time we got our own back on Jim?” she asked. “We promised we would in June and then again last month. He’s waited long enough.”
“True. But what to do?”
“Food. It has to be.”
They put their heads together and hatched a plan.
Staci went into the galley.
Lou joined Jim on the bridge. She was extra nice to him, which aroused his suspicions.
“What are you planning, Lou?”
“Nothing,” she said lightly.
“So why don’t I believe you?”
“I might just go help Staci with lunch. We’ll give you a shout when it’s ready.”
She hopped down the steps. Life was easier with a pair of crutches per deck. She left each pair by the steps so they were easy to get at. In the galley, she gave Staci the thumbs up and said, “I’ve come to help you with lunch. It smells lovely.”
“Fish in sauce,” Staci replied. “On a bed of rice. It won’t be long.”
They crashed around a few pans. “What’s for pudding?” Lou asked.
“I made a jelly.”
“What color?”
“Purple. Has to be purple.”
“Why?”
“It’s obligatory.”
Lou tasted the rice. “It’s cooked,” she said.
They dished up.
“It looks wonderful Staci. Jim, lunch is ready.”
Jim came down and sat at the table.
Lou sat down and Staci put her plate in front of her. It looked lovely. Poached fish in a creamy mushroom sauce on a bed of rice.
Staci brought hers across and then Jim’s. Jim’s had a lid over it. “Don’t take the lid off yet,” she told him. She brought across a jug of juice and three glasses. “Juice, Lou?” Lou nodded and Staci carefully filled Lou’s glass and then hers. “Jim?”
“Please.”
Staci poured juice into Jim’s glass. As it went into the glass the orange juice turned purple.
Jim watched in amazement.
“You can take the lid off your lunch, now,” Staci told him.
He raised the lid and almost dropped it in shock. His lunch was fish in sauce and rice, but was bright purple. The girls screamed with laughter.
“You should see your face,” Staci said.
Lou had a mouthful of her lunch. “Eat Jim. It’s lovely.”
“But it’s purple.”
“Yeah, but it’s perfectly edible, honest.”
Jim looked at them and back at his plate. “It’s purple.”
“We know. It’s revenge. We said we would get you back and we have. Now eat. You can’t let good food go to waste. Remember all those starving children.”
“They’re welcome to it.”
“Now be a good boy and eat it before it gets cold.”
Jim ate every mouthful.
Lou and Staci smiled triumphantly at each other. Revenge was sweet, or in this case, purple.
~*~
In the early hours of November seventeenth, the fuel ran out. The engines spluttered and died. Lou, who was doing the nightshift, woke Jim, who put up the sails in dawn‘s early light. Fortunately, there was a good wind.
After breakfast, Staci and Lou went out on deck in the sunshine.
Jim leaned out of the door. “Lou, can I show you something on the bridge?”
“What’s up?”
“I’ve altered course,” he said. “Things have changed now. We should arrive the day after tomorrow.”
“Where are we headed?”
Jim pointed to the map. “Saipan. If that’s OK.”
“That’s fine.” She pointed to something on the horizon. “Where’s that?”
“Agrihan. Too small and no ports. Plus, it has an active volcano.”
“How active a volcano? It’s getting closer.”
“No idea. But like I said, it doesn’t have a port so we can’t stop there,” Jim said. “Beach landings are dangerous. Did you know that most accidents at sea occur when landing?”
“No I didn’t. How?”
“Hidden rocks, reefs, waves knocking against the side of the boat, white horses, your mate the shark to name a few.”
Lou grinned. “Wouldn’t you notice the horses?”
“Go.” Jim pointed. “I’ve got this.”
~*~
The afternoon passed with the island growing bigger. “It looks like a cardboard cutout,” Lou said as Staci dozed. “It’s pretty. All those trees. Jim, exactly how close are you taking us?” Lou called.
There was no answer.
“Jim?”
~*~
Jim jerked awake. The island loomed up in front of them, completely blocking their path. Jagged rocks pushed up from the sea and waves crashed over them.
Jim checked the helm. “I don’t understand,” he said. “She hasn’t kept her course.”
Lou hobbled up and looked over his shoulder. “The autopilots not on. You fell asleep, didn’t you? So no one’s been steering her.”
Jim grabbed the wheel, tried to bring Avon about and struggled to turn away from the rocks. It was a losing battle. A huge wave buffeted the boat and knocked her sideways. A horrific crunching tearing sound filled the boat and the deck vibrated under their feet throwing them to the floor.
Staci pulled herself up the steps. “Jim. There’s a hole in the hull. We’re taking on water. Fast.”
Jim flew down the steps to check for himself.
Staci shook her head. “But don’t take my word for it.”
Jim’s voice came through the intercom. “Staci, pack quickly. Lou, grab the charts and all you can. I’ll do the food.”
Avon had a pronounced list by now which made walking difficult.
“Jim, we have to go,” Lou said. “Jim. She is going down under us. We have to go. Now.”
She pushed him towards the door.
They joined Staci and Deefer on the sloping deck.
Jim looked round him in disbelief.
“Jim?” Staci said. “What do we do? I’m scared.”
“We abandon ship, kiddo.” He put the bag down.
Avon gave a creaking sigh and settled further onto the rocks with a jolt.
“Staci, give me a hand with this.”
Together they pushed the boxed dinghy to the side of Avon.
Jim opened it.
He and Staci threw it over the side into the sea. It inflated automatically. They threw the holdalls containing the food, the rucksacks of clothes and Lou’s sewing bag into the dinghy.
Lou sat on the side of Avon and with difficulty lowered herself into the dinghy.
Staci followed her.
Jim handed Deefer, and then Lou’s crutches, over the side. He stood there, unwilling to go but unable to stay, finally understanding why the captain always went down with the ship. As Avon moved and the deck slanted more, he finally went over the side. He pushed away and began rowing towards the shore. Halfway there he paused.
They turned and took a last look at Avon.
Listing bad
ly she was almost off the rock. A large wave crashed onto her deck and she began to sink below the waves.
“I didn’t pick up the laptop,” Staci said.
“Don’t worry about it.” Jim began to row again. He guided them through the rocks around the coast a little until he found a beach. Reaching shallow water, he jumped out and pulled the dinghy ashore.
Deefer leapt out into the water. He splashed onto the beach, shook himself and barked.
Jim helped Lou out of the boat. Her crutches sank into the sand and made it impossible to walk. Jim swung her into his arms and carried her. He went back to the boat and pulled it well up the beach.
He and Staci took the bags up to where Lou sat.
He stood there in a state of shock, full of mixed emotions. Joy at having made landfall, but deep sadness at the loss of Avon.
Avon was more than just a boat; she was a friend. She had been their shelter, their home, and a part of their lives for almost six months. She had brought them safely halfway across the world and now they had failed her.
Jim was devastated. Avon was his and now she was gone.
Staci rubbed the tears off her cheeks. “Where to now?” she asked.
Jim looked round.
The beach they had landed on was no more than a small cove, leading up to the forest. Trees grew at the top of the beach.
“It’ll be dark soon,” he said. “I suggest we stay here tonight and find help in the morning.” He looked at the others. “Come on,” he said, sounding a lot cheerier than he felt. “Why the long faces? We are alive, aren’t we? Besides, we can’t stand here all night. In the words of Baroness Thatcher, ‘now there’s work to be done.’”
The girls laughed.
However, the thought or rather, the reality was still there. They were shipwrecked on a remote island without any possibility of rescue.
Jim set about building a campsite just on the edge of the forest. As darkness fell, Jim made a fire and balanced a pan on top of it. He poured the last of the milk into it and heated it. He made cocoa and they sat quietly drinking it.
The fire crackled and the darkness closed around them.
“It’s so quiet,” Staci said. “I’d got used to the background engine noise. It annoyed me at first, but I miss it.”
