“You okay?” I asked, moving a safe distance away from her. When I couldn’t smell her anymore I felt much better.
“I guess. I just hate that everyone treats me like I’m an uncontrollable nympho or something. Jesus.”
“I feel bad for basing our doctor/client relationship on a lie. Can I make it up to you? I’ll make dinner for you, Xavier and Chloe and bring it over when I’m done. That way you don’t have to cook tonight and you guys can spend some family time together.” I watched her face as it blossomed into a smile. She nodded and peered in my cart for probably the third time since we ran into each other. The girl was nosey.
“What exactly are you gonna cook?” She asked.
“I don’t know. I thought I’d have my wife fix something…” Right on cue, she laughed. Tossed her head back and laughed. It meant she was handling her emotions well and right now she was handling happiness like a pro.
I stuck to my guns and went home to start on dinner right after I made notes to Camilla’s file. Notes that took me a few hours to complete. Before I knew it the sun had sank down into the earth and it was dark. Dammit.
Well, spaghetti and meatballs wouldn’t take that long to whip up. How much does a family of three eat anyway? I rubbed the side of my face with my palm and went into the kitchen.
After banging around in there for an hour I poured noodles into one container and meat sauce into another. That should be enough for a family of three. Before I packed everything up I grabbed a bottle of red wine from the chiller so that Camilla and Xavier could really enjoy themselves tonight. It wasn’t too late it was only around 7ish. I had no idea when normal people ate dinner. I was always working so I just ate when I could.
Balancing the bowls in one hand and the bottle of wine in the other, I maneuvered my way to the car.
I had to look in Camilla’s patient file to find her address and I was shocked to find that she only lived ten minutes from me. Well it explains why we ran into each other today at the store.
Only one light was on in the entire house. It made me a little nervous to knock. After a few minutes I heard beeps and then the door opened. Camilla stood in front of me in an oversized faded t-shirt with her hair piled on top of her head in a bun. My mouth must have been gaping open because she folded her arms tightly across her body and frowned at me. Actually, she looked pretty pissed off. I handed her the food and took a step back.
“Kept my promise.” I smiled, but it felt forced. I really wanted to sit her down and figure out what had her looking so worked up. Camilla walked back into the house, set the food down and then yanked me inside by my hand. “Where is everyone?” I chuckled, looking around. It was so quiet you could hear a pin drop. Camilla pushed out a breath and plopped a baby monitor on the counter.
“Chlo is sleeping. She goes down at seven sharp every night.”
“Oh, I’m sorry. I’m probably interrupting you and Xavier’s evening. I’ll be on my way.”
“He’s not here. He’s not coming home until God knows when. He has to work late.” Her tone let me know she didn’t believe him and I felt myself wanting to probe her for more information. We weren’t in my office though and she didn’t ask me to be her therapist right now. “Can you please say something? You’re just standing there looking at me.” She squeaked and I rubbed the back of my neck.
“Ah, Camilla you have me in a bind here. I don’t know if I’m talking to you as your doctor or not.”
“Well what the fuck else would you be talking to me as?”
“I’m at your house after hours so I’m not on the clock. Right now I’m just Alexander.” I told her, folding my hands on the counter.
“Okay, can you just…be a friend then?” Her eyes were almost screaming at me telling me she needed to talk. I sat down at the kitchen island and fought the urge to pull my phone out to record or take notes.
“What’s on your mind Camilla? You look very angry.” Even though she asked me to be a friend, I couldn’t fight the psychologist in me.
“I am. This is the third fucking time Xavier has worked late since he hired that bitch to be daycare director.” I watched everything she did. The way her throat rolled when she swallowed. The burst of anger that erupted when she mentioned the daycare director and the way she pinched the bridge of her nose. I’d never seen her actually have an episode but everything about her demeanor told me she was on the verge of one. I tried to draw the anger out of her slowly, so I avoided the hot button topic of the director.
“Do you feel stressed out having to take care of Chloe alone when he works late?” I asked her. I made sure to keep my voice even so she didn’t get more upset.
“Of course! Especially when she’s whining for her father and I can’t just make him appear out of thin air.”
“Has he seen Chloe these past three days?”
“He sees her at daycare.” She said. He voice was low and ripe with anger. It was almost tangible.
“Have you told him that Chloe misses him?” I was taking mental notes of everything so I didn’t forget anything when I went home to write down the details of this encounter.
“Yes! He acts like he can’t fucking hear!” She was nearing the peak of her anger and the nose pinching was becoming more frequent. I didn’t ask if she was having a headache because I already knew she was.
I finally asked about the daycare director to push her to her peak and she blew up. “I told him to promise me he wouldn’t fuck her. He promised me, Alexander. I would try to get over it like I always do but he won’t even tell me! I’m over here worried sick not knowing if he’s screwing this bitch or not!” Her breathing became shallow and seemingly a switch flipped inside of her.
Camilla walked over to me and ran her fingers down my arm. I stood up and walked towards the front door immediately. “You cannot go back to doing this shit Camilla. You want me to leave?” I asked sternly. She whimpered and pinched the bridge of her nose again.
“No, please don’t Alexander.” Now she was gripping my arm. She was in pain. “Look, you already know this shit hurts…” She sucked in a breath and I felt so bad. I hated seeing her like this. I had to get her to focus on the anger instead of letting it consume her.
“Camilla, listen to my voice. You’re mad. You’re pissed. You’re hurt. Let that shit go.” I put my hands on the sides of her face and made her look at me. When she opened her eyes a tear rolled down her cheek and she nearly collapsed. I caught her and carried her to her couch. She was still conscious so at least she didn’t pass out. “Tell me how it feels to wonder if Xavier is lying to you.” I said, holding her hand.
“It hurts! My fucking chest feels like it’s on fire. Is this normal?” She asked clutching at her shirt.
“Yes, it’s normal. Just let yourself feel it. You start needing physical pain when you ignore your emotional pain.”
“Can’t you just fuck me, Alexander? Jesus. You’re not married.” I shook my head and kept talking to her about how she felt. “My heart feels broken,” she told me. She sat up finally and wiped the tears from her eyes. “How the fuck am I supposed to know if I can trust him? He’s doing really suspicious shit and I don’t know what to think.” My nerves settled down a bit after seeing that she wasn’t trying to attack me. I rubbed her back even though I probably shouldn’t have. It felt right.
“You have to talk to him,” I told her. “I keep telling you to confront things when they happen but do it as you feel comfortable. Don’t let things fester.” I froze again when she laid her head on my shoulder.
“I’m not gonna bite you…or try to fuck you.” She cracked a small smile and I breathed a little easier. I’d be lying if I said that seeing Camilla like that wasn’t scary. “Don’t stop rubbing my back though. It’s calming me down.” She told me. I kept rubbing her back and for a while we just sat there like that. Suddenly her head popped up and she looked at me. “Alexander, let’s have dinner.”
“Okay, I guess,” I shrugged. I wanted to draw the line
somewhere but I didn’t want to leave her in such a vulnerable state. I watched as she plated our food and poured us two glasses of wine. Even though she broke through her impending episode, she still lagged a bit. She seemed sad. When she tucked her feet under her body and settled into the couch beside me I took a sip of wine and just studied her. “Are you sad?” I already knew she was but I wanted to hear what she had to say. For a few seconds she just twirled her fork around in the spaghetti, not making eye contact.
“Yeah. I am. I can just feel him doing something fucked up..”
“What does that make you wanna do?”
“Go see Emmanuel,” she admitted. “At least I never have to worry about him fucking other bitches.” She put the fork in her mouth and ate her spaghetti.
“But what about everything else Camilla? Xavier isn’t healthy for you if he’s constantly hurting you but is Emmanuel healthy for you?” I looked to her for an answer and she really pondered it for a while.
“I don’t fucking know.”
“You do fucking know,” I retorted.
“He’s fucking toxic but god I love him.” She confessed with an indulgent groan. It almost sounded too private for me to be hearing. I pushed the primal reaction it gave me to the back of my mind. My focus was on her wellbeing.
“So you can admit that he’s not healthy for you either?” I probed.
“Yeah. I can admit it. I’m not ready to leave him alone though. Especially not now.” The wine in her glass was gone and she poured herself another. I made sure to note that she was on glass number two.
“You can’t trade one problem for another though. At what point do you decide to heal from both of them?”
“I’m not ready for that,” she said sternly. It was a warning signal that I heeded immediately. She wanted me to back off and I did. We weren’t on the clock and I wanted to keep her trust.
When my first glass of wine was empty Camilla started to pour me another but I held my hand up. “Alexander, cut the bullshit. Can you please just unwind a little? Have another glass.”
“Who’s going to drive if I’m fucked up?” I asked her with a smile.
“You’re not gonna be fucked up from two glasses. Calm down.” I chuckled a bit and let her pour me another glass. I had to keep telling myself I wasn’t on the clock.
Camilla got up and took our plates into the kitchen and I heard her washing them in the sink. I went in behind her and offered to do it but she pushed me away. “I’m always cleaning and cooking. I’m used to it.” She told me. Her eyes flitted over my frame and I asked her why she was looking at me. “You look different outside of the office. Just jeans and a t-shirt, drinking a glass of wine being normal.”
“How am I in the office?” I asked.
“You’re Dr. Epps,” She giggled. The wine was relaxing her and she didn’t seem as sad. “You’re all analytical and asking a million fucking questions. I like this side of you though.” She wiped her hands on her shirt and I averted my eyes quickly. “Alex, please stop acting like I’m fucking Medusa.” I cringed hearing her call me Alex, and shot her a warning look. “Oh, shit. Sorry.” She frowned and hopped up on the counter swinging her legs back and forth like a little kid. “Tell me something, why don’t you like being called Alex?” I finished my second glass of wine and shut my eyes trying to figure out the best way to answer her. But the only way was the truth.
“I was engaged,” I began slowly. Just those three words captivated Camilla and she stared at me waiting for the rest of the story. “Her name was Alexandra. She was Alex and I was Alexander.”
“Were you in love?”
“Of course. I loved her more than life itself.” I poured another glass of wine. The last bit in the bottle, actually. “We were always around each other. You never saw me without seeing Alex and vice versa. She was so happy to be planning our wedding.” I could practically see Alex sitting at the table in our old kitchen pouring over magazines and asking me which dresses I liked. They all looked the same to me. “She planned it day in and day out. Sometimes she would fall asleep on her laptop, pinning ideas to boards.”
“What happened?” Camilla asked she never let her eyes leave mine. This was the hard part of the story. The part I fucking hated because it ripped a piece of my heart out every time I told it. I knocked the entire glass back and let it relax me.
“Um, I came home one day and Alex…she…she’d killed herself. Overdosed on pills.” I couldn’t feel them but I know they’re there. The tears always fall when I picture Alex’s body laid out on the floor. “She wrote a note but it never gave me much solace. It only said that she was sorry and that she loved me.” I finally looked up at Camilla and her face was wet. She was crying too. She slid off of the counter and stood on her tiptoes to hug me. This time I didn’t stiffen at her touch. I really needed that damn hug. I clutched at her and she squeezed me tighter.
“I’m so sorry. That’s awful. She was happy, why did she…” Camilla’s words trailed off into thin air.
“I don’t know. I ask myself that same question every day. But sometimes even when you’re really close to someone you never know what demons they’re fighting.” I noticed Camilla wince at the word demon and I kicked myself for using it. I knew her mother used to throw it around religiously when talking about her behavior. She rubbed my back this time and I let her.
Right then we weren’t doctor and patient, we were friends and I think we both needed a friend.
**
Chapter Seven
Xavier
I sat in my car for forty motherfucking minutes wondering when the black BMW was going to pull out of my driveway. I don’t even know how long the car had been there before I pulled around the corner. After minute fifty-seven I saw a man emerge, get in the car and pull off. I looked at the clock: 1:43am.
To say I was fuming would be a huge understatement. The BMW barely made it down the street before I pulled in the driveway. I had to steady myself because I’d been taking shots at Jada’s house and I almost had a wreck on the way home. But sitting in your car for damn near an hour watching your house and wondering who’s fucking your woman while your daughter is in there will start to sober you up.
The fact that I put the code in wrong twice before I got it right let me know I was still fucked up though. Camilla was standing right in front of me when I flung the front door open. When she saw it was me she rolled her eyes and walked away. “Camilla don’t fucking walk away from me!” I boomed.
“Are you drunk, Xavier?” She hissed. She turned back around and started towards me.
“No. I’m not. I had a lot of time to sober the fuck up waiting for whoever you were fucking to leave the house and get his car out of my driveway.” I moved closer to her and tried my best not to yank her up against the wall. It felt like my muscles were on fire though. I needed to punch something because I couldn’t get the image of her fucking another man out of my head. Someone that I didn’t even know about. I rubbed my palm over my face and tilted my head to the side. “Who are you fucking?” I asked her as calmly as I could manage, my voice rumbled with rage though.
“I’m not fucking anyone but your stupid ass,” she quipped. I let out a bitter laugh and walked into the kitchen where I saw two clean plates and two clean wine glasses on the counter. I picked up the glass and threw it on the floor watching it shatter in a million little pieces. Camilla jumped at the sound. I shattered the other glass and then looked at her. She was crying. I bet her ass wasn’t crying when she had a dick in her.
“Who the fuck did you have in my goddamn house around my daughter?” I slammed my fist into the granite counter top and pain ripped through my knuckles. I didn’t care though, I’d never been this angry before in my fucking life. I couldn’t even see straight. The next sound I heard sobered me up quicker than anything else. Chloe was crying and screaming. Before I could react Camilla was dashing past me out of the kitchen and into Chloe’s room. It didn’t register until I stood there a moment lon
ger why red was streaking the floor.
Camilla cut her foot on the broken glass. She didn’t even care though because she wanted to get the fuck away from me and get to Chloe. I rubbed my forehead and groaned out loud. How fucking stupid could I be? I followed behind Camilla and walked into Chloe’s room.
“Xavier, get the fuck out.” She didn’t yell and I think that’s what scared the shit out of me the most. I didn’t leave though. My daughter was crying and scared because of me. I had to comfort her and right my wrongs. I looked at her whimpering and goddamn if the doubt didn’t start creeping in. What if she wasn’t mine? I still felt the need to hold her though. I held my hands out for her and Camilla jerked away and walked past me. Her foot was bleeding all over the rug and I felt like a huge asshole. I ran behind them and called out to Chloe. My baby didn’t even look up at me though. She only clutched Camilla tighter. I felt defeated. I’d fucked up beyond anything I’d ever done before. I scared Camilla and Chloe and now neither of them wanted anything to do with me.
I heard the guest bedroom door slam and I waited before I went down the hall after her again. I waited until I didn’t hear the shuffling of Camilla rocking Chloe back to sleep. Only then did I creak the door open and look inside. Camilla was sitting on the floor texting on her phone. The anger flourished in me again and I snatched her phone to see who she was texting. I hoped it was the same asshole that ran out of here at almost two in the morning. It wasn’t. She was texting Emmanuel.
“Really?” I seethed. I made sure to keep my voice low this time so I didn’t wake Chloe up again. “You’re texting him right now?” I deleted whatever she was typing and shut her phone off. She just glared at me through tears. “We need to talk, Camilla.” I told her as I walked out of the room. I expected her to follow but she didn’t. Instead she closed the door again and this time she locked it. I had her damn phone though so she couldn’t text any fucking body, especially Emmanuel.
Twisted War Page 5
