by Lexi Archer
I sure as hell had been thinking of it ever since he messaged me earlier in the day.
“Hold on a second,” Travis said. “You said that it was just a like, but just a minute ago you mentioned some texts. That sounded like you were actually messaging him. So which is it?”
I was brought up short by that. I looked around the room in a panic, though I’m not sure what I was looking for. It’s not like I could make an escape. Sure I could walk out of the room, but that would just be walking away from my problem temporarily. Eventually I’d have to turn around and come back in here and face Travis. He’d just caught me in a lie. It was a little lie, but in this moment when tensions were already running high that lie could be costly.
“Okay, so maybe he did text me just a little bit, but it wasn’t a big deal!”
“Okay then,” Travis said. “If it wasn’t a big deal then let me see the messages. Let me decide for myself whether or not it was a big deal.”
I bit my lip and once more I looked around the room as though searching for some means of escape. Once more nothing presented itself. Damn it. This was getting worse and worse.
“Michelle? What’s the issue? Just show me the text and it will prove there’s nothing going on here. What’s the big deal?”
I felt a fresh cry coming on. It was unfair. It was so unfair.
“I deleted them,” I whispered.
“You what?” Travis said, disbelief dripping from his voice.
“I didn’t think it was a big deal!” I wailed. “He was texting me and it was inappropriate and I wanted to delete them and never think about it again.”
I was turning into a blubbering idiot again. I hated that it was happening, but at the same time I felt a bit of a surprise. I felt Travis’s cock pressing against me again. The thing that had started all of this to begin with when I felt him getting hard as he cuddled up against me. My eyes went wide as I looked at him.
“Are you hard?” I asked.
This time it was Travis’s turn to look away as though he had a secret of his own that he was hiding. Now that was interesting. What was going on in his head that he was getting a hard on while we were talking about my ex?
“Seriously? You’re getting turned on arguing with me?”
I was echoing the way he’d been interrogating me earlier. I felt the momentum of the argument turning back to me, as though there was something he didn’t want me to know and that tipped the balance in my favor. What it was that could tip the balance in my favor when he thought I’d been cheating on him was beyond me.
I moved my hand down and ran it up and down the length of his cock, and as always I felt the typical warmth that went coursing through my body every time I felt my fiancé’s dick. It was so good, and I couldn’t wait to have him inside me on our wedding night.
Though thoughts of our wedding night naturally led to other thoughts that had been running through my head all day. Thoughts that had made me feel just as guilty as the conversation I had with Wade.
Thoughts that a good girl who was engaged to be married to one man shouldn’t be having about another man. Thoughts of what his cock used to feel like. Thoughts of how good he used to be with his head buried between my legs. Thoughts of everything we’d done up to but not including fucking, and how I still ached for that moment that could never be when his dick would slide inside me.
I ached for that feeling almost as much as I’d ached for that feeling with Travis.
They were crazy thoughts. They were the wrong sorts of thoughts. I shouldn’t have been thinking them, but there they were.
“You’re hard thinking about me with Wade, aren’t you? What’s going on here?”
Now it was Travis’s to get mad again. “What’s going on here is that it seems my fiancée would rather have a mysterious text conversations with her ex-boyfriend then tell me the truth!”
“And it seems like you’re getting turned on thinking about me with him you pervert!” I shouted back at him, and I immediately regretted it.
He looked as though he’d just been slapped. I wanted to take the words back, but it was too late. And besides, his cock twitched in my hand as though he was getting more turned on rather than more pissed off.
Seriously. What the hell? If he was getting turned on by this then talk about fucked up. I’d never heard of a guy that got turned on by the idea of his girl with another guy. Pissed off, sure, but turned on? No.
“What were the texts about, Michelle?” Travis asked.
“I promise you the only thing he talked about was some stupid agreement we used to have. That’s it.”
Travis’s cock twitched in my hand again. What was going on down there? Why did it twitch every time I brought up Wade?
I decided to test things. I decided to take it a little further.
“He was also talking about how hot he thought I was in my dress. How he would love to do… Things.”
Again with the twitching. As though he couldn’t get enough of this. Damn. He really was getting turned on listening to me talking about another guy getting all hot and bothered thinking about me!
“Hold on,” Travis said. “An agreement? What agreement? You never told me about any agreement you had with him.”
Damn it. I’d opened my big mouth and said something that I shouldn’t. I’d managed to get this far in my relationship with Travis without bringing up the stuff from my past with Wade. The asshole had broken my heart, sure, but it was all in the past. It all seemed like ancient history, at least until I’d gotten that text message earlier.
I sighed. I guess if we were going to be married then it wouldn’t be a good idea to keep any secrets from him. No, I needed to tell the truth, and the whole truth.
“Are you sure you want to hear this?”
“I’m not sure,” Travis said, though from the way his cock was reacting it seemed like he needed to hear it. “But go ahead.”
“Well you know that Wade and I were together for a long time, right?”
Travis nodded.
“The entire time we were together I had the same understanding with him that I did with you. We could have fun, we could figure out fun ways to blow off steam, but sex was reserved for marriage.”
“Yeah, I’m a little familiar with that arrangement,” Travis said in a flat monotone that told me he still wasn’t happy about it. I leaned forward and kissed him.
“Now’s not the time to have that argument baby,” I said. “One argument at a time.”
Travis rolled his eyes, but he didn’t say anything else about his opinion of the whole waiting for marriage thing. I knew exactly how he felt about it. We really didn’t need to get into that again right now.
“Well we were together, but we also had an agreement with each other,” I said.
“Again with the agreement. Will you just tell me what it is?”
I bit my lip. It all seemed so silly now. So stupid. Especially since I was with Travis and everything was so wonderful and he was going to be my first. He was going to be the man to take me on my wedding night. The promise I’d made when I was nothing more than a kid seemed silly now that I was looking back on it as an adult.
And yet. Thinking about it still got me so hot. I felt a flush running through my body, and it had as much to do with thinking about those old memories as it did with feeling my future husband’s cock in my hand. I felt bad that I could get so hot thinking about that, but still. The fact remained that thinking about that silly old agreement had me turned on like nothing else. I’d been turned on all day long thinking about it.
“You’re getting turned on Michelle,” he said. “Don’t think I don’t notice the way your nipples just got hard. What was the agreement?”
He licked his lips. Probably in anticipation. He knew exactly what sort of agreement it was. He just needed me to say it. His cock pulsed in my hand and I wondered if he would blow his load when I told him. I looked away and blushed. Somehow looking away from Travis so I didn’t have to see
his face while I told him about this made it better.
Easier.
“We agreed that we would be each other’s first. That he would be the first man to… You know. No matter what,” I said.
“Seriously?” Travis said.
He seemed to be getting even more turned on. He was starting to press forward ever so slightly. Humping my hand as I moved it up and down the length of his shaft. “Why would you make a promise like that?”
“Because I was a stupid kid, okay? Because I was in love with him and I thought there was no way he wouldn’t be my first anyways. I thought there was no way I would ever find someone as wonderful as you. I thought there was no way he would decide to go and screw up the agreement by…”
I stopped. I’d never discussed this with anyone. I felt bad that I hadn’t discussed it with Travis, but at the same time it was still too painful. It was an open wound that I didn’t want to mess with.
“What did he do Michelle?” Travis asked, his voice quiet. Soft. Trying to be comforting, but I could see the hunger in his eyes. This wasn’t about him trying to comfort me. This was about him feeding whatever this monster was behind his eyes. This thing that had him desperate to find out about my past.
And I wanted to feed that monster even if it did bring up painful memories in the process. I felt tears coming to my eyes as I remembered the old pain.
And I felt ridiculous. Here I was in bed with my future husband. I shouldn’t care about what that asshole Wade had done to me in the past. All I cared about was that I found happiness with Travis. And yet those old feelings were coming up. They were hurting just as much now as they had back when it happened.
I took a deep breath. Let it out. It was painful to even think this, let alone say it. I was surprised at how bright the anger and pain burned even after all these years, but I had to say it.
“He cheated on me,” I whispered, barely able to get it out. “The asshole couldn’t wait. I wasn’t worth it to him.”
4: Secrets Revealed
Travis
“He cheated on you?”
A tear trickled down Michelle’s face and I reached out to wipe it away. I suddenly felt like an ass for even bringing this up. It was obvious she was dealing with some painful memories from the past. It was obvious those memories were still as painful today as they’d been back when they were fresh and new.
And yet I still had to know. I had to understand why she’d done this. Why she was sneaking around with this guy. Even if that sneaking around was just sending some text messages.
And the idea that they had an agreement like that was pretty hot. I couldn’t deny that. My cock was so hard thinking about it, and I was pumping in and out of her hand in a very not-so-subtle manner. I felt so close, and yet I held off. I wanted to hear the whole story.
I suppose I should have felt guilty for getting off on this, but I was a man possessed. I was beyond caring that it was certifiably crazy that I was getting turned on by this. No, all I cared about was hearing the rest of the story. Hearing about everything that had happened between them today and in the past.
That agreement. It put strange thoughts in my mind. I couldn’t help but think about the possibilities that it brought up. I couldn’t help but fantasize about her perhaps fulfilling that agreement. It was crazy. I’d waited so long to be the first man to be with her in that way, and now all I could think about was how hot it would be if it was another man who got there first.
It wasn’t ever going to happen, I wasn’t going to let the obsession and take me that far, but it was still hot to think about. To fantasize about. As long as I reminded myself that it was going to remain strictly in the realm of fantasy.
Yeah, sure it was.
“Why on earth would he cheat on you?” I asked.
“I don’t know? We’d been together for years,” Michelle said. “And he went out to the bars with his friends one night. They met some girl he knew from a class. One thing led to another and… Well, I guess it turns out that I wasn’t as important to him as having a one night stand.”
Damn. That was some pretty heavy stuff. At the same time I couldn’t help but feel a bit of relief that he’d cheated on her. After all, him cheating on her is what opened the door to our relationship. If he’d kept it in his pants then there was a good chance she might still be walking down the aisle with him and not me. Hell, as long as they’d been together they probably would’ve walked down the aisle as soon as they got out of college and she would’ve been married by now.
I suppose I had that drunken night to thank for my impending marriage, and yet all I could think about was that stupid agreement.
“I’m sorry he did that to you,” I said. “But at the same time I’m kind of glad he did. Otherwise I wouldn’t have you in my life.”
Michelle smiled. “I suppose you’re right. You know you’re the only guy for me, right?”
My cock twitched again. It seemed to be doing that quite a bit lately. Like the thing had a mind of its own.
“I know I am,” I said.
I leaned forward and kissed her. A kiss that turned into a makeout session with our mouths exploring one another. With her hand still dancing up and down the length of my dick in that skilled practiced movement that she did so well. She really was a champ at giving hand jobs. She had to be, considering.
When I finally pulled back from that kiss, a kiss where the entire time I was thinking about how hot it would be if he had a chance to kiss her once more, she got a mischievous smile on her face.
“So do you want to maybe tell me why you’ve been getting so hot talking about me and my ex-boyfriend?”
Damn. Busted. And here this entire time I’d been hoping she wouldn’t notice how turned on I was getting. Hell, I was still a little confused about why I was getting so turned on. It was an unfamiliar and not entirely welcome sensation getting hot and bothered at the idea of her with another man, and I wasn’t sure I liked it.
“Oh it’s nothing,” I said. Only of course there wasn’t a chance in hell she was going to believe me. Not when she had the proof of my traitorous twitching cock in her hand reacting to the thought of her and this Wade guy together. She squeezed my dick almost to the point of pain.
“Ow! Damn, what was that for?”
“You’re not telling me the truth,” Michelle said. “What’s going on here? Why are you so hard listening to me talking about an ex-boyfriend.?”
“I don’t…”
“None of that,” she said. She pulled her hand away from my dick and I whimpered at the loss of sensation.
“You’re not telling me something,” she said. “I just admitted something that’s bothered me for years to you, so I think the least you can do is tell me what’s going on with you.”
I took in a deep breath. Held it in for a moment. I needed to stop and think. I was panicking. I didn’t want to tell her that I was turned on thinking about her with that guy. It was just so crazy. It felt like the kind of thing that would get her to stand up and walk out on me. I still hadn’t had much time to process the feelings, and I wasn’t sure how she would react with no time to process everything.
“Come on,” Michelle said. “I told you my big secret. You tell me yours. If you don’t…”
The implied threat was fairly obvious in her voice. If I didn’t then there would be consequences. I could only imagine what those would be. I’d come into this conversation expecting the engagement to be off, and now it seemed that might still be the case even if it was for a reason I hadn’t quite anticipated.
Damn. Damned if I did, and damned if I didn’t.
“Okay,” I said. “You’ve got me. Are you happy?”
Michelle cocked an eyebrow. “I’ve got you? What the hell are you talking about?”
I let out a growl of frustration. I formed my hand into a fist and slammed it against the bed. This was so damn aggravating. I didn’t ask for these thoughts. I didn’t ask for this obsession to take hold of my imagination.
I didn’t ask for my cock to get so fucking hard thinking about her with this other guy.
“So I get turned on thinking about it!” I said.
Michelle blinked. Stared at me. Her eyes darted back and forth, searching my own. As though she was searching for some answer that she wasn’t finding.
I squeezed my eyes shut. Braced myself for the inevitable explosion. It had to come. There was no way that she could hear… that and still want to be with me. What kind of girl would want to be a with a guy who was as fucked up as I had apparently become?
I felt her hand on my cheek. I opened my eyes and locked eyes with her again.
“Are you serious honey?” she said.
I licked my lips. My eyes darted around the room. I’m not sure why. Maybe because I wanted to do anything but look at Michelle. I didn’t want her to see the shame I felt.
I briefly wondered if this is how some of my gay friends felt when they discovered their true feelings. A mixture of arousal and shame at that arousal sounded about right. It gave me a new sympathy for people who found themselves in this situation. I didn’t ask for this, but here it was, and Michelle seemed to be reacting better than I could have anticipated.
I reached up and took her hand. Gave it a squeeze.
“I’m totally serious,” I said. “I get completely and totally turned on at the idea of you with… Him.”
Michelle bit her lip and smiled. Then she giggled. That made me feel a little angry. Nice that one of us could be amused by my torture. It must be pleasant for her.
“So this entire time you’ve been acting mad at the idea of him texting me you’ve been getting turned on by it too?” Michelle asked.
“So what if I have?” I asked.
“That’s just so… Crazy.”
I let out a sigh. “Don’t you think I know that? I didn’t ask for this…”
