I nodded, still looking down at my hands.
“How long has this been going on?” His voice was growing colder.
I kept my eyes on my lap, tears still falling. “Since January. Before the cabin.”
“Those fucking idiots,” Miles muttered. I froze not quite sure I heard him correctly. Did Miles just curse? I’ve never heard him curse, definitely not around me. I was so shocked I didn’t know what to say.
His hand went to my jaw as he forced me to look him in the eye. “Angel, do you have feelings for me?” he asked gently but clearly. His thumb wiped the tears from my cheek. “Do you care about me the way I do about you?” I nodded. The relief in his eyes was short lived. “Do you have those feelings for Zeke too?” I closed my eyes, tears falling faster and nodded. His hand dropped from my face to the side of my thigh, his fingers making circles on the fabric. “Do you have those feelings for Asher?” I bit my lip and nodded. “Isaac?” I took a hard tight breath and nodded. “Ethan?” I wiped more tears away from my face and nodded. He grew silent. My heart began crumbling in my chest. He wasn’t going to believe me. Hell, I hardly believed me and I was living it.
“Do they know about each other?” he asked.
I shook my head. “Asher knows about Zeke but… that’s it.”
“Shit.” Miles cursed again. He must be really mad. He got to his feet and started pacing. Miles never paced, he was always still and quiet until he came up with a solution.
I don’t know how long he paced but eventually he came and sat down next to me. He handed me some tissues from his pocket. I took them still not able to look at him.
“Tell me how this happened?” he asked, his voice soft.
I sat up and kept my eyes on the far courtyard wall. “All of you are pretty amazing, it was bound to happen.” I took a deep breath and let it out as I tried to figure out how to explain. “I’ve been falling for all of you for some time.” The tears slowed. Why was he still here? Didn’t he realize how fucked up I was? “That night at your house, before the cabin. I went looking for Zeke.”
“He was in the gym,” Miles supplied.
I nodded. “He was pissed at something Dylan had said and… he kissed me.”
“Did… were you okay with that?” he asked carefully.
“I kissed him back, Miles.” I swallowed hard. “He was supposed to come over after work that night so we could talk about it but…”
“You were abducted,” Miles said, his voice quiet.
“Yeah. He said he’d wait until I dealt with all of that...” Did he even want to hear this?
“I’m listening. I need to understand how this happened.” He started tapping his fingers on his thigh.
My chest burned as I took a breath. “Then when I took Ethan to the Veil by accident, I thought I might have killed him. So… he kissed me before I tried to take us out.”
“That sounds like Ethan,” he said under his breath.
“Then last month, Asher and I went swimming. He told me he cared about me and I… I was so stupid, Miles. I just blurted out that I cared about him too and we kissed. I knew I was dying so I told him someone else cared about me too. He assumed Zeke and said he’d step aside. Only he told me yesterday that he isn’t going to.”
He stopped tapping. I could practically hear the gears turning in his mind. “That explains why he was avoiding Zeke for the last few weeks.”
I nodded. “Then during the whole Isaac being possessed thing… we kissed. Several times.”
“And knowing Isaac, he wants it to be official,” he surmised.
“Yeah.” I sniffed.
“And then me.”
I nodded, tears falling again. I pulled away from him knowing what was coming next. I was horrible, dirt, trash. I was everything the girls at school said I was. I needed to not make this worse. I already ruined my friendships with the guys, I didn’t need to ruin theirs too. I wiped my face again.
“I’ll go to another hotel,” I said, my heart dying with every word but this was really for the best. “You guys should go home.” I swallowed hard, trying to talk through the boulder in my throat. “I’ll finish up here and when I get back I’ll stay away from you guys. I’ll email you to make sure my classes don’t line up with theirs. They’ll understand why.”
Miles hand went to my back, rubbing up and down gently. “No, they won’t, Angel.” He sounded so certain that I finally looked at him. His eyes were soft as he looked down at me.
“What do you mean?” I wiped my nose with my tissues. Miles’ face was full of an emotion I couldn’t name.
“Because from what I’ve seen, I think they care about you just as much as you care about us.” His voice was calm, but his eyes were almost hot as he met mine. “If you left, I can guarantee you that Zeke will not take it well. Ever since you came along he’s been doing better, laughing more. Heck, he’s started making jokes. And Asher...” Miles sighed. “Asher is going to be applying to one of the big culinary schools instead of a university after high school.” He shook his head. “I should have known it was you. You managed to get Isaac to ease back on his self-destructive issues. Instead of doing stupid stunts he asks now if something is a challenge or a stupid risk.” His eyes ran over my face again. “We all thought we would be burying him soon, Lexie.” Everything inside me ached when he said that. I couldn’t imagine a world without Isaac.
“Ethan is even starting to write songs for the band now. And finishing them in a few weeks instead of never finishing them.” My eyebrows rose, I didn’t know about any of that. I only knew about the song from this afternoon.
“And me...” Miles scoffed at himself before meeting my eyes again. “For the first time in my life, I feel comfortable in my own skin.” My heart started melting as warmth poured through my chest. He looked across the courtyard again, his eyes unfocused. “I am okay with who I am. I know I say things wrong at times, but I’m working on that. And that’s okay.” He looked back at me and met my eyes again. “You helped me get there, Angel. I can’t imagine my world without you in it.” His eyes narrowed on mine, he licked his lips before continuing. “If you want to leave then leave, but if you care about us at all-” I didn’t let him finish his sentence, I grabbed his shirt and pulled him to me. My lips softly brushing against his. His hand cupped my face as I kissed him slowly with love. When he pulled back, he gazed into my eyes as he smiled. Joy burst through me, throwing off the awful weight that had been pressing down on me for so long. That was, until I realized we still had to figure this out.
“I don’t want to go anywhere. Not as long as...” I couldn’t finish my sentence. Miles pulled me against him, I tucked my head into that spot on his chest between his shoulder and neck. “But what are we going to do? I can’t just choose one of you, it’d kill me. It’d piss off the others and everything would fall apart.”
Miles swallowed hard. “I don’t know. But we’ll figure it out. It might be painful, you might have to choose or not date anyone but…” His thumb stroked my cheekbone. “But we’ll figure it out. We’re family. We stick together.”
It was sweet of him to say so, but I knew the truth. I had just destroyed everything. I blinked down at my hands. Wait. What the hell was I thinking? That they’re going to leave? Haven’t they proved they aren’t going anywhere over and over again! Even though you lied, over and over. Doubted them over and over! They stood with you through everything! And what do you do? You keep lying, knowing that it’s going to hurt them. This won’t destroy us. Not as a family. But it can’t keep going on like this.
“I need to tell them tonight,” I decided.
“Then, we’ll tell them tonight,” he agreed. Miles turned to look across the courtyard again. “And until we figure this out, I would ask that....” He started tapping his leg. “That you’d refrain from getting too physical with any of us. It would just make this situation-”
“I’m not sleeping with anybody anytime soon, Miles.” I looked up at him. “No one’s even
getting to second until we figure this shit out.”
He smiled down at me, his eyes running over my face. “Interesting way to motivate me, Angel, but it’ll work.”
My mouth dropped and my face burned as I realized what that sounded like. Miles was smiling a big smile. My face burned.
“Why are you calling me Angel?” I asked, feeling the furthest thing from one.
“I’ll tell you another day,” he said, his voice quiet.
He wasn’t mad at me, he wasn’t yelling. He was trying to find a way to help fix my mess. That was Miles through and through. He truly was amazing.
I remembered something from earlier. “Miles.”
“Yes?”
“You cursed in front of me.” I started grinning and when I didn’t stop Miles kissed me. That definitely made me stop. We sat in the courtyard for a while longer, just being there together. It was incredible to be able to be with him without secrets, without guilt. Then we were headed back to the hotel and the others.
I was getting tenser as we got closer. Miles’s hand was still in mine.
“Are you ready for this?” he asked as we walked down the sidewalk near to our hotel.
“This is going to be a nightmare,” I sighed
“It’ll be worse if they find out on their own,” he countered. I nodded; he was right. Miles pulled me to a stop outside the hotel. “Trust us. Trust that we’ll make it through this.”
I took several deep breaths. It felt as if I was standing on the edge of a cliff knowing it was jump or die. I knew they were there, waiting to catch me. But I couldn’t see them. It was jump and trust. Or run and be miserable.
“I’m ready.”
Chapter 12
July 14th Saturday Night
We headed back to the hotel. We had just stepped into the lights of the lobby when I noticed my lipstick was smeared across Miles’ mouth.
“Shit,” I hissed and grabbed his arm. I pulled him into a corner standing between me and the lobby. “Do you have any more tissues? My lipstick is all over your mouth.” I asked darting glances around the lobby.
He quickly pulled out the small packet in his pocket.
I took one out and licked the corner. “Sorry about this, so unromantic,” I mumbled as I used the tissue to take the color off his lips and around his mouth. His eyes sparkled with amusement as he stood still, letting me clean him off. When I was done he took the packet and pulled out a tissue himself.
“Angel,” he whispered, that silky voice sliding through my ear. Making my pulse speed up again. I looked at him a little desperately as he licked the corner of the tissue. He quickly cleaned the lipstick off from around my mouth too.
“Miles, you can’t use that voice on me in public,” I pleaded with him when he was done. He grinned down at me, his eyes warm.
“So, in private?” he offered. Miles was being such a flirt! I loved it. My entire body felt lighter, as if I was flying.
“No, not at all,” I told him adamantly. “Not for a while at least.”
He chuckled as he found a trash can and threw the tissues away. “You really are an acousticophile.” His hand went to the small of my back as we headed toward the elevator.
“You have no idea,” I mumbled, my face on fire. I felt his eyes running over me as we reached the doors. He leaned down.
“I think I’m going to like finding out,” he whispered in my ear, his voice silky again. I closed my eyes and groaned at what that voice did to me. This was so not fucking fair! He was still chuckling when we reached our floor.
Heart pounding, I stopped at our door. I took a deep breath, then another. Standing out here wasn’t going to accomplish anything.
I opened the door to find the guys sprawled out on the couches and chairs. Everyone looked up as we stepped inside.
“How’d it go?” Asher asked looking down the line of his body from the couch he was hogging.
“Well, we learned I can dance in a club without falling on my face.” I ran my eyes over the room. Ethan had a couch to himself, Isaac was on the floor and Zeke had an armchair.
“Did anything bad happen?” Asher asked teasing me. I narrowed my eyes at him playfully.
“No. I think the skirt curse has been broken, but only time will tell,” I said being overly dramatic. The boys chuckled. I leaned against the couch and pulled off my heels thankfully. They were comfy but they were still heels. I moaned in relief as my feet touched the carpet. “No shoes.” I looked up to see all the guys turning back to look at the screen. Apparently, I had gotten everyone's attention. I turned to find Miles still watching me. I raised an eyebrow. He nodded, he’d seen it too.
“Hey, guys.” I swallowed hard and turned to the guys. “I’m calling a family meeting.”
Asher shut off the tv and sat up. Ethan did the same.
“What’s going on?” Isaac got off the floor to sit at the other end of the couch with his brother. Miles moved to stand in front of the tv.
I sat on the arm of the end of Asher’s couch as they waited. I took a deep breath and let it out slowly before turning to look at the guys. This was it. My heart hammered in my throat. “I know there’s a ‘no dating Lexie rule’ in place.” Everyone but Isaac’s gaze snapped to me.
“Who told you that?” Ethan asked.
I shook my head. “That’s not important.” I took a breath and met each of their gazes before announcing. “While that rule is still intact. The spirit of it…um…” My voice failed. Shit!
Asher sighed. “Ally, I’ll tell-”
“No one will say a word or interrupt Lexie until she explains the entire situation,” Miles stated. “Understood?”
The guys nodded.
I had that feeling that I was at the cliff’s edge again, about to go over. Fear eating at my gut, I met each of their eyes. Trust or run.
I trusted. “Okay.” I took a breath. My hands began to tremble in my lap. Come on! Grow a pair! Heart pounding, I started talking. “It started in January.” Zeke leaned back in his chair, his hands moving to his thighs. “I kissed Zeke.” Tension in the room amped up as the guys all turned to him.
His eyes met mine. “I kissed you-”
“I’m not done,” I stated.
His brow furrowed.
My chest burned. Would any of them ever look at me the same way after this? I turned to Ethan. “Then in April, in the Veil, Ethan and I kissed.” Tension flooded the room as everyone but Miles turned to glare at Ethan. Ethan’s gaze was on me, while he twirled his rings. “Then last month…” I met Asher’s gaze. His brows were drawn down, his mouth a tight line. “Then Asher and I kissed.” I turned to Isaac. His face was pale, his jaw clenched. “Then I kissed Isaac.”
“Son of a….” Ethan bit out before he stopped himself. The tension was so thick I was practically drowning in it.
“Then tonight…” My voice cracked. “Miles and I…”
“Kissed,” Asher bit out. “We’re getting the theme.”
“You’ve kissed all of us?” Ethan snapped.
“Yes,” I said, trying to stay calm when it seemed like my heart was going to burst through my chest any second.
“Tell me this is a fucking prank?” Isaac asked, his hurt eyes meeting mine.
“It’s not,” I wrung my fingers in my lap. “It just… kind of happened.”
Isaac got to his feet and began to pace behind the second couch.
“Oh, it just happened,” Ethan said, his voice dripping with sarcasm. “Why didn’t you say so?”
My gaze shot to his, my temper sparking. “You pretended you didn’t even remember until this afternoon. So, get off your high-horse.”
“I can’t believe this,” Asher scoffed. “I mean, I knew about Zeke but…”
Zeke’s head snapped up, his glowing eyes shot to Asher. “You knew? About me and her? And you still fucking kissed her?”
Asher pushed to his feet. “You’re damn right I did,” he all but shouted. “What am I supposed to do? Stand by and giv
e up? I’m not stepping aside just because you have a fucked-up past.”
Zeke got to his feet and strode toward Asher. “Fuck you! You think I’d ask you to?”
Asher started toward him. “You would have done the same damn thing!”
“You fucking asshole!” Zeke growled.
I jumped off the arm of the couch and stepped between them just as they were in arms reach of each other. “Stop it!” I was almost squashed before they stopped, my hands on both of their chests.
“Really, Isaac?” Ethan got off the other couch, his voice boiling.
“Go to hell,” Isaac snapped back. Miles started toward them.
Zeke pushed my hand off him. “Don’t touch me right now.” It was like a blade to the heart. But I deserved it. I dropped my hand from Asher too, just in case.
“Don’t fucking snap at her like that,” Asher growled.
“You gotta go after all the girls, you couldn’t stay away from her?” Isaac shouted.
“We were in the Veil and didn’t know if I could get back! I took a shot. What’s your excuse?” Ethan countered.
Miles got between them. “Everyone, take a breath.”
“Some fuckin’ friend you are! What you did was fucked up!” Zeke snarled. Oh God, this was bad. Very, very bad.
“Oh, screw you!” Ethan tried to move toward Isaac. Miles shoved him back against the wall and kept his hand on Ethan’s chest to keep it there.
I needed to calm them down. “Guys-”
Zeke grabbed my arm and gently tried to move me from between them. “Move.”
I planted my feet. “Hell no. I’m the only thing keeping you two-”
“Get your hand off her,” Asher warned, his voice hard.
No, no, no. “He’s not hurting me-”
“Or what?” Zeke’s growl vibrated in his chest. Oh, bad, bad, bad.
“Getting with every other girl in town isn’t enough for you? You couldn’t keep your hands off just her?” Isaac barked.
“Why? So you can take two years to ask her out?” Ethan shot back. “I should have waited just in case you liked her? How about fucking telling me you liked her!”
Secrets From the Grave Page 19
