by Rachel Dylan
“I take this work very seriously, Sophie. I hope you know that.”
“I know.” How could she even begin to describe her emotions?
“What is it? Talk to me.”
“I’d like to get to know you better.” She blurted it out before she could stop herself. She didn’t break eye contact with him, and she noticed the hint of concern that crept across his handsome face.
“I don’t know if that’s such a good idea.” He moved slightly away from her on the couch.
His response stung. Was she completely misreading him? She thought she could feel an intense spark between them, but right now he seemed ice cold. Maybe she was delusional. No wonder she was still single and pining for Mr. Right. She had the absolute worst instincts when it came to men.
“I’m sorry,” she said. “I’ll go back to the other room.”
Sophie stood up, but then Cooper was right beside her. “No, I’m the one who should be sorry. It’s just that, given all the circumstances, I think it’s best for us to keep this relationship strictly professional.”
“Can’t we be professional but friendly? I just want to know more about the man I’m spending every waking minute with.” As she said the words, she didn’t believe them, because deep in her gut, she knew that was only the tip of the iceberg. She wanted more from him. Friendship was just the starting point.
He sat back down and patted the sofa. “Please sit, then. Ask me whatever you want to know.”
She took a seat beside him. “Well, now you’re putting me on the spot.” She clasped her hands together. “How do you do this job? It seems like it makes it impossible to have a normal life.”
“What do you mean?”
“You have to dedicate all your time to protecting me. I assume once my problems are over, you’ll move on to something similar. Another person who needs you to protect them from whatever dangerous situation they’ve found themselves in. Don’t you want to have more control of your life? More time to yourself for your own friends and relationships?”
“You have to remember that I work with my two best friends.”
She hadn’t thought about it that way. “I guess that’s true. I just don’t want to be a burden on you or make you stop living your life.”
“That isn’t anything you need to worry about. Promise me you’ll put that thought out of your head.”
Something else had been on her mind. “Speaking of friends, I assume I won’t get to see Kate and Mia until after the trial?”
“That’s probably for the best. For your safety and for theirs too.”
She figured that would be the answer. And the last thing she wanted was to put her friends in harm’s way. “I get it. My plan is still to put my time and energy into the Shelton case except when Patrick needs me.”
“What’s your read on him?”
“I like Patrick a lot. He’s a straight shooter. He doesn’t dance around difficult issues with me. What do you think about him?”
He didn’t immediately respond. “He’s taken a very strong interest in you.”
That was no surprise. “Of course he has. I’m the linchpin to his case.”
He raised an eyebrow. “Is that all you think it is?”
“Yeah.” Had she missed something with Patrick? She hadn’t felt like he was interested in her beyond her being his witness. “Do you trust him?”
He placed his hands on his knees. “Right now, I only trust my team, but we have to work with Patrick, so I’m being extra cautious. I can’t be sure what anyone’s motives are, given the danger that you’re in. If that means I’m operating with everyone under a cloud of suspicion, then so be it.”
She blew out a breath. “I’m ready to get my old life back. I know I shouldn’t complain. Two innocent people lost their lives, but this is not how I envisioned things.”
“I’m sorry, Sophie. This life can be tough. As you know.”
“Yeah, I’m living through it right now.”
“I’d hate to know that my comments caused you pain.”
She shook her head. “It’s not you. I have to admit, I’ve asked God many times in my life why He has tested me, and this challenge is no different. While I have so many things in life, they’re no match for the hole in my heart. It’s hard not to ask, why me? I really don’t want to be that person. The person who has it all and still complains. But there are things money can’t buy. I wonder why God has chosen to keep those things from me. I wrestle with that every single day. It doesn’t seem fair. And knowing life isn’t always fair doesn’t make it any easier.”
“I think we’ve all asked questions of God. I know I have many times in my life. Different questions than yours, but still questions. I know we can’t see the whole picture, and sometimes what we can see looks so distorted. But there’s nothing wrong with questioning. I can tell just in the short time that we’ve known each other that your faith is strong. You might not say much about it, but it shows in how you live your life.”
Her heart warmed at his kind words. “I could say the same thing about you.” In fact, that was one of the qualities that drew her to him so strongly. She moved in closer to him on the couch.
This time he didn’t move away from her, but he didn’t move toward her either. An awkward silence filled the air. She told herself that she refused to be the one to make the first move. She had to let Cooper do it. This meant too much for her to mess it up.
But before anything else could happen between them, he stood up, ending the moment. “I’m going to do a security check.”
“All right,” she said, swallowing her disappointment.
It was clear that Cooper was holding back. What she didn’t know was why.
Cooper moved through each room of the safe house, breathing deeply with each step he took. It was like when he was around Sophie, he couldn’t catch his breath. The way she had looked at him tonight solidified in his mind that she was starting to feel something for him. And that was a big problem.
As much as he wanted to, he couldn’t allow himself to be drawn in by her big blue eyes and kind heart. His problem was on multiple levels. The first and most obvious was that he was in charge of Sophie’s safety. He couldn’t permit himself to be distracted by emotions. And they were pretty strong emotions brewing inside of him. Besides the intense physical chemistry he felt, he also was forming an emotional connection with her. That combination was dangerous.
But even beyond that, he was the wrong man for Sophie. The problem wasn’t attraction. He was clearly attracted to her on every level. She was smart, kind, and beautiful. But she needed a man who had the same hopes and dreams as her. The white picket fence, multiple kids, and a dog.
That wasn’t him. Maybe he could swing the dog, but that was about it. How could he make her understand that their connection didn’t matter because he had a different game plan than her? A plan entrenched deeply inside of him based on everything that had happened in his life.
She’d made her plans clear to him. She hadn’t had a mother, and it was a top priority for her to be one. The last thing he ever wanted was to hurt her. As much as he dreaded having this conversation, it was necessary to keep things between them simple and easy so both of them could stay focused on the task at hand. He was worried that if he didn’t say something now, the situation might get out of control.
He found her where he’d left her, sitting on the sofa, except now she had her laptop out and was typing away.
“Is this a bad time?” he asked.
“No. What’s up?” She set the laptop on the coffee table.
He took a seat beside her and readied himself for what was sure to be an awkward discussion. “I want to talk to you about something.”
She tilted her head to the side. “All right. Is everything okay?”
“Yes, everything is fine.” As he prepared himself, he questioned whether this was a good idea, but he felt like he needed to have this talk. It was the right thing to do. Lord, help me. I want to do
what is best for Sophie. Not act based on my own selfish desires.
“Maybe I’m way off base here, but I feel like there might be a connection forming between the two of us.”
As he said the words, her eyes lit up, and he knew this was going to be even more difficult than he had expected.
“I’m so glad you said something. I was beginning to feel like maybe I was crazy and completely misreading the situation.” She smiled and leaned in a bit closer.
“You’re not crazy. That’s why I wanted to talk to you. The thing is, I think you’re amazing. I do.” He stopped, trying to find his words.
“Uh-oh.”
“It’s not easy to say this.” He took another breath.
She moved away from him. “I think I know where you’re going with this. You’re not comfortable exploring what there is between us while you’re working for my father.”
“That’s definitely part of it. A big part, in fact, but if I’m being completely open with you, there’s more than that. A lot more. And that’s what I want to tell you, to explain, because I don’t want there to be any confusion.”
“What else is there?”
Once he opened up about his past, there was no going back. Things between them would be changed. “I think I mentioned before that you and I had very different family situations growing up.”
“Yeah, but you didn’t elaborate.”
Could he do this? Could he tell her about his past to spare her from developing any more feelings for him? “First I have to say that I loved my mother. She was my mom, and I would’ve done anything in this world for her, but she had issues. She did the best she could when I was growing up, in a very difficult situation, because my father was a complete beast of a man.”
Sophie’s eyes widened. “How so?”
He didn’t like talking about this. He’d confided in Noah and Landon years ago in college, but it was never a topic of conversation after that. It was so much easier to keep it locked up in a dark place inside him. Somewhere he never liked to visit. Like a pitch-black jungle.
“My father was physically and emotionally abusive both to my mother and me. He was an alcoholic.” He steadied himself and continued. “I grew up in the midst of complete chaos. My house was a turbulent place where the only ounce of love and protection I ever received was from my mother, and she struggled even to provide much of that, given that she was continuously targeted by my father.” The words seemed to rush out of him once he started talking.
Sophie took his hand in hers, and given the subject matter, he didn’t break away. He needed her strength and support right now to get him through this.
“There was always so much yelling and fighting. Violence and misery. Some of my earliest childhood memories are of my father coming home late at night after a drinking binge. I’d hear the front door slam shut, and I would know that he was on a tear. The sad thing is that it almost became second nature to me. There were more nights like that than nights of him being sober. And when he was drunk, he became violent.” He almost choked up but steadied himself with another deep breath. “I’d wake up and hear him attacking my mother. At first, she’d scream. But after a while, she wouldn’t even do that. Her spirit was completely broken. She wouldn’t fight back.”
He watched as a tear slid down Sophie’s cheek. But she didn’t say a word.
“For years, I didn’t know what to do. But once I got older, I started confronting him. I hit a growth spurt as a young teen, and all of a sudden I was taller than him. And by the time I was a senior in high school, I was also stronger. I defended my mother the best I could, but she always told me that he didn’t know what he was doing. That it was the drinking and not the man she fell in love with. Frankly, I wasn’t having any of that. I hated the thought of leaving for college, but she insisted that I did. She said that she wanted me to get out and have a better life. It was really the only thing she focused on—helping me get out of that house.”
“What happened after you left?” she asked softly.
“It was bad for a couple of years until my mom got sick. When she got diagnosed with cancer, something happened, and my dad stopped drinking. But as far as I was concerned, the damage had already been done. I’d spent twenty years of my life with him being an addict. And it impacted every facet of my existence.”
“And what about now? How is it between you and your father?”
“We don’t have a relationship. I know the right thing to do would be to forgive him and move on, but, Sophie, I’m not a strong enough man to do that.” How could he? He couldn’t even speak to his father. “I’ve prayed about it, and the Lord has given me some measure of peace, but I’m not ready to try to go back to my father. I doubt I ever will be. I know what I should do, but I’m also just a man. I pray for strength, but I’m not strong enough.”
He waited for her to say something. To counter his words and say that he was strong enough. To suggest that he make amends with his father. But once again, she didn’t say anything. She just listened.
“The reason I’m giving you all the awful details is because I know I’m messed up. And because of it, I have zero interest in getting married and even less interest in having a family of my own. Growing up, no one on the outside had any idea what was happening, and people always told me how much I looked like my dad. How much I acted like him. It made me sick. But it also made me realize that I couldn’t turn into him. Wouldn’t turn into him. I’d never take the risk of putting a child through what I went through. What happened just shows that people can change for the worse.”
She squeezed his hand and broke her silence. “But you would never do that. I know you, and I know you aren’t that type of man.”
“How can you be so sure? My mother told me my father wasn’t like that until after I was born. Then he started getting stressed about everything. That led him to start drinking heavily. How do I know that I couldn’t be tempted to go down a similar path if put under those circumstances? It’s in my blood, Sophie.”
“I can’t pretend to act like I know what you lived through and how it still follows you every day. But I wouldn’t be a very good person if I didn’t point out the differences. The man I’ve gotten to know sitting beside me right now would never physically attack a woman or a child. Never.” She was fierce in her defense of him.
“That’s a risk I just can’t take, and I’d never want to put you in a bad position. The last thing I’d ever want is to start down a path and then disappoint you when I couldn’t give you all that you wanted. And all that you should have.” He shook his head. “I won’t do that to you. It would be utterly unfair.”
She closed her eyes for a moment and then opened them. Another tear streamed down her cheek. “I don’t even know what to say.”
“You don’t have to say anything right now. I just had to get that off my chest, because I do care about you and would never want to mislead you. Now you understand why I haven’t been as open about my past as you have. And I ask you to also understand why we need to keep things completely professional and platonic between us.”
She gave his hand one more squeeze before letting go of it. “Please excuse me.” She walked out of the room.
It hurt to watch her go, but he hoped and prayed that he’d just spared them both a lot of pain in the future.
Chapter
Thirteen
The next afternoon, Sophie sat at the kitchen table, waiting for Patrick’s arrival. Cooper had decided after consulting with the guys that it was best for Patrick to come to the safe house to do her witness preparation. From what she understood, one of the guys would pick up Patrick and make sure they weren’t detected on their way to the safe house.
As much as she wanted to focus on her testimony in the Wade trial, her mind kept going back to her troubling discussion with Cooper last night. His words played like a sad ballad over and over again in her head and broke her heart.
She almost had to laugh at the irony. This man had come int
o her life and seemed to be the perfect fit. Then she found out that the thing she wanted most was the thing he had no interest in. Lord, is this some sort of test?
She honestly didn’t know. Cooper opening up to her only made her feel more connected to him, but his revelation did shake her. Because as much as she was starting to develop true feelings for him, she simply couldn’t give her heart to a man who was so strongly opposed to having a family.
Cooper walked into the kitchen and took a seat. “You ready for your meeting?”
“Yeah.”
“Noah just called. They’re two minutes out.”
“Is everything okay with that? I know you were concerned about the security risks.”
He nodded. “Yeah. Noah is very good at what he does, and Landon was also involved to ensure that no one was following them. We’re still locked down tight. You don’t have anything to worry about.”
“Good. I’m ready to get started whenever Patrick gets here.”
“One thing, really quick.” He paused. “Are we good? I feel like I really dumped a lot of stuff on you last night, and that was probably pretty selfish of me, especially given all the other things you have on your plate right now.”
“It wasn’t selfish. It helps me understand you better.” She considered how much she should say right now. She feared that if she told him how she really felt, he would not take it well. She needed to figure out a way to open his mind to the idea of a future together. “I want to talk more about it, though, when we have the time. I have some thoughts.”
He broke eye contact with her. “I don’t know if that’s a good idea. Maybe we should just let it go. Put it behind us and move on.”
She shook her head. “You can’t tell me all that stuff and expect me to have no reaction.”
His phone buzzed. “They’re here. We’ll finish this conversation later. I’ll go let them in.”
Sophie let out a big sigh. At least now she understood why he was trying so hard to push her away. Especially after she had been so open about her desire for a family. There she was, talking about how important being a mother was for her, and all the while it was like a big flashing warning sign for him.
