It’s a criminal conspiracy and everyone’s got their hands in.
Including you.
What’s it take to snatch a woman’s child from her?
sanchez: Please.
My job is not to take your daughter from you.
It’s to assess where the best care for her will be found.
It may, after a time, be with you.
But right now this hostility isn’t helping.
You need to start telling me what I want to hear.
I don’t enjoy every aspect of my job either.
kylie: I’d like to make a phone call.
But if you must know: I’m not just a porn star.
I act in real movies too.
I’m an artist, okay?
I do lots of projects.
If this were three months from now you’d be asking for my autograph.
sanchez: Sign this, please.
kylie: No.
sanchez: Then here’s the phone.
The phone rings; johnnie cockring answers.
johnnie cockring: Slippery Dick Productions.
kylie: Johnnie, she’s gone.
They took her.
johnnie cockring: Who’s gone?
kylie: Ayla.
I got arrested.
johnnie cockring: Ayla’s gone?
What’d you get arrested for?
kylie: Drugs.
It’s nothing.
Diane called them.
They have nothing.
But, Johnnie, they took Ayla away.
They can’t take Ayla away from me.
johnnie cockring: Fucking cunt!
That fucking sick cunt!
Okay, you have to comply, and don’t be hostile or aggressive in any way.
kylie: It’s a little late.
johnnie cockring: What’d you do, snowflake?
kylie: I called her a fucking sick cunt, or a psycho cunt, and I may have attacked her.
johnnie cockring: What do you mean, “may have”?
kylie: I went Jerry Springer and attacked her with the cops everywhere.
They threw me on the floor.
johnnie cockring: Okay, don’t do that again.
kylie: Can you help me?
johnnie cockring: Yeah, anything for Ayla, you know that.
I’m gonna call this lawyer for you, Gloria Alright.
She’s kept me outta more shit than sheepskin condoms.
johnnie loves this joke.
She’ll know what to do.
kylie: You can’t handle this?
johnnie cockring: Sure.
No problem . . .
If you’d like Ayla’s case advocated by someone with a pending child-porn indictment.
In fact our relationship will probably already count against you . . . then your DUI, drug possession last year.
kylie: You took care of that.
It was “no big deal”?
johnnie cockring: Well this is different.
Any time kids are involved.
kylie: Are we talking about Ayla or your child-porn thing?
johnnie cockring: They found drugs in your house?
Was it a lot?
kylie: Can you pay bail?
johnnie cockring: Absolutely.
But, snowflake, this isn’t a good time for me.
You’re gonna have to work it off.
kylie: Anything for Ayla, right?
johnnie cockring: Call me with news, snowflake.
kylie calls ayla.
ayla: Hello?
kylie: Hi, snowflake.
ayla whispers so diane won’t hear.
ayla: Mom!
I thought you were too sick to call me.
kylie: Sick?
ayla: Diane says you’re sick.
That’s why we can’t talk to you.
kylie: Snowflake, I’m not sick.
ayla: Then why can’t I come home?
kylie: Because Diane is a liar.
ayla: So let’s tell the truth.
kylie: We are but it’s going to take some time.
ayla: I hate her.
kylie: Me too.
We can’t trust anything she says.
ayla: I have to go—she’s already going to know you called.
kylie: Snowflake—
diane intercepts the call.
diane: You are not to call here.
I am seeking a court order to restrain you from contacting us.
Goodbye.
kylie: Put her back on the phone, Diane!
Click.
(to audience) Click me in Gloria Alright’s office.
She’s a lawyer, a real one.
The kind whose cock you don’t have to suck.
She has brown eyes and freckles, and presses her lips together while she scribbles in black ink.
gloria: The quantity of drugs is troublesome because it indicates you intended to distribute.
kylie: It was personal use.
gloria: That’s not a significant factor for me.
kylie: What’s going to happen to my daughter?
gloria: For now, Ayla’s going to stay with Diane.
kylie: With Diane?
Why not with a pack of fucking hyenas?
gloria: It’s the least disruptive situation.
The state will build its case against you.
They’ll charge you with intent to distribute heroin, which carries a two-to-five-year sentence.
kylie: I could go to jail for five years?
gloria: That’s not going to happen.
kylie: What do we do?
gloria: It seems peculiar that she’d call the police instead of requesting you seek addiction counselling.
kylie: That’s because this whole thing isn’t about drugs.
It’s about porn.
She can’t have me arrested for doing porn so she’s having me arrested for doing drugs.
gloria: This is a personal vendetta.
Your mother—Diane has a problem with how you make a living—
kylie: And she’s making me out to be some kind of fucking crack whore.
gloria: Okay, we should probably talk about court demeanour.
What to wear.
kylie: I’m a porn star, counsellor, not a retard.
gloria: Then you know you can’t say things like porn star, retard, and fucking crack whore.
kylie: I can’t say porn star?
gloria: We have to change the image people associate with you.
You have to seem very present and reliable and not at all vacuous and entitled.
kylie: Are you saying I look vacuous and entitled?
gloria: Less in person.
Is it possible that the drugs could have belonged to Diane?
kylie: Absolutely.
gloria: Would you be willing to raise that question in court?
kylie: Is Bill Cosby a rapist?
gloria: You said you’re doing some regular acting?
That’s great.
We’re going to say that.
kylie: Okay, something else.
Am I allowed to call Ayla?
gloria: Why wouldn’t you be?
kylie: Diane said she was getting a restraining order.
gloria: I’ll take care of that.
Is it your name on the cellphone bill?
kylie: Yes.
gloria: Then you can call it all you want.
Listen, you have to show up at the hearing.
Leave the porn star behind.
Do that and we’re going to get Ayla back home where she belongs and Diane is going to
pay my fees.
Not you.
kylie: Whoa.
gloria: Now call that little girl and tell her she’s coming home.
kylie: (to audience) Click me on the phone.
The phone rings; itchia answers.
itchia: The number you are calling has been disconnected, please check the number and try your call again.
kylie: Ayla, can you hear me?
Everything’s okay.
We can get you back.
You’re coming back and everything is going to be beautiful, and full, and bright, and love.
The hard, sharp disconnection dial tone throbs in her ear.
(to audience) Click to Ayla at home by herself.
She’s streaming through a website, reading every word meticulously, writing in pink ink on a slip of paper.
Click to Itchia burning my hand with a cigarette.
itchia smokes a cigarette.
itchia: You are so ugly.
Can you imagine if you looked on the outside the way you feel on the inside?
Would you even want to live?
I don’t think so.
That’s why we’re meant to be together.
That’s why where you go I go.
You know what I’m looking forward to?
The big rape scene.
Which reminds me, have you heard from Guy Producer?
Don’t you think you should go over there?
He could fuck someone else on that couch and forget you even exist.
kylie burns her own hand.
kylie: Please be nice to me.
It’s so raw.
I just need a little break.
kylie bumps a line. She is relieved for a moment.
(to audience) Click me at Guy Producer’s private office.
(to guy) Hey!
Guy!
guy: Oh.
Hey.
I’ve been meaning to call you.
kylie takes a nervous drags from a cigarette.
kylie: I left a message.
guy: You left eight messages.
kylie: Sorry.
I’m just anxious to start talking with the director.
guy: Kylie, listen.
We got some great news!
For the movie.
I guess not so great for you.
The movie got backing from a major studio last week and—they don’t want the film to be represented by a porn star.
I fought for you in there.
It’s just not the right face for them.
kylie: Not the right face for them?
Is this just something you do?
Lie to people and make them think that good things are happening to them when they’re not?
guy: I told you: it was just an idea.
kylie: So all I am is an idea to you?
Well I’m glad you got what you wanted.
guy: Come on, don’t be that way . . .
I gave you more credit than that . . .
kylie: Credit?
Credit?
You gave me more credit?
guy: Maybe that’s not what I meant to say.
kylie: I’m a porn star, so I should have enough credit to know you’re a piece of shit liar.
guy: Yeah.
kylie: Fuck you!
Click.
itchia: omg, you are so stupid.
I am personally ashamed to be your yeast infection.
And you know what I do when I get ashamed?
I get itchy, Kylie.
I get itchier and itchier and itchier and itchier.
I get so itchy you’ll want to scratch my face off.
kylie: (to audience) Click me on the morning the cream stops working.
kylie grips the air, trying not to scratch herself.
Of course it’s never just any day the anti-fungal cream for the rash on your vagina stops working.
It’s also the day of the family services hearing, and the day I’m going to be raped.
So I’m a busy girl.
kylie is bested by the agony of the horrible itch on her vagina; itchia smokes a cigarette.
kylie does a line.
Click to Ayla packing her own lunch.
She’s cutting the crusts off a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.
She’s using a different knife to cut apples.
She’s putting two juice boxes and three cookies into her pink lunch pail.
kylie falls asleep . . .
kylie wakes in a terrified start.
(to herself) Fuck!
Oh fuck!
What have I done . . .
What time is it?
Oh fuck!
kylie tears through a mess of laundry. She only has porn clothes ready.
Do I not have a single—
Where is that black . . . fuck!
She checks the time again.
Oh no . . .
She dons the porn clothes.
I’m supposed to be there now.
Like, right now.
(to audience) I grab the makeup kit with the little hand mirror and run out the door.
Click me in the car, on the way to court.
I forgot the dope at home.
(to herself) It’s okay.
It’ll be okay.
Mama doesn’t itch now, snowflake.
It’ll be okay.
Oh please, please, please be okay . . .
(to audience) Click to Ayla’s third grade classroom.
Kids are yelling.
She wears her most responsible dress.
She’s putting on rain boots and her raincoat.
She’s wearing her knapsack.
A spasm of irritation!
Click me on Oprah, click me on Oprah, click me on Oprah.
This next part I don’t want to say.
I’m giving you everything else; I’m giving you way worse; but this is the part that I want to bury, that I want to never see again.
Click me at the courthouse an hour late.
The glass doors hold my reflection.
I’m wearing a cardigan, three sizes too small, a miniskirt, and—oh my god: no underwear.
I see Gloria Alright.
gloria: Do you have any idea what time it is?
Jesus, we talked about what to wear, did we not?
kylie: What happened?
gloria: The court remanded custody to your mother.
What happened to you?
kylie sees ayla.
kylie: Ayla!
Ayla, snowflake, how did you get here?
I missed you so bad!
ayla jumps into kylie’s arms.
ayla: I took the bus all the way from school.
It was two hours.
I looked it up on the Internet.
I hate the Internet.
Can we go home, Mama?
I wanna go home.
kylie: Yes, we can go home now.
Let’s go home.
(to audience) Diane walks towards us.
diane: Ayla, what are you doing here?
You’re supposed to be at school . . . come on, let’s go.
You have to come with me.
ayla: But I wanna go with my mom.
kylie: (to audience) My lawyer is behind me saying:
gloria: Let’s go.
We’ve got to walk away right now.
kylie: Okay, I’ve gotta go, baby.
Go with Diane.
Everything’s going to be okay.
ayla: No!
kylie: I’m always going to be your mom, okay, snowflake?
Always?
(to audience) Ayla looks at me for what I really am:
ayla: You’re a bad mother.
kylie: (to audience) I watch Diane take Ayla into a taxi and drive off.
(to gloria) So what now, is there, like, an appeal process?
gloria: I couldn’t for the life of me think of what we’d appeal.
Look at yourself.
You need help.
kylie: Help?
Isn’t that what I’m paying you for?
gloria: Check yourself into a treatment program.
You’re very sick.
If you don’t do that much, you won’t see your daughter until she’s eighteen.
But you should go anyway.
In the meantime, call me if you get arrested.
Good luck.
kylie: (to audience) Gloria Alright walks away; and Itchia whispers smoke into my ear.
itchia smokes a cigarette.
itchia: You so deserve this.
Now go get raped.
kylie drives to the rape.
kylie: They told me to dress really young.
I’m still wearing my clothes from court—so this is perfect.
kylie gets out of her car and is choked from behind.
(to invisible attackers) Cack!
I-cack!
Can’t breathe!
I’m choking!
She fights the hands around her throat.
Cack!
She struggles until she sees the camera. She collapses to the floor, her arms pinned behind her back. In a wretched twist of body parts she’s forcibly unclothed; she gags and catches her breath before being choked again. kylie is raped. She poses and performs. When it’s over, she sits up, defeated.
(to audience) And then it’s over.
And they thank me.
And they pay me cash.
One of them actually laughs while he says it’s great to work with me.
They tell me I’m a real pro.
They tell me I’ve got presence.
Click me at home for the big climax.
Part three of three: Itchia and me, both vying to see who gets to be the star of this movie.
Itchia cuts lines on the couch but won’t share them with me.
itchia: You’re gross when you’re high.
I can’t believe you did that.
I wouldn’t have done that.
kylie: You told me to!
itchia: omg, you’re right!
I did.
I am such a bitch.
kylie: Who do you think you are?
itchia: A better question is: Who do you think I am?
kylie: Shut up.
I’ll kill you.
itchia: No you won’t.
You made me!
If I’m gone who will clean up your little accidents?
Huff & Stitch Page 7
