by James Harden
“They were about to kill us,” Kenji says. “You did the right thing. You did the only thing…”
Maria is rubbing her throat where one of the men had a knife pressed against her.
After a while Kenji says, “I know it sucks, but…” and he trails off because none of us really know what to say. He then says, “Remember what that woman down in the Fortress said about desperation? She said that not all people, survivors, not all of them are evil. But all of them are desperate. She said maybe desperation was worse. These men were desperate. A lot of people are desperate. Being forced to do things that they would ordinarily never do. Imagine being forced into a situation where you had to decide between starving to death and becoming infected. Or taking someone’s life so you can keep yours.”
These are terrible options. Terrible decisions.
“We’re going to be forced into these situations more and more,” Kenji says. “We’ll be forced to make hard decisions. Let’s not turn into these people.”
No. God, no. That’s the last thing I want. We need to be better. We need to be a lot better. And we need to be more careful. But what happens if we get worse? What happens to us if we keep doing these terrible things? How long before we turn into something terrible?
What did Ben say? Fight monsters long enough…
“What if we can’t stop?” I ask. “What if we’re not better?”
“We are better,” Kenji says. “We have to be.”
Maria gets to her feet slowly. She is clearly shaken up. “Please don’t tell Jack. I don’t want him to worry. He needs to focus on getting better. He’ll never let me out of his sight if he found out about this.”
We agree we won’t tell the others just how close we came to being killed. But we would need to tell them about these people. We need to tell them that there could be other survivors in and around the town. And that they might not be friendly.
Suddenly the man with the broken arms coughs and wakes up.
We all take a step back. I aim the spear at his throat.
“You people think you’re better?” he whispers. “Different? You’re not different. You don’t come back from this. And there’s no going back for anyone. No way back. You hear? You’re not special. You killed us because it had to be done, because we were going to kill you. And you don’t just come back from that.”
Kenji is still angry and even though he just told me we need to be good and better, I can tell he is still out for blood. He kneels down next to the man with the broken arms. He picks up the handheld cannon that the old man had dropped. “These people here, these are my friends. They are the only thing, the only good thing I have left in this world. And I will do anything to protect them from evil bastards like you.”
“Evil? I’m not evil. Just doing what everyone else is doing. Just doing what I’ve been forced to do.”
He is desperate.
Kenji loads the gun. He does this right in front of the man. I think Kenji does it to send a message. To let this person know that he is on borrowed time.
The man keeps talking. He does this because I think he has a whole lot of messed up things he needs to get off his chest, his heart, his conscience. “There were more people here. Lots more. Even after the barricades failed. We hid in here. We kept quiet. The infected were always close. But they never found us. I was here with my family. My wife. My son. My daughter.”
And I know this story does not have a happy ending. And I don’t want to hear it, but I need to hear it and we let him finish.
“We took an inventory of food and water,” he explains, thinking back to those early days. “We could’ve survived a long time. Over a year. Maybe more. But then people started disappearing. We’d go on supply runs. And someone would just disappear into thin air. Wasn’t the dead folk. You’d hear those things from a mile away. And if someone got bitten, you’d hear the screams. So we knew it wasn’t the zombies. And then food started disappearing. A lot of food. We began to starve. It was impossible. We had access to a grocery store worth of canned food. But we were starving. Anyway, these disappearances, and the missing food, it was enough to make people crazy paranoid. We were convinced it was the people from behind the walls. So one day, me and a few others went on a scouting mission. We wanted to make contact, wanted to see what was going on. Maybe they’d finally let us in. But no, there was nothing. No goddamn sign of life.”
Kenji finishes loading the gun. He then spins the chamber and locks it into place.
The man is undeterred, unfazed. “I left my family here that day. Figured it would be safer. I was wrong. I was so wrong.” The man’s body starts shaking as he goes into shock. He takes a few deep breaths. He says, “He killed my wife. My daughter. Killed them in cold blood. Killed my son for fighting back. He killed a few other people that day as well. Said they were all weak… too weak to survive this.”
The man closes his eyes.
“He had a gun,” he says softly. “And in this small little grocery store, in this world, that magnum gave him absolute power. He spared my life as long as I did everything he said. As long as I protected him. Killed for him. This was the offer. And I took it. But not before I killed the other men who had helped him kill my family. I killed them in their sleep. Four men. I mutilated them. And he rewarded me for it. He’d been killing people in the night. Killing those he thought were weak. He had been hiding food from everyone. When I showed him how strong I was, when I started doing his dirty work, he fed me. I was starving and he fed me. He saved me. And I became stronger.”
“You are not strong,” Kenji says. “I don’t think you were ever strong. I’m sorry about your family. And I’m sorry that you’ve turned into… this… whatever this is.”
Tears streak down the man’s face.
Kenji says, “When fighting a great evil, a great monster, when fighting the devil, the ultimate goal is not to defeat the devil, the ultimate goal is to not become the devil yourself.” Kenji points the gun at the man’s head and for a second I think he is going to shoot him in the head. But then Kenji thinks better of it. He puts the gun away, saves the bullets, chooses the silent option. He kneels down and slits the man’s throat and covers his mouth so he can’t scream.
Chapter 6
Fight monsters long enough, Ben had said.
So when do we become monsters?
When do we turn?
Will we even realize?
Has it already happened?
We grab a few supplies, not much, because to be honest, none of us are thinking straight. But we manage to get the bare necessities, a few bandages, a few bags of food. We decide that we can always come back for more later. We’ll bring Kim so we can carry more stuff.
We make our way back to the Kingswood Tavern quickly and quietly. I’m on edge, and Kenji and Maria have to be on edge. Maria still looks like she’s in a state of shock. Kenji’s face is emotionless. Almost distant. We arrive at the Kingswood Tavern, moving through our pathetic barricade. We climb the stairs and the first person I see is Jack. He has his hands up, sort of waving at us, like he is trying to get my attention.
“Guys,” he says. “This is…”
We point our home made spears at the group of strangers. They don’t seem to notice us. They don’t seem to care. Kenji has the magnum tucked down the back of his pants. I bet if he pulled that out, they’d pay attention.
There are three people, three strangers in the room.
One woman. Two men. They are heavily armed with military grade weaponry. The woman is tending to Sarah’s arm. She is cleaning the wound and changing the bandage.
“It’s OK,” Jack says. Standing, limping towards us. “They’re here to help.”
Jack’s pants are rolled up to his knee. He has a brand new bandage around his calf muscle. The blood that had covered his leg has been cleaned up.
“Who are you people?” Kenji asks, ignoring Jack.
One of the guys is kneeling in the far corner, with his back to the wall. The
other is in the opposite corner. Behind the door. They are all armed to the teeth. Silenced rifles. Handguns. Knives. They appear to be well fed. Well hydrated. They look nothing like the people we just encountered. There is no desperation in their eyes or in the way they move.
The guy in the far corner says, “I’m Toby. This is Lara. And this is Luke.”
“That’s not what I meant,” Kenji says. “I mean, who are you? Where did you come from? What are you doing here?”
“They’re from behind the walls,” Jack answers for them. He points to the woman. “She’s a doctor.”
“I’m not a doctor,” she says. “I’m a paramedic.”
There are two large gym bags in the middle of the room.
“What are in the bags?” Maria asks.
“Supplies,” she answers. “Food. Water.”
“It’s a gift,” Luke says from the other corner, behind the door.
“Why are you giving us gifts?” Maria asks.
No answer.
“Look, we don’t want your gifts,” I say. “We want to be allowed inside. We want asylum.”
“Not going to happen,” Toby says as he continues to lean against the far wall. I think he’s doing this so no one can sneak up on him. Smart move.
“You let Sarah in,” I say. “She’s one of you. You can’t turn her away. You can’t keep her from her sister.”
“Sarah knew the rules. And she broke them. She broke them knowing full well the consequences. And besides, there’s a highly contagious, extremely lethal virus on the loose. We have successfully quarantined ourselves. We might very well be one of the only sanctuaries left. Just to get back inside, the three of us will need to be in quarantine for seventy-two hours. Maybe longer. We allowed Sarah and her sister to live with us, only once we had confirmed they were not infected. We let them into our home. We fed them. Gave them water. We looked after them. And we told them the rules. We told them what would happen if they broke the rules.”
Exile.
Death.
“She knew,” Toby continues. “And she left anyway. She broke the rules. And now she is facing the consequences of her actions.”
“Look, I understand why you didn’t let us in before,” I say, still bargaining. “There were infected people everywhere. It was too dangerous. But none of us are infected. Sarah’s hand was cut off with a butcher’s knife. Jack has been shot with a crossbow. But we are not infected.”
“Please,” Maria says. “We can help you guys. We’ll pull our own weight. We won’t be a burden.”
“We also heard gunshots,” the woman, Lara says.
“And yet you possess no weapons,” Toby adds. “Which means, either you had weapons and guns and you dropped them, or someone else is out there. Someone who is armed.”
“There is someone else out there,” Kenji answers. “He’s out for blood. He’s crazy.”
“How do you know he’s crazy?” Luke asks from the other corner of the room.
“Trust me, he’s crazy.”
“We’d like to trust you,” Toby says. “But unfortunately, I don’t. So tell me, how do you know he’s crazy? And what kind of danger did you bring into this town?”
How much do we tell these people?
Is there anything we can say that will change their minds about us?
This is a weird situation. It feels like these people have power over us, and not just because they are heavily armed. But because they have the keys to the kingdom. These people could save us, or condemn us. And as a result, it feels like we have to do everything they want.
It feels like we have to answer their questions and shine their shoes. All with a smile.
The worrying part is we have no leverage. We are essentially begging these people to let us in, begging them to save us.
Please save us. Please help us.
I guess we should tell them everything. Every little messed up thing about Marko the Maniac and his brothers and the Boneyard.
“He had captured us,” I say. “Imprisoned us. He was going to eat us. He’s a cannibal. A serial killer. Not just since the outbreak, not just since everything went bad, but for a long, long time.”
“Who?” Luke asks.
“They call him Marko the Maniac,” I explain. “But he doesn’t look like a maniac. Doesn’t sound like a maniac. At least, not a first. He had helped us survive. He had saved our lives on more than one occasion. He did this to buy our trust. He did this so we would lower our guards. Once he had lured us in, lured us into a false sense of security, he pounced. Fortunately, we were able to escape. But he followed us here. He’s been chasing us for miles. Right now, he’s herded the infected out of town, out into the desert. He has done this so he can hunt us down, so he can have us all to himself.”
Toby doesn’t look too impressed with our story. He keeps a straight face. “And how do we know this is the truth?”
“This is the truth. We are not lying. You want to find out for yourselves? All you have to do is go for a walk down main street, he’ll find you. You want my advice? Have your weapons ready. Have the safety off and have your finger on the trigger. Shoot to kill.”
“Do you see how risky this is for us?” Luke says, moving away from the door.
“Of course we do,” Kim answers, breaking her silence. “So why even risk coming out here? Why bring us gifts? Why are you caring for Sarah and Jack? You don’t even know us. Why are you here? Why risk your lives for us?”
“We are helping you so you can recover,” Luke explains. “So you can walk and travel. So you can run if you need to. When you need to. The gifts, this food, the water, these are parting gifts. They are for your journey.”
“Journey?”
“Away from here. Far away.”
“There’s nowhere else to go.”
“That is not our problem.”
“And what if we refuse to leave?” Kim says defiantly.
“We will give you until sunrise. We’d like to give you longer, but your food and water won’t last. You will need it for the road.”
“And if we’re still here tomorrow?” I ask.
“If you are still here tomorrow, at daybreak, we will come back for you. Not with gifts. We will come back and use deadly force. You will be killed. You will be shot. Executed. Your heads will be spiked for any other lost people to see.”
“That’s assuming the infected don’t get to you first,” Toby adds. “And let’s be honest here, the infected will find you if you stay here. It’s only a matter of time.”
“Who are those people?” I ask. “The heads. Who are they? Who were they?”
“They are people who broke our rules. They are thieves and liars. Rule breakers. They are people who refused our gifts. They are people who refused to leave.”
Luke then kneels down next to Sarah. “Sarah? Are you awake? How did you get out?”
No answer from Sarah. She is barely conscious.
“Sarah, this is important. We need to know how you got out. Did you have help? Did someone let you out?”
“Forget it,” Toby says. “You’re wasting your time.”
“He’s going to kill everyone who was on watch that night. We need to know.”
“He won’t kill them. He’s just making a threat.”
“No. He’s going to do it. He means it. He’s done it before.”
The woman finishes bandaging Sarah’s arm. She then moves over to Kim and tries to take a look at her bruised and beaten face.
Kim brushes her away. “I’m fine.”
“You’re not fine.”
“I’m fine.”
The woman relents. She then hands over two orange bottles of pills to Kim. “These are painkillers for Sarah. And these are anti-biotics.”
She hands another bottle of anti-biotics to Jack. “You and Sarah, you both need to take these two times a day. Morning and night. If you don’t take these, your wounds will become infected.”
Another gift.
“You think yo
u’re helping us,” I say. “But you’re not. You’re sentencing us to death.”
“We’re obeying the law,” Toby explains. “We’re following the rules. If we don’t follow the rules, then all hell will break loose. It would be chaos behind those walls.”
“Sarah broke the rules,” Luke adds. “She must be punished. If we don’t punish her, if we make an allowance, if we make an exception, we appear weak. We cannot afford to be weak.”
The woman packs up her bags.
And Toby says, “You have until sunrise tomorrow. Take these gifts and go as far as you can. And remember, Kingswood is a dangerous town. This whole area is dangerous. Move, and move quickly. Avoid the main roads. We wish you luck on your journey.”
Chapter 7
The greeting party leaves the pub and leaves us to be alone with our thoughts. We’ve got about twelve hours to get the hell out of this town or else we’ll be shot and beheaded and put on display as a warning to anyone else stupid enough to stumble into this messed up town.
Sarah is barely conscious but she keeps saying that she’s sorry. Over and over. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know it would be like this. Not like this. I didn’t know…”
“Maybe it’s a test,” Maria says. “Like, maybe they’re playing a trick to see if we’ll take the gifts and leave. And maybe the right thing to do is to not take the gifts and sneak inside. Maybe it’s a kind of initiation… a rite of passage. You know, to see if we’re worthy.”
When we arrived here all we wanted to do was get behind the walls, to safety. But now? Now I’m not so sure. I’m not sure that we’d be welcomed with open arms. Do I really want to be part of a society, a community, or whatever it is… a place that treats helpless outsiders like this?
“No,” Sarah whispers. “They’re not messing around. They’re not testing us. This is real. They’ve changed.”
“Then what are we supposed to do?” Maria asks. “Where are we supposed to go?”
Good question. But whatever we decide to do, Jack and Sarah will need to rest up first. Jack keeps saying that he’s fine, but he’s not.
