He grabbed the reins and released the brake. Apparently very stupid. They pulled out of the gravel driveway, and Ivy directed him toward her house.
“I’m sorry about my sister.” Ivy stared at her folded hands that rested on the papers in her lap. “She can be…weird about these things. I was really hopeful when she met you that she might get over her aversion to socializing. I just want her to be happy, you know?”
“I’d like to speak with her when we get back to your house. I feel dumb about showing up. I’m sure I was the oldest one there, and I’m not normally a member of your youth singing group, so I stuck out like a sore thumb.”
“No one thought anything about that, I’m sure. And you sounded great. You added a strong voice to our men’s section. I hope you’ll still join us for the caroling, despite my sister and her shady intentions.”
It wasn’t Ivy’s fault, and he actually did enjoy the practice. What difference did it make if he was the oldest one and stuck out? He wanted to be a part of any music he could be. “Yeah, I can do that.”
“Really?” She turned to face him. “I’m surprised but so glad.”
He simply nodded, and they rode the rest of the way in silence.
Joshua pulled the rig up to the turnaround near the front porch. “Tell Holly I want to take a short ride with her. I won’t keep her from her needed sleep.”
Ivy nodded. “Of course. Denki, Josh. I’ll see you next week.” She hopped out of the buggy and entered the house.
* * *
When Holly finally heard carriage wheels grinding on the gravel driveway, she went to the front door and peered out the glass inlay. Dusk made the view rather gray, but streaks of gold and pink filled the sky. The horse and buggy Josh drove came to a halt on the driveway. Her plan of slipping out of practice was a good one. Their arriving this late had to mean they’d been riding around talking, right? He would most likely take to Ivy, and Ivy to him. Then he could have someone who wanted to find the right man and marry. Holly could then be guilt-free as she stayed focused on her mission to bring medicine to her community. If the plan was so good, why did she feel unhappy seeing her sister exit the carriage?
Ivy hurried up the steps and toward the door. Holly dashed to the nearby kitchen and pretended to be cleaning a dish as she heard the door open and close.
“Glad to see my dear, exhausted sister is resting in bed.” Ivy leaned against the kitchen counter and crossed her arms as she glared at Holly.
“It wasn’t a complete white lie. I am tired.” Holly lowered her eyes back to the dishes. “And it was for the greater good of two people I care about.”
“Look, I don’t know who you think you’re lying to, but I’m your sister. I was there when you met Josh, and I listened when you spent hours justifying to yourself why you needed to turn down dating him. You like him. I know it. You know it. Poor Josh is the only one confused by what’s going on here. You should tell him how you feel. Both of you deserve some real honesty about now.”
“I did tell him the very first day we reconnected. He was gleaning corn, and I stopped to talk with him. I told him that my work is too important to give up for a relationship.”
Ivy rolled her eyes and huffed. “I’m going to bypass every silly thing you just said and stay focused on the only thing that matters right now. You told him that nearly a month ago, and since then you have called him, had dinner at his house, and gone on outings looking for Sam Miller in your Sunday best, and then you invited him to tonight’s event.”
“Ivy…”
“Oh, and he’s waiting for you in his buggy.”
“What?” Holly looked up, startled.
“He wants to talk to you.”
This wasn’t how she expected tonight to go. “Fine.” She set the dish in the sink, dried her hands, and grabbed a sweater from the rack beside the front door. Once on the porch, she stood there, putting on her sweater and trying to find the courage to tell him the truth. During her year of knowing him—whether at a function for singles, dealing with Lyle’s health emergency, or trying to find Sam Miller—they’d been good together. She liked the guy. A lot. How could she not? But that wasn’t the point. If she married, the church leaders wouldn’t allow her to continue her education or work at the pharmacy. And if she couldn’t marry, then she shouldn’t waste his time, no matter how much she liked being around him. She drew a deep breath and went down the stairs.
Josh nodded at her when she came in view. He wasn’t smiling. He leaned across the seat and pushed her door open. “Get in. We won’t talk long.”
Her heart pounded as she wordlessly complied. The horse clippety-clopped, and the buggy ambled as Josh pulled onto the road.
After a few moments of riding in silence, she felt compelled to speak up. “Are you mad at me?” The answer was rather obvious, but she hoped it would cause him to say something. She looked over at him, but he kept his eyes on the road.
“A bit.” Another moment of silence passed. “Look, Holly, I knew up front that you weren’t interested in a relationship, for whatever reason. But I really feel duped here. You invited me to go to a fun event outside of our task of finding Sam Miller. What was I supposed to think? Your sister is nice and all, but she’s not you. She’s not the person I’ve been unable to get off my mind for months, despite my best efforts. She’s not the person I’ve been able to laugh with effortlessly. And she’s not the only woman I have ever felt some unexplainable connection with. I wouldn’t say any of that except I think you feel something for me too. Is that all in my head?”
Guilt tried to suffocate her. While she kept her heart hidden away, he was raw and vulnerable. Who stayed this calm when angry? Who was this honest about how they felt? Certainly not her. But his honesty had backed her into a corner, and she didn’t know how to get out of it without hurting him more.
“No.” The word was barely audible. She cleared her throat. “No, it’s not all in your head. But I…I just can’t. I know that, so I wanted to discourage you from thinking what we feel could lead to more. I wanted to spare you heartache.”
“First, it’s not your job to spare me heartache. Why can’t you at least give us a shot before you decide you can’t? Whatever that means.”
Emotions bubbled in her as if she had a teakettle boiling in her chest, creating a pressure that was ready to screech and release steam. “Because I could never be a good wife to you!” She sat there breathless, unable to believe what she’d let escape from her mouth.
He stared at her. “I’m not talking about marriage, Holly. I just want to see you and get to know you better.” Josh’s voice remained quiet and even-keeled despite her frantic reaction. She hadn’t meant to raise her voice.
“But that’s always the goal.” She folded her arms across her waist, squeezing tight, trying to keep control of her voice. “That’s the goal of the singings and every other type of social event—to find a suitable spouse. I’ll never be a suitable spouse for an Amish man.”
“Because you work?”
Holly nodded as a few tears escaped. She hadn’t expected him to unearth such feelings, feelings that went deeper than she had realized.
“Holly, I don’t want to change you. I only want to spend time with you. And I would never ask you to give up your work at the pharmacy.”
Holly shook her head. “Come on, Josh. You were raised just like me. A young married Amish woman can’t work outside the home, not those first few years. If money is too tight, the ministers will allow her to clean an Englisch home one day a week or take her babies in tow while she sells produce or baked goods. She certainly would not be allowed to hold a job with set hours, and Amish tradition aside, children deserve a mother who could care for them full time. The older women judge and critique how well the younger women are tending to their husbands, and if any woman isn’t handling the home well, there’s trouble—lots of
it.”
He studied her. “It’s not…”
Was he going to dispute that the situation for young married women was that bad? If so, he’d apparently changed his mind. Older married women, especially those with their youngest child in school or those past childbearing years, had more wiggle room. But she couldn’t afford to lose momentum for her people by taking a sabbatical for the next fifteen to twenty years. She and Josh were caught, and there wasn’t a solution.
But maybe now he understood.
She stared straight ahead, wishing things were different. “There’s really nothing else to say, Josh. I’m not the kind of person who could give up everything to tend to her husband and babies. Would you want to give up who you are, give up running Smucker Farms, to marry me? There are young Amish women who are praying to find someone like you, women who long to stop working outside the home and have babies.”
She looked out the window, hoping he didn’t see her tears in the dim lighting. “Please take me home. I understand if you can’t help me anymore. You have certainly done a lot.”
Josh sighed, but he didn’t say anything else.
When she joined the church at seventeen, she knew she was signing up for a life of celibacy. It hadn’t mattered to her then, but she hadn’t known someone like Josh would come along. Still, she couldn’t stop following what God had put inside her before she met Josh.
But her heart was breaking.
Brandon added another name to the list of patients who needed to be more consistent in picking up their medications. If he could get them to be more compliant in taking their meds as their doctors prescribed, Greene’s star rating would go up a little. He noticed someone walking close to the counter next to his workstation.
“Hello, I will be right with you. Just give me one second.” Thankfully this Tuesday morning had been pretty slow customerwise. He clicked the button to finish the list and make the computer send an alert when one of these patients’ profiles was accessed. “Dropping off or picking up?” he asked without looking away from the screen.
“Well, I was intending to drop off this food. But if you want me to pick you up and make you eat it, I could.”
Jules. He grinned at her and leaned over the counter, looking at her petite frame. She was holding the leash of a yellow Lab that was wearing a blue therapy vest. The animal was sitting still at her feet. “You sure? I’m pretty certain I outweigh you by a lot. And your beast doesn’t look very ferocious.”
“I once caught a former linebacker when he fainted during a blood draw, and I managed to get him safely in a chair, so I think I could handle you.”
“How on earth did you do that?”
She laughed. “I have no idea. I actually have no idea how we manage lots of things we need to do to provide health care to Raysburg, but we do it.”
“Yeah, you do.” He returned her smile. “What’s with the dog? Tell me that my dad isn’t allowing dogs to pick up their own prescriptions now.” He was teasing, but they did fill scripts for dogs.
Julie scratched the yellow dog between his ears. “His name is Nacho. He’s my pet, but he’s also a therapy dog, which is why he’s allowed in stores. I find that his presence helps many children relax when they’re stressed, especially Amish children. But right now he’s off duty.”
The animal, that by Brandon’s best guess had to weigh more than a hundred pounds, blinked serenely and opened his mouth to pant.
Julie waggled the large bag. “Hungry?”
Besides his own parents, he couldn’t think of anyone who had brought him food, and she did it in the middle of her own busy workday. “It looks as if you have more than one to-go order.”
“I do. I was going to drop your lunch off if you were busy, but if not…”
Brandon tried to wipe the smile off his face, but the idea of good conversation over lunch really made his day. Something uncomfortable nagged at him, and a moment later he realized what it was. Mila. Jules didn’t know he had a girlfriend. He wasn’t keeping it a secret. It just hadn’t come up. Should he tell her? Seemed to him that he and Jules were simply colleagues of sorts, and if he mentioned Mila now, he’d make Jules uncomfortable for absolutely no reason. “So where would you like to go eat?”
“I know it’s mid-November, but it’s still decently warm in the sun at this hour of the day. Maybe have an alfresco lunch? There are some benches on the square.”
“That sounds nice.” It actually sounded wonderful.
A few minutes later they were sitting on the bench, Nacho was comfortably settled in the grass, and Brandon was relishing being off his feet and sitting in the sunshine. It had to be in the midfifties, definitely chilly to be sitting, but the warm sun on his face felt nice, and the hot sandwich from the diner hit the spot.
“This is really tasty. I don’t think I would have thought to order something called a meatloaf sandwich, but it’s a lot better than it sounds.” Brandon wiped his mouth and looked over to Julie’s side of the bench. She was only halfway through her sandwich.
She took a swig of her soda from its glass bottle. “You may be used to fancier lunch options in the city, but there are perks to living out here too, number one being the people.”
“You know, I grew up pretty close to Raysburg, but I never felt like a real part of this town. Probably because I was always plotting my escape.” Brandon crumbled the now-empty sandwich paper and placed it in the paper bag.
She dabbed her lips with a napkin. “As hard as it may be for you to believe, I moved here by choice. And I love it. I might have been able to achieve more prestige working in a rich part of Philly or even the nearby suburbs, but my patients here are the salt of the earth.”
Her description stirred something inside him. His goal for so long had been to earn his degree and make all the money he could. When was the last time he really considered who he filled the meds for? Working in his dad’s pharmacy these few weeks, he’d met all kinds of people. Amish men and women who often didn’t have a clue how the medications worked but were still so grateful to have them. Elderly retirees on fixed incomes who seemed happy to have an old-timey pharmacy that still operated the way pharmacies did during their youth. And young adult patients who weren’t jaded like he was about small-town living.
“Yeah, I guess ‘salt of the earth’ is a good term for them. I’m really hoping to implement some ideas to make my dad’s store more profitable. The town needs him.”
Jules nodded. “We do need him. And he needs you.”
He hadn’t expected it to feel good to be needed. Not a dime-a-dozen pharmacist floating from store to store for a big-box company, one in a sea of others. Did he really want to spend his life doling out medications to strangers he had no connection to and who cared nothing about him?
“So you mentioned you could have worked in Philly and something about prestige? Where exactly are you from, Jules?” He hoped to lighten the mood from the heavier topics his brain had been dwelling on.
“That is a conversation for another day, Brandon Greene.” She balled up the empty paper that had once held her sandwich and placed it in the paper bag along with Brandon’s trash. “You’ll have to stick around to find out.” She rose from the bench, and Nacho got up too. “Not that I would try to bribe you to stick around with cheap lunches and boring stories of my life.” She rolled her eyes and laughed before she tossed their empty lunch bag into a nearby garbage can. “Unless you think that would do the trick.”
He laughed and followed her. There was no denying they had something going on between them, even if Brandon couldn’t be sure as to what. It was a spark that was easygoing, something he didn’t have with Mila. Nothing came easy with Mila. He always felt as if he had to work for her affection and approval. He’d stayed committed to the relationship out of hope they would get to a place of enjoying life after he graduated and was working. There was noth
ing wrong with hoping to be in a better place, except they should be savoring where they were now, right? They were young and had good lives, and yet happiness always seemed just out of reach. Would it still be out of reach ten years from now? The answer that came to him cut deep. He sighed as he realized he needed to make a difficult phone call that was long overdue.
“Hey, Jules.” They stopped on the corner of Main and Hopper. “I’m not ready to head back to work yet. You go on, and I’ll catch up with you another time. Thanks for lunch.”
“No problem. Bye, Brandon.” She waved as she walked toward the clinic, her yellow Lab at her side.
Brandon stood, pulled his cell out of his pocket, and stared at Mila’s number on the Favorites screen. He and Julie might never go on a date or be anything more than friends, but that didn’t change the fact that he and Mila weren’t going to work out. He might not be as altruistic as Julie, his dad, or Holly, but his and Mila’s goals and values were too far apart, and the gulf was only widening. He had to break things off with her.
He didn’t want to do it by text, but he also didn’t want to blindside her by calling. His fingers flew across the screen as he composed a text.
We need to have a hard conversation. Can we speak on the phone?
K.
Although he’d warned her he was calling, the phone rang three times before she answered.
“What’s this about? You going to tell me you’re moving to the boonies for good?”
Best to cut straight to the chase. Rip off the Band-Aid. “Mila, I don’t think we should see each other anymore.”
“What? Why?” Her voice rose half an octave on the second word.
“It’s just that this time apart…has made it clear that we aren’t as good together as I thought we were.”
The Christmas Remedy Page 13
