“Man, you were so close,” Evan’s amused voice sails over my shoulder as thick, black smoke swirls through the air, making me invisible to the people in the hallway. “Only a few more days left until graduation. Just three days. Then Everly could’ve gone on her way, and you on yours. But nope. You had to fuck up with only three days left.” He claps his hands. “Bravo. Way to waste an entire three years of emotional torture.”
The muscle in my jaw spasms as I turn around to face one of the gods’ messengers.
At first glance, he appears normal; just a young looking guy. Yet, unlike me, he can return to the After Kingdom, the home I was banished from centuries ago.
“I didn’t fuck up,” I pointlessly lie. If Evan is here, then the gods witnessed me breaking the rules. “I didn’t touch her.”
“Really?” He arches a brow. “Are you sure about that?”
“Yeah.” Another lie. My hands are still tingling from the contact. Burn.
Gods, touching her was better than I imagined. And fuck, I imagined it happening a lot, over and over again.
For a mind blowing instant when we touched, I felt a drop of calmness seep into the despair that constantly ripped apart my insides. I haven’t felt calm in an eternity.
I’m already craving the sensation again. I want another taste, touch, skin to skin contact, lips … I haven’t had much of that since I was banished. I’ve never felt enough desire to briefly erase my despair.
“I just stopped a guy from kicking her ass. That doesn’t break the rules.”
Evan tsks me. “Nico, Nico, Nico … You really should know by now that the gods see everything.” To prove his point, he snaps his fingers and a screen materializes out of thin air, replaying my encounter with Everly. “If you didn’t touch her, then what is that?” He taps the screen, pointing out my hands on her when I stopped her from falling to the floor.
“A momentary loss of sanity.” I shrug. “It happens sometimes with humans. All of them mess up at one point in their lives. Trust me; I’ve been here for centuries.”
“But you’re not human.”
“I’m close.”
He shakes his head, casually leaning against the locker beside him. “Not really. And neither is Everly.”
“We’re closer than you are,” I say in a low voice.
When he stares at me, unimpressed, I shake my head in annoyance.
“Fine. I fucking touched her, okay? But I’m not sorry about it.”
“Well, you should be. Pissing off the gods again …” He rakes his fingers through his hair. “You don’t want to do that, Nico. They’re already on edge as it is.”
I do my best to restrain the foul words burning to leave my lips. The gods will only see my lack of apology as a sign that I’m not being tormented enough. Now they will probably amp up the let’s-slowly-destroy Nico torture.
“Fine. I’m s-sorry,” I manage to choke out, my lips twitching in irritation.
It’s shit like this that made me want to overthrow the gods in the first place. They have too much power over servants, and they abuse that power constantly.
“Just tell me my punishment so I can get it over with and get to class. I have three more days in this hellhole, and then I’m done. I think, from now on, I might skip school. It’s getting really goddamn old.”
Evan crooks his brow. “Then why are you here now?”
I shrug. “Because I needed a refresher. It’s been centuries of this same old shit, and I’m really …” I trail off, painfully aware of how many centuries I’ve spent on earth. Infinite, it feels like. And until eternity ends and even after.
“Is that defeat I detect, Despair?” Evan smirks, but a hint of sadness resides in his eyes.
A very long time ago, the two of us were friends. Then I was banished, and he became the little bitch to those who sentenced me. Now he despises me because he has to, and I loathe him for delivering my punishments and for not trying to help me find a way out of this painful, hopeless life I’m forced to live with mortals.
Deep down, I know it isn’t Evan’s fault. I’m the one who broke the rules and led the group of servants plotting against the gods.
When we were caught, we were stripped of our powers and sentenced to a life of hell on earth, bearing every gods’ and servants’ emotions. Still, sometimes my anger that scorches at the surface often gets directed at Evan for his refusal to participate in our attempt to overthrow the gods, for accepting a life as a servant, for accepting being bound to the gods, for obeying their every command, no matter how brutal the task. Just like I used to.
Some of the things I was forced to do … The blood I spilled …
I deserve to be trapped here.
“For the millionth damn time, stop calling me Despair,” I growl as my own guilt mixes with despair, choking me. “It’s not something I am; just something I’m forced to carry around.”
“Are you sure about that?” Evan questions. “Lately, you’ve been acting really down. The gods are beginning to wonder if maybe it’s taking you over.”
“Did you come here to torment me, or to hand out my punishment?” I evade his question, partly because he’s right. Despair is consuming my mind nearly every single hour of every day. Even getting up in the morning is complicated, and at night …
I frown. Night is the worst, full of pain, agonizing misery, and all the tears that connect to every servant and god that exists in the After Kingdom.
Evan straightens his stance. “Actually, thanks to a request I put in, the gods have decided to be kind to you and let you off with a warning this time, since you didn’t technically try to have the Balance siphon your despair.”
“Why would you do that?” I eye him suspiciously. “And what did you give up for such a request?”
“Nothing too much,” he says, yet he tugs at his sleeve, as if hiding a scar or fresh wound. “Just note that they’ll be watching you closely, so make sure to stay away from her for now on.” He smirks. “She may be pretty, but remember why she exists in the first place.”
How can I forget? The Balances were created after me and seven other servants were sentenced. Our presence caused a shift in the balance of life because we harbor a curse that bears the emotions of the gods. Mine is despair, mine and all the gods’ despair, which is a million times worse than a human experiences in a lifetime.
To rebalance the world, Mother Nature created a handful of counterparts—Balances, as we call them—to siphon the extra imbalances, like the abundance of despair I carry. The other servants received a similar punishment, only they each carry a different burden: sin, desire, fury, guilt, envy, nightmares, and curses. I haven’t seen any of the other condemned servants in ages, and I’ve only stumbled upon two Balances: sin’s and, of course Everly, who is mine.
Mine. Mine. Mine.
I shake my head. Fuck, I really need to stop with this obsessive shit. I can’t seem to help it, though. I haven’t been able to since I stumbled across her three years ago.
I was living in Washington when I decided I needed a change of scenery, so I packed up my shit and drove until I felt compelled to stop.
Sometimes, I wonder if the reason I was drawn to California was because my curse could sense her presence. I hadn’t felt drawn to anyone since my ass was kicked out of the After Kingdom.
Hollow, numb, drifting, and full of despair, of course—that’s all I felt until I saw Everly. I don’t even know why that is; whether an unearthly connection drew me to her or if it’s more than that.
As creepy as this is going to sound, I spend a lot of time watching her, wanting to get close to her, yet knowing I can’t without unleashing the gods’ wrath.
Balances like Everly, the ones who siphon despair, can alleviate my torture. In the gods’ eyes, that means I’m no longer suffering. And when they discovered I was living near one of my Balances, they took it upon themselves to send a nice warning. Well, if you consider getting struck by lightning a pleasant warning.
&nb
sp; After the bolt of electricity struck me in the chest, the God of Storm’s voice flooded my mind, warning me that I could either leave California or stay and never touch the Balance. Then she added a snarky, little remark about how wonderful it would be to watch me suffer through wanting something I can never have.
The first choice seemed like the easier one. By then, though, I’d already become infatuated with Everly.
She is mostly quiet, has very little friends, and has been through a lot of heavy shit. She shies away from most people, except for days like today when she tries to put assholes like Leo in his place. She has this fire burning inside her. A strength and goodness I still don’t quite understand because I can never really get to know her. But fuck, I want to. More than anything.
That’s why I decided to stay in California. Well, “decide” might not be a strong enough word. More like, needed. And ever since, I’ve spent every day fighting an internal battle not to touch her, a battle I was winning up until ten minutes ago.
“Are you even listening to me?” Evan’s voice yanks me out of my thoughts.
“Yeah …” I blink my attention back to him. “So, the gods are letting me off the hook just like that? No, I’m not buying it. Evan, if you did something to get them to let me off easy, there has to be a catch. There’s always a catch with them.”
“Watch it,” Evan warns. “Questioning the gods will only lead to more punishment. You know that.”
“Well, tell them thanks, then.” My jaw ticks as I bite out each word.
“I’m sure they already know how grateful you are.” His tone drips with sarcasm. “I’d say good-bye forever, but you and I both know you’ll mess up again. And very soon.”
“Probably.” I don’t bother denying it. I’ve messed up a lot over the centuries. And now that I’ve actually touched Everly, felt that calm, felt that scorching, nearly consuming need … Well, I have a feeling I’ll no longer be able to keep my distance.
“Be careful,” Evan warns, sensing my thoughts. “If you touch her again, the gods won’t be so kind.” With that, he disappears, taking the invisibility mist along with him.
At least, I think he disappears, until my tattoos begin to shimmer vibrantly as the magic in the ink scorches to life and Evan’s voice fills my head.
We need to talk.
I frown. Didn’t we just do that?
Privately.
Okay, then talk.
Not here, he says. I only have a handful of seconds left before the gods notice the time lapse I set off.
I cross my arms, staring at the people wandering up and down the hallway. Then when and where?
I’ll tell you soon. I just wanted to warn you because, when I do show up, we’ll have to make a quick trip to the Thorns.
I instinctively twitch at the mention of the Thorns.
The Thorns is a strip of land located below the After Kingdom. It’s a place where the gods sometimes send servants who break the laws. The space is interwoven with razor sharp thorns that continuously slash at the Banished’s skin. They aren’t able to move and, since they’re immortal, they suffer through an eternity of endless pain.
When I was caught conspiring to overthrow the gods, I feared they’d send me there, but they had bigger plans for me. I thought I lucked out. Now I question how lucky I am and whether enduring emotional pain is better or worse than physical.
Do we have to go to the Thorns? I ask Evan. I’m not as strong as I used to be. I don’t know if I’ll be able to last there for very long.
You’ll have to suck it up. It’s the only place I know of where the gods can’t hear our conversation.
Because no one, not even the gods, want to experience the hell that comes from listening in at the Thorns.
I know it’ll be hard for you, but this is important, Nico. And trust me; you’re going to want to hear what I have to say.
Just say it now.
Can’t. Have … to … go … His voice drifts away, and I’m tossed back to reality as the first bell rings.
Instead of going to class, I remain in the hallway, replaying what Evan said. He’s never been much of a rule breaker—well, not when it comes to the gods—so the fact that he wants to have a secret conversation in the Thorns has me deeply puzzled. I guess I’ll find out what about when he shows up again.
Sighing, I head to class, my thoughts drifting from Evan back to Everly and the horrorstricken look on her face when she looked into my eyes. I know she hasn’t returned inside the school yet.
Worry floods me as a strange, blindsiding thought smacks me upside the head. What if my touch hurt her? I really don’t know that much about how Balances affect Unearthlies and vice versa, but shit, what if I did hurt her?
I need to know.
Gods, do I need. Too much.
I’m really beginning to despise need almost as much as despair. However, I don’t seem to have any control over either.
Dammit, and now I’m about to do something really, really stupid.
Chapter 3
Everly
To avoid spazzing out again, I decide to ditch school for the day and go home. With graduation being Thursday and finals over with, I figure it won’t be that big of a deal. Maybe I’ll also skip out on the rest of my classes for the week. And while I’m at it, I’ll skip the graduation ceremony. It’s not like anyone is going to be there to watch me get my diploma. The only reason I decided to attend at all was to have at least one normal high school experience.
Okay, that’s a lie. Whether anyone will be there to see me or not is beside the point. I want to have one night where I’m not hiding from the world. I want to go to the ceremony, if for nothing else, then to pretend I’m a normal girl.
After four years of living in high school hell, I think I deserve that.
But now there’s a huge problem if I go. What if I run into Nico again?
During the drive home, I mentally replay what occurred in the hallway with Nico and me, and my puzzlement reaches a whole new level. I’ve never been immobilized by my curse before. I can only imagine how much of struggle Nico has to endure daily. Perhaps his overwhelming despair is a one-time thing? Maybe something awful happened to him right before he broke up the argument between me and Leo. Maybe he found out he lost a loved one, or he went through a messy breakup. Or maybe he’s like my older brother Bridger and suffers from depression. I can’t be sure since I’ve only ever observed Nico from a distance.
If I’ve learned anything from my curse, it’s that almost anything can cause someone to sink into a pit of despair.
I bounce back and forth over what to do; whether going to the ceremony is worth the chance. More than likely, Nico will be at the ceremony. What if I bump into him again? That could be a really bad thing. That’s what I try to convince myself, anyway. Deep down, though, part of me wishes I could feel his wonderfully agonizing touch again.
By the time I arrive at my apartment complex, the crushing sensation in my chest has shifted into a dull throb, yet Nico’s sorrow still haunts my mind as I make my way to my apartment on the third floor.
I hope he doesn’t feel that way every day. God, what if he does? How can he even breathe?
Something else creeps into my mind that sends a shiver down my spine: the feeling I felt of wanting to do whatever it took to make the pain go away. Does Nico feel that way? Does he contemplate death?
My stomach twists, and a desperate need to find out pulsates through me. However, digging into someone’s personal life isn’t my normal MO, just like walking head-on into an emotional horror isn’t my thing. Why start doing it now?
Because, what if something happens to him? What if the darkness haunting him becomes too much? Like Bridger.
Guilt clutches my chest as I dig the house keys out of my pocket and unlock the door.
“Hey, Teddy,” I greet my fat cat as I enter my one-bedroom apartment. I drop my backpack onto the living room floor and lean over to pet him. “How’s the lazy life? Pretty goo
d, I’m guessing.”
Teddy purrs contently, and I find his presence relaxing. Unlike humans, I can’t sense anything from animals. Or maybe they’re just always happy.
I fill up his food and water bowl then plop down in a chair in front of the computer desk. I wiggle the monitor, and the article I was reading this morning pops up on the screen.
“Mediums. Do they exist? And if so, what powers do they have?” I read the title out loud before skimming down to the paragraph I left off before taking off for school.
After reading the article, I decide I’m not a medium. Honestly, I never really believed I was. After years of searching for info about the cause behind my curse, though, I’m starting to run out of ideas.
Heaving a frustrated sigh, I close the webpage then open up the search engine. I just start to type in, am I crazy? when my phone rings.
Distractedly, I dig it out of my pocket and press talk.
“Hello?” I answer, positioning the phone between my ear and shoulder.
“Hey, baby.” My mom’s voice flows through the line, and my downer mood sinks even further.
“I told you not to call me anymore,” I say, slumping back in the chair.
“But I miss you,” she replies, sounding hurt. “I haven’t talked to you in weeks.”
I know the game. She isn’t hurting over anything related to me. She wants something and is trying to guilt me into doing her a favor.
“What do you want?” I cut right to the chase, not wanting to play her mind games.
“Ouch. That really hurts. I know I’ve done some messed up shit, but I still love and miss you. Being in here … It’s given me a lot of time to think, and I realize how badly I treated you … how much I messed up. I want to make it up to you somehow.”
I bite back a bitter laugh. “I’ve heard that story before. Every time you need cash for drugs, you feed me the same crap story. So, unless you want to cut the good mom act and tell me why you really called, I’m going to hang up.”
Captivate (Unearthly Balance Book 1) Page 2
