by M. A. Owens
I walked up to the entrance and tried to get in the honest way. The guy at the door told me to get lost. I waited a few minutes for the shift change, went back to the door and told the guy I was one of Brutus’s cousins. I flashed my card, and with enthusiasm, he showed me right inside.
It was a sight to behold. Seeing was about all you could do. There was a band playing and people talking loudly everywhere. Yelling, to be more precise. I sat down at the bar and ordered myself a warm milk and a cut of salmon. That seemed to be this joint’s unique appeal. Milk, strawberries, and fish. It said on the menu this was the only place you could buy them. Throw in music and dancing; you get yourself prime real estate for dogs and cats to spend their parents’ hard-earned money. As I was waiting for my meal, a painting hanging above the bar caught my eye. It was a beagle in a snazzy suit, one arm tucked behind his back, the other holding out a glass of milk. Why did he look so familiar?
As the bartender made his way back over, I motioned toward it. “Say, who’s the pooch in the painting?”
He chuckled. “You mean you don’t know?”
“Would I have asked if I did?”
“No, don’t suppose you would. That’s the boss, Rick. Owns this joint, and a whole lot more. You could count the number of dogs with more money than him on one paw, missing most of your digits. Now, if we’re done shouting trivia you can eat your meal and I can get back to work.”
The bartender slid the plate and the glass over. I took my first bite of the pink slab of meat in front of me. It was fantastic. I welcomed the quiet that came when the band stopped playing and packed up for the night. That was before I spotted her across the room.
She was a solid black cat with big green eyes and, from the look of it, got plenty of exercise. She wore a long black silk dress, a gold band around each paw, and the best part was right there around her neck: a gorgeous collar generously adorned in red rubies. Her eyes met mine. I was careless and let my gaze linger just a few seconds too long. She shot me a smile. I had to smile back and throw in a wave for good measure. I turned my attention back to my drink and hoped that would be enough to give me an opportunity to regroup and think of another—
“This seat taken?”
And there she was. Standing just a couple of feet from me with her paw on the back of the empty chair. I smiled.
“Please,” I said, gesturing for her to sit down.
“I noticed you looking at me from across the room. I don’t normally get that kind of attention from dogs. Not usually from someone so ruggedly handsome either. Most of the boys around here sport that baby face around me, if you know what I mean.”
“I’m afraid you got it all wrong,” I replied.
“Okay. So I’ve got it all wrong. What were you looking at, then?”
What I wouldn’t give to be a fly on the wall that day at the Rose Garden Estates, so I could know if the cat talking to me now was the same cat from back then. Still, this was almost certainly Lily’s collar. I had to keep playing the game for now. I guess the real question was whether this was a game being played by Bad Kitty, or if this was some innocent dame who just happened to buy the necklace. “Okay, you got me. You embarrassed me a little coming over here is all. A little more forward than I was expecting from a lady such as yourself.”
“You got a name?”
“Trigger.”
“Pleasure to meet you, Trigger. I’m Sugarplum. I get the feeling we’ll be seeing a lot more of each other.” She smiled.
“I’m counting on it.” I turned around and called for the bartender. “Another milk for me. Make that two actually. One for the lady here.”
He looked at me puzzled. “Lady?”
I thought my problem was keeping my eyes on her too long, but I guess I didn’t keep my eyes on her long enough. There was nothing but an empty chair staring back at me when I turned around. I jumped up and ran out of the bar, looking in every direction. I’d let her get away. Somehow, though, I was sure she would make good on what she said. We’d be seeing more of each other.
27
I asked the bouncers outside to guess what hotel a super-rich kid like me was staying in. They both guessed the Cloud Nine Hotel, so I asked for directions and that’s where I went. Asked for the best room in the whole place. Can’t go wrong for a hundred bucks a night. It included a private indoor pool, room service, a spa, daily massages, and unlimited gourmet meals on call. The radio was the niftiest thing I’d ever seen. Could operate it on the wall beside the bed and there were speakers all over the room. The television operated on the same control panel and it was in color. It was huge and also built into the wall. I was tempted to watch one of those fancy Greyhound races, but decided on a nice jazz station on the radio as I settled into bed.
The next morning, after I had my breakfast, I got a visitor. A Poodle dame in a hotel uniform, here to give me my massage. She took me to the table and asked me to lie on my stomach. She started behind my ears and then moved to my neck, but she got a lot rougher when she came to my shoulders. Then, somehow, she got even rougher. After I felt a hard slap on my back, I turned around to ask her what the big idea was, only to see a sharply dressed Beagle above me with a grin on his face and the masseuse nowhere to be found.
“Hope you don’t mind that I sent the poodle on her way. I’m told I give an excellent massage.”
“You must give a lot of massages to liars,” I snapped back, sitting up on the table.
“They’re easy to find in this neck of the woods.”
“Yeah. I’ve noticed.”
“So, you figured Marty out yet?”
“What do you mean?”
“Come on, detective. What do you think I mean?”
No mask, and no costume, but it was definitely him.
“Why not just come out and tell me, Rico? You like to turn everything into a game?”
“He’s one of Mr. B’s lapdogs. He’s incognito, keeping an eye on Brutus, who thinks he’s working for him, and he’s taken quite an interest in this reel incident.”
It finally clicked for me. “And your plan is to pin this whole thing on him? To create chaos within the ranks, huh?”
“Wrong, detective. I’m not going to pin it on anyone,” Rico said with a wide smile. “You are.”
“I thought you were going right to the top.”
“Have a little faith. A bit of patience wouldn’t kill you either. And, by the way, I heard you visited one of my establishments earlier tonight. What did you think? Did you try the strawberry chunks in cold milk, with sugar? That one is my personal favorite.”
“Your establishment? You mean the one you frequent?”
“No, I mean mine. I own it.”
“So, you’re Rick. This explains a lot. How you were always so well connected. How you were always so well informed. How you seemed to know when and where to strike when no one else even considered it. And Mr. B has never suspected you?”
“I couldn’t say for certain, but why would he? I pay him a very generous sum, and I’ve never been late on a payment. I’ve never insulted or criticized him in public, nor have I done anything that would draw even the slightest bit of his attention. In fact, I’d imagine if I ever cross his mind, he’d think quite highly of me.”
Just as I was about to interrogate him more, another thought stopped me in my tracks. “Say… you ever heard of Bad Kitty?”
He burst out laughing. “Bad Kitty!? That’s a great villain name. If I weren’t a dog, I would’ve used that one for sure.”
“Think she works for Mr. B?”
“How would I know?”
“I don’t think we should leave any stones unturned here. She could be important,” I said.
“Fair point. I’ll look into it.”
28
I headed back to the Starlight and asked to speak to Mr. Brutus in his office. I filled him in on what happened with his maintenance guy, Brownie, but he didn’t seem particularly interested. He asked me if I’d seen the paper t
his morning. Usually I would’ve read it by now, but today I hadn’t. He slid the paper across his desk in front of me. Right smack in the center of the front page was a picture of Colonel Bones and, of course, yours truly.
I read the entire article. Didn’t even ask my permission to have my face printed. Rude. Just the ethics and journalistic integrity one might expect from the Arc Daily Tribune. Most of the article droned on and on about the harsh punishments each of the culprits would receive and it ended with a few generic tidbits about how crime doesn’t pay. Not even a hint of irony. Unless my own eyes… well, my one eye, was lying to me, crime paid just fine.
“Had quite a busy day yesterday, eh Trigger?”
“I fully expect today to be just as busy.”
“Since it looks like I hired the right dog for the job, I’ll ignore that little hotel splurge of yours last night. Oh, and how did you enjoy Cloud Nine? I’ve been there a few times myself. It’s quite nice.”
“Don’t worry. I’ll make sure you get your money’s worth. And that place was something else. A real treat compared to what I usually sleep in.”
“Good,” he grunted. “So, what’s your next move?”
“Mr. Brutus, have you noticed that Marty seems to take an intense interest in this case?”
“Yes. Why? Is that bad?”
“Perhaps a little more than you'd expect, given his role,” I continued.
“Why are you asking?”
“Mr. Brutus, how long has he been working for you?”
“A few months now.”
“Just enough time to get familiar with the goings on in a place like this. When things arrive and from where. Who does what, and when they hand it off to someone else. You see where I’m going with this?”
“You mean to say he’s your number one suspect now, detective?”
“That’s right.”
“I appreciate you coming to see me first.”
“Right. I want you to be present during my interview with Marty. If it’s just the two of us, I suspect one of two things will happen. Either you’ll get a different side of the story and it’ll be my word against his, or he may take a more direct approach. One thing I’ve noticed about Marty is that he has quite the temper.”
His face lit up a little. “No need to concern yourself with that temper. Why, just a short while ago I was the boxing champion of my weight class here in Adria. It’s how I started this business. He may be a big dog, but I think we’ll be alright between the two of us.” He gave me a wink. “I’ll have him brought in.”
“Wait just a minute now! You’re Brutus the Brute?”
“I see you’ve heard of me.”
“I thought I recognized you from somewhere when I met you. You’re Iron Gloves champion Brutus the Brute?”
“That’s right,” he said proudly.
“I’m a big fan of yours, sir. Used to go to any dive joint with a television and watch your fights. I still remember that fight you had with Little Lou. The one where you won your first title.”
“Lou was anything but little. Hit like a Great Dane, he did. Maybe I should take you by the trophy room sometime.”
“That would be great, Mr. Brutus.”
When Marty came into the office, I carefully positioned myself between him and the door. Thankfully, he didn’t seem to expect anything out of the ordinary before he came inside. I felt a little sorry about all this, but only a little. I was sure Marty didn’t really commit the crime. No, let’s not call it a crime. Let’s call it a service. Switching out those reels deserved a big fat medal, though I suspect it was an honor Marty would rather not receive. Thankfully, whoever really swapped out the reels would get off free and having a scumbag like Marty take the fall for it was just icing on the cake as far as I was concerned.
“Have a seat, Marty. I’d like to ask you a few questions.”
29
His relaxed smile vanished quickly, and he made a subtle glance toward the door. Poor Marty just had the worst poker face. “You gotta be joking. Do you honestly think I did this?”
“Funny how that’s the first thing everyone says, Marty. It’s why we have these little question-and-answer sessions. Just to clear the air. Make everyone more comfortable.”
He laughed. “You get your picture on the front of the paper and now you think you’re top dog. I don’t know what you think you know or who you think you’re messing with, kid. You’re flirting with a whole heap of trouble in this city if you don’t play your cards right. You play them right, though, and I think you’ve got a real future here.” He points to the newspaper. “Looks like Colonel Bones was impressed with how you cracked that slot machine rigging operation.”
“That a threat or your idea of a bribe?”
“Call it a fortune-telling service, detective. Free of charge.”
“You must not be very good at it then.”
Watching his grin fade only gave rise to mine.
“At the moment, Marty, I’m more concerned with the past than the future. Tell me, why did you do it?”
“You don’t know what you’re about to get yourself into.”
“Just answer his question, Marty,” Brutus said, hoping to defuse the situation. “What harm could there be in playing along? No need to make all these vague threats.”
“Alright, I’ll play along. I didn’t do it. Understand? Now, find someone else to bother.” He started to walk out.
“Interview’s over when I say it’s over, Marty.”
“It’s over, little dog. Know when to quit.” He grabbed me and tried to push me aside. Took all I had to slap his paw off my shoulder. A Rottweiler against a Chihuahua wasn’t a good matchup. For me.
Brutus jumped up from his desk and made his way over. As Marty reached for the handle, I sank my teeth in his paw. He quickly repaid it by knocking me against the wall, clear across the room. He reached for the handle again and opened the door, but Brutus used his weight to push it shut. Marty took a swing at Brutus, and he took it on the chin. Stood like an oak tree, despite being half his size. He returned a shot of his own to Marty’s jaw that sent him on a quick trip to the floor.
I picked myself up and went over to check on Brutus’s handiwork. Marty was out cold. I felt lucky to witness a Brutus the Brute knockout firsthand. Something worth bragging about for sure. Good thing he was there, or I’d have been in some real trouble. Marty would have tossed me around like an old rag.
“Good shot, sir. Didn’t stand a chance. I’ll bet if the police check his apartment, they’ll find some evidence.”
“I’ll call them and have them send a few officers here, along with a couple to meet you at Marty’s apartment. You better get going.”
He gave me the address, and I was on my way.
By the time I got there, two boys in blue were already there waiting for me. Bones was there too. I shouldn’t have been surprised.
“We keep running into each other, Trigger. That’s good. You’ve been making my job a lot more interesting these past few days. We were just about to kick in the door and have a look around. Care to join us?”
“I’d love to, Colonel.”
He gave his men the word and they knocked the door wide open. Bones and I walked in and turned the place upside down. I missed how easy this used to be when I was on the force. Get a warrant and then kick in doors and flip tables until you found what you were looking for. Super easy and super legal. Nowadays, when I do this sort of thing as a private detective, I have to be sneaky and quiet. And it’s not exactly legal.
We found a box pushed under the bed and pulled it out. We ripped open the top and, sure enough, right there with labels and all were the original reels. Now that was something else. There just wasn’t any getting out of this. Bones gave me a big pat on the shoulder and we walked out. The press was waiting, snapping pictures as we exited. Bones gave them an interview and pulled me in for a photo op. I wasn’t under the impression that turning it down was an option, so I didn't try. I showed the
m my pearly whites and gave them my best smile. I turned to leave after everyone got their fill.
“Stop by around lunchtime and see me tomorrow at my office,” Bones said.
I turned around to see who Bones was talking to; it was me.
“Sir?”
“Can you make it?”
“Well, sure. I can make it.”
“Good, see you then.”
What had I just gotten myself into?
30
I rang up Brutus to tell him the good news. He said Marty had already been picked up and taken for a quick stop by the hospital. He had to get his jaw wired before heading to the station to get booked. Couldn’t have happened to a nicer dog.
Brutus also said he would reopen his theater since Mr. B now accepted the fact that he wasn’t responsible, and he told me it would be alright if I spent another night at the hotel on the theater's dime. He’d have the money for completing the case deposited into my account.
I headed back to the hotel to get some sleep, but I took a dip in the hot tub first while having a nice T-Bone to top it off. When room service brought my dinner, there were two steaks on the tray. I asked her what the big idea was and if she was trying to make me fat. She said another gentleman would join me for dinner in my room. As is his style, Rick was already waiting for me there, again sporting his suit rather than the ridiculous bandit getup. I put our tray down on the table and joined him.
“Did everything go according to plan, Rick?”
“I think you give me more credit than I deserve here, detective. Everything went a lot better than I had planned. Those dogs and cats rigging the slot machines, for example. Had no idea!”
“So, did you get your guy then?”
“While Marty definitely has a little clout in the organization, he’s small fries compared to who we’re really after.”
