by Sue Limb
‘I’m doing Jamie’s fish-with-olives dish!’ he whispered. ‘That’ll get her in the mood for Newquay!’ Then he remembered some little cookery thing he needed to do and dashed off back to the kitchen.
I ran upstairs. I had to discuss the crisis with Tam. She was sitting on the floor of her room surrounded by lingerie.
‘Shut the door!’ she whispered. I obeyed, and then sat on the bed.
‘Dad’s got this terrible idea about us all going to Newquay!’ I warned her. ‘We’ve got to head him off and make him see it would literally be the most appalling holiday in history.’
‘Never mind that for a minute!’ she said impatiently. ‘Tell me, which has more sex appeal? The red lace or the leopard print?’ She held up two bras.
‘Don’t drag me into it,’ I said, and threw myself back on to her bed, where her disapproving old teddy bear, Captain, was sitting bolt upright with a face like thunder. I gave him a hug. We would be prudes together. ‘I’m warning you, if we don’t act fast, Mum and Dad will be dragging us off on the holiday from hell.’
‘Don’t worry, Mum’ll never buy it,’ said Tam with a lazy yawn. She wasn’t really concentrating. She was smiling a secret smile and staring out of the window. Sunlight slanted in across her head, turning her hair into a halo of gold. She looked like an angel, whereas I was sure I resembled an overweight fiend.
At dinner, Dad waited until Mum had had three mouthfuls of the divine sole with olives, herb and lemon, and then he pounced.
‘I’ve cracked it,’ he announced. I noticed he was wearing the shirt Mum had given him last birthday and loads of Ralph Lauren aftershave. ‘We all go to Newquay!’ he announced with panache, beaming at Mum. ‘You and I will dine at Fifteen – you know, Jamie’s restaurant on the beach – while the girls frolic in the coffee bars or whatever young people do these days.’
Mum put down her knife and fork, looking daggers. ‘I am not, repeat NOT, going to Newquay, Jeremy!’ she snapped. ‘I wouldn’t be seen dead in Newquay! It’s OFF the agenda!’
Tam tried to look as fierce as Mum, but with kinder overtones. ‘And I’ve got to go and see Parv that week,’ she said firmly. ‘Sorry, Dad, I know you’re trying to sort things out for Zoe, and it’s brilliant of you, but this idea won’t work.’
‘We could go to somewhere near Newquay,’ pleaded Dad. ‘A cottage somewhere – near Bodmin Moor. There’s all those lovely gardens down there – Lanhydrock … The Eden Project …’
‘Jeremy!’ yelled Mum. ‘I am NOT going anywhere near Newquay!’
I was watching with baited breath. It was so ironical. There was Dad batting gallantly for England, trying desperately to fix me up with the holiday from hell.
‘If you want to be really useful,’ Mum went on, ‘get online and find us a flat in Florence for a week. Somewhere in the Santo Spirito area would be ideal. Or Snowdonia. Or Paris.’
Dad gave me an apologetic look. He looked quite spaniel-like with disappointment. I pulled a face which attempted to convey graceful thanks for trying, while concealing immense relief that he’d failed.
‘Sorry, Zoe,’ muttered Dad. ‘At least I tried. Maybe you can go to Newquay next year.’
‘I’m going to Newquay this year,’ I said quietly.
Mum looked up with a sudden laser-like flash of the eyes.
‘Zoe!’ she snapped. ‘You are NOT going to Newquay on your own! You are coming with us even if Tam can’t!’
‘Tam could easily go to see Parv another week,’ I objected. Tam gave me a horrid glare. I was treading on thin ice, but I was determined to make her feel uncomfortable. Why should she duck out of the family hol so easily, leaving me to scream with boredom alone?
‘I have to see Parv that week,’ she snapped. ‘She’s going away with her family the week after. I’ve promised her dad I’ll watch his cricket tournament.’ Tam had the grace to blush at this series of outrageous lies. ‘And I’m worried about Parv. She’s never completely got over that glandular fever.’
‘Hasn’t she?’ said Mum with a hypochondriac’s pounce. ‘What symptoms has she got, then?’
‘Oh, tiredness,’ said Tam, shrugging. ‘Poor old Parv. She needs a bit of TLC.’
‘More sole, old boy?’ Dad offered me second helpings. That’s what he always does when he loses a battle with Mum. Overeat. I declined his kind offer. I had to be lean and mean. I had to come up with a miracle.
And then, suddenly in a flash, I thought of it: the perfect solution to the Newquay dilemma. Biting my lip as I mulled it over, I wondered if it would work out. I finished dinner and went upstairs and lurked on the landing for a few seconds, planning my speech.
Downstairs I could hear one of our Miss Marple DVDs. Mum always finds it soothing to watch 1950s murder. I could also hear her talking to Dad occasionally, but I couldn’t hear what they were saying. It sounded fairly chilled out, though.
I knocked stealthily on Tam’s door. ‘Come in!’ she called. I slipped inside. She looked up from a huge pile of dresses.
‘I’m sorting out some of my old stuff,’ she said. ‘I’m going to sell the best things on eBay, cos I still owe Dad over two hundred.’ For months Tam had been paying Dad back for quietly rescuing her from her money crisis earlier in the year – when she’d spend all her student grant on making her college room look like the Ritz. ‘The rest of it can go to the charity shop,’ she went on. ‘Help me decide!’
Then she looked up and saw my determined expression. ‘Are you OK?’ she asked.
‘Look, Tam,’ I said. ‘I know this is asking a lot, but if you were prepared to come to Newquay with me and Chloe, it would solve everything – Mum wouldn’t freak out if we were with you and we could stay anywhere we wanted. It would only be for a week, and we’d be so, so grateful.’
Tam waved the idea away breezily, shaking her head. ‘No way, Zoe!’ she drawled, as if it was out of the question. ‘Sorry, but you’ll have to work this out on your own.’
‘But I got you out of your mess when you spent all your money at uni! I’ve never asked you for a favour in return and I just want to have a nice holiday with my friend. And it would be ten times nicer if you were there, anyway!’
Tam frowned and chewed her lip. ‘I’m really sorry, Zoe, and I really wish I could help, but it’s impossible. Ed and I have such little time together as it is –’
‘Oh, him again!’ I snarled. Suddenly it hit me. There was only one thing left to do, and it made me feel sick. I hated the thought of doing something so mean to Tam, but I was infuriated by her refusal to even consider helping me out, just because she was so wrapped up in her goddam affair. I took a deep breath.
‘OK,’ I said, screwing up my nerve in my body and trying not to think too closely about what I was saying, ‘fine. Unless you come with us, I’m telling Mum and Dad about Ed.’
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21
Tam’s face twisted into hate. ‘You can’t say that, Zoe!’ she hissed. ‘You wouldn’t do that! That’s blackmail!’
‘Is it?’ I demanded. ‘Is it any worse than what you’re up to?’
‘How can you be so goddam superior, and at the same time be trying to blackmail your own sister?’ she gasped. Her eyes were wild.
‘What difference would it make to you?’ I demanded. ‘You’ll have had loads of time with Ed all summer.’
‘Not loads! Not loads! He can only get away now and then and only for an hour or so!’
‘For God’s sake!’ I snapped. ‘Listen to yourself! And think about me for once. I’m working all through this goddam summer, just to make enough money to go to Newquay. No way is Mum going to let me go alone – you know what she’s like.’
‘It’s not my fault if Mum’s being harsh about it!’
‘Yes it so is your fault! You told her about it way before I was ready – even though I’d specifically asked you not to!’
‘You know Mum never changes her mind about things like this!’
‘Yes she will! If you come with us, she’ll be fine about it, because you’re supposed to be the grown-up one. None of the B&Bs will accept people our age without letters of consent from our parents – if they accept us at all. You went to Newquay when you were my age – all I’m asking you to do is give me a bit of support so I can go there.’
‘I was older than you when I went,’ objected Tam. ‘And anyway, Newquay’s mank. You’ll be totally disappointed.’
‘Let me find out what it’s like for myself!’ I argued. ‘I might like it! Loads of people at school have gone and they say it was ace!’
Tam got to her feet and stood angrily among the chaos of lingerie on the floor. Her hands were on her hips and she was scowling for England.
‘I can’t believe you’re doing this to me,’ she snarled. ‘Some sister you turned out to be! Blackmail!’
‘And some sister you turned out to be,’ I retorted. ‘Grabbing other people’s husbands.’
‘Oh, stop that goddam preaching!’ snapped Tam. ‘Get out of my room.’
I went back to my room. I felt like slamming the door but instead I closed it stealthily. I wanted to put on loud angry music but instead I just sat down on my bed, in silence, and listened. Sure enough, a few minutes later I heard Tam come out of her room and go downstairs. I waited, my heart thudding.
After a few minutes I heard more footsteps on the stairs – two sets this time. There was a rap on my door. Even though I was expecting it, I jumped. I’d done nothing much compared to Tam, but I still felt guilty.
‘Come in!’ I called. The door opened and Mum and Tam came in. Mum had a challenging look. I kind of squirmed, just out of habit. Tam’s face looked blank, white and hostile.
‘Tam’s just had a very generous idea,’ said Mum. ‘And I hope you realise just how lucky you are to have such a thoughtful sister.’
I arched my eyebrow sarcastically. ‘What?’ I demanded.
‘Tam’s offered to go to Newquay with you and Chloe,’ said Mum. She shook her head, while looking at me sadly as if I was a baboon. ‘I don’t want to force you to come away with us. It would be a silly waste of money, and I don’t want our holiday being spoilt by your poisonous sulks. I know what you can be like.’
I had to bite my tongue to stop myself exploding at the injustice of all this, but I kept quiet.
‘So what do you say?’ asked Mum.
‘Thanks, Tam,’ I said, putting on a bright synthetic smile. I had to try and look something like normal. ‘That’s brilliant!’ I got up off the bed and flung my arms around Tam. ‘That’s amazing!’ I yelled, trying to sound festive.
‘Bitch!’ growled Tam in my ear. Luckily it was drowned by my enthusiastic celebrations.
‘Brilliant, great,’ I said. ‘I’ll ring Chloe now to tell her. She’ll be thrilled.’
‘Just a moment, Zoe,’ said Mum, deadly serious. ‘Don’t think this gives you a licence to do whatever you want. If I hear about any stupid or irresponsible behaviour, you’ll be up to your neck in it!’ She gave me a grim glare and then went back downstairs. Tam narrowed her eyes at me for a second, then spun on her heel and stalked off to her room, shutting the door with a venomous click. It was clear she didn’t want anything more to do with me this evening – or perhaps ever. I grabbed my mobe and dialled Chloe’s number.
‘Hi, Zoe.’ Chloe sounded a bit dreary. ‘What’s new?’
‘Tam’s agreed to come to Newquay with us!’ I told her. ‘Isn’t it fantastic! So we can book into some accommodation and everything will be cool.’
‘Brilliant!’ yelled Chloe. ‘Amazing! Fantastic! Oh, I do love Tam! She’s such a star!’
‘Enough about Tam,’ I warned her. ‘You owe this to me, buddy, not to her.’
‘Well, I worship the ground you tread on,’ said Chloe excitedly. ‘This is the best news this year!’
‘Too right!’ I agreed. ‘Apart from anything else, we got horribly close today to having to go with my mum and dad.’
‘Oh God!’ gasped Chloe. ‘I mean, I love your parents, but …’
‘Precisely,’ I sighed. ‘That would have been torment. The history of pilchard fishing and a bonsai nursery, for a start!’
Chloe groaned. ‘Let’s get some accommodation sorted, then, shall we?’ she asked. ‘Have you got a preference? I mean, surf lodge, B&B or a camp site? We could probably qualify as a family with Tam in charge. She’s twenty, isn’t she?’
‘Yeah, in theory …’
After I finished talking to Chloe I went out for a stroll in the park. It looked great in the evening light. I needed fresh air, and I was kind of avoiding Tam of course. I felt triumphant because of finally getting Newquay sorted, but a bit queasy because of the way I’d had to do it. I spotted Jess Jordan and Fred under their usual tree. There was even more paper scattered around than usual.
‘Hi, guys!’ I said. ‘How’s the comedy coming along?’
‘Brilliant!’ yelled Jess, her eyes dancing. ‘We’ve got a gig lined up! It’s our first, like, proper public gig! It’ll be amazing!’
‘Wow!’ I was stunned. ‘Fantastic! When is it? I’ll be there, throwing roses from the front row!’
‘We’re so scared, though,’ Jess shuddered. ‘I’m going to wet myself! No, I’m going to run away!’
‘I’m going to wet myself and run away,’ said Fred. ‘Spraying urine in all directions like a Tour de France cyclist!’
‘When is it you’re doing this?’ I asked. ‘I must get tickets.’
‘It’s the tenth of December at Plunkett,’ said Jess. ‘It’s called Jailhouse Rock. It’s a rock concert, really, in aid of Amnesty International. Beast Hawkins is organising it.’
I gasped. ‘Beast Hawkins?’
‘Yeah – he’s a legend, isn’t he?’ Jess smiled happily. ‘Apparently he so impressed his bosses at Major Events that they virtually handed him the gig to organise.’ Obviously she was grateful to Beast for giving her and Fred a spot in the performance. I didn’t know what to say. I was shocked that Beast’s gig was taking place at the Plunkett. I mean, that venue is immense.
‘The guy makes me feel feeble,’ complained Fred, and lay back on the grass. ‘He’s such an alpha male. Every time I hear the name Beast Hawkins I have to lie down and suck my thumb.’
I didn’t really want to diss Beast in front of them, so I just kept my mouth shut. One of the park keepers cycled past, ringing a hand bell – a sign they were about to close the gates. It’s such a cute old-fashioned touch – one of the reasons I really love the park.
‘Well,’ I said. ‘Gotta go, I guess. How’s Major Events, by the way?’
‘Major Events is brilliant!’ said Jess. ‘We’ve got a picnic wedding in a wood at the weekend! We’re building a kind of Robin Hood-style village with tree houses and everything!’
‘The bride’s father is loaded,’ said Fred. ‘The budget is – get this – thirty grand!’
I gasped.
‘How’s the farm?’ asked Jess, as she collected up their pieces of scribbled-on paper.
‘Smelly but kind of nice,’ I replied with a sigh. Major Events was clearly a very stylish outfit to work for, but who did I really want to spend my summer with – Beast or Oliver? OK, Oliver was kind of slow and shy: if only he had a fraction of Beast’s confidence … And though I didn’t trust Beast’s constant stream of slightly naughty grins, I sort of wished Oliver would smile a bit more, or even, well, at all. But still it was no contest. If Oliver hadn’t been at the farm, though, I would certainly have been horribly jealous of Jess and Fred’s summer of continual partying.
As I walked home I brooded a bit about the Beast thing. Wasn’t it just like life that gorgeous Oliver seemed so shy, whereas annoying Beast was so pushy! I remembered what he’d said when he asked me out – about how he’d ‘always’ wanted to. ‘It’s you I think about all the time. You’re the one who’s special.’ That sort of cliché was so typical of someone like Beast. I knew it was crap – I’d seen the way Bea
st looked at girls he fancied and he’d never looked at me like that. I expect he was just bored, that evening he turned up at my house and asked me out. Beast probably said that to every girl he tried it on with – he probably said it to three different girls in any given week. With an irritated sigh, I dismissed him from my mind.
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22
By the time I woke up the next day, Mum had left. She had some kind of insurance meeting in Manchester. Tam was still in bed (her job at the Turk’s Head doesn’t start till ten). So it was just me and Dad at breakfast.
‘So, it’s all sorted.’ He beamed, ladling out the egg-breads with gusto (and ketchup). ‘You and Tam go to Newquay, and Mum and I potter off into Wales or Dorset or something. Mum seems keen on a walking holiday for some reason.’
‘That’s because you are a prize porker!’ I grinned.
‘Cruel but true,’ admitted Dad. ‘My study’s so small I have to smother myself in Vaseline just to get through the door. Do you want a packed lunch?’
Dad makes five-star sandwiches, so I ordered a whole lorryload. Our picnic lunches with Brendan and Oliver had become a bit of an institution. While Dad threw cheese and lettuce and salami about, I applied two coats of mascara, and three different pink lipsticks, one on top of the other. I was going to move in on Oliver today and get him to make mad passionate lurve to me – in Latin.
‘Cheers, Dad!’ I trilled, giving the aged parent a goodbye hug. ‘I hope you have a delicious lunch too!’
‘Oh, I probably won’t do anything more than nibble a lettuce leaf,’ said Dad. ‘I’m going to spend my lunch hour ransacking the Internet for a bijou love nest in Dorset.’
‘Go for it, you romantic old podge!’ I grinned.
‘Have a good day, old boy!’ Dad beamed.
It’s always fun when it’s just Dad and me, though I wouldn’t be completely relaxed until Tam and I were friends again – but when that would happen, with us being in such a turmoil at the mo, I wasn’t quite sure.
Over breakfast I’d read my horoscope in Dad’s paper. It had said, ‘New invitations and exciting possibilities are opening up all around you. Don’t dismiss an invitation from an unexpected quarter.’ Maybe today Oliver would make it clear he was mine.
