by Sue Limb
I was determined to get her smiling again. I couldn’t bear the thought of our precious week of hol being gloomy. There had to be laughs wall-to-wall.
‘Look on the bright side,’ I said. ‘Something really humiliating may have happened to Brendan in Edinburgh.’
Chloe’s eyes brightened slightly, and she looked thoughtful. We set off downhill, through a maze of identical terraced houses mostly painted shades of white and grey.
‘Maybe he slipped on a haggis and his trousers split up the back,’ I suggested. The ghost of a smile flitted across Chloe’s face.
‘Or a big beefy Scotsman picked a fight with him and broke every bone in his body,’ said Chloe venomously.
‘Nice one!’ I grinned. I wouldn’t say Chloe was in a good mood, exactly, but she was at least talking.
The fog seemed thicker than ever. ‘God knows how we’re going to find our way back to Haddock Hall,’ I said.
‘Who cares?’ Chloe shrugged. ‘I never want to go back there as long as I live. This is our chance to pull. The town will be full of fit guys and I’m gonna grab the most gorgeous!’
‘Hey, steady on!’ I objected. ‘Can’t we just have a quiet look round together?’
‘You can do what you like,’ said Chloe in a challenging tone. ‘I’m gonna get myself a squeeze!’
I assumed this was some kind of hangover from her thing with Brendan.
‘Well, let’s start with the guys we know,’ I suggested, got out my moby and dialled Tobe’s number. When we finally managed to rendezvous with him and Ferg, they were wet through, and smelt faintly of urine.
‘It’s not our pee we smell of,’ explained Toby. ‘It’s strangers’ – though that’s worse, in a way.’
‘ThereWasAFlood!’ gabbled Fergus. ‘ItActually EnteredOurTent!’
We’d been planning to go into a cafe for a sit-down meal, but I was worried that we’d be asked to leave when the management got a whiff of the boys. So we headed for the harbour to get some fish and chips. I was hoping Chloe would cheer up now she’d started to fantasise about Brendan being punished for his heartlessness, and I was sure a bag of chips would help. It would have to be just chips, though. Fish is one of the three thousand food items which Chloe doesn’t do.
We guzzled our grub in the street. The rain had stopped and the mist seemed to be getting thinner. People were taking off their cagoules.
‘How’s Tam?’ asked Toby, poking a long greasy chip into his mouth.
‘Oh, ever since her secret lover dumped her she’s been a total pain,’ I said. I had spent hours on the phone to Toby last week, taking him through Tam’s heartbreak blow by blow. ‘She’s spent hours in her room and she’s so damn gloomy all the time.’
‘Where is she now?’ asked Tobe.
‘Back at the B&B,’ I said, ‘having a sleep.’
‘We’ll have to winkle her out,’ said Toby thoughtfully. ‘And give her a good time.’ He is so sweet. ‘Maybe this will be my chance with Tam. I may be a fat boy, but at least I’m not married. Plus I’ve been trained as a toy boy by Maria at the Dolphin Cafe.’
‘Never in a million years would Tam ever look at you, you idiot!’ said Chloe suddenly, scrunching up her chip-wrapper and giving Toby a scornful glare. Tobe looked quite shocked. I couldn’t believe Chloe had said something so rude and hostile.
‘No, no, of course, I know, uh – I was only …’ stammered Toby.
‘Chloe!’ I snapped. ‘That was a horrible thing to say! Don’t be such a moody cow! You may be in a strop but at least do us a favour and keep it to yourself!’
‘I am so not a moody cow!’ hissed Chloe moodily. ‘Don’t tell me what to do!’
‘I’ll tell you when I think you’re out of order!’ I retorted. ‘You’re ruining our first evening in Newquay, for God’s sake!’
‘Well, if you think you’d have more fun without me, be my guest!’ seethed Chloe. ‘I can certainly find myself more entertaining company than this!’ And she turned on her heel and stomped off through the crowds.
‘Oh God!’ sighed Toby. ‘I’ve upset her!’
‘No, you haven’t, Tobe!’ I assured him. ‘She’s been in an evil mood all week because of the Brendan fiasco! But that’s no excuse to be horrible to you!’
‘She’s right, Tam wouldn’t look at me in a million years,’ said Toby ruefully, starting to play nervously with the tips of his slicked-up hair.
‘Tobe!’ I exploded affectionately. ‘You’re way too good for Tam! And if I could choose a brother-in-law, it’d be you! And Tam adores you, even if she doesn’t fancy you – yet! While there’s life there’s hope, old buddy!’
‘I wonder where Chloe’s gone?’ said Toby, staring down in the road in the direction where she had disappeared.
‘Forget Chloe,’ I said forcefully. ‘Who needs those moods? She’ll text us once she’s simmered down.’ Although I was being reassuring, I was just a tiny bit worried about Chloe. She does crazy stuff sometimes when she’s furious.
‘There’sALaunderetteSomewhereDownHere,’ said Fergus randomly. He and Toby had arrived yesterday, so they’d already spent hours tramping the streets of Newquay. Toby nodded.
‘I’ve got to wash this anorak.’ He pulled a face. ‘It smells like a zoo!’
‘My entire wardrobe stinks like a zoo!’ I confessed.
‘ButFirst,’ said Fergus, ‘Let’sShowZoeThe Harbour!’
‘OK,’ said Tobe. ‘The harbour is kind of cool.’
We turned right down a little lane and soon found a nice wall to lean on. We looked down into the mist.
‘If it wasn’t foggy,’ said Toby, ‘you’d have the most amazing view of the beach and the harbour from here. Down below.’
Suddenly, as if by magic, the mist thinned. A single sunbeam slanted down through the wisps of vapour, like a golden spear. The outlines of boats became visible on the left: a harbour wall, people walking about. To the right and far below us, an expanse of golden sands shimmered into view, and at the edge of the ocean, a weird rocky island with a house on top, hidden among trees. There was a kind of footbridge linking the island to the mainland.
‘God!’ I breathed. ‘I’d so love to go there!’
‘It’s an upmarket hotel, dear,’ Toby informed me. ‘It costs a fortune, apparently. They wouldn’t let us in, even if we didn’t smell of pee. We’d probably be given the bum’s rush by Jeeves.’
Suddenly Fergus threw back his head and began to howl like a dog. It startled me at first. It was embarrassing.
‘Ferg!’ I hissed. ‘Stop it!’
Fergus turned to me, his eyes kind of dancing, and pointed down to the beach. He has amazing eyesight and he’d seen what neither Toby nor I had noticed: a group of guys standing at the edge of the sea, looking at the surf, but not in wetsuits. And in the middle of the group was an unmistakable figure.
‘It’s Beast!’ gasped Toby. My heart gave a sickening lurch.
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30
‘Amazing coincidence!’ Tobe grinned. And he threw back his head and howled, too.
I saw the moment when Beast heard the howling. He must have got used to it by now: all the boys in school do it whenever he appears. I saw his eyes scan the street and the buildings nearby. I turned away so he wouldn’t recognise me. This was a disaster. I hadn’t seen Beast since that evening a month ago when he’d turned up on my doorstep and asked me out, and I’d been in a foul temper and told him where to go … The last thing in the world I wanted was to see Beast, now.
Hastily I tried to pull myself together. If I met him in the street I’d just nod politely and walk past, but Chloe … in her present violent mood, how might she react? Being dumped by Brendan had turned her into a moody cow. Maybe her passion for Beast would revive and she’d start texting him again? We must, at all costs, avoid bumping into Beast and his mates.
‘OK,’ said Toby when Beast had turned away again and the howling had to stop. ‘Come on, let’s check out
this launderette. Maybe we can attract some fit girls by taking our kit off, like in the advert.’
‘I’mGonnaGetRightInsideTheMachine!’ Fergus said, grinning. ‘MightAsWellSaveMoneyAndGetAShowerAt TheSameTime!’
I really didn’t want to hang around launderettes with the guys. I had to keep an eye on Chloe. I had switched into Victorian Governess mode again. I’ve got to stop feeling responsible for people: it said so in my horoscope. It advised me to spend more time sitting on velvet cushions and eating chocolates.
I decided to go in the direction she’d taken and see if I could find her. She might have simmered down by now and started to feel lonely. I strolled back along the road and came to a games arcade. The noise coming out of it was horrendous. It sounded like one of my dad’s beloved war movies.
As I passed, I glanced in. There at the back, was Chloe – sandwiched between two gross and ghastly boys. One was a tall gothic scarecrow sporting a gigantic red Mohican. The other was weedy with a ponytail and dark glasses, wearing a too-big coat.
Chloe looked up. Our eyes met. Then she abruptly turned her back on me, and headed for a Kill the Fat Zombies game. The boys followed her. Chloe, in a games arcade? This was totally out of character. She was clearly unhinged. I’d tried to be sympathetic and supportive all week, and she’d responded by being horrible to Toby and telling me to get lost. There was no point in going in there and pestering her like some kind of sad minder.
I walked past the games place feeling defeated, but just in case anybody was looking, I put on an expression of deep, excited thought on my face, as if I had a wonderful project cooking. Although, to be honest, I hadn’t had a deep or excited thought for weeks.
I tried not to feel annoyed by Chloe’s behaviour. If she wanted to hang out with weirdos, that was her business. I gave myself a secret talking-to, and convinced myself I was going to enjoy my hol in Newquay, with Chloe or (as seemed more likely this evening at least) without her. If Chloe remained in a strop with me, maybe Tam would cheer up.
Suddenly it seemed OK to be on my own. It was kind of a relief not to be on the receiving end of a heartbroken sulk for once. I walked and walked and walked, looking out at the fabulous views. Now the fog had gone, I could see for miles – across huge glittering bays to hazy purple headlands. The town had started to feel warm and glamorous, not chilly and scruffy any more. It’s amazing what sunshine can do.
I saw a clock adorned with the face of Marilyn Monroe. I passed a pasty shop wafting the most divine smell down the street. Glancing down at the beach, I saw someone had written I LOVE YOU, SAM in huge letters in the sand. I wondered who Sam was and felt mildly jealous.
Eventually I found my way back up to Haddock Hall and the elegant apartment which was to be our home for the next few days. As I entered our room, Tam stirred under the bedclothes. I was surprised to see she’d gone properly to bed: got undressed and everything. The curtains were drawn and it was almost dark in there.
‘You’re missing the sun,’ I told her. ‘The views are fantastic out there. We had a great fish and chips. Chloe’s gone off with two punks. Or goths. Oh, and we saw Beast.’
I so wanted to shake Tam out of her self-pity and get her up on her feet and out on the town. Unless she pulled herself together, it looked as if I was going to have to spend the evening on my own.
‘Oooh, Zoe!’ groaned Tam. ‘I’ve got such a bad tummy ache!’
Oh no. This was infuriating. Tam was going to pull that tummy-ache act all over again, just like at home, when she wanted to get out of going to Granny’s. She wasn’t going to come out for the evening with me. She might even be putting on this act so she’d have an excuse to go back home. I’d practically had to drag her here as it was.
‘Don’t talk to me about your goddam guts,’ I snapped. ‘Get out of bed and grab your mascara, girl – we’re going out on the town tonight, come hell or high water!’
‘No, no, Zoe!’ Tam moaned. ‘I can’t! I’ve got a horrible pain!’
‘Oh yeah!’ I sneered. ‘We know all about your horrible pains.’
‘No, this one’s real,’ insisted Tam. ‘God! It’s agony!’
‘I bet you wouldn’t have a tummy ache if we were staying in that glamorous luxury flat with sea views,’ I snapped. ‘With Ed waiting for you on the balcony with a gin and tonic!’
‘Oh, shut up!’ wailed Tam. ‘How can you be so cruel?’
‘Easily!’ I told her crisply.
I grabbed my make-up bag and went out to the bathroom. Nobody was about, so I was able to put on my Ancient Goddess of Destruction face. I always overdo the eye make-up if I’m in a strop.
Once I was dangerous and magnificent, I went back into our bedroom. Tam had turned to face the wall again, and the covers were pulled right up around her head. It was pathetic.
I decided to sulk right back. I quickly changed into my least smelly outfit. Green star earrings sparkled in my ears, and in cute black ballerina pumps I’d easily manage the walk up and down the hill.
I grabbed my handbag, checked that my phone and my purse were there, and left. Tam was infuriating sometimes, always trying to escape from situations by staging some melodrama, but the answer was just to ignore her. OK, she wouldn’t play ball, and Chloe had disappeared with some weirdos, but I was determined to go out and have fun if it killed me.
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31
On the way down to town I grabbed my trusty moby. I wasn’t going to text Chloe: she had to make the first move. Instead I whizzed off a text to Toby proposing an evening strolling around, maybe checking out the beaches and, of course, the beach bars. Tobe and Ferg must be quite fragrant by now.
His reply came back right away. GUESS WHAT! WE PULLED AT THE LAUNDERETTE! GOING OFF TO A PARTY WITH A COUPLE OF FIT GIRLS! DON’T WAIT UP!
Although I was pleased for the guys, I was a tad annoyed that they hadn’t waited till tomorrow to pull their girls. Maybe I’d have to text Chloe after all. I thought it would be more diplomatic not to mention the row. I could give her hell about that later.
HOW IS YR EVENING SHAPING UP? TAM’S STILL OUT OF IT SO I’M FANCY-FREE. LOVE, Z X.
I walked on down into town, waiting for her reply. The evening was hotting up nicely. Music throbbed from open doorways. There was the smell of pasties and chips in the air, the scream of seagulls overhead (angling for the chips and pasties) and gangs of boys and girls parading up and down wearing every outrageous fashion known to man, and then some.
Everybody was eyeballing each other, and several guys even seemed to be staring at me as they passed, attracted no doubt – or possibly amused – by my moody eyeshadow and grim goddess pout. I ignored them. I tried to look like somebody who was going somewhere intensely cool and wonderful, not a sad loser who couldn’t even get her own sister out of bed to keep her company. I kept checking my mobile but there was no message from Chloe. Maybe she’d lost her phone again.
It was one of those gloriously long sunny evenings, and a few clouds hanging above the western horizon were glowing with orange light, reflected on the sea. I suddenly decided it would be great to go down on the beach and just walk about for a bit – get the wind in my hair and the sand in my toes. I walked down over a little grassy hillside where old people were sitting on benches together sharing sandwiches, and a woman who looked a bit like Chloe’s mum was exercising her two brown spaniels. It made me feel a bit sad and lonely for some reason.
Down on the beach, though, I began to feel better. It was the same beach where we’d been earlier – the one by the harbour. There were gangs of guys playing some kind of game, and a few little kids who had been allowed to stay up late, still running about with their buckets and spades.
The beach was backed by rocky cliffs, and there was the amazing little island joined to the mainland by a hair-raising suspension bridge, like one of those rope bridges in the Amazon rainforest or something. I walked along, staring across at the island, so I didn’t really notice where
I was going.
‘Hey, Zoe!’ came a call. I looked around eagerly. Maybe Tobe and Ferg were down here – having a beach party. Oh no! It was Donut Higgs! Donut is Beast’s sidekick, and he’s famous for his hideous pimply turnip-like face and gross leering chat-up style. Last I’d heard, he’d been in Africa. Maybe the giraffes had kicked him out.
‘Oh, hi, Donut,’ I said, sounding massively underwhelmed to see him, and already desperate to escape. ‘How was the safari? Did you see any elephants?’
‘Man, it wuz elephants wall to wall.’ Donut grinned. I noticed he’d lost quite a bit of weight and was deeply tanned. But he still had a mountain to climb in order to register even one star on the International Sex Appeal register. ‘Great to see you, Zoe. Didn’t know you wuz comin’ to Newquay.’
‘Oh.’ I sighed, trying to sound bored. ‘Everybody’s here.’
‘Where are you stayin’?’ leered Donut. He’s always trying to corner me and hunt me down. But I was fairly sure he would never find Haddock Hall, and if he did, that Lord Haddock would never let him in.
‘Haddon House B&B,’ I told him. ‘A dive up at the top of the town. We call it Haddock Hall because it smells like rotten fish.’
‘Who’s we?’ asked Donut. He’s always so nosey. ‘Who’s the lucky guy?’
‘There is no lucky guy,’ I informed him crisply. ‘It’s just me, my sister, Tam, and Chloe.’ I had to find a way out of this conversation before he hit on me.
‘We’re at Emerald Flash Surf Lodge,’ said Donut proudly.
‘Sounds cool,’ I acknowledged, glancing at my watch as a sign I was going somewhere and was already late.
‘How’s your little mate, then – uh, Chloe?’
‘Oh, she’s just had her heart broken, so she’s gone a bit crazed and weird. But she’s not quite so far off the rails as when your mate Beast dumped her.’
Donut looked surprised. ‘Beast never dumped her.’ He shook his head. ‘He never rated her.’ He grinned. ‘Ironical, ennit? The girl he really fancied wuz … Ow!’ A beachball sailed down from the sky and hit Donut squarely on the head. He grabbed it, looked around, saw some kids sniggering, and then gave the ball a massive rugby punt that sent it soaring way out into the sea. Then he rubbed his head. ‘Few more brain cells gone. Still, it wuzn’t my brains you wuz mad about, wuz it? It wuz my five-star body, yeah?’ He pulled up his T-shirt to reveal his six-pack with the most disgusting leering grin.
