Ten minutes later, she walked out the door humming, an apron in her hand and a part-time job starting the day after her first gig as an escort.
The bed was hard and cold, and the paper gown thin and ridiculous. Amanda was exhausted, having laid awake most of the night. You’re going through with this, no matter what, she told herself. You don’t have time for a baby, even if you give it up for adoption.
She’d chosen the in-clinic procedure, even though she was just under nine weeks and technically qualified for the abortion pill. The counselor had said it would probably allow her to get back to “work” sooner. She hoped the bleeding would stop quickly, because she was just three days away from her first escort assignment.
Granted, she’d been told that this guy just wanted a pretty girl on his arm for an important fundraiser he was attending, which is why she’d need that $200 to shop for the right outfit. There was little chance she would be expected to do any other sort of “performing,” but there was no guarantee.
Where is the doctor? If they don’t get here pretty fast, I might change my mind. Change my mind? Get a grip, Amanda, you can’t afford to think like that! Steeling herself against the emotions raging inside her, Amanda focused instead on the ceiling, which had calming paintings of clouds and sunny skies to relax the patients.
Her mind drifted, wondering what her baby looked like. Mentally slapping herself, Amanda forced herself to think about something else. She was making the right decision, she was sure of it. There was no way she’d make it big in Hollywood if she was strapped with a pregnancy now, much less if she decided to keep the baby.
She’d just be one of those single moms turning tricks and bringing home slime balls to sleep with for extra money, her son or daughter cowering in the corner while mommy “worked.” She’d never get out of the lifestyle then. No, she definitely couldn’t afford to change her mind.
A light knock preempted a woman entering the room. She looked at Amanda and smiled, giving Amanda the impression that she cared, but Amanda knew better. There were girls lined up in the waiting room who were being herded in for procedures like cattle. Her early appointment was the only reason she’d procured the single private room in the facility.
She’d heard someone crying when the door was opened, but now that it was shut again, all she could hear was the blood rushing in her ears. She took a deep breath, feeling a bit light-headed, but the doctor chose that moment to enter the room.
His brusque movements were more of what she expected. She didn’t want sympathy or softness; she was too afraid it would bring out her emotions. The nurse moved to her side and began prepping her arm for the IV, the smell of alcohol rising to Amanda’s nose. She felt a slight pinch and tried not to look down at the needle in her vein.
“Okay, Ms. Knox, it appears that everything is in order,” the doctor said, not unkindly. He rifled through several papers before a concerned look crossed his face.
“What’s wrong?” Amanda raised herself to her elbows, careful not to let him see her shaking hands. She looked to the nurse, who was staring at the doctor, one hand holding a syringe while some form of silent communication passed between them. The doctor nodded at the nurse before putting down the papers he was holding.
The nurse pushed the plunger on the syringe, emptying it into the IV, then nodded slightly and quickly exited the room.
Amanda’s heart skipped a beat, but she told herself to relax. There was no problem. This was going to happen. It has to happen. She’d signed the papers and paid the $950 at the front desk. She even had a receipt to prove it. It was just the meds to relax her before the procedure. She closed her eyes and breathed deeply, expecting the nurse to return with something forgotten.
Her eyes flew open in shock when she felt the doctor’s hands on her sides near her breasts. The flimsy gown tore slightly when she jerked away and tried to sit up, but he pressed the weight of his body across her.
Now Amanda’s heart nearly stopped. This surely wasn’t the regular procedure, but she guessed that was the reason the nurse left the room. Her legs felt dead, and she realized what was happening. The meds were already kicking in as he whispered in her ear.
“Price just went up,” he said harshly. “You’re a nice piece of pie, honey. Don’t get many as pretty as you in here. Now, let’s negotiate before you go under.”
Amanda struggled against him until she noticed it was just exciting him more. Then she lay still. “What do you want? Obviously I can’t stop you from taking whatever you want right now.” The tears were about to come, but her head was already swimming, the medicine sending her floating.
“You know what I want,” he smiled. “You can go to sleep right now and wake up baby-free in a few minutes, or I could accidentally ‘botch’ the procedure after enjoying a few doctor-patient privileges. I hate it when that happens, but it is a possibility.”
You are so stupid, Amanda. You’ve done nothing but get yourself in trouble for the past two years. A sob stuck in the back of her throat, all her earlier feelings of hope suddenly crushed. She would never truly get away from the men that wanted to use her body, whether to pleasure themselves or to extract money from her.
“I’ve got money,” Amanda slurred. “It’s in my purse. Just take it and go. Leave me alone.” By the glint in his eyes, she knew he was pleased with her response. He pulled her bag open and removed the small wad of bills, carefully counting it as her eyes crossed.
“That’s all I have,” she begged. She didn’t want him to touch her again, not even to get rid of the baby. Suddenly, she realized she didn’t want him to hurt the baby, and she hoped he would leave her. He tucked the money into a pocket under his lab coat and moved toward the door, smiling.
“Thank you for doing business with me, honey,” he drawled, taking on a Southern accent. “Now, Ms. Knox, let’s get down to business, shall we?”
“No, I changed my mind,” she tried to say, but the words came out in a jumble and she struggled to form a coherent sentence. The doctor rapped sharply on the door and the nurse returned almost immediately. Amanda saw him slip one of the bills into the nurse’s waiting hands, and it quickly disappeared somewhere in her uniform.
Oh my god, they’re working together! All four limbs were unresponsive, but she was screaming inside, trying to figure out how to escape. Now the panic was choking her, but it was an odd feeling, as the medicine already had her so relaxed, she could do nothing but mumble.
“Don’t worry, dear, this will all be over when you wake up,” the nurse said as she pushed the fragile gown up to Amanda’s waist. “You’ll be back to normal in no time.”
Amanda didn’t know why or how, but suddenly she realized she was fighting for her baby’s life, instead of trying to get rid of a problem. She must have been moving, because she felt the nurse’s hand push her shoulder back down to the bed just before the blackness swept over her.
Chapter 9
Jackson pulled up in front of Amanda’s usual spot, hoping to see her before the other ladies noticed his Focus. Frowning, he leaned over the passenger’s seat and squinted, but he was certain the blonde woman coming toward him was not Amanda.
“Hey sexy, you name it, I can do it.” The hooker smiled enticingly, smacking her gum and clearly assuming he was her next client.
“No, I’m looking for someone in particular,” Jackson rolled the window down a bit farther. “I’m looking for Amanda—I think she usually works this spot.” Seriously, did you just say those words? God, this is messed up. Are you sure you wanted me to come back here?
“Amanda? Nope, never heard of her, but whatever she did for you, I can do better,” she said huskily, her bright red lips stretching wide as her tongue skimmed her teeth.
Out of the corner of his eye, Jackson saw another woman moving toward his car. Great, he was like a piece of meat on a stick. Then he realized he recognized this particular woman, not for her skimpy halter-top and low-riding denim shorts, but because she was the woman who
’d rushed to Amanda’s side when she’d passed out last week.
“Grey Eyes,” she said, grinning. “Man, I remember you. Didn’t you hook up with Mandy last week? I didn’t recognize the car, but I’d recognize those gorgeous eyes anywhere.”
“No—well yes, I drove off with her, but—agh,” he said, running his hand through his already tousled hair.
“Aw, he’s embarrassed,” said the first woman, laughing. “C’mon, Whit, maybe we should give him a two-fer.”
“No, it’s not like that,” Jackson said, a wash of crimson creeping up his face. “Wait, Whitney, is it? You knew Amanda, right?”
“Mandy, sure, we knew each other,” Whitney said, suddenly nervous. “Why, what happened to her?”
“Well, nothing, or at least I hope not,” Jackson said. “I was hoping to find her. I just wanted to check on her and make sure she was okay.”
“That’s cute, Grey Eyes,” said the blonde, using the nickname Whitney had used for him. “Do you check up on all the hookers you bang, or just the special ones? '''Cause I’d like to have you check me all over, baby.” She struck a pose not unlike the one Amanda had been going for when she tripped into his car and his life last week.
Whitney pushed her out of the way. “Carla, take a hike. I don’t think he’s interested. I think he’s actually one of the nice ones.” She leaned down into the car window, but not in a sultry “come-hither” way. “Why are you looking for Mandy? I haven’t seen her since the night she hooked up with you. What happened to her?”
The blood drained from his face and his jaw dropped, thinking about what Amanda had said Billy would do to her. “Hey, I won’t tell Billy, but what happened between you two? I’m worried about her, because I haven’t seen her since that night.”
“I dropped her off on Maubert just after 10 the very next morning,” Jackson said, his concern rising. “She was fine when I let her go, not that I really wanted to let her go back and face Billy.”
“Oh man, I was really hoping she took off with you,” Whitney said, fear showing on her face. “There’s no telling what happened if she ran into Billy and didn’t have money for him.”
Jackson’s mind went crazy, imagining her in an alley somewhere, cold, hurt, or worse. I never should have let her go. It was his fault if something had happened to her. God, now what do I do? It seemed like you wanted me to come here and find Amanda, but what now? Feels like a big waste of my time.
He pressed his business card into Whitney’s hand and she quickly slipped it inside her top. “If you find her, hear from her, anything, please call me,” Jackson said. “She had money, but I should never have brought her back here.” Whitney nodded and moved back up onto the sidewalk, sauntering toward her spot as if he’d turned down her offer.
Jackson pulled away from the curb, his mind running in circles, creating scenarios in which Amanda was in danger. It’s all my fault, he kept telling himself.
While Jackson was on North Vermont looking for Amanda, she was still sitting in her shower, the hot water long gone. She didn’t know how long she’d been sitting there, but she didn’t care. Nothing seemed to matter anymore.
She had no money, no food and now she had no baby. When Amanda woke up from the procedure, she knew her baby was dead. Her heart thumped once, hard, when she realized the nurse was still cleaning the area up. There was so much blood!
The nurse must have seen the look on Amanda’s face, because she moved a little closer. “Don’t worry honey, this isn’t your blood,” she said. If it’s not mine, then it must be the…Amanda closed her eyes as tears began leaking out and down her cheeks. She couldn’t go there in her mind.
Her hair was wet from the tears as she realized her baby was gone forever, and she was a murderer.
“It’s okay to cry, hon. It’s perfectly normal, because this was a big decision you had to make,” the nurse said.
It shouldn’t have been my decision. My baby didn’t get a choice. What have I done? The nurse tried to give her some space, but Amanda’s eyes were drawn to the silver dish she was holding as she wiped the counter with one hand.
“What’s in the dish?” Amanda tried to move her arms, raise her head, something, but her body was still numb from the sedatives.
“Never mind that,” the nurse said, setting the dish down out of view so she could check Amanda’s pulse. “You will need to stay here and recover for at least an hour and then you will be free to go, but I would take it easy the rest of the day.” Picking up the dish, she headed for the door before turning back.
“Take this antibiotic until it’s all gone,” the nurse said, pointing toward a small bottle on the counter. “Oh, and no sex for at least 24 hours, okay?”
No sex for 24 hours? That was it? So one moment I was knocked up, with a baby, something alive and the next moment I was told not to have sex for 24 hours?
The simplicity of it all hit her and she ached at the consequences of her actions. She couldn’t go back and redo this part of her life, but she bitterly regretted her choices.
There were so many choices she regretted, from the argument with her parents, to the decision to come to California anyway, to Billy, and now this. It was all a big mess and she’d never get out.
After the required hour, Amanda had dressed and quietly left the clinic. She wandered the streets for hours, losing track of time. She didn’t pay attention to where she was going until she looked up and saw the street sign: Maubert. She sucked in her breath, realizing she had just put herself in serious danger.
It was getting dark, so she turned quickly and walked to the nearest bus stop she could find. Her bus ride was short and she was thankful the doctor had left the change in the bottom of her bag to at least get her home, but there would be no more new outfits for awhile.
She felt dirty, even more than when she was working on the street. Amanda was weak and she knew she needed food, but she had to get rid of the dirty feeling. She stepped out of her clothes and stood looking at herself in the mirror. Her body looked the same as it had yesterday, but something had drastically changed on the inside.
She had suffered a loss, and she felt like her heart had stopped beating, but it was her own fault. Amanda thought she was making the right decision, the one that would let her continue with her life, moving up in the world until she could get that breakthrough role with a real movie. She stepped into the shower and began washing her long hair. When her soapy hands slid across her stomach, she looked down.
Emptiness washed over her like the water that was cascading down her back. Her arms felt empty and she had no idea why. When did I start wanting a baby? When her breath started to hitch, Amanda slid down the inner wall of the shower until she was on the floor. Oh my god, what have I done? Her sobs echoed off the walls of the tiny bathroom and Amanda continued to sit as the water started to cool.
Eventually her teeth were chattering and her skin was covered in goose bumps, but the sobs had subsided and she was left with only the emptiness. It’s for the best, she told herself. What would I have done with a baby?
But the image that haunted her was one from some booklet a lady outside the Planned Parenthood clinic had given her. It was a life-sized picture of an eight-week-old baby that had been aborted. The baby had arms and legs, and Amanda couldn’t erase the picture from her mind. She had let them kill her baby, and she knew she’d never forgive herself for what she’d done that day.
Chapter 10
Jackson struggled with his tie, hating the way it made him feel. This is the part of my job I don’t really enjoy, he thought silently. His dark suit flattered his grey eyes and dark hair, which had just been trimmed that afternoon.
Glancing at his phone on the dresser, he saw he only had 25 minutes until he promised he would pick up Clarissa. She would be ready on time and he hated to keep her waiting. Giving the tie one final tug, he grabbed his wallet and keys from the dresser and headed out to the car.
As he drove toward Clarissa’s house, Jackso
n thought about the past few days. He hadn’t gotten a call from Amanda’s friend and he was truly worried. The thing was, he didn’t even know her last name, and he couldn’t very well go into the police precinct to describe a missing hooker. They’d laugh him out of the place.
So, Jackson was left with just one thing: prayer. It had consumed most of his waking time for the past several days, but there were times when it seemed like there had to be something physically that he could do.
God, I don’t know what the heck you want me to do. I have to leave it to you. I did my best to help her, and maybe in hindsight, I should not have allowed her to go back to that jerk, but she is a grown woman and I couldn’t force her to do anything. I just hope she’s okay, wherever she is. Jackson had always been honest with God, and because he felt like he was friends with God, he had also always been very frank in his conversations.
That was settled then. He couldn’t find the girl and he was giving it to God, so he should be able to go and enjoy this evening with Clarissa without any thoughts of Amanda’s soft hands and her long legs.
Seriously? You’ve really got to get a hold of yourself, Jack! Mentally punching himself, he attempted to rein his thoughts in. I am so sorry God; I have never been tempted like this before. Shaking his head, he pulled up to Clarissa’s and saw she was already waiting for him on the front steps, her navy blue dress both demure and classy.
Jackson was around the car and opening the door for her before he realized he’d yet to greet her. “Hey Clarissa, you look very pretty tonight,” he said. She was pretty, a very pretty girl, and she’d gone through a lot in the recent past with the death of her parents. Tonight’s fundraiser was in honor of her parents and the foundation Clarissa had started to help children in the nearby hospitals cope with cancer.
Hot Pink Heels (The Street Series) Page 5
