by E. N. Joy
Tamarra held her head up high and replied. “Why it certainly is, and therefore we should all rejoice and be glad in it. I know I am.” Without further ado, Tamarra made her way into an empty stall. She closed the door, locked it, and then let out a huge, deep exhale as if she’d been holding her breath the entire time. She then said a silent prayer to God. Lord, thank you for restraining my flesh so that it didn’t rise up and knock their blocks off for talking about me. In Jesus’ name. Amen.
“Humph, I bet she’s rejoicing all right,” one of the women said as the two women exited the bathroom together. “I’d be rejoicing too after a roll in the sack with a fine specimen like Mr. Sound Man.”
Tamarra could hear the women laughing like hyenas as the door closed behind them. Everything in her wanted to go confront them. To shake them and make them listen to the truth. Never mind what their eyes saw. Things weren’t what they looked like. But why should she even entertain those two or anyone else who decided they wanted to get caught up in the gossip? People were going to talk about her. That was life. People had talked about Jesus, and God still gave Him the victory over every tongue that had spoken against Him.
“With God on my side, who can be against me?” Tamarra said to herself after flushing the commode, and then going to wash her hands. After drying them she looked at herself in the mirror and repeated once again the words, “With God on my side, who can be against me?”
With restored strength, Tamarra exited the bathroom and made her way into the sanctuary where it had appeared, with all the glares she was getting, the rumors had preceded her. It looked as though she’d gotten the answer to the question she had just posed to herself twice. “Who can be against me?” she mumbled under her breath sarcastically. “The whole church.”
Chapter Nineteen
“And they call themselves saved!” Paige spat as she scooped up a mound of mashed potatoes from the Golden Corral Buffet.
“You know what Pastor always says, everybody in the church ain’t saved. That’s why we have the church. Jesus didn’t come to save the righteous.” Tamarra walked alongside Paige down the buffet. While Paige’s plate was practically full, Tamarra had barely placed anything on hers. After dealing with all of the glares, stares, and whispers from the members of the church today, she didn’t feel much like eating.
“I get that and all, but we’re talking about the same people who be speaking in tongues, now using their tongues to spread gossip and lies,” Paige countered. “I mean, so what if you spent the night at Maeyl’s house Friday night? That’s your business, as well as whatever the two of you did. That’s between you and God. You’re my girl, so you know I’m not going to judge you.”
The loud crashing noise of the plate hitting the floor startled Paige. Tamarra stood there as if she weren’t the one who’d just dropped the plate that was now in a million pieces on the floor. “Spent the night with Maeyl?” Tamarra said to Paige. “Did you just say that I spent the night with Maeyl?”
Tamarra’s voice was so loud that other diners who were fixing their plates could hear her.
“Come on, Tamarra, let’s go sit down for a minute. We’ll ask the waitress to bring you another plate.” Paige slightly tugged Tamarra’s arm to lead her back to their table.
Snatching her arm away from Paige, Tamarra said, “I don’t want another plate. I want to know why my so-called best friend just accused me of spending the night over some man’s house and doing . . . and doing . . .” Tamarra couldn’t even get the words out. She lowered her tone and said, “doing it.”
“Look, Tamarra, I’m not the one accusing you of anything. It was someone from the church who saw you with their own two eyes leaving Maeyl’s house Saturday morning with your hair in disarray and your shirt on backward and inside out. What did you expect people to think?”
“I’m not talking about people, I’m talking about you, my best friend.” Tamarra paused for a moment as the two women stood in the middle of the restaurant. “Well, what do you think?”
Paige thought for a moment. She wanted to choose her words carefully.
“Forget it,” Tamarra said, shaking her head. “What you’re not saying says it all.” Tamarra walked back over to the table where they had been seated, grabbed her purse from under the table, and made a beeline to the exit door and straight to her car. She hadn’t gotten her car door open before Paige came running after her.
“Tamarra, wait!” she called out, almost out of breath. Tamarra stood at the door and waited for Paige to approach her. “Look, I’m sorry.”
“For what?” Tamarra wanted her to say it. What was she sorry for? Was she sorry that her friend was going through a scandal of lies and the baring of false witnesses? Or was she sorry that she believed those lies? “Tell me, Paige, why are you sorry?”
“I guess I’m sorry because . . . I don’t know, Tamarra. I’m sorry about everything. I’m sorry that you are having to deal with this. I’m sorry that you don’t think I’m being a good friend right now.”
“That I think you’re not being a good friend, or that you actually aren’t being a good friend? Don’t you get it, Paige?” Tamarra ran her fingers through her short hair. “Those people at New Day can think what they want. They don’t know me, but you do . . . friend.” Tamarra opened the jeep’s door to get in it.
“Hold up, Missy. Don’t put this on me just because you got caught leaving Maeyl’s place. I mean, I don’t know what went on at his place Friday night or Saturday morning or whenever, but I do know that I spent all Saturday night with you and not once did you mention to me that you had been over Maeyl’s.”
“So just because I didn’t give you every little detail of my day’s schedule, you think I was over his house up to no good?”
“Well, I couldn’t think of any other reason why you would hide it from me.”
“Hide? Hide?” Tamarra threw her hands up in defeat. “Why does everybody always think I’m hiding something? First, Maeyl thinks I’m hiding his and my relationship and now so do you.”
“Well, aren’t you? You made it out to be such a big secret that even I, your best friend, had to pry it out of you. I talk to you about Blake every day. I brought him to the church just last Sunday. You yourself got to meet him, although it was only for a hot second since you had to leave church early.” That particular Sunday Tamarra had to leave early for a catering affair at New Destiny for their church anniversary. “But I introduced him to Pastor. Here you and Maeyl are right under Pastor’s nose acting like there is nothing going on between y’all. I don’t know what you call it, but to the rest of the world, it looks like you two were trying to hide something. And usually people only hide things when they are up to no good. So forgive me, Tamarra. I’m sorry. I’m sorry that for one minute I thought that just maybe you did have something to hide. I confess that much, and I’m sorry.”
Tamarra stared at Paige who stood there in a puddle of remorse and frustration. Tamarra couldn’t help but think this is the exact same way Maeyl must have felt too. Perhaps she had pushed him to find a way to tell everyone about their relationship. In hindsight, she may have very well brought all of this mess upon herself. There was a slight chance that she’d been using the fact that she was waiting on God to speak to her about her and Maeyl’s relationship as an excuse to stand still in her own fears; fears of moving forward. Fears of being happy again. Now not only had her fears affected her, but everyone around her as well. Now how could she turn things around and make them right?
Knowing at least where to start, Tamarra placed her arms around Paige and apologized for her role in all of the confusion. After Paige accepted her apology, Tamarra jumped in her jeep knowing exactly what she had to do next.
Chapter Twenty
Although just yesterday she had been banging and ringing the doorbell like a madwoman, today she hesitated pushing the doorbell. She wondered if he would even open the door if he looked out of the peephole and saw that it was her standing there. She couldn’
t blame him if he didn’t. So she gathered up the necessary courage that allowed her to push the button.
Tamarra stood on the little porch of Maeyl’s apartment waiting, hoping that he’d answer the door. A few moments went by and there was no answer. She looked back over her shoulder just to confirm that her eyes hadn’t played tricks on her; that Maeyl’s car was in its assigned parking space. Once she confirmed that his car was in fact there, she prepared to knock on the door. Just as she raised her fist to make contact, she heard the locks clicking, and then the door opened.
“Tamarra,” Maeyl said as if surprised to see her. “Come on in.” He opened the door and stepped aside for her to enter.
She couldn’t believe how welcoming and warm his greeting was. He was acting like she wasn’t the woman standing in his living room twenty-four hours ago yelling at the top of her lungs and swinging her fists. Or the woman who acted as if he didn’t even exist while at church today. How could he be so forgiving so fast?
“How are you? Are you okay?” Maeyl asked her, aware of all the gawking and gossiping she had to deal with today at church.
“You know what, Maeyl, as a matter of fact, I think I am okay.”
“Good. Because I know there was a lot of staring and whispering going on today at church. Pastor even asked me to come into the office and have a chat this morning before service.”
“Oh, my,” Tamarra said, digesting the confirmation that she wasn’t the only one affected by the situation. She’d come there to apologize to Maeyl for her behavior. She wanted to tell him that she didn’t blame him for posting those pictures. Especially after the way she’d tried to force him to keep their relationship a secret as if they were doing something dirty. Now a part of her was beginning to think that perhaps Maeyl didn’t have anything to do with the posting of those pictures after all. Why would he want to subject himself and his character to the criticism of the church just to spite her wishes? On top of that, why would he subject himself to having to be confronted by the pastor?
“What did Pastor say to you?” Tamarra asked him.
“Well, I was asked about our relationship, of course.”
Tamarra swallowed. “What did you say?”
“The truth. The clean truth, which is what I wanted to do all along.”
Tamarra put her head down in guilt. “And what did Pastor say?”
“Pastor thanked me for clearing things up, but wished we hadn’t added to the situation by being so secretive. Pastor felt that our secrecy alone gave people reason to doubt our intentions.”
“What else did Pastor say?” Tamarra asked, wondering if their pastor had come flat out and asked if they were taking their relationship to an ungodly level as the pictures insinuated.
“That’s about it. The church secretary knocked on the door to let us know the leaders were waiting in the conference room for morning prayer. Pastor is supposed to be calling me this afternoon to talk more about the situation.”
Tamarra had to ask. “Did you happen to mention to Pastor that it was my wish to not bring our relationship to the forefront?”
“No. How would that have mattered? I’m a grown man. I made a choice. I’m not Adam in the Garden of Eden, and you put the forbidden fruit to my lips and told me to bite it, then I turn around and tell God it was all your fault. My spirit felt differently about the situation, and I didn’t obey it. That’s my fault.”
“Actually, that’s why I’m here. I do feel as though I pushed you to go against your spirit, so I’m here to apologize. I also want to apologize for the way I acted yesterday. I was a maniac.”
Tamarra waited on Maeyl to accept her apology, but all he did was stand there as if he were waiting for yet another apology. “What?” Tamarra asked.
“You don’t have something else you want to apologize to me for?”
Tamarra thought for a moment, but couldn’t come up with anything.
“Like accusing me of posting those pictures on the Web site in the first place? I mean, you didn’t even ask me if I did it. You just assumed I did, and then didn’t even give me a chance to explain.”
“You’re right, and I apologize for that too.” Tamarra hoped Maeyl could forgive her.
“Apology accepted,” Maeyl finally said, bringing a smile to Tamarra’s face. “Now that’s the face that belongs to the woman I love,” Maeyl smiled in return. It was at the same time both he and Tamarra realized the words he’d just spoken.
Tamarra’s heart melted. Here she stood before a man she’d only been dating a couple of months, but had known for several years. And he’d just confessed his love to her. Was it possible that there was life after divorce? That there was love after divorce? Everything in her told her that, yes, there was. But still, there was another part of her that hesitated to believe such.
Maeyl didn’t know what else to say. He never expected to express his love for a woman without knowing for sure that she loved him too. He wanted to avoid an awkward situation such as this where the woman didn’t say it back in return. Maeyl cleared his throat and asked, “Have you eaten yet?”
“Uh, no,” Tamarra said.
“How about we go grab something to eat? We can drive to Columbus or something if you like,” Maeyl suggested.
“Sounds good. But if you don’t mind, I got a taste for Family Café.” Tamarra smiled and winked.
“You got it!” Maeyl exclaimed. “Let me just go slip out of this church suit into something cooler. For it to be October, the weather is warm.” Maeyl loosened his tie as he headed for the steps.
Tamarra knew Maeyl was the one. How could she have been so stupid and think he would set out to hurt her? It was time she put down her guards and let love in. That’s just what she intended to do as the confession of Maeyl’s love for her settled into her heart.
“Maeyl,” she called out to him when he was almost all the way up the steps.
“Yes?” he asked.
“I—” Tamarra started before she was cut off by Maeyl’s ringing cell phone that was on the table. “Uh, your uh, cell phone is ringing,” she copped out.
“Just let it ring. I’ll call them back,” Maeyl said as he went on up the steps.
“Stupid phone,” Tamarra said to herself.
“Did you say something?” Maeyl called down.
“Oh, I just said, nice phone,” she lied, then repented.
“Oh, thanks,” Maeyl said. “Oh shoot!”
“What’s wrong?”
“I forgot that Pastor was supposed to call. That might have been the call. Can you check to see if that was Pastor’s number that showed up on the caller ID?”
“Sure,” Tamarra said, picking up the phone and checking to see if she recognized the most recent number that showed up under missed calls. “Yes, it was Pastor.”
“Shoot, I’ll just have to return that call before we head out.”
As Tamarra heard Maeyl’s footsteps above her head, she pushed a couple of buttons to exit out of the missed calls. In doing so, she accidentally ended up in downloaded pictures. When she pushed yet another button to try to get from that screen, she couldn’t believe her eyes when a picture showed up on the screen; a picture that was none other than one that had been posted on the church Web site.
Tamarra couldn’t believe she had almost fallen for the okey doke. Maeyl’s cell phone ringing right before she could confess her feelings to him was divine intervention. That’s how she saw it anyway. And then him asking her to check his phone and her stumbling upon that picture was no accident either. There was no good reason for him to have that picture on his phone unless his phone had been the one that had taken it. It hurt seeing the truth with her own eyes, but all of these things were supposed to be revealed to her before she got in too deep.
Her ringing phone interrupted her thoughts, and thank God too. She was seconds from going through a red light and into oncoming traffic. She looked down at her cell phone and saw just the number she had expected to see; Maeyl’s. Tamarra rejected
the call knowing exactly what he wanted. He wanted to know why it was that when he came downstairs from changing out of his church suit he found her gone. Hopefully when he picked up his cell phone he saw the picture she’d left up on the screen and knew exactly why she’d made an exit without telling him so much as good-bye.
Yesterday she’d gotten out of character quite a bit. But today, she didn’t think the grace of God could keep her from losing her Christianity, albeit temporarily. She’d found proof that Maeyl was the culprit who’d somehow gotten someone to help him take the picture with his phone, and then post it to the Web site. She was no longer going to entertain him or his lies.
“How could I have been so stupid?” she asked herself, slamming her fists against her steering wheel, imagining how good it would feel to be slamming them upside Maeyl’s head.
Tamarra knew that it wasn’t a good idea to speak to Maeyl. Not right now. Not ever. And if he knew what was good for him, he’d keep his distance and not even think about trying to speak to her at church on Sunday, if she went. Sure this morning she was singing along with “Ain’t no devil in hell gonna keep me from my Lord.” But she had to admit that a devil on earth might be able to keep her away from New Day.
“Yes, that’s exactly what I probably need to do,” Tamarra told herself. “Get away from New Day and find a new church. Who needs all that drama anyway?” Tamarra turned on her radio, oblivious to the words that were playing: “I’m so glad that God is not like man.”
“Don’t worry, God,” Tamarra spoke to God over the music. “I’m not going to let the devil stop me from going to church and praising you. It’s just that New Day doesn’t seem to be the place for me anymore. I need a fresh start somewhere else. Yeah, that’s exactly what I need.”
Tamarra’s last comment was more to herself than God. She turned up the music and bopped her head at least two beats faster than the beat of the song itself. The music was so loud that she didn’t hear her inner man warn her, “You can run, but you can’t hide . . . not from God.”
