The Skeptics Annotated Bible

by Wells, Steve

21 And Reuben heard it, and he delivered him out of their hands; and said, Let us not kill him.

  22 And Reuben said unto them, Shed no blood, but cast him into this pit that is in the wilderness, and lay no hand upon him; that he might rid him out of their hands, to deliver him to his father again.

  23 And it came to pass, when Joseph was come unto his brethren, that they stript Joseph out of his coat, his coat of many colours that was on him;

  24 And they took him, and cast him into a pit: and the pit was empty, there was no water in it.

  25 And they sat down to eat bread: and they lifted up their eyes and looked, and, behold, a company of Ishmeelites came from Gilead with their camels bearing spicery and balm and myrrh, going to carry it down to Egypt.

  26 And Judah said unto his brethren, What profit is it if we slay our brother, and conceal his blood?

  27 Come, and let us sell him to the Ishmeelites, and let not our hand be upon him; for he is our brother and our flesh. And his brethren were content.

  28 Then there passed by Midianites merchantmen; and they drew and lifted up Joseph out of the pit, and sold Joseph to the Ishmeelites for twenty pieces of silver: and they brought Joseph into Egypt.

  (37.28) “The Ismeelites … brought him into Egypt.”

  76 Who brought Joseph into Egypt?

  29 And Reuben returned unto the pit; and, behold, Joseph was not in the pit; and he rent his clothes.

  30 And he returned unto his brethren, and said, The child is not; and I, whither shall I go?

  31 And they took Joseph’s coat, and killed a kid of the goats, and dipped the coat in the blood;

  32 And they sent the coat of many colours, and they brought it to their father; and said, This have we found: know now whether it be thy son’s coat or no.

  33 And he knew it, and said, It is my son’s coat; an evil beast hath devoured him; Joseph is without doubt rent in pieces.

  34 And Jacob rent his clothes, and put sackcloth upon his loins, and mourned for his son many days.

  35 And all his sons and all his daughters rose up to comfort him; but he refused to be comforted; and he said, For I will go down into the grave unto my son mourning. Thus his father wept for him.

  36 And the Midianites sold him into Egypt unto Potiphar, an officer of Pharaoh’s, and captain of the guard.

  (37.36) “And the Midianites sold him into Egypt.”

  76 Who brought Joseph into Egypt?

  GENESIS 38

  38 And it came to pass at that time, that Judah went down from his brethren, and turned in to a certain Adullamite, whose name was Hirah.

  2 And Judah saw there a daughter of a certain Canaanite, whose name was Shuah; and he took her, and went in unto her.

  (38.2) “Judah saw there a daughter of a certain Canaanite … and he took her, and went in unto her.” Judah has casual sex with a Canaanite woman which results in two sons, Er and Onan.

  3 And she conceived, and bare a son; and he called his name Er.

  4 And she conceived again, and bare a son; and she called his name Onan.

  5 And she yet again conceived, and bare a son; and called his name Shelah: and he was at Chezib, when she bare him.

  6 And Judah took a wife for Er his firstborn, whose name was Tamar.

  7 And Er, Judah’s firstborn, was wicked in the sight of the LORD; and the LORD slew him.

  (38.7) “Er … was wicked in the sight of the Lord; and the Lord slew him.”

  God’s 5th killing

  8 And Judah said unto Onan, Go in unto thy brother’s wife, and marry her, and raise up seed to thy brother.

  9 And Onan knew that the seed should not be his; and it came to pass, when he went in unto his brother’s wife, that he spilled it on the ground, lest that he should give seed to his brother.

  10 And the thing which he did displeased the LORD: wherefore he slew him also.

  (38.9-10) “When he went in unto his brother’s wife … he spilled it on the ground … And the thing which he did displeased the LORD: wherefore he slew him also.” After God killed Er, Judah tells Onan to “go in unto thy brother’s wife.” But “Onan knew that the seed should not be his; and … when he went in unto his brother’s wife … he spilled it on the ground … And the thing which he did displeased the Lord; wherefore he slew him also.” This lovely Bible story is seldom read in Sunday School, but it is the basis of many Christian doctrines, including the condemnation of both masturbation and birth control.

  God’s 6th killing

  11 Then said Judah to Tamar his daughter in law, Remain a widow at thy father’s house, till Shelah my son be grown: for he said, Lest peradventure he die also, as his brethren did. And Tamar went and dwelt in her father’s house.

  12 And in process of time the daughter of Shuah Judah’s wife died; and Judah was comforted, and went up unto his sheepshearers to Timnath, he and his friend Hirah the Adullamite.

  13 And it was told Tamar, saying, Behold thy father in law goeth up to Timnath to shear his sheep.

  14 And she put her widow’s garments off from her, and covered her with a vail, and wrapped herself, and sat in an open place, which is by the way to Timnath; for she saw that Shelah was grown, and she was not given unto him to wife.

  15 When Judah saw her, he thought her to be an harlot; because she had covered her face.

  16 And he turned unto her by the way, and said, Go to, I pray thee, let me come in unto thee; (for he knew not that she was his daughter in law.) And she said, What wilt thou give me, that thou mayest come in unto me?

  (38.16) “Let me come in unto thee; (for he knew not that she was his daughter in law.) And she said, What wilt thou give me, that thou mayest come in unto me?” Tamar (the widow of Er and Onan, who were killed by God) dresses up as a prostitute and Judah (her father-in-law) propositions her, saying: “Let me come in unto thee…. And he … came in unto her, and she conceived by him.” From this incestuous union, twins (38.27-28) were born (both were boys of course). One of these was Pharez—an ancestor of Jesus (Lk 3.33).

  17 And he said, I will send thee a kid from the flock. And she said, Wilt thou give me a pledge, till thou send it?

  18 And he said, What pledge shall I give thee? And she said, Thy signet, and thy bracelets, and thy staff that is in thine hand. And he gave it her, and came in unto her, and she conceived by him.

  19 And she arose, and went away, and laid by her vail from her, and put on the garments of her widowhood.

  20 And Judah sent the kid by the hand of his friend the Adullamite, to receive his pledge from the woman’s hand: but he found her not.

  21 Then he asked the men of that place, saying, Where is the harlot, that was openly by the way side? And they said, There was no harlot in this place.

  22 And he returned to Judah, and said, I cannot find her; and also the men of the place said, that there was no harlot in this place.

  23 And Judah said, Let her take it to her, lest we be shamed: behold, I sent this kid, and thou hast not found her.

  24 And it came to pass about three months after, that it was told Judah, saying, Tamar thy daughter in law hath played the harlot; and also, behold, she is with child by whoredom. And Judah said, Bring her forth, and let her be burnt.

  (38.24) “Bring her forth, and let her be burnt.” After Judah pays Tamar for her services, he is told that she “played the harlot” and “is with child by whoredom.” When Judah hears this, he says, “Bring her forth, and let her be burnt.”

  25 When she was brought forth, she sent to her father in law, saying, By the man, whose these are, am I with child: and she said, Discern, I pray thee, whose are these, the signet, and bracelets, and staff.

  26 And Judah acknowledged them, and said, She hath been more righteous than I; because that I gave her not to Shelah my son. And he knew her again no more.

  27 And it came to pass in the time of her travail, that, behold, twins were in her womb.

  28 And it came to pass, when she travailed, that the one put out his hand: and the m
idwife took and bound upon his hand a scarlet thread, saying, This came out first.

  29 And it came to pass, as he drew back his hand, that, behold, his brother came out: and she said, How hast thou broken forth? this breach be upon thee: therefore his name was called Pharez.

  30 And afterward came out his brother, that had the scarlet thread upon his hand: and his name was called Zarah.

  GENESIS 39

  39 And Joseph was brought down to Egypt; and Potiphar, an officer of Pharaoh, captain of the guard, an Egyptian, bought him of the hands of the Ishmeelites, which had brought him down thither.

  (39.1) “Potiphar … bought him of the hands of the Ishmeelites.”

  76 Who brought Joseph into Egypt?

  2 And the LORD was with Joseph, and he was a prosperous man; and he was in the house of his master the Egyptian.

  3 And his master saw that the LORD was with him, and that the LORD made all that he did to prosper in his hand.

  4 And Joseph found grace in his sight, and he served him: and he made him overseer over his house, and all that he had he put into his hand.

  5 And it came to pass from the time that he had made him overseer in his house, and over all that he had, that the LORD blessed the Egyptian’s house for Joseph’s sake; and the blessing of the LORD was upon all that he had in the house, and in the field.

  6 And he left all that he had in Joseph’s hand; and he knew not ought he had, save the bread which he did eat. And Joseph was a goodly person, and well favoured.

  7 And it came to pass after these things, that his master’s wife cast her eyes upon Joseph; and she said, Lie with me.

  (39.7-17) Joseph is seduced by Potiphar’s wife. He rejects her advances, but she claims he “came in unto” her.

  (39.7) “His master’s wife cast her eyes upon Joseph; and she said, Lie with me.”

  8 But he refused, and said unto his master’s wife, Behold, my master wotteth not what is with me in the house, and he hath committed all that he hath to my hand;

  9 There is none greater in this house than I; neither hath he kept back any thing from me but thee, because thou art his wife: how then can I do this great wickedness, and sin against God?

  10 And it came to pass, as she spake to Joseph day by day, that he hearkened not unto her, to lie by her, or to be with her.

  11 And it came to pass about this time, that Joseph went into the house to do his business; and there was none of the men of the house there within.

  12 And she caught him by his garment, saying, Lie with me: and he left his garment in her hand, and fled, and got him out.

  (39.12) “She caught him by his garment, saying, Lie with me: and he left his garment in her hand, and fled.”

  13 And it came to pass, when she saw that he had left his garment in her hand, and was fled forth,

  14 That she called unto the men of her house, and spake unto them, saying, See, he hath brought in an Hebrew unto us to mock us; he came in unto me to lie with me, and I cried with a loud voice:

  (39.14) “He came in unto me.”

  15 And it came to pass, when he heard that I lifted up my voice and cried, that he left his garment with me, and fled, and got him out.

  16 And she laid up his garment by her, until his lord came home.

  17 And she spake unto him according to these words, saying, The Hebrew servant, which thou hast brought unto us, came in unto me to mock me:

  (39.17) “The Hebrew servant … came in unto me to mock me.”

  18 And it came to pass, as I lifted up my voice and cried, that he left his garment with me, and fled out.

  19 And it came to pass, when his master heard the words of his wife, which she spake unto him, saying, After this manner did thy servant to me; that his wrath was kindled.

  20 And Joseph’s master took him, and put him into the prison, a place where the king’s prisoners were bound: and he was there in the prison.

  21 But the LORD was with Joseph, and shewed him mercy, and gave him favour in the sight of the keeper of the prison.

  22 And the keeper of the prison committed to Joseph’s hand all the prisoners that were in the prison; and whatsoever they did there, he was the doer of it.

  23 The keeper of the prison looked not to any thing that was under his hand; because the LORD was with him, and that which he did, the LORD made it to prosper.

  GENESIS 40

  40 And it came to pass after these things, that the butler of the king of Egypt and his baker had offended their lord the king of Egypt.

  2 And Pharaoh was wroth against two of his officers, against the chief of the butlers, and against the chief of the bakers.

  3 And he put them in ward in the house of the captain of the guard, into the prison, the place where Joseph was bound.

  4 And the captain of the guard charged Joseph with them, and he served them: and they continued a season in ward.

  5 And they dreamed a dream both of them, each man his dream in one night, each man according to the interpretation of his dream, the butler and the baker of the king of Egypt, which were bound in the prison.

  6 And Joseph came in unto them in the morning, and looked upon them, and, behold, they were sad.

  7 And he asked Pharaoh’s officers that were with him in the ward of his lord’s house, saying, Wherefore look ye so sadly to day?

  8 And they said unto him, We have dreamed a dream, and there is no interpreter of it. And Joseph said unto them, Do not interpretations belong to God? tell me them, I pray you.

  9 And the chief butler told his dream to Joseph, and said to him, In my dream, behold, a vine was before me;

  10 And in the vine were three branches: and it was as though it budded, and her blossoms shot forth; and the clusters thereof brought forth ripe grapes:

  11 And Pharaoh’s cup was in my hand: and I took the grapes, and pressed them into Pharaoh’s cup, and I gave the cup into Pharaoh’s hand.

  12 And Joseph said unto him, This is the interpretation of it: The three branches are three days:

  13 Yet within three days shall Pharaoh lift up thine head, and restore thee unto thy place: and thou shalt deliver Pharaoh’s cup into his hand, after the former manner when thou wast his butler.

  14 But think on me when it shall be well with thee, and shew kindness, I pray thee, unto me, and make mention of me unto Pharaoh, and bring me out of this house:

  15 For indeed I was stolen away out of the land of the Hebrews: and here also have I done nothing that they should put me into the dungeon.

  16 When the chief baker saw that the interpretation was good, he said unto Joseph, I also was in my dream, and, behold, I had three white baskets on my head:

  17 And in the uppermost basket there was of all manner of bakemeats for Pharaoh; and the birds did eat them out of the basket upon my head.

  18 And Joseph answered and said, This is the interpretation thereof: The three baskets are three days:

  19 Yet within three days shall Pharaoh lift up thy head from off thee, and shall hang thee on a tree; and the birds shall eat thy flesh from off thee.

  (40.19) “The birds shall eat thy flesh.” Joseph interprets the baker’s dream. He says that the pharaoh will cut off the baker’s head, and hang his headless body on a tree for the birds to eat.

  20 And it came to pass the third day, which was Pharaoh’s birthday, that he made a feast unto all his servants: and he lifted up the head of the chief butler and of the chief baker among his servants.

  21 And he restored the chief butler unto his butlership again; and he gave the cup into Pharaoh’s hand:

  22 But he hanged the chief baker: as Joseph had interpreted to them.

  23 Yet did not the chief butler remember Joseph, but forgat him.

  GENESIS 41

  41 And it came to pass at the end of two full years, that Pharaoh dreamed: and, behold, he stood by the river.

  2 And, behold, there came up out of the river seven well favoured kine and fatfleshed; and they fed in a meadow.

  3 A
nd, behold, seven other kine came up after them out of the river, ill favoured and leanfleshed; and stood by the other kine upon the brink of the river.

  4 And the ill favoured and leanfleshed kine did eat up the seven well favoured and fat kine. So Pharaoh awoke.

  5 And he slept and dreamed the second time: and, behold, seven ears of corn came up upon one stalk, rank and good.

  6 And, behold, seven thin ears and blasted with the east wind sprung up after them.

  7 And the seven thin ears devoured the seven rank and full ears. And Pharaoh awoke, and, behold, it was a dream.

  8 And it came to pass in the morning that his spirit was troubled; and he sent and called for all the magicians of Egypt, and all the wise men thereof: and Pharaoh told them his dream; but there was none that could interpret them unto Pharaoh.

  9 Then spake the chief butler unto Pharaoh, saying, I do remember my faults this day:

  10 Pharaoh was wroth with his servants, and put me in ward in the captain of the guard’s house, both me and the chief baker:

  11 And we dreamed a dream in one night, I and he; we dreamed each man according to the interpretation of his dream.

  12 And there was there with us a young man, an Hebrew, servant to the captain of the guard; and we told him, and he interpreted to us our dreams; to each man according to his dream he did interpret.

  13 And it came to pass, as he interpreted to us, so it was; me he restored unto mine office, and him he hanged.

  14 Then Pharaoh sent and called Joseph, and they brought him hastily out of the dungeon: and he shaved himself, and changed his raiment, and came in unto Pharaoh.

  15 And Pharaoh said unto Joseph, I have dreamed a dream, and there is none that can interpret it: and I have heard say of thee, that thou canst understand a dream to interpret it.

  16 And Joseph answered Pharaoh, saying, It is not in me: God shall give Pharaoh an answer of peace.

  17 And Pharaoh said unto Joseph, In my dream, behold, I stood upon the bank of the river:

  18 And, behold, there came up out of the river seven kine, fatfleshed and well favoured; and they fed in a meadow: