by Kevin Craig
If this was the story of my life, Will would definitely be an antagonist. I mean, obviously. He’s one hundred percent antagonist material. But the thing is, he wouldn’t be my antagonist. He’d be Alex’s bad guy.
Alex Mills, though? Yep. He’d be my antagonist. Am I slow for just realizing that now, or smart for figuring it out before he has a chance to take me down with him?
We have so much shared history, I can’t believe I’m even considering this. I just…I don’t think I can be his friend anymore. Do you see what I’m wrestling with? This is why Nettie refuses to help me. It’s killing me. I’m on my own with this one.
And is it okay to kick someone when they’re down? Because Alex is down. Not only is his face a total write-off, but he’s just a mass of pain. Will did an excellent job of kicking him within an inch of his life. He has bruises on top of his bruises.
Do I wait until he’s feeling better? Do I tear off the bandage and get it over with? Or do I forgive this huge, ugly despicable thing he did and continue to take his passive aggressive abuse?
I’m startled by a sudden banging and realize someone is knocking on my door. I feel it before I hear it. But as I take off my earphones, I can hear it. That could only be the knock of one person. Dad.
“Ezra,” he says through the door, continuing to knock.
“Come in,” I say, whipping the earphones down on the bed beside me. He opens the door, walks over, picks up the earphones and holds them up close to his own ears.
“What have I told you about listening to loud music? You’re going to be deaf by the time you’re thirty if you listen to music at this volume. You need to turn it down. Hey, I remember this song.”
“Okay, okay,” I say. I’m really not in the mood for a Dad Lecture. “I’m sorry. I’ll turn it down.”
“Turn it off,” he says. I’m about to revolt, but he holds his hand up to shush me before I start. “Your friend’s here. Simon. He’s downstairs waiting for you.”
I sigh. I mean, I love Simon. I do. But I’m having a crisis here, possibly the biggest crisis of my life. I could seriously use some advice that doesn’t involve Simon telling me, ‘just cut the guy some slack.’
“Why the heavy face?” Dad says. He sits on the edge of the bed. I will never get used to this person who killed my father and took over his body or cloned him or whatever.
I have nothing to lose.
“The other day one of my best friends did this extremely shitty thing.”
He raises his hand again. “Whoa, whoa. I’m really trying here, Ezra. But no swearing.”
“Sorry,” I say. So now I feel like something must have happened to change him if he’s telling me he’s really trying. Why would he randomly decide to make a conscious effort? “But, Dad, it was incredibly bad.”
“Okay, and?”
“And…when it was all over this friend, Alex, was in the hospital. And I was at the police station so they could take my statem—”
“Jesus Christ!” he says. “This is about the Severes, isn’t it, Ezra? Did you have something to do with that? You were at the police station and you didn’t tell me?”
Of course he knows. It’s the only topic on everyone’s lips.
“Your friend is the one Will Severe beat up?”
“Yep,” I say. He gets this look on his face, like he’s trying to control his anger. “He’s actually been my friend for years, Dad. I just think I was friends with him for all the wrong reasons. I don’t like him very much right now.”
“Normally, Ez,” he says, “I would forbid you to see this kid again. I might have even freaked out, blown a gasket, and lost my cool with you. This Alex kid, he seems like a real piece of work.
“I know the whole story, Ezra,” he continues. “Please tell me you’re not doing the things he’s doing.”
“What?” It takes me a second, but I think I know what he’s asking.
“That dating site. Ezra, you’re not meeting up with—”
“What? God. Ew! Of course not. I’m nothing like Alex Mills.”
He does know everything about what happened. He must not have connected it back to me, though. I have to wonder what he thinks of his friend now; I think he kind of idolized Mr. Severe. Doesn’t take a genius to see that he was a little jealous of what Mr. Severe had with his son.
“Well, maybe that’s your answer, Ez,” he says. “Why be friends with someone you’re nothing like?”
“Ha,” I say. I stare off into space thinking, ‘holy shit.’
“Simon is going to leave if you don’t go down and get him.”
“Huh? Oh, right.” I had forgotten why he had come up here. Simon’s here.
“Ezra,” Dad says.
I get up off the bed, but I don’t leave the room yet. He hates it when we walk away while he’s talking. It’s definitely one of his biggest triggers.
“Yeah?”
“A couple things.” He’s making no move to get up off my bed, so clearly he has lots to say.
“Yeah?”
“Number one, you’ll know what to do with this Alex guy. I’m sure you’ll make the right decision. Number two, I may not always agree with you, or things, but you know you can count on your mother and I, right?”
“Huh?”
“I guess I should come clean. I spoke to your principal a couple weeks back. I ran into him at the grocery store. You know, I always suspected. I just didn’t know how to deal with it. I grew up in a different world, son. One where most people didn’t tolerate it. I’m new at this. The thing is, I spoke to your principal.
“When the conversation started, I thought it was going to be about you cutting class or something. Which, it was. Don’t think we didn’t know.”
I swallow the swallow of the guilty. I can’t look him in the eye, so I take an inventory of the books on my bookshelf as he continues.
“But it ended up being a completely different conversation. He brought up this club you created with your friends and how proud he was of all of you. This gay-straight alliance club. It hurt at first, I mean…it hurt and infuriated me. Don’t look at me like that, I’m just trying to be honest.
“It infuriated me because I just never wanted it to be true. I don’t want a gay son.”
There. He said it. The truth is out there, both that he knows I’m gay and that he doesn’t approve.
“Before you get into a huff, I don’t know how to say that the right way. I know it sounds bad. Hell, I heard how bad it sounded even as I said it. What I mean is I don’t want you to get hurt. I don’t want people to judge you, or say terrible things to you—or about you—I just, I want you to be safe. I hate that you’re going to have this difficult road in front of you. That’s not what we wanted for you.”
The man is utterly and completely exhausted. This is the most truth he has shared with me in all of my seventeen years.
“But,” he says. “We want your happiness.”
I look at him, astonished.
“Don’t be so surprised. I know I’m a hard-ass. Sometimes I hear the crap coming out of my mouth and I feel like my own father’s here. Apple doesn’t fall far from the tree, I suppose. But I’m trying.”
“I know, Dad,” I say. I guess I mean it, too.
“So, what I’m getting at is…I’m proud of you. For starting this club. For trying to make a change. For putting yourself out there for others.”
“And to think I was doing it all for Alex,” I say. “That’s the worst part. I wanted to make his life better even as he was getting off on the idea of making someone else’s life miserable.”
“But you know you weren’t just doing it for Alex.”
“Yeah,” I say, suddenly realizing how true that statement actually is. “True.”
“Are we done here?” he says. “Simon probably jumped back into that Mustang of his and made an escape.”
“Simon,” I say. “Shit.”
“Ezra. Language.” He gets up off the bed and we leave my room.
/> “Sorry, Dad.”
“I’ll give you that one,” he says. He stops at the top of the stairs. “Anything else you want to tell me about Simon?”
I’m confused, at first, because I already suspected he thought we were more than friends.
“Do you think I’m an idiot, Ezra?”
“Huh?”
“He didn’t come over here that time to work on a history project with you, did he? He came empty-handed.”
“Oh, that,” I say.
“Yeah. That.”
“Don’t get mad,” I say to him. I smile, but it’s not returned.
“Oh, that’s a good one. Don’t get mad always ends badly.”
“Simon doesn’t go to my school. He goes to St. Augustine’s. I made that up. We just wanted to hang out together.”
I cringe and await the impact, but New Dad doesn’t lash out.
“That there is your last free pass of the night, young man,” he says. He leads the way downstairs.
“Hey, Simon,” I say when I see him. His face beams. I like that.
“Sorry, Simon,” Dad says. “That was my fault. Ezra and I had a few things we needed to talk about.”
“No sweat,” Simon says. He’s still kind of beaming. And his eyes are locked on mine as he talks to my father. “That’s okay, Mr. Caine.”
My dad starts to walk into the kitchen, but stops at the entryway. “Don’t forget to leave the door open, Ezra.”
“Um…yeah. Okay, Dad,” I say. Simon looks at me and his mouth makes a big O of shock. I just smile at him and shrug. I’ll take it. Dad tries to accept that I’m gay, and I leave my bedroom door open while my boyfriend is visiting. Yeah, I can do that.
CHAPTER 27
In the midst of all the chaos, we still somehow manage to keep up with the planning of our Wheel of Chance booth. Let’s face it, it’s a casino booth without the cash prizes. Of course we got the go-ahead. Mr. Wallace loved the idea. It seems there is no limit to the level of support he’s willing to give the Rainbow Alliance Club.
A few of the new kids have stepped up to help with things, too, but it’s been mostly Marc and Nettie who rallied to pull everything together. Alex has been too busy hiding at home healing, while I’ve been too busy feeling like a heel.
This is our last meeting before the homecoming event. I look around the room and everyone is busy with something. Everyone but me.
“Hey,” Mr. Reason says. He comes and sits down beside me in my little corner. “What’s up with Ezra Caine?”
“Huh?” I say. I’m in a bit of a daze. “Oh. Not much.”
“You look lost.”
“Nah. Just thinking about stuff.”
“This is going to be a great event, Ezra. Don’t worry about—”
“No. It’s not that, Mr. Reason. The club’s great. Just…been a lot happening lately. A lot to take in.”
“You mean with Alex? And Will?”
“Yeah,” I say. He only picked off the tip of the iceberg, but I agree anyway. No need to complicate things with all the other stuff going on in my life.
“I’m sure it’ll all die down soon. I’ve been told Alex will be back to school by the time we celebrate Homecoming. Things’ll get back to normal, Ezra. They’re already on their way to doing so.”
“I know, Mr. Reason. Thanks.”
Only, I’m still afraid that they won’t. Things won’t ever be normal again. Strike that. I’m going to have to get used to a new normal. One where I’m not good friends with Alex Mills. One where I have nothing to complain about at home. You would think that part would be good, wouldn’t you? But in reality, it just freaks me out so much that I’m still waiting for the other shoe to drop. It can’t be that easy. Can it?
“How about you help Nettie with the posters? Her help crew seems a bit flummoxed. Or see if Brad needs any help on the computer? He’s using a graphics program to create the coupons for the roulette table and I’m not quite sure he’s even used the program before. You’re good with stuff like that, aren’t you?”
I look at him and sigh. “I guess.”
“Come on,” he says. “It’ll take your mind off of things. We need all the help we can get right about now.”
“Okay,” I say. Well, I sort of moan it. I get up off my chair and it shrieks a bit on the floor.
“Oh,” Mr. Reason says. His face lights up. I follow his gaze to see what he’s looking at. “New blood. Why don’t you go welcome the newest addition?”
“Hey,” I say. I can’t help but smile as I see the kid walking toward me. “That’s my brother. Hey, Malcolm.”
“Hey, Ez,” Malcolm says as he arrives. “Um, Dad said I should check out the club. See if you need my help with anything.”
“Welcome, Malcolm,” Mr. Reason says as I stand there with my jaw dropped. “That’s fantastic. We could use every spare hand we can muster up at this point. Even better that you’re Ezra’s brother. Welcome.”
“Cool,” Malcolm says. “Hey, Mr. Reason. Thanks.”
“I’ll just leave you two to get at it. Nettie’s pulling her hair out. Better see if I can be of any service over there before she starts to take victims.”
“Thanks, Mr. Reason.” I look at him before he takes off, and I try to convey my thanks for several things at once.
“Don’t mention it, Ezra,” he says as he walks away. He looks over his shoulder and says, “Brad…” with an exaggerated expression of doom on his face and he points to him.
I nod and turn back to Malcolm. I realize I haven’t really said anything to him yet. I can’t lie, I’m in a bit of a state of shock. He smiles.
“Dad really said that?” I say. He nods. “Wow. I mean, holy.”
“Tell me about it,” he says. “I almost popped a brain-cell when he suggested it. I think he’s been switched out by the body-snatchers. Only, instead of getting stuck with some evil alter-ego version of our father, we’ve been left with a better new-improved version.”
“Yep,” I say. Almost exactly what I was thinking for the past few days. “Wanna help me help Brad?” I point to the corner where Brad is on the computer working on something. He’s in obvious distress. His body language screams frustration.
“Sure thing.” We head over to Brad’s workstation together.
“Hey,” I say to Malcolm, restraining myself from patting the top of his head, which is something I might actually do at home. As much as I will always see him as a little kid, I have to treat him like a grownup here. “Thanks, Malcolm.”
“No sweat, bro.” He almost always calls me bro and I almost always think it sounds silly. But today I’m okay with it.
“No,” I say. I stop and grab him by the arm and make sure he’s looking at me, that he understands how genuine my appreciation is. “Seriously. Thank you. It means a lot to me that you’re here.”
“Come on, Ezra. You’re my big brother. I should have clued in and joined the club sooner. You know me, though. I’m a little slow. I just can’t believe it was Dad who clued me in.”
“Nah. You’re alright.” As I say this, the urge to tussle his hair is overwhelming. But again, I stop myself.
“Are you kidding? I’m the best.”
We head over to Brad and rescue him just as he’s about to go down with his sinking ship.
CHAPTER 28
“Did you hear about Will?” Marc asks. We’re sitting at our regular table in the cafeteria. He’s been sitting with us every day now. And, it’s weird…but I think I’m completely over him. I mean, don’t get me wrong. I still think he’s the hottest guy in the school. Just, he’s not for me. I have Simon now.
“No,” I say after I swallow the last of my banana. “What now?”
“He’s talking about dropping off the football team,” Nettie says.
“No way. You’ve got to be kidding me. My father told me he’s got a scholarship. Why the hell would he leave the team now?”
“Come on, Ez,” Marc says. He looks at me as though the answer shoul
d be painfully obvious to me. “His life is in shambles. You must have heard that his father moved out. The creep hasn’t even made any effort to talk to Will. He just totally abandoned them. Disappeared.”
“All the more reason for him to keep his head in the game,” I say. “Football is his ticket out of here.”
“You kidding?” Marc says. “His head in the game? You’ve seen him walking around at school, right? He can’t even lift his head. Wouldn’t you be humiliated if that man was your father? Thanks to Alex, Will’s a laughingstock.”
“Dude,” I say. “I can’t even begin to imagine.”
Marc just shakes his head. Nettie stares off into the distance as though she’s trying to imagine that level of destruction happening at her house. Eventually, she joins him in shaking her head. She lets out a “phhhh…” as she bites her bottom lip and sighs.
As I’m about to start the next course of my lunch—an apple—I have an idea. I’m still rubbing the granny smith on my shirt front when I stand up and start my long walk to the other side of the cafeteria where Will sits with the rest of the jocks.
The noise at his table is almost deafening, but Will just sits staring at the untouched food on his plate. He’s a shadow of his former obnoxious self. Yep, still feel sorry for him. Check. Whoa. Even more so. I stand watching him for so long that someone eventually says something.
“What do you want?”
Of course it’s his friend, Jordan.
Will looks up. He takes me in and for a second I think I see a smile flash across his face. But then it’s gone.
“Hello? Earth to Ezra. Can we help you, loser?” Jordan says.
“Shut up, Jordan,” Will says. I’m completely blown away by this. Until Will continues. “Why start helping me now?”
I know immediately that this is a poke. Because of the way Jordan ran off like a coward on the day of the big explosion. The day Will’s life changed forever.
I nod hello to Will.
“Hey, Caine,” he says. He gets up from his seat. “Come on. Let’s take this outside. In the hallway.” He looks at Jordan. “I don’t really want to be here right now anyway.”
