“What is it? Why are you so hesitant to show me?” Samantha murmured, drawing him out of his thoughts. “Because I’d rather you tell me the truth than stay here and have sex just to get it out of our systems.”
When Bjorn’s eyes met hers, unconvinced, she nodded.
Though everything inside him wanted to take her here and now, something far deeper, his dragon, wanted to show her the truth…to let her in.
“Come then.” He pocketed some of the food then pulled her out a small exit in the back.
Samantha said nothing as she followed him down the steep, dark pathways that led through the enemy’s kingdom. A place that had once thrived but now had a murky underbelly. They traveled beyond the torches and manmade paths to a smaller village. One of many.
“My God,” Samantha whispered as they continued.
Bjorn gave no response. Did he want her to see how poor it was out here? How desperate these people were becoming? No, but yes. He told Heidrek about it but his cousin, through no fault of his own, had been more focused on their people. On working toward becoming the king Bjorn’s father was grooming him to be. He was busy doing right so that he could honor the kingship given him.
And he understood that.
Fate had cast the die in a different direction for Bjorn. Instead, destiny took him deeper and deeper amongst the people of the kingdom alongside theirs. And here in this place, he realized what the mistakes of his past had caused. How else could it be? Had he made different choices, none of this poverty would exist.
“Bjorn,” a woman called out, her voice raspy, her skin hanging on her bones. He released Sam’s hand, crouched in front of Hallgerd and brought his skin of mead to her lips.
“Drink, woman,” he urged.
So she did.
“Have you heard from her?” she whispered. “Have you heard from my Alof?”
Bjorn kept the skin to her mouth and nodded. Her granddaughter had traveled too far north and was killed. But Hallgerd didn’t need to know that. What good would such heartache do an old woman? So he squeezed her hand and murmured, “She married well, my friend, and will be back someday to visit.”
Hallgerd smiled, nodded and closed her eyes before Bjorn moved on, pulling Samantha after him. He stopped and spoke with many, portioning out his food as evenly as he could. By the time he and Samantha returned to the area by the small cave, she had grown silent. And he knew why. It wasn’t easy seeing hardship. Sadness.
It wasn’t easy seeing the truth.
Then again, it might have affected her very little. What other way could it be with someone who desired to see people divorced? It didn’t say much for the root of who she was. Yet he had shown her, felt she needed to see it…to see a part of him.
“You’re wrong,” Samantha said softly, her eyes tired and red-rimmed. “I don’t want to see people divorced, Bjorn.” Her sad eyes turned back the way they came. “And hell, if that was the truth you wanted to show me, then I’m sad to report things haven’t changed.”
Confused, he remained silent. How much inside of his mind was she? Obviously, more than he realized.
“What things haven’t changed?” he said as they entered the small cave. “Are things as bad as this in the future?”
“In some places, yes.” Her eyes didn’t meet his as they sat on a fur with their backs to a rock. “In others, no.” She finally looked at him. “Enough with the vague grumpy grunts for answers. Just tell me what’s going on Bjorn. Please. How do you know these people so well yet your son barely seems to know you? And why are we in a little cave yet again when you and Katla clearly get along now? How is it you’re welcome here by some but not by others?”
Bjorn weighed how much he wanted to tell her but realized the moment he gave her the option to see the truth, he wanted to tell her everything.
“When the dark king who once ruled this kingdom was defeated, I urged my wife to come home.” Bjorn frowned. “But she would not.”
“Why?”
“Because she wanted something different. True love,” he said. “She did not want to suffer with me again.”
“Suffer with you?” Sam frowned. “Why was she suffering? Didn’t you love her?”
Bjorn pulled a skin from the satchel only to stare at it as he murmured, “I did. Very much. But at times it was difficult to see.”
“I don’t understand.” Sam perked her brows, remembering full well how handsome he was when younger…still was. “Wait, was it difficult to see because you were promiscuous?”
He frowned heavily. “No.” At least not when awake. He shook his head. “I loved my wife. And I did not want to lose her and possibly my son with her.”
“I don’t blame you.” She looked at him in question. “But I still don’t understand. Why did she fall for the dark king to begin with? Why did she doubt your love for her?”
“She thought she loved the king because he manipulated her. She was a vulnerable girl. Someone who had spent years growing tired of wondering if I would stray. Years that although I was never unfaithful, left my wife lonely…” He looked at her. “Sad in a way I could not fix…because there was always another woman. She might not have been real, but she was there. And Katla knew it.”
Sam’s eyes held his for a long, confused moment before she understood and her eyes returned to the fire. “Oh, hell, it was me, wasn’t it,” she whispered. “I thought you were exaggerating when you said you’d dreamt of me often.” She closed her eyes and shook her head. “That’s what Katla meant when she said, “So you’re real. You exist.””
“Yes,” Bjorn said softly.
“Oh no,” she murmured. “One way or another I became what I hate most. The other woman.”
Bjorn wasn’t sure how to respond so he said nothing.
“She seems okay with me, though.” She frowned. “Is that because of what I am? A Gateway Seer?”
He nodded. “Partly. But Katla is not the sort to hold something against an unknowing, innocent party. If anyone was to blame, it was me. By the time she fled, her heart was no longer mine. If it had been, the enemy could not have so easily manipulated it.”
“I suppose. Still.” She sighed. “I feel like a jerk.”
“You should not.”
“But I do, Bjorn.” Her brows drew together as her eyes returned to his. “Tell me the whole story. How everything fits together now. Sven. Katla’s behavior. The poor village we just walked through.”
Bjorn considered her for a moment. Her curious mind. Her need to understand him better. Despite being a private person, he liked it. It felt far more genuine than Näv’s tricks. So he continued.
“When I was left for dead in the forest, my father declared war on these people. It was long and drawn out over two winters,” he said. “When the dark king was defeated, his brother stepped in and was allowed to rule under the condition that he and his people stayed away from our kingdom. There would be no intermarrying, and for all intents and purposes, we would remain silent enemies.”
“Like a cold war,” Samantha murmured.
Bjorn shrugged, unfamiliar with the expression.
“So where’s this new king now?”
“He is hunting but will likely return upon hearing of my arrival,” Bjorn said. “Like his brother, Agnar is no fan of mine.”
“Is that why we skulked around to get to this little hole in the wall…or mountain?”
“Yes, Agnar has many eyes and ears.” Bjorn scowled. “It is better for Katla if we remain in the shadows.”
For a second she thought he meant that because Katla had been married to the former king, his brother would get angered by her affiliation with Bjorn. Yet she saw the grave look in his eyes and knew there was more. It didn’t take her long to figure it out.
“So she married the new king,” Samantha murmured.
“Yes,” Bjorn confirmed.
Sam decided to leave that alone as she glanced at the entrance. “If Agnar’s got so many people watching, won’t he kn
ow we ended up here?” She peered around, dubious. “How safe is this place?”
“Safe enough,” Bjorn said. “Because it is protected by Näv’s magic.”
“Ah.” She eyed the thick trunk that made up one wall and the leaf-strewn branches that grew along the rock. “It’s sorta mystical, isn’t it?”
“It runs adjacent to the Place of Seers,” he said.
“I’ve heard of that place. Cybil and Heidrek traveled there so they could get to the top of the mountain faster.” She glanced at him. “So we’re near there?”
“Anywhere is near there if you’re under the influence of seer magic.” His eyes stayed with hers. “Or with a seer.”
“Right,” she murmured. “But let’s not get off track. Tell me what happened after the evil king was defeated and his brother took over.”
“He wished to wed Katla,” Bjorn said. “And she agreed.”
Samantha flinched. “So she went from one bad guy to the next.”
“In my mind, yes. In hers, he is not quite so bad.” Bjorn shook his head. “But I remain unconvinced.” He handed her bread, and a skin of mead then urged her to imbibe as he explained. “He is a jealous man like his brethren. That much is clear.”
“Sounds like it,” she agreed. “But, I don’t get it, though. Why would she defend him considering everything you just showed me? He’s obviously not a nice person. The main village seemed fine but not that other one. Not at all.”
Bjorn frowned. “I have long suspected so that she can keep us informed of Agnar’s activities. If he will pose a threat in the future.” He clenched his jaw. “All aside, he cannot be solely blamed for the state of these people.”
Her brows drew together. “How do you figure?”
“When I let Katla go after the first king died, I let this kingdom go as well,” he murmured. “I persuaded my father to let them be so she could have the sort of life she was looking for. So that she could find love in a place not ruled by my kin. A place where she would not have to see me.” He sighed. “Had I not done that, these people would not be so poor. So neglected.”
“Bjorn,” she murmured, her eyes on his face. “That’s an awfully big burden to put on yourself. You did what you thought was best for her. And from what I can tell, at the risk of losing your son not once but twice.” He almost pulled away when she squeezed his hand. “There was no way you could’ve known how things would go. Once you knew, it looks to me like you did the best you could over the years to help them.”
Bjorn had no response because he didn’t believe it. He could have tried harder. No matter what anyone said, he was convinced he could have done more to bring them comfort.
“So that’s why everyone else seems to know you but Sven, not so much,” she murmured, curious as her eyes held his. “Does Agnar know you’re a frequent visitor?”
“No. Only Katla.” He frowned. “Though I have been discreet over the years, I sometimes wonder if I needed to be. Agnar cares little about his outlying villages. He takes their wares in payment for living on his land and under his protection, such as it is. People who are so mistreated are not inclined to tell their oppressor about someone who hunts for them and brings them wares. Especially when he is considered the enemy. They would risk their king taking everything away from them.”
“Makes sense,” she murmured, looking at him with a strange light in her eyes. “And how often do you bring them food?” When he didn’t answer, she whispered, “Far more than your family knows, I bet.”
Bjorn didn’t respond but went on. “By the time the dark king was defeated, my son had changed. He had formed a protective shell around himself and spent long hours in the forest and mountains. Like me, he seems to draw solace there.” As always when he spoke about Sven, he worked hard to hold back his emotions. “When Katla married the new king, Sven grew angry. Not at his mother for taking him from his home, but at me for not coming to get them. For not being more forceful.”
He could sense Samantha’s compassion for him even though she said nothing. And though he didn’t want her pity, he kept talking.
“I would never force his mother to do anything she did not want to do. But Sven was so young he didn’t understand that,” he said. “He still doesn’t. In his eyes I abandoned them. I was no longer the hero he looked up to. Now I am and will always be a coward in his eyes. I’ve reached out to him over the years but to no avail.” He shook his head. “When given the option to leave his mother to live with me, he refused. While I suspect he knows she’s visited the Fortress over the years, he says nothing about it. He has never joined her. There is too much anger inside him.” Bjorn’s eyes got lost in the fire. “Time has done nothing to change things. I have become and remain my son’s enemy.”
“I’m sorry,” Samantha said softly.
His eyes fell to her hand when she placed it over his.
“I don’t think all’s lost quite yet,” Samantha said. “It might not have seemed obvious today, but I saw how much he once loved you.” She shook her head. “Love like that doesn’t go away, Bjorn.”
“It does.” He pulled his hand free and took a deep swig from his skin. “It did.”
“Then explain us,” she murmured. “Explain why your wife was convinced you loved another woman, and now I’m here.” Her voice grew even softer. “I’m not saying there’s love between us, because there’s not, but I am starting to get the feeling that those who are supposed to be close to you find their way…back to you.”
Bjorn’s eyes met hers, confused by the emotions her words evoked in him. A strange mixture of hope that Sven would someday forgive him and interest in what Samantha said about herself. And though he would normally avoid a conversation like this, he was too curious, he needed to know. “Do you feel like you have come back to me, Samantha? That you knew me before?”
Their eyes held as she considered his question. It felt like the cave grew smaller and the fire ten times hotter as he waited for her answer.
“I’m not sure what it was I felt when I met you except that it’s something…different,” she murmured, not avoiding his gaze in the least. “Something that hasn’t gone away no matter how crazy you make me.”
Bjorn well understood her sentiment. He felt the same way.
“I’m surprised by this.” Her gaze softened as she touched his cheek, more so his beard. “You don’t strike me as the vain type.”
He knew what she was talking about because he knew what memory Näv had shown her. Still irritated by his cousin’s rash actions, he brushed aside Samantha’s hand and yet again, told her more than intended.
“I do not try to hide my scar.” He clenched his jaw, upset. “I keep the beard to remind me of that day. To remind me of what I lost. The mistakes I made.”
“As far as I can tell, you didn’t make any mistakes. You can’t blame yourself,” Samantha said, her voice remarkably tender. Compassionate. “It was just a bad set of circumstances.”
Anger flared inside him at her words.
Anger he knew deep down she didn’t deserve.
“Had I not dreamt of you, none of that would have happened,” he spat, regretting his words the moment they left his mouth.
Utter silence fell as her eyes returned to the fire.
“I’m sorry,” he started, but she cut him off, her words soft and damning.
“No, it’s okay…you’re right…you are.” She swallowed. “No wonder you dislike me so much. It all makes perfect sense now. You should.”
“No.” He shook his head, his eyes trained on the fire as well. “I should not. I was wrong to say that. I just…”
When he trailed off, she murmured, “Just what, Bjorn? Just trying to push me away?” She leaned her head back against the rock and closed her eyes. “Because I don’t blame you. I would do the same thing if I were in your position.”
He didn’t like the sound of defeat in her voice. That hadn’t been his intention. Truth told, he wasn’t sure what his intention had been.
> But that was a lie.
Deep down he knew, and she deserved the truth.
Suddenly desperate to take that look off her face, he took her hand, overly aware of how small and soft it felt. “My draw to you was not your fault. It was magic. Dragon allure. That is all. I’ve just needed someone to blame for a long time. I needed to punish someone for my own weakness.”
“So I’m your weakness,” she whispered, her eyes still closed.
Bjorn almost told her that she was the furthest thing from it. That if anything, she had been his salvation over these long years. A calming light that flickered through his mind when the pain became too much. But he didn’t. Instead, he steered the conversation away. He wasn’t ready to let her see inside his heart. Not yet, anyway.
“I have told you things that nobody knows, Samantha,” he said. “Might you share something of your life now?”
“What and try to dispel your preconceived notions?”
When his eyes shot to her, Samantha’s were already on him.
“I know you don’t like what I do for a living.” Her lips thinned and she made no apologies. “But that’s because you don’t understand it. Only judge it.”
Relieved to be in more familiar territory, sparring, he perked a brow. “Is it not true that you show people how to abandon their relationships in order to find happiness? That you teach them it is better not to fight for what they had but to let it go?”
“Some of what you said is true,” she conceded. “But not all.”
“Typically, people don’t abandon relationships, Bjorn and you know that. There’s always a reason. Either his or hers or both of theirs. People cheat. Fall out of love. There can be all sorts of other things going on. What I do is help them pick up the pieces afterward…alongside their therapist.” She shook her head. “Because I’m no shrink.”
He frowned. “Shrink?”
“Somebody that gets an education to better understand the human mind,” Samantha provided. “I’m sort of the next step. The acceptance and moving on part. Finding happiness again. When it’s time to celebrate a new beginning.”
Vengeance of a Viking (The MacLomain Series: Viking Ancestors' Kin Book 2) Page 13
