I’ve been holed up in my apartment for four straight days, I should be meeting my newest self-imposed deadline for my second book that’s due for release in three months, but instead I’m gorging on Cheetos and microwave popcorn, alternating between throwing up and feeling sorry for myself. Good times.
Staring at me like I’ve grown a second head, Wheels all but yells,
“Yeah mom she’s here. Lee-lee will drop us off later, bye.” He doesn’t wait for an answer before slamming the door and making his way to me. Dropping unceremoniously on the couch next to my feet he keeps talking at the same volume as he always does, loud. “You know you look like shit right?”
Slapping him upside the back of his head, Cody reprimands him.
“Dude, watch your mouth. Dad said he’d staple it shut if he heard you talking like that around the girls anymore.”
I snort. Yep, that sounds like my daddy alright. Threats of physical violence to solve all of life’s little problems.
“What are you two brats doing here anyway? Did I forget you were coming over?” I know all too well they weren’t meant to be here today. Trust me, you’d remember a traumatic event like two tornados spending the day with you.
Snorting right back, Cody plops down on the floor not far from my head at the opposite end of the couch from Wheels.
“Nope, this wasn’t planned, but we’re here now and it’s pretty obvious,” he says waving his hand around, “That it’s good we’re here. You really could use a shower and change of clothes though, Lee-lee.”
Looking over both of my brothers makes my heart hurt. Not in a bad way, in a good way. A very, very good way. They are two of the sweetest boys I’ve ever met, and underneath their excessively loud voices, need for constant supervision, (because frankly put, without it they have managed to burn down a shed, break no less than six car windows, and knock over three bikes), and their ability to eat their weight in junk food, they are more caring, loving, and protective than any siblings I’ve seen.
Wheels is a carbon copy of my dad, to the point it’s a little scary at times. At twelve, Kane Declan, lest you call him that for fear of swift retribution, has inky blue-black hair styled in a faux hawk just like his dad. His crystal clear blue eyes twinkle with mischief 24/7, and even though he’s only twelve he has the build of a sixteen year old. Good genes.
On the other hand, Cody, who isn’t my blood brother but is as close to me as Wheels, has masses of sandy brown hair he leaves in that messy way that boys his age go for, jade green eyes that hold the same amount of trouble as my younger brothers, and is built like a linebacker now he’s eating regular meals, which mind you is code for no less than five, more like seven a day.
Most people look at our family as strange, taking in a seven-year-old with aggression issues, separating him from his older brother and younger sister, but to us it all just worked. Cody needed a disciplinarian, someone that wouldn’t take his crap and his violent outbursts, and who better than my dad. Back in the day he was a hellion, well him and Uncle Steel, so he’s well versed in how to deal with juvenile delinquents.
Emmaline and Nick, Cody’s siblings went to live with Adelyn and Uncle Reaper as soon as they arrived in Blackwater. Nick was here originally to finish a back piece tattoo that never got started seeing as he was underage when he tried to convince Ade to do it the first time, but ended up with a job at Skin Fusion and a place to live with his boss and now friend Reaper.
Emmaline going to live with Ade is self-explanatory. She needed a female influence, care, and love, all of which her own junkie mother had never given her, and who better than the sweetest woman I know, other than my mom, to give her everything she needed. Ade has been through enough of her own hardships, especially not being able to have children after the loss of two of her babies, so Emmaline came along at just the right time.
I was a little over eleven when Cody came to live with us, and already having a hyped up four-year-old in the house by the name of Wheels, his joining the family didn’t have anything other than a positive impact on me. Where most kids would resent having another little brother thrust upon them, I loved it. I’ve always loved being part of a huge family, and ever since I was a little girl I’ve wanted to have the same for myself. A big family, lots of kids, lots of noise, and constant chaos. Strange I know, wanting to be surrounded by all of that every day, but what can I say, it’s all I’ve ever known.
I love Emma, we’ve shortened it because yelling out Emmaline when you’re convincing her not to climb trees with a dress on gets tedious after a while. I loved her from the second I saw her pretty curls the same sandy brown as her brother and jade green eyes. She was like a living doll and just my luck one I got to play with daily. I taught her how to ride a bike, a skateboard, one of Uncle Reapers horses, and in return Emma ended up being the best little sister anyone could wish for.
Her inquisitive nature, desire to try anything attitude, and the quite strength she uses when she’s trying to bend Uncle Reaper, who she calls daddy, to her will are the things I love about her the most. I’m just waiting for the day when Emma, who is twelve now, realizes that she has an admirer in my youngest brother Wheels. He’s doted on her, adored her, from the minute he met her and was introduced to her fist when he tried to kiss her cheek. It was the funniest thing ever, seeing the look of awe and love on my brothers’ face while he was trying to stem the flow of his bleeding nose with one hand. It was almost as if he knew right then and there Emma was his other half.
Emma might be oblivious to it all, but you can be assured no one else is. In fact, Cody had words, which ended in a minor altercation, by which I mean they needed to be separated by dad and Uncle Reaper, when Wheels took offense to Cody saying he was taking too much interest in his baby sister. The two boys may be inseparable, most days when they aren’t fighting, but Emma and Wheels have a different friendship. Wheels is watchful, reserved even with Emma. They are an anomaly among kids their age, and regardless of how concerned mom and dad are at their closeness, I don’t see anything changing any time soon.
Face palming Cody so I can make enough room to get up I ask,
“So if this isn’t a planned visit, why pray tell are you here? Aren’t your Xbox’s mourning your absence?”
“They are, but you’re more important. This is an intervention.”
Wheels looks so serious that if I didn’t think he’d pay me back in some heinous way I’d laugh.
“Ooookay then. I love you Bro, but why are we having this little intervention? To my knowledge I’m not an alcoholic, I don’t do drugs, and any other addiction you think I might have you’re too young to know about, so what are we intervening on?”
Sighing dramatically, Wheels gestures up and down the length of my body.
“This, you, all of it? At the quizzical look on my face he elaborates. “We know something happened a while ago,” he says looking toward Cody who helpfully adds his nod. “And we don’t like whatever it was that’s made you look so sad all the time. You’re not coming to dinner, or dropping by to see us bringing us doughnuts. You don’t come to the club anymore, and you’re not really leaving your apartment. We wanna know why?”
Aw, it’d be cute if he wasn’t my brother and I had any intention of sharing the reason with him. They both look so hopeful, or deluded, it depends on how you choose to look at it really. There is no way in hell I’m going to tell them that I look like this because I’ve spent more time crying in the last seven and a half weeks than I have the rest of my life. I’m not going to tell them I feel like the other half of my heart is missing, or that I think I’m going to have more than a little problem in about seven months from now. And I’m definitely not telling them that I’m scared to leave my apartment for fear of running into Glock somewhere. No, they don’t need to know any of that. They’re kids and they should stay that way for as long as possible. Tis adult business isn’t for the faint hearted.
Cody taps Wheels’ shin quietly asking him to grab him a
soda, which Wheels happily does. Proof my youngest brother is still a kid, he isn’t able to pick up on the subtle removal tactic Cody just used on him. Turning to face me, his jade green eyes boring into mine, Cody begs,
“I know you don’t want to tell us, but I can guess what’s wrong.” I try to interrupt him, I don’t want him worrying about this stuff, but he ignores my weak protest and goes on. “I heard him and dad talking, a while back, around the time you changed. I didn’t hear all of it, just part I think, but dad was saying he’d made the right choice, shit would blow over soon just to give it time. I’m not stupid Lexi, I know I’m only a kid, but I know they were talking about you. I don’t know if telling you that helps, but I want my sister back. I want my happy, smiling, joking sister back, not the body snatcher one we’ve got now.”
Dumbstruck I try to sort through the information Cody shared. He made the right choice? He was given a choice to make? What the hell? It breaks my heart I haven’t heard from Glock, but what makes my heart ache is my brother feeling my pain. I thought hiding myself away from the world, away from my family, away from the boys would help. It would hide how badly I’m struggling with being completely ignored by my best, and oldest friend.
And he is, ignoring me that is. I’ve called, I’ve text, I’ve even tried showing up at his house, nothing. He doesn’t answer, he doesn’t reply, and he’s never home, I recognized his silence for what it was, complete and utter lock out. Glock had shut down on me, shut me out. It’s what he does when things get too hard, when he’s faced with conflict. The man has the innate ability to be able to compartmentalize his feelings and relationships. He can still be the happy-go-lucky Glock everyone knows and loves, but he can do it without really opening up.
I learnt early on that after the childhood Glock lived through, he learned to cope by keeping people at a distance, especially when he was having trouble separating and processing his feelings. I might not know all of the details as to why he believed he is so broken, but obviously it was something significant to make him this way.
At first I thought that was what he was doing with me; putting some distance between us while he worked out exactly how he felt about me. I know he told me he loved me at the lake that day, more than once, more than a handful of times, but being in the moment, saying you love someone at the height of passion happens, so I reasoned he needed time to get things straight in his head.
After two weeks of radio silence, I broke down and showed up at his house. He wasn’t there, and the thoughts that filtered through my head at where he could be, and who was with almost drove me crazy. I tortured myself for days after, and while most of the time I’d classify myself as a strong, independent woman, I can openly admit I broke down and cried for hours following my failed attempt at finding him.
Over the weeks that followed of course I heard about what he was up to, it’s par for the course, I hear through diluted channels what all the guys in the club are up to from my mom, aunts, and my dad. Strangely, but the reason why is becoming much clearer now, my dad has been unerringly quiet about goings on around the club. Not that he ever told me much, a funny story here, a run in there, but for him to be almost silent? That wasn’t like him at all.
With the pieces of a complicated puzzles starting to make more sense, not a lot but more, I reassure Cody as best I can.
“I’ll be okay Code, I promise. I know I haven’t been around a lot, but I’ll work on that, okay?” Hoping that’s enough for now, I squeeze his hand and make to stand.
“Promise, no matter what you won’t go anywhere. You won’t run away from us, Lexi. Promise.” The desperate plea in his voice breaks my heart all over again.
“I promise, cross my heart, stick a chainsaw in my eye I won’t run off little brother. No matter what it’s us against the world, yeah?”
I’ve always told Cody and Wheels that with their brains, and my smarts it’s us against the world. That the three of us together can do anything. I adapted that later to be the four of us, but in the beginning it was just us, the three of us against everyone else. Cody latched onto that more than Wheels, I think because of where he came from, what he’d seen in his short life he needed that. He needed to know he wasn’t alone, he wouldn’t be a single anymore. He needs to know he is part of a unit. And he is, one of the most important parts. Without him Wheels would be lost, and I would never have learned how to see the world through more rational, calm, calculated eyes, which is how Cody views things, he always has.
He’s sensible, patient, and determined. He’s the exact opposite of Wheels, and I think that’s why they work so well. That’s why they are, and always will be best friends, brothers. But where my brothers’ immaturity is still in full force, Cody’s so grown up in comparison. He talks like a grown up, like he’s seen and been privy to too much for his young age. I wonder if one day when he’s older if we’ll ever find out the full extent of his suffering as a child. But for whatever reason he’s matured beyond his years, I love him for it. The way he looks at life, almost philosophically sometimes is a beautiful thing. To come from where he has, and be able to be so compassionate and caring is a sight to behold. Whoever ends up with this young man is going to be very lucky indeed.
Nodding he stands saying,
“Are you going to shower and change so you can drive us to the clubhouse? Mom said she wouldn’t be able to make it back, so if you can’t do it we have to call Aunt Lou. Please don’t make me call Aunt Lou, she’s freaking crazy. Did you hear what she did the other day to Uncle Steel?” He says with a look of mock horror on his face.
Knowing this should be good for a laugh, I enquire,
“I won’t make you call her, little bro, I’ll drive you, but give your big sister a laugh would you and tell me what she did anyway.”
He lets out a chuckle, rare for Cody, but it lights up his face when he does.
“She figured Uncle Steel wasn’t home fast enough for dinner, so she set up that little card table she’s got with a tablecloth, cutlery, plate, glass, the works, on the front lawn. She even found one of those dome things they use in hotels and put his dinner under it to keep it warm. Uncle Steel came home saw that shit and freaked out, banging on the door telling her to let him in before he busted it done.” Chuckling again he goes on. “Apparently Aunt Lou “acquired”, that’s the word mom used, the next door neighbor’s dog shit and served it on his plate, changed the locks, and unplugged the phones.
Bursting with unrestrained laughter I have to use the wall to hold up my weight. Through my giggles I ask,
“Oh my God, seriously? She’s a trip.”
“She’s not a trip Sis, she’s freaking insane. Like certifiably insane. Why Uncle Steel puts up with her ass I don’t know, she must put out good.”
“You did not just say that? Mom would kick your ass if she heard you talking about Aunt Lou like that. I’d watch it if I were you.” I can’t help but be amused by the little shits assumption because he’s probably not wrong. But that doesn’t mean I ever, as in ever, need that mental image haunting me. There’s just some things you never need to know about your family members, or want to for that matter.
Shrugging my comment off, effectively ending that line of conversation he says,
“So you gonna go and get ready so you can drive us, or what?” Smartass little shit.
“Yep, I am. Try not to break, acquire, or set anything on fire while I’m doing that would you?” Waving me off, Cody switches the TV on just as Wheels walk back in with two sodas and my secret stash of Cheetos. Shaking my head I add, “Same goes for you buddy, no destroying or wreaking havoc while I’m in the shower, yeah?”
“Sure thing Lee-lee.” The mischievous look in his eyes tells me he’s thinking of something he can get up to that will make me lose my mind, but I cross my fingers and head off to have a shower regardless, hoping that when I come out they haven’t been arrested, and I still have a house left to call home. Sometimes all you’ve got left is to have a little fait
h.
Two turns, one street away from the clubhouse is approximately when I begin to have my first full blown panic attack. It’s not like I haven’t been here a million times before. Jesus, I practically grew up here. But the mere thought I’m going to run into Glock, that I’ll have to pretend everything’s okay with us when nothing could be further from the truth has my palms sweating and my heart palpitating. Wheels is oblivious, like he is to most things, sitting in the backseat of my Mustang rocking out to whatever is blaring through his headphones, Cody on the other hand reaches over giving my shoulder a reassuring squeeze. If I was southern I’d say; bless his heart, but seeing as I’m not I give him my best ‘I’m fine’ smile.
Barely getting the car in park, Wheels jumps out followed by a slower, wearier Cody. Before he closes the door he whispers,
“It’ll be okay, Sis. I’ll hang close.” God I love this kid.
“Its fine, Code. Go be a kid, I think Uncle Reaper wanted to show you that new shovel head he got the other week anyway. I’ll be good, I’ll just go find Sheila and see what trouble she’s getting herself into.” Reluctantly he closes the door and makes his way inside the club.
Taking one deep breath after the other, I climb out of my car, snagging my purse as I do. Repeating the mantra, ‘You can do this’ in my head, I swing the huge reinforced wooden door to the main room open and step inside. The clubhouse smells like home, it always has. The scent of leather, stale beer, a hint of cheap perfume, oil, and cologne fills the air giving it a must quality. Where most people would be put off by the smell, it signifies safety, security, everything that’s normal to me.
Broken: A Devil's Spawn MC Novel Page 8
