by Layla Holt
Dean never failed to swell with pride every time he came to Access security. Max had grown his company into one of the most sought-after protection services outfits in the state.
“Odd to see you at this time of day,” Max said without raising his head from the bonnet of the car he was servicing.
“I needed a break and thought I’d come and help you service one or two cars,” Dean said. “I know how much you appreciate cheap labor.”
Max straightened and grinned at Dean. “Make that no-cost labor and you have yourself a job.”
“Sure,” Dean said.
“Grab some overalls from the back office,” Max said.
Dean retraced his steps to the back office, found some clean overalls folded on a table, and grabbed one. He pulled it on over his clothes and went back outside.
“Start with that one,” Max said, pointing at a tinted black SUV.
“Yes, Boss,” Dean said, his tone heavy with sarcasm.
“That’s right,” Max said with a grin.
Minutes later, Dean was knee deep in oil as he drained the old engine oil into a tray. He had learned basic mechanics from Max’s father, who had owned a car repair shop. They had spent many happy afternoons helping with small tasks in the repair shop.
He’d come to escape his thoughts in between appointments. Sitting in his office wondering if the prospective buyers had liked the café had induced a headache and if he’d sat for longer, it would have turned into a full-fledged migraine.
If they liked and bought the café, Ruby would have no reason to remain in Lockwood. He could admit it now. The thought of her leaving made his heart expand to painful proportions. How had it happened?
One moment he had been in complete control of his feelings and now, from out of nowhere, he couldn’t bear the thought of losing Ruby. How had he allowed himself to fall back in love with her?
“Have you found a buyer for the café?” Max said.
“Not yet, but there’s a couple seeing it today. Right now, as a matter of fact,” Dean said.
“Do you want them to buy it?” Max said.
Dean shot him a look. “What kind of a question is that? Of course I want them to buy it. It’s what Ruby wants.”
“Except that she’ll go back to New York afterwards,” Max said. He wiped his oily hands on his overalls and came to where Dean was working. “Do you want some friendly advice?”
Dean straightened up. “No.”
Max grinned. “I expected that. I’ll give it anyway. Make up your mind what you want. If you want her to stay, then date her wholeheartedly. If you don’t, then stay the heck away from her.”
“You think you’re very smart, huh?” Dean said and dipped his head back under the bonnet.
He feigned disinterest in the conversation but his mind was mulling over what Max had said. His friend was right. He was half in and half out but who could blame him for being cautious?
“We got the contract this morning,” Max said.
Dean let out a laugh and stopped what he was doing. He clapped Max on the shoulder. “Congratulations! Access Security is going places.”
“Yes, we are,” Max said. “When they figure out how little you do at Candin Inc and fire you, we’ll give you a job.”
They had tried and failed several times to win a lucrative contract from one of those musical labels that had celebrity musicians on their portfolio. They discussed what the contract would mean financially for Access Security and also for future jobs.
“Now you don’t have to worry about that loan,” Dean said knowing how much pressure his friend had been under in the last couple of months. When a company expanded too fast, it also risked running out of capital if payments were not prompt.
“How about we go out for a drink on Saturday to celebrate?” Dean said.
“What about Ruby? You spend every weekend with her. Isn’t she going to be lonely?” Max said.
“She’ll be in New York. Only for two days,” he added when he saw worry cross Max’s eyes.
That had been his own reaction when Ruby told him she was going back to New York. Fear. His blood had gone cold as he thought of never seeing her again. He’d forced himself to be calm and cool.
It was not a good way to live or conduct a semi-relationship. There was no other word to describe what he and Ruby had. It hadn’t been any better in the years when she had been away. Then, he’d been living half a life.
Since Ruby had come back home, he felt alive. Back to himself. When he laughed, it came from his heart, not just his mouth making the proper laughing noises. He had two choices to make.
He could go on living in fear of getting his heart broken again, thereby living an unfulfilled life. Or he could grab every day as it came, enjoy Ruby while she was still in Lockwood and in his life and not give too much thought to the future. The answer was obvious.
Chapter Eleven
Penny was waiting for her in LaGuardia Airport when she arrived on Saturday morning. She screamed and jumped on Ruby when she saw her, ignoring the stares directed their way. Ruby laughed and wrapped her hands tightly around her friend.
They clung to each other and then Penny stepped back to study her. “You look prettier, softer. Lockwood is good for you.”
“Thanks,” Ruby said. “And you look as beautiful as you always do.” Penny had athletic girl-next-door looks that were always in demand.
“Thanks,” Penny said and linked her arm through hers.
It felt like ages since she’s been in New York and yet it was less than a month. Ruby had never thought of, or referred to New York as home. Lockwood would always be her home.
“How does it feel to be back?” Penny asked as they entered a cab.
“I feel like I’ve been gone for ages,” Ruby said. “And I think I miss Lockwood already, but it feels good to get some distance.”
“I bet it does. Have you finished Leah’s jewelry?” Penny asked.
They kept each other well updated on what the other was doing with text messages and phone calls.
“Actually, that’s one of the reasons I’m here,” Ruby said and told her about the online store that Maisie was designing for her.
“I can’t wait to see it and you know you’ll have loads of us waiting to hit that ‘buy’ button,” Penny said.
Ruby grinned. “I know and I appreciate it. Now tell me, what’s been going on with you? Date?”
Penny made a face. “I think I’ll have to come down to Lockwood to get a man. I’ve gone on more than five dates since you left and none of them made it to almost relationship. Is it me?” She pulled her lower lip and Ruby laughed.
“No, it’s not,” Ruby said, knowing that Penny did not need to have her self-esteem massaged. She had enough self-confidence for five people.
Penny entertained her with tales of the men she had dated, making Ruby laugh. It was nice to be carefree and not be constantly confronted by her past mistakes and not stress over the future. Here in New York, she could just be Ruby the model.
All too quickly, the cab came to a stop outside Ruby’s building. She hugged Penny again. “Thanks for coming to get me. It meant a lot.”
She knew it was a sacrifice for Penny to get up early when she’d most likely been up ‘til after midnight. Then, rather than go straight to work, she had come to the airport.
“You’re welcome. Oh, I’ve missed you. I don’t know what I’ll do when you move to Lockwood permanently,” Penny said.
Ruby frowned at her. “Where did that come from? I’m not moving to Lockwood!”
“We’ll wait and see. Go on and get ready for that audition. Knock them dead and I shall see you in the evening.”
Penny practically pushed her out of the cab, which was just as well since she had less than two hours to get ready for the audition.
She grabbed her bag from the trunk and waved goodbye to Penny. Ruby stood outside her apartment building and felt like she’d been spit from the cab and now the city was swallowing h
er up.
People hurried around her, with no time to show their irritation by her and her bag blocking the way. She’d never realized how small and irrelevant one became in New York. No one knew her on the street or cared about her. She could faint and ten people would walk by before one stopped to check on her.
Four years ago, Ruby had loved the anonymity of the city. She loved that she could step outside her apartment and walk down the street without someone yelling a greeting at her.
She got the key from her bag, grabbed her shoulder bag and went to the yellow apartment door. She wondered what Dean was doing at that very moment. Ella was returning to work for a few hours and she felt bad that she wasn’t there to welcome her back.
Dean was helping with the lunchtime shift today. She felt a deep longing to be back in Lockwood, which felt like her home more than her fourth-floor apartment. She pushed the door open and wrinkled her nose at the musky smell of staleness and dust permeating the room.
She looked around and wondered how she had ever been happy and satisfied with her life. There were no photographs on the wall, no personal tidbits, like well-read books or an afghan flung on the couch. A stranger could not tell her personality by looking at the house.
It looked like a temporary house with the barest of furnishings. She had spent very little time in the apartment. It served its purpose, which was to provide her a place to rest in between her modeling jobs. She had worked like a woman possessed in the last four years.
There had been no time to make the apartment a home or to think about the past. She crossed the living room and walked down the hallway, making as little noise as possible as if she was a stranger invading someone’s space.
Ruby had converted the second smaller bedroom into a work room and that was where she went. There, for the first time since entering her apartment, Ruby smiled. The table was strewn with all the things she held dear. Pearls and wires and everything related to her jewelry making business.
Her cell phone shrieked from her bag, startling her. Probably Dean checking on her, Ruby thought with a smile. She grabbed the phone and lifted it out of her bag. Disappointment flooded her when she saw Bernie’s name on the screen.
“Hi Bernie,” Ruby said.
“I’m sorry, I think I have the wrong person. I wish to speak to Ruby, you know, the model, who is about to go on the audition everyone was fighting for,” Bernie said.
She laughed. “Sorry, I’m just a little tired and overwhelmed at being back. New York takes time to get used to after you’ve been away, you know.”
“I don’t,” Bernie said. “I love New York and I can’t bear to be away even for a day.”
“I know you do. I’m about to start getting ready,” Ruby said. “I’ll be there with time to spare.”
“Great, I’ll see you soon,” Bernie said enthusiastically.
Ruby disconnected the call and waited for the excitement to come. It didn’t. Her spirits remained flat.
PENNY RETURNED TO RUBY’S apartment at seven in the evening. By then Ruby had already showered, packed the jewelry pieces she needed to return to Lockwood with, and ordered their dinner.
"I got our favorite, Kung Pao Chicken and fried rice," Ruby said.
Penny groaned. "I'm going to hate myself tomorrow, but let's dig into it."
That was the one side of being a model that Ruby hated. She admitted that it was necessary but she hated that eating featured very strongly in their conversations. Even though she employed a lot of discipline, like Penny and all the models they knew, she was blessed with a fast metabolism.
Ruby didn’t deny herself a lot of things as her body naturally shed off any extra weight fast.
"Kimberly said hello," Penny said as she shed off her coat and got comfortable on the couch, folding her legs under her long body.
Ruby smiled. "How is she?"
They launched into a conversation about friends in common until the delivery guy knocked on the door. Ruby went to the door, got the food and tipped the delivery guy.
"Floor?" she said, balancing the boxes in her arms.
"Only way to eat Chinese food," Penny said, moving the coffee table to one side.
Ruby giggled. Penny said that about every type of food.
Only way to eat Thai.
Only way to eat a burger.
She had a thing for eating on the floor and when they were together, Ruby adapted the same behavior.
Minutes later, they were seated on the rug, digging into the food, while Penny made loud appreciative noises. "I envy your life," she said.
Ruby looked at her in surprise. "Why? I'm the most messed up human being I know."
"No, you’re not. Okay, maybe when it comes to your lover boy in Lockwood. But the rest of your life is so orderly and fun. You know what you want. Like today, you've done your audition and then you'll go back to Lockwood where everyone knows you."
Ruby interrupted with a laugh. "Not everyone knows me. I’m not a member of the Cohan family. They're the ones who are known by everyone."
"You know what I mean," Penny continued. "You'll go and get your online jewelry business up and running."
"I’m sure there's something else you can do if you wanted," Ruby said.
Penny shook her head. "That’s just it. Modeling is all I've ever wanted to do but what I mean is this, you know what you want."
The conversation reminded her of herself when she and Leah had been talking. She'd felt the same way that Penny was feeling.
"I feel that way sometimes," she said to Penny.
Penny shrugged. "It’s not like I lose any sleep, it’s just that talking with you now makes me realize how much you do."
Ruby shifted. She had gotten it from her mother. Not that her mother had done much but she'd taught Ruby to grab all the opportunities that came her way. Acting was one of those. She liked it and it was fun, but it was not something she felt extremely strongly about.
But who knew where it would lead? And, it was an opportunity to be grabbed.
"Speaking of which, how did the audition go?" Penny said.
Ruby laughed. "I did the typical blunder of leaving the bathroom with my skirt tucked into my knickers. Luckily, I’m auditioning for the part of a prostitute, so no one found it odd."
Penny giggled. “I don’t think I could stand that pressure of everyone watching me take on a role."
"It’s not a lot different from modeling," Ruby said. "Major difference is that you get to talk."
Penny took a gulp of water. "What happens if you get it? I know you keep insisting that you won’t, but what if you do? Will you turn it down?"
Ruby’s stomach hardened. She didn’t want to think that far ahead. Or even what would happen if she got it. "I’d probably turn it down."
Penny giggled. "Bernie would kill you."
"He would," Ruby said, laughing as she imagined her agent’s reaction. "Not going to happen though. You should have seen the other girls auditioning. They were awesome."
They finished eating and cleared up, taking the trash to the bin.
"You know something," Penny said, her eyes boring into hers. "You look happy. Lockwood is good for you. Dean is good for you."
Ruby grinned. "I think I’m a small-town girl at heart."
They returned to the living room and plopped down on the couch.
"How is it going with Dean? I want details, girl," Penny said.
Ruby laughed then grew solemn. "I don't feel like we’re moving forward. It's fun being with Dean but I feel like we’re moving around in circles."
"But you do such fun stuff. Going to watch movies in old theaters, cooking together," Penny said, a wistful note in her voice.
"Yeah but that's all the stuff we used to do four years ago," Ruby said, finally being able to put into words some of the frustrations she had been feeling in Lockwood.
"I see what you mean," Penny said. "You guys are living in the past, relating as the old Dean and Ruby, and this is four years later."
"Exactly!" Ruby said. Sometimes when she and Dean were together, she felt as if they had time travelled into the past.
"Then start again. Stop living in the past and embrace now. Find out who Dean is and let him get to know you afresh. I'm sure both of you have changed in not so obvious ways," Penny said.
"You're right," Ruby said. "We've changed."
Chapter Twelve
Dean stood with his hands buried in his pockets, his concentration on the passengers who had just arrived from New York. He hadn’t told Ruby that he'd pick her up from the airport but he couldn’t wait to see her.
She'd been away for one night and two days and it felt like a month. How had he managed when she’d been away for four years? That had been different though. They hadn’t been together or in contact. He’d been a broken man then.
The memory of the pain he’d gone through came over Dean. The reminder shook him as he recalled the helplessness, the despair, the sureness that he'd never experience happiness again. His skin prickled with fear. It could happen again. The thought of being so broken again almost paralyzed him.
Dean threw his glance at the way he had come. He could turn around and leave the airport and Ruby would never know. He could protect himself if he left now. When she walked out of the terminal and he lost himself in her exuberant personality and beauty, there was no turning back.
His stomach churned. Dean reminded himself of the promise he had made to himself. He wasn't going to live half a life. He would embrace the now and enjoy Ruby without stressing over the future.
He saw her as soon as she emerged, striding confidently, leaving men staring in her wake. Relief and joy crashed his heart. Seeing her now sent a near electric current sizzling through him. He had missed her. More than missed her.
Dean strode in her direction and when she saw him, her face lit up and her lips curved into a beautiful smile.
"Dean!" she shouted and walked straight into his waiting arms.
She molded into his body as though she belonged there. He leaned forward to smell her hair and inhaled the sweet scent of vanilla. How was it possible to have one human being, only one, amongst all the billions that made up the world population, that righted his world.
