by Layla Holt
“I would never be unhappy with you Dean,” Ruby said.
Her words filled him with warmth.
“Do you think we’ll ever get to do this again?” she said.
“What?” Dean said.
“Have a big white wedding?” Ruby said.
“It’ll depend on you. I don’t care either way as long as you’re in my life,” he said.
She inched closer to him and rested her head on his shoulder. “I don’t deserve you Dean.”
Chapter Nineteen
“You’re extra happy today,” James said to her when she carried dirty cups to the kitchen sink.
“I’m always happy,” Ruby said. It was true. She couldn’t remember the last time she had felt less than cheerful. She wondered briefly why she had ever been frightened of being in Lockwood.
To be perfectly honest, she was extra happy. Dean had contracted an architect and they were meeting with him at five in the evening. Jonathan had teased her about slacking off from work and then waved her off with a laugh and an urge to take more time off.
She had so many ideas for the house. Ruby loved big open spaces and she wanted a big sprawling house. A house where they would not need to keep adding rooms as their family expanded. She’d wrestled with herself over the number of kids she and Dean would agree on.
Her phone vibrated in her pocket.
Ruby changed direction and headed to her office when she saw Bernie’s name flashing across the screen.
“Hi Bernie,” she said.
“Now that’s the kind of greeting I like,” he said. “I hope you’re not getting too attached to that place.”
“It’s called Lockwood,” Ruby said, her tone dry.
“Whatever,” Bernie said.
She could imagine him waving a hand dismissively. He did that a lot when the topic was not New York, a possible contract or the trendiest clubs.
“So, are you sitting down?” he said.
Dread filled Ruby’s stomach. “Look whatever it is, the answer is no. Things have changed since—”
“You got the part.”
Ruby froze.
“I said you got the part of Lola,” Bernie said, his voice quiet. “You got the part of the year. No one expected you to get it Ruby, not even me. Congratulations! Now, what were you saying?”
“Oh my God!” She couldn’t believe it. Out of all those gifted actresses who had auditioned and they wanted to give her the part. “Are you sure Bernie?” There had to be a mistake.
“Oh yes babe. The part is yours. They loved your freshness and the raw emotions you portrayed. You depicted Lola as human even though she had sunk to the dregs of humanity.”
Ruby’s mind was a buzzing mess of static. How? She was a newcomer in the acting industry. How could she have been so lucky? She thought of her mother and her eyes filled with tears. They had come full circle as mother and daughter. She was about to fulfill her mother’s dreams.
All her life she had thought of her unfulfilled dreams of being an actress. Ruby could see her now, laughing and crying at the same time. She would have been so proud. My daughter is an actress, she would have told everyone.
How she wished that her mother was still alive to witness the moment. To watch Ruby in her first major role. Maybe then, she would have known that her life had not been in vain. That even though she had made the choice to get married and have a child, it had, after all, been worthwhile.
“I won’t bother asking you what to tell them,” Bernie said. “I know how important your career is. It comes first and that’s why me and you get along so well babe. We’re going places!” With that, he disconnected the call.
She hadn’t said yes but neither did she contradict him. After Bernie disconnected the call, thoughts of Dean crowded her mind. She covered her face with her hands. What was she going to do?
They would figure things out. They could continue their relationship as she worked.
In between breaks, she would come to Lockwood or he would come on set, wherever she was working. Surely, he wanted her to follow her dreams just as she wanted him to follow his.
Still, she needed to speak to someone. With trembling hands, she scrolled down her contacts to Penny’s number and hit ‘call’.
Penny picked up the call on the first ring. “Hi Ruby!”
“Hi supermodel,” Ruby said.
“It will happen you know,” Penny said.
“I have no doubt.” Penny was ambitious and hardworking. She was going to make it to the very top.
She had been like Penny once wanting to get to the top of her modeling career but over the years that hunger had faded and she’d just been happy to be working and securing her future.
“And for you too,” Penny said.
“I don’t know about that,” Ruby said. “I seem to be going in a different direction. Penny, I got the role of Lola!”
“Oh my goodness,” Penny said. “You are awesome. Wait. Have you told Dean?”
“I will when we meet this evening. I know he’ll be happy for me,” Ruby said but did not sound as confident as she would have wished.
“What are you thinking?” Penny said. “A long-distance relationship?”
“People do it you know,” Ruby said.
“They do. Can I ask you something Ruby?” Penny said and went on without waiting for a response. “Is this something you’ve always wanted, to be an actress?”
“My mom wanted to be an actress,” Ruby said. “And for me, I suppose it’s a natural progression from modeling.”
Penny did not speak. Ruby rushed in to fill the silence. “I want to experience all that life has to offer by grabbing all the opportunities that come my way.”
“And yet you’re considering dropping the biggest opportunity that’s come your way,” Penny said.
“I never promised Dean that I’d stay in Lockwood.”
She thought of the house they were making plans for and guilt flooded her. She told herself to stop being silly. They could still continue with their plans for the future.
“Maybe not in words,” Penny said.
She stood up and paced the length of the office. “What if I live to regret my decisions? What if I stay in Lockwood and become a bitter person?”
“Only you can answer that,” Penny said. “But I think what you’ll regret is losing Dean. There will be no other chance and I know you love him.”
“I’ve always loved him,” Ruby said.
“You know what I wish?” Penny said as, per her fashion, she continued speaking without waiting for an answer. “I wish you’d stop making decisions based on fear.”
“What do you mean?” Ruby said, her insides clenching.
“Fear of missing out,” Penny said. “Fear of intimacy.”
“Says the girl who vows that a man can never come between her and her dreams,” Ruby said.
“I’m also the girl who has never had a ‘Dean’ in my life. And I hope that when I do, I’ll make a decision from a position of strength, not fear.”
Chapter Twenty
Dean parked his car outside the café but before he could turn off the engine, Ruby strode out and came to the car. She was just as eager as he was to meet with the architect. Rodney was an old family friend and he’d gone on ahead to be surveying the land while he picked up Ruby.
“Hi sweetie,” Dean said when she slipped in.
She kissed him on the mouth. “Hi.”
Something was off about Ruby. “Are you okay?” he said.
She smiled and his worries faded. “I’m fine. Just a rather long day. So, tell me about this architect friend of yours.”
“Rodney’s great,” Dean said as he drove away from town. “He’s designed beautiful homes and he totally gets what we have in mind.”
“I can’t wait to see what he comes up with,” Ruby said.
She was different from the previous evening. Less enthusiastic. Less open about her feelings. He hoped she hadn’t changed her mind about wanting to li
ve in Glenn Acres. But the truth was it didn’t matter where they lived, as long as he was with Ruby.
He did most of the talking on the way to Glenn Acres. When they got there, they parked behind Rodney’s SUV and got out. He saw them and walked back.
“This is quite a spread you have here,” he said.
“Thank you,” Dean said. “Let’s show you where we’re thinking of having the house.”
He introduced Rodney to Ruby. He held Ruby’s cold hands and wondered if she was coming down with a cold.
He expected her to cheer up when they got to the spot they had picked as perfect for their home. Instead, she let him do all the talking. He told Rodney where they wanted the kitchen, the living room and the bedrooms. Rodney’s enthusiasm took over and he was soon brimming with wonderful ideas.
“I like that,” Dean said in response to Rodney’s idea to go for a completely rustic design that would blend in to the surrounding nature. “What do you think Ruby?”
She was clearly lost in thought.
“Ruby?” Dean said.
She blinked. “I’m sorry.”
“Never mind,” Dean said, now seriously worried. Something was wrong. He couldn’t wait to finish with the meeting which dragged on for another twenty minutes.
At last Rodney left, with the promise that he would come up with the initial designs. He and Ruby got into his car, but he did not turn the ignition key.
“Okay sweetie, something isn’t right with you. Tell me, I’ll make it better, I promise,” Dean said.
He’d hoped to coax a smile out of her. Instead, a caged look came over her features. Dean’s insides turned to water. No, he told himself. It was his imagination. Ruby was not slipping away from him. Then why was her body language emitting negative vibes.
Her aura reminded him of a period he preferred to forget about. The weeks leading up to their wedding. She had worn the same look. A trapped look. Dean forced his mind to calm down. To not jump to conclusions. His imagination was probably playing tricks on him.
“I got a call from Bernie,” Ruby said.
Why was her agent calling her when she’d told him that she would not be taking any more jobs for the next few weeks?
“I’ve been offered this huge part of a girl called Lola,” Ruby said, her voice dull.
“Wait,” Dean said. “I don’t get it. Don’t you need to audition for a part to get it?” He wasn’t that ignorant when it came to acting.
Ruby looked out the window and then glanced back at her hands. “The weekend I went to New York, I auditioned for that part but I was sure I wouldn’t get it so I didn’t bother telling you. I didn’t want to worry you.”
He had something to say about that but he had a feeling there was worse to come. Dread came over him.
“No. I wanted time to think about it,” Ruby said.
“What’s there to think about, unless...” Dean said and clapped his forehead.
He stared at her in disbelief. He was such a fool. The real Ruby had come back. “We’re back to that again. This is your excuse to run off. I can’t believe I allowed myself to be pulled in by you again.”
He wanted to punch something. He felt caged in. As if there was not enough air in the car.
“I haven’t made a decision,” Ruby said, her voice weak.
He was a fool, there was no other word for it. He had trusted her dang it! Believed her when they planned their future together.
“We both know you are. Let me save you the trouble of a speech. You’re free. You can go back to New York. This time, don’t come back,” Dean said his voice free of emotion.
He was done with feelings. That was it. Enough. And he never wanted to see Ruby ever again.
“I never said I would take it,” she said.
Even her voice did not carry the conviction of what she was saying.
“You don’t have to, I can see it in your eyes,” Dean said.
“We can make it work Dean,” Ruby said. “People do it all the time. My taking the role doesn’t mean that it has to end between us. I’ll be back between shootings.”
He shook his head. “How long can you do that before you decide you need to be in Hollywood full time?” He’d been a fool twice; he’d have to be a complete idiot to be fooled the third time.
“I won’t,” Ruby said. “Trust me.”
He looked at her. “That’s just it. I don’t trust you.”
“Dean—”
“Let’s just make a clean break. I wish you all the best Ruby.” He turned the key and the engine roared to life.
There was nothing to say on the way. He dropped Ruby home and waited for her to get out and kept the engine running.
“Dean please,” Ruby said. “Can’t we talk?”
“There’s nothing to talk about. Please get out of my car. I want to go home.” He couldn’t bear to look at her.
She got out and shut the door. He waited until she entered the house and then drove off.
EVERYONE STAYED OUT of her way the following day, perhaps sensing her foul mood. She alternated between feeling angry with Dean and breaking into tears. She hadn’t exactly said she would go but she hadn’t said no either.
It looked as if the decision was already made for her. She had tried to explain it to Dean but had lacked the words. She really needed to do it for her mother. This had been her dream. It was Ruby’s chance to fulfil it. And it was an opportunity that would never come her way again. Why couldn’t he understand that and wait for her?
It’s not like they would not be seeing each other. Ruby was on duty serving the afternoon customers. She was relieved to see Ella return from her break. She was tired of forcing smiles. She fled to the office as soon as she could.
Her phone was ringing as she walked in and she quickly answered it without checking the caller. Her heart skipped a beat when she heard Dean’s voice. He’d had a change of heart.
Oh God please help it be so.
It didn’t take long for her hopes to be dashed.
“I just called to say that we found buyers for the bakery café. A young couple whom you know.” His tone was cold. Business like.
“Who?” Ruby said.
“Jonathan and Ella. They’d expressed an interest before but something happened with their financier. Seems like they got another backer.”
“That’s good for them,” Ruby said. She clutched the phone. She had to keep him on the line. “Can we meet for coffee?”
He let out a bitter laugh. “Coffee? What for?”
The phone went dead. A sob escaped Ruby’s lips. She was a mess and she couldn’t think clearly. She kept seeing her mother’s smiling face.
You’re braver than I was.
Ruby mopped her face with a tissue and left the office. She went to Jonathan’s spot by the coffee machine.
“Congratulations,” she said with a smile. “You and Ella will do well here.”
“Thank you,” Jonathan said. “We hope to make your dad proud.”
Tears came to her eyes. “He will be. I’m glad you got another backer.”
Jonathan was silent for a moment. “I’m not supposed to say but I guess I can tell you. It’s Dean. He’s our financier. I can’t tell you how touched Ella and I were. We won’t let him down.”
Chapter Twenty-one
It was the second time she had left Lockwood like a thief. She’d been too ashamed to say goodbye to anyone. Ruby could not imagine their reactions when they were told that she had left. Disgust. Anger. Feelings that she herself was feeling.
Luckily, she managed to fall asleep and woke up when they were just about to land. Happy voices filled the airplane as passengers gathered their hand luggage and disembarked. Ruby was the last to leave the plane.
She grabbed her case from the luggage carousel but instead of going to look for a cab, she sat in one of the terminal chairs. She had had a lot of time to think the previous night.
Something Penny had said kept coming back to her. Something abou
t making decisions from a position of strength rather than fear. That had penetrated her thick brain. She’d made her decision based on fear.
Ruby had recognized that she was living her life for her mother. She didn’t want to be an actress. That had been her mothers dream. She had wanted to get married to Dean, not move to New York to be a model.
And now she wanted to be with Dean and run her jewelry company.
She looked around her. New York held nothing for her. She wasn’t looking forward to being Lola. What she kept thinking about was the house she and Dean were to build for their family. That was what excited her. So what was she doing in New York?
Ruby reached for her phone and called Bernie.
“Welcome home!” he said.
“Thank you,” Ruby said.
“Have you just landed? If you’re not too tired, we can meet the assistant director. He’s very eager to see you again. Where are you?”
“I’m at the airport. This is a mistake Bernie. I’m sorry but I’m going back home.”
A string of expletives followed her announcement.
DEAN COULDN’T PINPOINT what he had done all morning besides shuffling papers. He hated that he couldn’t concentrate on his work and kept thinking of Ruby. He hated her. No, loved her so much but he hated what she had done to them.
She had robbed them of the chance of a beautiful happy life.
He felt like a failure. What had made him think that Ruby had changed? She would always be the girl who saw the grass as greener on the other side and there was nothing anyone could do about it.
A knock came on the door and he scowled as he called for the person to enter. He had expressly told Evelyn that he was not to be disturbed. Expecting to see Evelyn he was shocked when Ruby strode in and shut the door.
He blinked, afraid that he missed her so much that he was now imagining her walking into his office. Nope, she was very real, he thought when she smiled. She looked so beautiful with an orange scarf tied on her head.
