I found myself near my house just as the sky darkened, so I went inside, if only to escape the biting wind. I had barely felt it before, but now I discovered I was chilled to the bone. I went through to the room for evening board, but I was early. Two people in their uniforms were setting the table. They bowed to me, and said something incomprehensible, then turned away to their chores, faces expressionless.
Tears dripped down my face again. I had never felt so alone. I’d lost my only real friend, my lover, and the worst of it was, I had no idea why. How could it possibly happen? Cal was a mage, he should have been safe. He was safe, for the bird had left him alone, and how many corridors had he walked through alongside me and not been taken? Yet now, for no reason I could see, the city had decided he had no right to be here.
It was my fault. I’d made false assumptions somewhere. I’d prided myself on my ability to reason, to deduce how the city worked, and I had failed. I’d thought Cal was safe but I was wrong, and I’d lost him because of it. If only we’d been more cautious! If only we’d gone a different way, a route we’d tested before.
These thoughts went spinning round in my head again and again, but I could make no sense of them. I began to doubt my reasoning, my sanity even. Perhaps I imagined everything? Perhaps he’d never been here at all? Did I dream those languid afternoons in bed?
No. Logic was my friend. I went through to another room, which had a writing table in it, pulled paper, pen and ink from the stand, and began to write. I made three columns: one for myself, one for Cal and one for poor Marras. Then I methodically listed all the differences between us. As soon as the list was in front of me, the obvious difference jumped out at me: the magic. I had magic inside me, Cal’s was contained in his vessel, and Marras had none. I could go anywhere with impunity. Marras had been taken the instant she set foot in the city. That was an assumption, of course, but it seemed a safe one. But Cal – so many times he had been here and been perfectly safe. What was different about this time?
I could see him in my mind’s eye, clinging to me when the birds came, or holding my hand as we strolled the streets and later striding off down the corridor. When he vanished, we were not touching. Almost all the time, we walked about hand in hand, but that one time he hadn’t been touching me. So had my magic been protecting him? Was he vulnerable without my constant touch? Why did his vessel not protect him? Because it wasn’t touching him, I realised. It sat in its little pouch instead of resting against his skin. I remembered the mage who’d led us through the sewers that first time, clutching his carved ivory vessel the whole way. That was all it needed. If Cal had let his vessel touch his skin, he would have been perfectly safe. If the mages had shown him how to get into the city, they would have told him that, probably.
But it was too late. Far, far too late.
I had a thought and raced through to the bedroom, and rummaged through drawers and shelves until I found what I was looking for – a belt with many pieces of carved jade worked into it. There were several in different sizes, and we’d assumed, when we looked at them before, that the jade sat on the outside, as decoration. Now I saw that I’d got it wrong. The jade was designed to lie on the inside, next to the skin. The belt was a device to hold many vessels. When I touched one of the jade pieces now, I could detect a faint resonance of magic still humming inside. That would be a powerful gift for a mage. For Cal.
It was all too much. I hurled myself onto the bed and wept in anguish.
~~~~~
I was tempted to stay there all night. I could live indefinitely in my house if I wanted to, with food and drink and every want provided for. Every want except companionship. I couldn’t even talk to the servants, ask them why they were here when no one lived here for them to serve, why they spoke a strange language, why they set out food every board when most of it would be uneaten.
So that evening I returned to Drei, the only person left that I could now call friend in Kingswell. If he was my friend. I wasn’t sure any more. All his earlier openness and desire to teach me had evaporated. He no longer needed my magic, so he no longer needed me. But I was still his drusse, for a little while.
I couldn’t tell him anything of that sun’s events, I was sure of that. I’d told him nothing of Cal after that first public encounter at the court assembly, and I was terrified to tell him now. So I washed my face at the water bucket room and returned to the Keep. Even so, it was probably lucky that I was already in bed when he returned to the apartment. He was not the most observant of men, but even he might notice my red eyes and distraught face under the full light of the lamps. As it was, it was dark enough to hide my grief. He took his pleasure and then went straight to sleep, while I was left lying miserably awake, trying to decide what under the moon I was to say if anyone came asking questions about Cal.
Eventually I slept.
~~~~~
As soon as I woke I knew I was pregnant.
In the ordinary way, I wouldn’t begin to suspect for another couple of ten-suns or more, but I was instantly aware of this thing inside me. Sometimes it’s a pity that magic is so unequivocal. There are occasions when a little dissembling, a little prevarication would be a kindness. On such a morning, my loss still raw and aching, I could have borne to stay in ignorance a little longer.
But no, there it was, as real and undeniable as my nose. Another person inside me. Minute, I suppose, but an individual all the same. Someone who was not me.
Fortunately, Drei took himself off without touching me, and with barely a word. I lay in bed, curled up in misery, until the servants began to knock on the door and ask if anything was the matter with me.
“Nothing at all, I’m fine, be right out,” I lied, then buried my head under the covers again.
But eventually I had to get up and pretend there was nothing worse ailing me than a headache. The morning board had been cleared away, but they made me a tray of food and I crumbled bread and sipped at my herbal drink and pretended I was fine. So much pretence.
I stared at the drink in disgust. It was the strongest mixture I could find, and I brewed it every morning without fail, yet here I was pregnant. How could that happen? A baby was the last thing I’d wanted, yet here it was.
~~~~~
It was several suns before I summoned the courage to tell Drei, but he was remarkably composed about it.
“A surprise, but a nice one, I think.”
“Aren’t you upset about it? You didn’t want this any more than I did.”
“Well, the herbs are not guaranteed to work for everyone,” he said calmly. “Sometimes these things happen. It won’t be so bad, I’m sure. I’ll make an appointment at the Scribing House just opposite the South Tower. That’s quite a good one, so I’ve heard.”
I was lost. “A Scribing House? What for?”
“To extend your contract, of course. Another year should do it, don’t you think? Or a year and a half perhaps.”
I felt as if the ground had tilted under me. “Extend my contract?” I said stupidly.
“Of course. I was going to raise the matter anyway, and this settles it. You make a very good drusse, Kyra. I’ve been very happy with the way you’ve taken to it. It will be a more complicated contract, of course, but we have time to get it done before the present arrangement expires. There will be more money, of course. And a bigger apartment, too. Obviously. We’ll need more space now.” He chuckled, and beamed at me genially.
My mouth had been flapping in disbelief, but I finally managed to speak. “No.”
“No? What do you mean, no?”
“I don’t want to extend my drusse contract.”
“But you have to.” He sounded like a petulant child.
“I don’t have to. It ends in five suns and I don’t want to extend it.”
“But why? It’s not as if you have any other prospects. It will be better for you to stay with me until the baby is old enough to... until the baby is born. Then we can see what would be best. You don’t dislike m
e, do you?”
“No,” I said quietly. It was true enough, and I couldn’t lie to him anyway. “But I came here for a reason, to go to the Imperial Library with you and find out about our magic, and that turned out to be less useful than we hoped. So there’s no need for me to be your drusse.”
“But the baby! I mean, you breached your contract...”
“No, I didn’t! You know perfectly well I’ve taken the herbs every morning, you’ve watched me do it. The servants can vouch for it, as well. The law accepts that accidents happen. There’s no penalty unless it was done deliberately. The only difference is that because of the terms of the contract, the baby belongs to me, not to you.”
He stood as if struck by lightning, and it occurred to me that perhaps he’d been pleased about it because he thought he would keep the baby. I would stay there as his drusse until the child was weaned and then be dispatched off home. Or somewhere, anyway. I wasn’t sure I had a home any more.
Then another thought flitted into my mind. The child might be Cal’s. Awkward.
I was going to have to tread very carefully.
~~~~~
I had nowhere else to take my temper, so I stormed down to the discreet little shop that had sold me the herbs and thumped my half-used jar on the counter.
“They didn’t work,” I growled to the flustered assistant. “I’m pregnant.”
I was swiftly ushered into a private room, with a rather pointed pause beside the notice in large letters: ‘No guarantees, no refunds’. The shop owner herself was fetched, and a hot drink made for me.
“I am so sorry,” she said. “We do have a few failures from time to time. You are one of the unlucky ones. Is it a disaster? We usually recommend a spellpage if you want to be absolutely sure.”
I shrugged. “It’s not a disaster, just – bad timing, I suppose.”
“Ah. I understand. But we could give you something – to deal with it. Very discreet, no one need suspect. No charge, of course.”
Oh, the temptation. To sweep it all away and pretend it hadn’t happened. But there was the curse of magic again; I could feel this child inside me, with its own personality rubbing against mine.
I shook my head. “But why would it happen?” I said. “Do the herbs go off? I’ve had this jar a couple of moons now.”
“Oh, not so quickly as that. Let me see.” She scanned the label. “No, these should last for six moons at least.” A frown. “This is our strongest mixture, it rarely lets us down. That is strange. Where did you keep it? Not above the hot pipes, I hope.”
“No, in the cool room, with the milk and butter. At this time of year, it never gets warm.”
“And you took it every sun?”
“Every morning, without fail.”
“That is odd.” She opened the lid and sniffed the herbs inside. Her face changed. “Oh! This is – has anyone tampered with it, do you know? Spilled the contents, or anything? Because this is not our mixture at all.”
“Then what is it?”
“Just a normal herbal mixture. With a little redroot added for the bitterness. It would taste much the same, but this would not have the desired effect at all. No wonder you find yourself pregnant.”
I was too astonished to speak.
“Is it possible,” she said gently, “that your—” A quick scan of my earrings. “That your drusse-holder wished you to become pregnant? And perhaps switched the herbs?”
“No, no,” I said. “He agreed to the terms of the contract.” But as soon as the words were out of my mouth, I remembered how relaxed Drei had been when I told him and how quick to propose extending the contract. Almost as if he was expecting the news. And once the idea was in my head, I couldn’t get it out again.
~~~~~
This was a strange time for me. I was lost in a haze of misery, and I couldn’t say whether it was the loss of Cal or the discovery of the baby which grieved me most. Sometimes I just lay in bed crying, other times I was so angry I wanted to throw things around the room. When I could drag myself out of the apartment, I wandered about in a dream, drifting unseeing through the streets until evening.
I was so alone. The thought that Drei might have replaced my herbs with another mixture and made me pregnant against my will kept me from confiding in him. He’d been kind to me at my trial, but I saw now that he had a reason for that. He wasn’t quite the friend I’d thought he was. Oddly enough, for the first time in my life I began to think fondly of home. Mother’s brisk practicality would make my pregnancy much easier, and Ginzia and Alita would coo over the baby. Father would be glad to have me back, I knew. It would be a relief in many ways to turn and run back to the village, to be coddled and cherished a little.
But I was a long way from Durmaston, and every sun brought me closer to the end of my drusse contract and the moment when I would have to decide what to do, and where to go. I still had one option which would allow me to stay in Kingswell; the Lady Yannassia had invited me to become her scribe.
So I wasn’t surprised to receive a note from her asking me to come and see her. It was a little more surprising that I was to attend her in her private apartments, not her suite of formal rooms, and when I arrived she was alone, apart from a single bodyguard standing silent and motionless beside the door. The room was vast, large enough for several apartments, and filled with ornate gilded furniture and over-decorated vases and a fireplace large enough to house a wolf pack. The Bai-Drashonor was not a small woman but she looked like a doll in such a setting.
“Ah, Kyra! May I call you Kyra? You do not mind if we are informal here? Do come and sit beside me. I was unsure what you liked to eat, so I have a selection, as you see.” I did see – several tables were covered with platters and dishes and jugs. “Will you take some wine? There! Now you must tell me how you are getting on and everything that you have been doing.”
Needless to say, she did most of the talking, and I said very little. She asked me a succession of questions which I answered monosyllabically. I suppose she thought me quite stupid, but I was never very good at idle chatter.
She was a pleasant companion, though, and sometimes varied her questions with amusing little anecdotes, patting my hand when I laughed in the right places. It was as if she wanted to be my friend. After a while, she began to talk about Drei, and once or twice she giggled girlishly, covering her mouth with her hand in mock embarrassment. Neither of us ate much. She didn’t mention the idea of me working as a scribe at all. I found it strange, but I supposed she was finding out more about me, and Drei was part of that. It wasn’t for me to question her, so I sat in increasing frustration as the time dribbled away.
Eventually a servant knocked discreetly on the door and crept into the room. A polite cough. “The ambassador is here, Highness.”
She nodded, and he withdrew. “Well, this pleasant interlude is at an end, I fear, although I daresay there will be many more such in the future. I am glad to have got to know you a little better, Kyra, and I’m sure we shall all get along very well.”
She rose, gracefully shaking out her skirts, and I jumped to my feet. I was puzzled, but I had to know whether her offer was still open.
“Um... may I ask, Most Powerful...?”
“Of course.”
“You asked if I wanted to be your scribe...”
For an instant her face was blank, as if she’d forgotten all about it. Then she laughed. “Oh – yes, of course. Actually, that would work very well. And so convenient, having you living here.”
Now I was completely lost. Why would I live in the Drashon’s tower?
“Naturally you and Axandrei will live here,” she said, seeing my bewilderment. “Had you not realised? I cannot move elsewhere, so you will both stay with me. I am sure you will get used to it, in time.” Unexpectedly, she blushed. “It will be more – convenient for him, you know. To have both of us so close. He will not always be with me, you understand. He will still come to you, even afterwards.”
“Afterward
s?” I felt so stupid, but I had no idea what she was talking about.
“After Axandrei and I are married.”
21: A Ride in the Country
For an instant, I was astonished. Drei to marry? Then I burst out laughing.
“You did not know?” Yannassia said. “He did not tell you?”
The Fire Mages Page 22
