“What’s the connection between Kyle and Clint?” He shot back, as if he’d just said the first thing he was thinking too.
Kaitlyn sucked in a breath. She’d forgotten she’d not answered that. Still, she had never been a pushover. “My question first.”
Three creaks of the porch swing before he answered. “No girl.” His voice was rough and low.
It only made her want to ask more questions. “No girl…ever?” It’s what it had sounded like, and her stomach twisted. If he was waiting for marriage, he’d want a woman who had done the same.
For several heartbeats, there was no sound save the soft creaking of the swing and the crickets chirping.
“Ever.”
Any other man and Kaitlyn would have accused them of lying. Her world shifted, and she couldn’t think of a thing to say.
“Tell me about Clint.”
She didn’t want to open herself up to him. Not now. Taking a deep breath, she looked down at her hands in her lap. “Kyle was my older brother. Dad’s favorite.” She tried for a laugh to make it seem as though she didn’t care, but she only huffed air, making it clear that it really did matter. “He was Clint’s best friend. The night he died they were at a party. Drunk. Clint called for a ride, and Dad sent me.” Kaitlyn stopped. “You know, some things in life you just wish you could do over? Kyle didn’t think he was that drunk—he was twenty-three and I was only seventeen—and insisted he could drive. I let him. Clint and I walked away from the accident without a scratch. Kyle didn’t walk at all. Killed instantly. Clint blamed me. I blamed me. But worst of all, I know that my dad blamed me and wished that I had been the one killed.”
“You don’t know that.”
“He was getting ready to add his name to the business. Kyle did everything with dad. They were best friends. They thought alike, had the same dreams.” She shrugged, trying to pretend that it didn’t really matter, when it mattered more than anything. After all, she’d had the same dreams, too.
“Shortly after that Dad married Karen and right away he got two replacements for Kyle.” Which, until Karen went to the hospital, is exactly how she viewed her half-brothers.
He didn’t say anything for a while. She waited to hear the whole ‘so sorry to hear that’ spiel. But he didn’t. “So…that was six years ago?”
“Seven.” Not that she was counting.
“And Clint just started this stuff?”
“Not exactly. He’s been generally unkind and has done a few things over the years. He was away in the military for a few.” She shrugged. “I just always figured I deserved it, so whatever he did, I took it.”
“But this time he hurt Tank and Eve, too.”
“Yeah. And this driver thing would have hurt Dad.”
“Not as much as it would have made you look incompetent.”
“True.”
They swung in silence for a while.
The swing creaked, and Nate’s comforting scent drifted on the cool breeze. Kaitlyn wanted to forget about the two worst days of her life—the day Kyle had died and the day the pictures of Tank and her had surfaced. But those photos had been mitigated when Nate told her the pictures were fake. She should have known. Funny how Clint was involved in both. Trying to get her mind off that, she opened her mouth and said the first thing she thought of. “Seeing Karen and Dad at the hospital today was hard. I’m glad you’re here.” She ran a hand through her hair. It wasn’t often that she admitted weakness.
As her hand came back down, Nate’s palm, rough and warm, enfolded it.
Not wanting to know if it was comfort or desire that had prompted that action, Kaitlyn looked at their hands entwined in the dim light.
But his words, “No girl.” Rang in the silence. She liked him, true. She was attracted to him, also true. But she wasn’t the girl for him. And that was the truest thing yet. Kaitlyn bit her lip and looked down. Her chest felt tight. She should tell him what kind of woman was holding his hand. Maybe he was only offering comfort. But Nate wasn’t the kind of guy to grab a hand lightly. Her whole body felt the warmth as her palm nestled in his, and she didn’t want to let go. Didn’t want to open her mouth and ruin everything. But she wasn’t afraid. Wouldn’t be afraid. “I’m not what you’re looking for, Nate.” There.
“I know.” His hand squeezed lightly as he spoke, low and soft.
“No. You don’t understand.” Of course she couldn’t cook, hated cleaning, owned no beauty products, and would rather be under a truck than shopping. But she wasn’t talking about that. “You just said there’s never been a girl.”
“Hmm.” She could hear the smile in his voice and knew he didn’t understand. He spoke again. “So of all the things that’ve happened to you today, finding out that I’ve never had a girlfriend, never been with a girl, never even held a girl’s hand,” he held up their linked hands, “was the most traumatic thing and all you can think about?”
It just kept getting worse. He really meant ‘no girl.’ At all. Wow. “No. The problem is, I can’t say the same thing.”
“That you’ve never been with a girl?” Nate asked in mock surprise.
“You’re making fun of me!”
Nate turned. The springs creaked and snapped. He pulled on their linked hands, tugging her closer to him, and his hand came up to cup her face. “You have no idea how hard it is to sit here beside you and not touch you, not pull you to me and tuck you against my side, wrap my arm around you and find out if your hair is as soft as it looks,” he spoke fiercely. His hand slid along her cheek, a soft caress.
“I know, Kaitlyn. I know what you’re trying to say. I don’t want to hear it. Not now. Because if you start spilling all the nasty secrets of your past, that means I’ll need to, too. But I don’t want to. I don’t want to hear yours, don’t want to spill mine, because sitting beside you here in the dark, on the swing, is perfect, and I want to pretend, just for tonight that this, you and me, is possible. I want to enjoy it, bask in it, because it’s everything I’ve ever wanted.” He blew his breath out slowly through his nose as though releasing all the pent-up emotion that hid behind his soft words.
Kaitlyn’s head was a whirl of confusion. What in the world could he be hiding? She could only feel relief, though, that he knew about her reputation.
He lifted their linked hands.
Kaitlyn shivered as his warm breath skimmed the skin of her first knuckle. Seconds later his lips touched the same spot. Her eyes closed and her heart rate sped up. A tremor crept up her arm. How could he kiss her knuckle and make it more powerful than any other kind of kiss she’d ever had?
A soft breeze lifted her hair, cooling her heated cheeks. Nate’s thumb slid over her skin once more before he dropped his hand and leaned back.
“I don’t know what you’ve done that you think is so horrible, but…” Kaitlyn tried to steady her voice, but it still shook as she spoke.
Nate moved so quickly, her mouth was still open as he covered it with his.
Sensation exploded between them in bright lights Kaitlyn could see with her eyes closed. Her hands automatically reached around his neck. She barely noticed that he stood, pulling her with him and against him, until her whole body pressed to his. His arms supported her. Suddenly her brain was not on his kiss anymore, because the body pressed against hers was rock hard, and the muscles under her hands bulged and bunched. She jerked her head back, her eyes wide open. “Nate!”
He set her down and stepped away.
Her hands dropped. Deliberately, she closed her mouth.
“Will you be OK?” His voice sounded rusty.
“Yes.”
“I’m sorry.” He ran both hands through his hair. “You deserve more respect than that.”
Kaitlyn had her mouth open to tell him she was offended at his apology, but she snapped it shut with his last sentence. “You don’t know what I’ve done, and who I’ve done it with…”
“Shh. Please, Kaitlyn. Not tonight.” He stepped forward slowly and placed h
is hand on her cheek again. “Just let it go for this evening. I don’t want to live in a fantasy world, and I don’t want to escape reality, but sometimes it’s nice to just enjoy the moment before it’s gone.” His hand brushed lightly down her hair.
Kaitlyn canted toward him.
“Will you be able to sleep?”
Inside, she was a shivering mass of confusion and it would probably be a week before she was able to sleep, but her mouth came to her rescue. “Say you’ll go out with me Saturday night, and I’ll sleep just fine.”
“I’ll go.” He never hesitated.
“Then go, before I ruin the moment.”
“Not you. Me.” He dropped his hand. “Promise you’ll call if you need anything?”
Kaitlyn almost melted at the consideration he was showing. She really didn’t want to be alone. Not with all the worries and problems of the day.
Somehow Nate knew it.
“Yes.” She searched in the dark for his eyes. “Now go.” Before she begged him to stay.
15
Kaitlyn rolled over and looked at the clock: 6:34 AM. Her phone beeped again, and she reached for it. Both boys were still sleeping, had actually slept solid all night, which was some kind of miracle. Finally getting a hold of her phone, she read the text message from Nate.
I’ve got a truck broke down on I80, Exit 174 and won’t be over this morning. Let me know if you need me to pick anything up while I’m out running around.
Kaitlyn smiled. He didn’t have to tell her what he was doing or even if he would be around. After all, she wasn’t anything to him…was she? She tried to remember exactly what they’d said last night, but really, the only thing she could remember was his kiss. Hot. And his granite hard body. Which was actually really, really weird. Tech geek Nate felt like the Incredible Hulk under that billowing white shirt. Heat curled in her stomach at the thought. She didn’t doubt that he was hiding something—muscles for one—and currently hiding something, for all his talk about the past.
But their day together, on the ride to and from Pittsburgh, at the hospital, even at the drivers’ meeting and getting ice cream…they worked so well together, and she loved being with him. She closed her eyes, smiling, and let the warmth of those memories roll through her. Best of all, he acted as though he knew about her past and maybe didn’t even care.
She picked up her phone.
I’ll do that. If you’ve got trucks that need anything, send them in and I’ll take care of them.
How are the boys?
Not up yet.
A thump came from their room.
You’re going to be late for school. I can’t cook you breakfast today.
Wish you were here. You’re not texting and driving, are you?
Red light.
Thanks for a great day yesterday. I had a lot to think about last night.
Me too.
Bobby appeared in her doorway, rubbing his eyes. “Kaitlyn?”
Kaitlyn lifted her head, “Yeah, Bud?”
“Is Nate coming?”
“Not now. But he just asked about you. Come here and let me take a picture of you, and we’ll send it to him.”
Bobby’s face lit up and he pumped a hand in the air. “Yes!” he cried, digging his feet into the carpet and propelling his wiry body forward. He dove onto Kaitlyn’s bed, inches away from landing on her stomach.
She scrunched up, protecting her vital organs from his digging knees. “Whoa there, big guy. Take it easy on your sister. I’m the only one you have.”
Bobby stopped and considered her as if he’d never thought of that before. “I don’t like girls. But I like you.” He grinned as though he’d just bestowed a dozen long stemmed roses on her and smacked his hands down on the pillow next to her head. “Take my picture.”
“Be still so I can.” Kaitlyn pulled the camera app up on her phone.
“Hey. Nate likes you, too.” He stilled and tilted his head to the side, thinking. “‘Course he likes me better.” Bobby furrowed his brows. “Take a picture of us both.” He flung himself down on the pillow beside her, smacking his head next to hers with a sharp clang.
“If you knock me out, you’re not getting breakfast.”
“Come on, Kaitlyn. Hurry up. I gotta pee.”
Kaitlyn snapped the picture as she burst out laughing.
“Let me push the buttons. Show me which ones.” His hand reached up for her phone.
She pointed to the buttons, and he pushed them, smiling and bouncing as the picture sent. “Now, go pee before you wet my bed.”
“Aw, only babies pee the bed,” he grumbled as he scrambled off.
Kaitlyn texted one last thing:
NO texting and driving. See you later.
She smiled as she swung her legs out of bed. Nate had admitted to thinking about her. Nice. It was going to be a good day.
~*~
Nate’s phone buzzed against his leg and he answered it while lying under Tank’s broken-down truck, disengaging the drive shaft so it could be towed from the front.
“Hello?”
“Nathan. You’re still at Eve’s?” It was his oldest brother, Isaac. The self-appointed father figure to his nine siblings. Nate couldn’t count the number of times Isaac had stepped in and taken Nate’s beating for him.
“Yeah,” he grunted. He tucked his phone precariously between his shoulder and ear to free up both hands.
“I’m driving home from Virginia. Need me to stop in?”
“Nah. Got it all under control.” The absolute last thing he needed was for Isaac to stop in and see Kaitlyn and to suspect, for even an instant, that Nate might be interested in her.
“Eve told me she had a friend who was perfect for you. Sounded like she was playing matchmaker.”
Nate grunted.
Maybe Isaac would get the hint and change the subject. Even though he was the oldest brother, Isaac wasn’t married. He’d gotten his PhD and promptly disappeared into some government job, hiding out in a physics lab. But that didn’t stop him from keeping tabs on his brothers. “Did you meet her?” Isaac asked.
“Yeah. She’s nice.”
“That doesn’t sound as if she’ll be my future sister-in-law.”
“No.”
“From the way Eve talked, she’s got the temperament a man like you needs.”
Nate didn’t say anything. It was true.
“Are you still fighting?”
“One more.”
“No little side squabbles?”
Nate thought of Dusty. “Just a little scuffle.”
“I thought you were trying to dress a little differently to project a different image. Didn’t work?”
“Not exactly. The guy just had it coming.”
“Nate.” Isaac sounded especially like a parent. “You’ve got to watch that. You’ll end up incarcerated when you flatten the wrong guy. Because you never lose. And normal men don’t stand a chance. You’ve got to control that temper. Remember Dad.”
“I know.” Nate stopped working for just a second and tilted his head back. He wanted a wife, kids, a family, and a normal life.
“Maybe you ought to give that girl another chance. If Eve thinks she’s what you need, you can trust her judgment.”
It wasn’t that easy. Linda didn’t feel anything for him, either.
“Nate.”
“What?”
“Don’t make a wrong choice. Most modern women are too headstrong for you to handle yourself. Once you’re married, it’s too late. Then there’s kids to think about…”
“I know, Isaac. I was there, too. Heck, I look into Eve’s face more than you do. I know what can happen. I know what I need to do. And what I can’t do.”
Isaac was silent for a minute. “I know you do. I just worry about you, is all. I want to see you happy, I want your wife and kids to be happy. I want you to have a wife and kids.”
“What about you?” Nate slowly moved his hands back to the greasy drive shaft, waiting for Isaac
to answer. It took a while.
“If you don’t need me, I’m heading straight to Michigan.”
“I’m good. Be careful.”
Isaac was always careful. He didn’t know how else to be.
“Take care.”
His phone clicked off. One last pull and the drive shaft disconnected into his hand. Nice, but Nate barely noticed. If Isaac had any idea that Nate was looking at Kaitlyn, he’d be in Nate’s pocket so fast he’d break the sound barrier.
Nate slid out from under the truck. Isaac’s phone call wasn’t exactly welcome, because he wanted Kaitlyn. He wanted her to be just what he needed. But she wasn’t. And, he had to admit, he needed that reminder.
~*~
It was a day from hell.
Gary’s bowel movement had leaked out of his diaper and poop was everywhere. The mess took forever to clean up. Bobby ended up missing the bus and being late for school. Then she had a truck waiting when she got back, but she didn’t have the parts to fix it, so she had to make a parts run. She forgot to take a bottle for Gary, and he cried the entire way to Heavy Duty Engines and back. She had to feed him before she could work on the truck, which meant that the driver missed his unloading time because she didn’t get it fixed soon enough. She didn’t have another truck to cover that load so they ended up losing it, which she hated because it hurt their reputation as a dependable carrier. The rest of the day hadn’t gone any better. But the thing that she was really bummed about was that Nate had never shown up.
“Eat your peas, Bobby.”
Bobby wrinkled his nose and wiggled in his chair. “When Nate cooks, he doesn’t make peas.” He stuck his lip out. “I hate peas.”
“Well, they don’t like you either.” Kaitlyn shoveled a spoonful of the nasty things in her own mouth. She hated peas, too. But she was the only one around who qualified as a grown up, so she was trying to act the part. So far, Bobby wasn’t being influenced by her martyr example.
“Do you want me to feed you?”
“I’m not a baby!”
“Then feed yourself.”
“I don’t like them!”
How could she get him to eat his vegetables? “Bet I can finish my peas first.”
His lip stayed out.
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