“They leave the lights and water and everything on all night when they’re closed?” Not that I don’t believe her, but would I ever get murdered by my aunt and uncle if I was brought home by the cops for trespassing at their club with Sawyer Mathews.
She lets out a little laugh and moves to sit on the wooden bench encircling the entire inside of the gazebo. “I guess when you have a shit ton of money, you don’t need to worry about frivolous things like electricity bills. Besides, Owen says they keep the lights on to deter unwanted guests.” Her eyes roll when she says the last part. She really does have a sore spot for people with money. I’m wondering how Owen feels about that topic, considering he works here.
I finally step into the gazebo and sit next to her. “I like your spot.”
“I’ve never been here with anyone. Besides Owen, no one knows I come here. He doesn’t even know I come back sometimes after he goes to bed. It’s so calm.”
Her gaze roams around and when it lands on me, the serenity in her face annihilates the demons she thinks she has within her. She’s the most breathtakingly tortured angel. Without a second thought, I grab her hand, and the touch makes her tremble. “I’m glad you brought me here.”
“I am, too.”
I’m locked on her translucent-blue eyes and a mouth that begs to be kissed. For a fraction of a second, I believe she’s actually going to let me kiss her. Then she blinks and pulls her hand free from mine.
“This place is kind of nostalgic in a way. My cousin had her wedding here when I was little. My parents, Owen, and I, went for a walk during the reception and ended up here.”
I’m struggling to pay attention because, goddamn, I want her mouth on mine, but she’s telling me about her family which probably doesn’t happen often, so I force myself to listen.
“You could hear music drifting down from the main house. My dad twirled my mom around and around, her dress billowing around her. She laughed and laughed. Owen and I watched and tried to imitate them. He kept dropping me on the dips. It’s pretty much the one memory I have of my family being happy.”
When she’s done speaking, I realize I didn’t have any trouble listening. She’s so broken, and I hate her family for being the ones responsible. This girl deserves to have been raised in a good home, with a solid family. I don’t know what happened, what led from that night to this. I’m sure there are reasons, but that doesn’t stop me from wanting to siphon the pain from her.
She shifts in her seat, obviously uncomfortable for telling me about her family. “Sorry. Overshare. I don’t know why I said all that. My parents are definitely not even worth mentioning.”
I snap myself from the mental picture of me kicking her parent’s’ asses and squeeze her hand. “I told you, Sawyer, I want to know everything there is to know about you. The good and the bad. The things that make you cry and what makes you laugh. Including your family. Your brother seems pretty cool at least.”
Her focus falls to her lap. “Owen’s the best. I wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for him. He and Sloane are all I have.”
“Not anymore.”
Her focus lifts back to mine, and her head tilts to the side. “But, you barely know me. You can’t mean that.”
That’s when I see right through her. Past the hard shell and the bitch-block. Deeper than the callous rebel. I see a girl desperately waiting to be saved.
I can save her.
We can save each other.
“But I do mean it. Did you hear why I moved here from Australia a few years ago?”
“Just there was some kind of trouble there, and your parents shipped you away. I never got any details.” She chuckles. “To be honest, I didn’t care enough before to ask around. I want to know though.”
This girls’ honesty, argh. Possibly my favorite quality so far. “That was Nathan’s version. He knew the truth, but he started telling everyone I was expelled from my old high school for fighting and my parents sent me here to live with my aunt and uncle. He was trying to protect me I guess. Or make me sound cool, I don’t know. It’s only half-true.” I take a deep breath and let it all out. The truth about my family. Just like she did for me. “My dad used to gamble. A lot. My mom, well, she never knew about his problem, until it was too late. I overheard them arguing when she found out he was in debt to some pretty scary guys. Like big time debt. She gave him an ultimatum—get help, or she would file for divorce. He never thought she was serious.
“My mom begged me to leave with her, but I couldn’t. As much as I loved her, I didn’t know what would happen to my dad if we both left him. A few weeks after she was gone, we got the call. There was a car accident, and she died in the ambulance on the way to the hospital.” I can’t look at Sawyer, so I stare at the trickling water instead. I never told that whole story to anyone before. Nathan only knows a few parts. The thing is, now I don’t want to stop. “It got so much worse after her funeral. I tried to help him, but he couldn’t even see me. He looked right through. One day, he acknowledged me. It was a Tuesday. He promised me he would get help, but, to do that, I needed to go away for a bit. I was in California by Thursday night.”
“That really sucks. I’m sorry about your mom…and your dad. Losing your parents is just about the loneliest feeling in the world. Do you get to talk to your dad a lot?”
A small humorless laugh escapes my mouth. It would have probably been better if I just told her about my mom and left my dad out of tonight completely. Every time I think about the man, if I could even call him a man, I get so angry. Anger doesn’t come naturally to me. I rub the tension from the back of my neck before I answer. “The last time I spoke with him was when he dropped me off at the airport. Almost four years ago.”
She traces the grain pattern on the floor with her shoe. “I’m sorry.”
“Stop saying sorry,” I plead. “Seriously, family shit…it happens. Sometimes, you get stuck with families like ours. It was our fate well before we knew how to change it. We move forward from the past and try everyday not to replicate their mistakes. At least now we know how not to treat our kids.”
She laughs and her entire body shines when she does. “Speak for yourself. I never want kids.”
“Never? How can you say never?”
“Please, I’d be the worst mom ever. Probably forget the kid in the store or something. Even if I would be a decent mom, life can be pretty harsh, and I wouldn’t put my own enemy through this life let alone bring a part of me into this world to experience the pain.”
Her outlook on the world is maddening. There has to be something to make her think differently about this world and everyone in it. Something to make her open her eyes and feel hopeful, instead of crushed.
Then the idea strikes me, and it’s so brilliant I picture a cartoon lightbulb over my head.
I take her hand in mine, the touch so calming yet so adrenaline-charged. My heart pumps at a weird pace. “Have you ever gone bodyboarding at sunset before?”
“Bodyboarding? Do I look like a chick who bodyboards?”
Her hair falls in her face, and, without thinking, I tuck it behind her ear. I find my hand lingering at her face again. I’m going to need to kiss her and real soon before I explode. A guy can only take so much of this torment before he acts on it.
I shake my head, trying to rid the thoughts of her lips on mine. “Not exactly. Which is more or less what I expected to hear, so I’m going to take you. This weekend we’re gonna drive to Newport Beach.”
“Never been. And I have to work this weekend.”
“Fine, then next weekend. Seriously, have you lived in California your whole life?” She nods and sucks in her bottom lip with playfulness in her eyes. “And you’ve never been bodyboarding or visited Newport Beach? What have you been doing with your life?”
“Waiting for you.”
Her response is just as immediate as my next action. I take her cheeks in my hands and press my mouth to hers. Just once. A small touch. I pull away, and the look
on her face will be forever etched in memory.
It’s a cross between I want more and what the hell was that.
I lick my lips that finally taste of her, and her smile cultivates me. She plays with a thin black band around her wrist. “I’m glad you didn’t take me home after the restaurant fiasco.” She stands and walks to the other side of the small, heated gazebo, my new favorite place in the world, just as the sky lights up.
The past two hours have been so intense with the two of us shut away from the world I almost forgot how we got here. Hiding from everyone. We may be magnetized in the solitude of this gazebo, but it doesn’t make us safe from everyone’s words outside of our utopia.
“I’m glad, too.” I rise from the bench to walk to her, but she doesn’t turn around. Thunder booms over us. “I know earlier wasn’t the ideal first date and I’m sorry. I know what everyone will say if they see me holding your hand. But being here, just me and you, has made me realize that I don’t care. This was everything I knew it would be.”
I touch her bare arm and run my fingers down to her palm. I hear her breath catch. “I don’t think I can walk away from you, Sawyer.”
“Nobody has to know what we do.”
She wants to keep us a secret?
I don’t know if I’m okay with hiding, but, at this point, I’d be willing to do just about anything to keep her to myself.
“Let me take you home before the rain starts.”
This time, I lead her to my car. The ride home is quiet, the only sound being the low hum of the radio.
I pull into the driveway and push the shifter into park. “So, did you regret coming out with me tonight?”
“I’ll let you know tomorrow.” She flashes a smile then reaches for the handle, but I catch the strap of her purse to stop her from leaving.
“I don’t have your number.”
“I don’t have a cell.”
A teenage girl who doesn’t have a cell phone. Man, she is not like the girls I’m used to. “So, explain something to me, then. How are we supposed to talk if I can’t call you or see you when other people are around? I mean, I’m not opposed to stalking you, but I think your brother would kick my ass. Dude’s a tank.”
She covers her mouth to stifle a laugh and shrugs. “I’m sure you’ll figure it out. Thanks for a great night.” She leans over and presses her warm mouth to my cool cheek, her lips lingering on my skin. When she pulls away, her touch is seared into me.
My eyes remain closed as I gulp embarrassingly loud. When my breathing evens, I open my eyes just as she disappears inside her home, and, for a moment, life is bliss.
Then I remember what she has to go home to and my stomach lurches..
Chapter ELEVEN
Sawyer
Owen is asleep on the couch when I get in. The TV’s still on. He must have tried to wait up for me. I wasn’t even gone very long. My poor brother’s exhausted. My hatred for our deadbeat parents raises a notch.
I don’t sleep—again. I spend most of the night lying awake, staring at the ceiling, and thinking of deep-brown eyes. I’m falling for a stranger’s eyes.
I’m in trouble….
My anxiety stays in excess all weekend, and I’m thankful my shifts at the ranch and the movie night with Sloane and Owen keep my mind somewhat occupied.
Monday arrives, and I hate that all distractions are gone because school is the last place I can avoid thoughts of Lachlan. I swallow a pill and conceal two more in my hollowed lipstick container, knowing I’ll need these at some point today.
Typical Monday.
Over breakfast, I tell Owen about my date, leaving out details about the gazebo.
My brother and I both ignore our mother as she trudges from her bedroom to the washroom and back again. She looks like hell—disheveled strings of hair, dark makeup streaks her cheeks, red lipstick smudged around her lips. Still dressed in clothes from last night.
Good morning, Mommy Dearest….
Owen drops the crust of his toast when her door closes, then he gets up and leaves without saying good-bye.
At school, I’m making my way to my locker when I sense Lachlan pass behind me. Glancing up, I see the face that haunts my sleepless nights. One side of his mouth lifts in a half smile then he winks as he continues with his friends.
Lunchtime comes, and my brain pounds against my skull through the entirety of it. Sloane tries to pry more details about the date. I leave my version vague.
“Enough about me. You never did tell me what you ended up doing Friday night,” I probe, trying to change the subject.
She shrugs and avoids eye contact with me. “Nothing much. Just went home after you left. Are you going to see Lachlan again?”
Speaking of the devil, Lachlan walks into the cafeteria with his entourage. He doesn’t notice me immediately, and it turns my stomach. Connecting with him the way we did Friday night after he turned his back on them, then pretending we don’t even know each other now hurts more than I thought it would. I wonder what he told his friends about me. After the expression on Nathan’s face at the restaurant, I didn’t think they would seem so chummy. Maybe he told them he was only trying to get in my pants and they forgave him.
“I doubt I’ll see him again.” Pushing away from the table, I head for the washroom, locking myself in a stall. Opening my bag, I pull out a bottle of water and my lipstick container to dispense a pill.
I wait for the magic. It takes a bit longer than I want, and when I can’t wait any longer, I leave the washroom and head for my class already in progress. Lost in thoughts, I jump when a hand reaches out from an empty classroom, clasps my wrist, and yanks me into the dim room.
“Hi, angel.” His accent is deeper when he whispers.
“Jesus Christ, Lachlan, you can’t do that.” I slap his arm away. “You scared the shit out of me. And, don’t call me angel. That’s a horrible term of endearment for someone.”
His smile grows, exposing his dimples and melting my insides. “I had to snatch you up,” he whispers, his voice rippling into my body. “I was thinking about you all weekend. My car still smelled like you this morning. It was heaven and hell all at once. Tell me I’m not alone on this. Tell me I’m not crazy for feeling this way about you.”
You’re not crazy. “You’re crazy.”
He inhales deeply while never losing his smile and never looking away. “I have something for you.”
“What? Are you serious? Did you forget what happened the last time you gave me something?”
Ignoring me, he reaches in his pocket and pulls out an iPhone. I’m staring at the thing as if it’s about to explode. This has got to be a joke. With gentle force, he opens my hand and presses the phone into it.
“I’m not taking this from you. But, I will take an explanation as to how you’re talking to your friends today like nothing happened Friday night. What did you tell them about us?”
“I didn’t tell them anything about you. I ran into Nate over the weekend, and he asked if he and I were cool. I nodded. Nothing else was said.”
This doesn’t make any sense. “Were you not there in the restaurant with me? I’m not crazy. I know what I saw, and your friends are not going to be okay if they found out about us.”
“And what exactly is there to know about us?” His grin is so delicious it knocks all thoughts out of my head. Before I can recover, he motions to the phone in my hand. “It’s my old phone. It has pre-paid minutes on it if that makes it any easier for you to accept. I want to get to know you, and I can’t unless we can talk to each other. You told me to figure out a way, and this is what I came up with. The weekend was torture not talking to you. You said it yourself, you were sorry about being a bitch the last time I tried to be nice. I respect you’re a badass and can take care of yourself, but it doesn’t mean I don’t want to do what I can to make your life better. Which includes me being in it.” He leans in a bit closer. “Trust me, this is more for me than for you anyway. So, do me a favor, accept t
he damn phone and kiss me.”
The phone burns in my palm. I study his face and try to figure out why he wants anything to do with me. Why would he want to creep around with me when he can have his pick of socially approved girlfriends?
“I’ll take the stupid phone, but I’m not kissing you. I still don’t understand why you want this.”
“You have no idea what I see when I look at you. I’m not asking for your hand in marriage, Sawyer. But Friday night was amazing. I was serious when I said I can’t stay away from you. I’m hooked.”
Of all people, I understand addiction, but…. “I’m not something you want to get addicted to.”
“It’s too late.”
He reaches past me, and his arm brushes my side as he takes something off the desk. He grasps my free hand and opens it, palm up. I can’t take my focus off his face to see what he’s writing. My stomach clenches while he lowers his mouth and blows on the ink. Ten numbers are scrawled on my palm. I close my fingers around it. “You could have programmed your phone number right into the cell you gave me, you know.”
“This way was more fun. For the record“”—he tosses the pen back on the desk—“although I like the idea of having you all to myself, I don’t want to keep you a secret.”
My heart skips at the words keep you and secret. “It’ll just be easier. We can figure out what we are before we cause noise for nothing. There are certain people”—ex-boyfriends with short fuses for instance—“who might not be okay with the idea of someone such as yourself being with someone like me.”
He pulls out of my personal-space bubble. “What those people think matters very little in my world. Just so you know, what’s about to happen between us won’t be nothing. And don’t forget your promise to go bodyboarding with me in Newport next weekend.”
A few short hours and several text messages later, Sloane and I are on her couch, inhaling junk food. I had to switch off the ringer on the cell Lachlan gave me because every time it alerted with a new message, I would smile, and Sloane would roll her eyes. “For real, who are you and what have you done to my best friend?”
Six Years Gone (Gone #1) Page 7
