I turn on my heels at a sudden thought, and she peeks through thick lashes. “What’s his name?” I manage to ask through the lump burning in my esophagus.
“Noah.”
Without another word or glance, I leave.
Chapter TWENTY-THREE
Sawyer
He left.
Again.
I understand why he needs time to think about everything I just told him. To be alone with his thoughts. It wasn’t my intention tell him about Noah tonight. We needed to discuss so many other things first. Dropping the “I had your secret love child after you left me” bomb wasn’t supposed to come until after I learned where he’s been for the last six years, and why he’s all of a sudden in my life. I couldn’t wait, though. I’ve waited long enough for him to come back at all. The chance to tell him slipped away once, and I don’t want history to repeat itself. Not with this.
Telling him everything is guaranteed to stir up a lot of problems. Granted, there are certain details of the last six years I can leave out. Details he doesn’t necessarily have to hear from me. If he ever found out from someone else’s mouth, though, it would be unforgiveable.
I let him go, as I did before. Watching him walk away might be familiar, but it sure as hell doesn’t sting any less than the first time. Regardless, I let him go, knowing he’ll be back. If he is remotely the same person I knew all those years ago, he won’t go too far. I’m banking on that because telling him about Noah wasn’t even the hardest part. Not when darker secrets lurk just beneath the surface, waiting for their opportunity to break through.
The walk home from the café is too short. I debate going around the block once more to allow my mind to wander to all sorts of things I never allow it go. The itch to see Noah keeps me from passing my house. He might only be five years old, but he’s extremely intuitive for a little guy. He knew there was someone at the house tonight that upset me. It was all over his face during dinner and through his entire bedtime story. Although he never said anything, I could tell—he’s my child after all. I know every thought, feeling, emotion. Every part of him.
Before today, Lachlan didn’t even know his name. Or that he existed. The same guilt that has been haunting me for so long slams into me again, stealing the very air from my lungs. Leaving me heavy and empty. I made peace with so many of my demons I almost forgot what it felt like to be this weighed down.
Taking the stairs two at a time, I press my palm flat against Noah’s bedroom door and listen to the silence billowing from inside. I tiptoe across the carpeted floor, careful not to step on the miniature deathtraps he calls Legos, to his bed and bend down, holding my hair back as to not tickle him awake. The smell of his shampoo mists the air as I push back the stray hairs to kiss his forehead. Watching him sleep is the only time I feel this calm, this reassured that I did everything right by him. Every move I made for the last six years was for him. Every sacrifice. Every ounce of pain. Every tear. Every drop of blood.
If I had to repeat it all, I would. His happiness and health is worth everything I’ve endured.
The door creaks its song, drawing my attention from my son to Sloane’s silhouette in the frame. She tilts her head, resting it against the frame and smiles.
Brushing his hair back once more, I smile to his sleeping face and leave his room, closing the door softly behind me. I follow Sloane back downstairs to the living room.
“Should I get the wine?” Owen inquires as I sit across from him on the matching sofa.
“Already on it!” Sloane shouts from the kitchen. Sometimes, having the two people who know you best in the world living with you has its perks.
“So,” Sloane hands me a glass and sits across, next to her fiancé, “Lachlan Williams. I just…. Where the hell did he come from?”
“I don’t even know,” I admit, trying to wrap my head around the few words spoken between us today. I have no answers. For anything. And I have a hundred more questions.
Owen takes a sip of his coffee, never one to drink alcohol. “How did he know where to find you? We were pretty good at disappearing without any traces.”
I take a long gulp, letting the wine work its magic. Owen isn’t going to like what I’m about to say. We all sacrificed a lot when we left Woodsview. “I left this address for him.”
“I’m sorry, you what?”
“It was somewhere I knew only he would ever look, so you don’t have to worry, okay? I don’t need you getting mad at me on top of everything else that happened today.”
“No one’s mad at you, Sawyer,” Sloane, ever the referee, chimes in. “Just worried. We’ve all worked so hard to distance ourselves from Woodsview…from what happened there. We just don’t want to see it all take a turn for the worse.”
“Guys, seriously, I’ve been more careful than either of you this entire time. Trust me. There’s nothing to worry about where that is concerned. So, let’s get back to the real problem here. There’s a little boy sleeping upstairs who is about to have his world changed forever. I just don’t know if this change will be for the better.”
Sloane sets her wine glass on the coffee table in between us. “So, you told Lachlan about Noah? How’d he take it?”
I swallow my last gulp and wonder why people only fill these damn things halfway. Owen rises, grabbing my glass. “You look like you could use a refill.”
Holding up a hand to stop him, I say, “No more. Honestly, I’m okay. Thanks, O.”
He sets the glass on the table and props himself on the arm of the couch. “You weren’t gone for very long. Does that mean it didn’t go well? I can’t imagine it was an easy conversation to have.”
I remain silent, unsure of what to say, unsure of what even happened. “It was basically how you would expect it to go. I told him I knew about the pregnancy a few days before he left Woodsview. He was…upset. I can’t blame him. I should have said something the day I found out, or, at the very least, when he told me he was leaving. I just…. I thought he would be back, and then, by that time, I could have made peace with the baby and we could have figured out together what to do. He wasn’t supposed to drop out of my life the way he did! But God, he missed the first five years of my boy’s life because I never fucking said anything. Noah missed out on having a dad. Everything is so messed up. And it’s all my fault.” I drop my head into my hands and do something that, before today, I haven’t done in years.
I cry.
The couch dips as Sloane sits next to me, taking my shuddering body into her embrace. “This isn’t your fault. You have to stop blaming yourself every time something horrible happens. What occurred in Woodsview wasn’t your fault. Lachlan leaving wasn’t your fault. Everything happens—”
“If you tell me everything happens for a reason, I will smack you.” Unlatching myself from her grasp, I brush hair away from my tear-soaked face and hiccup. “Shit, when did life get so complicated?”
Owen stands, taking the empty glasses into the kitchen. “Our life has always been complicated, my dear sister. This is just another thing we’ll deal with.”
“I’m tired of dealing with things. I don’t want things to deal with, and if I have to have things, I want them to be normal. Life was fine for a bit. The last couple of years have been great, almost effortless. The store has been a success. Noah’s doing great in kindergarten and making friends easily. We’ve finally found a little piece of the world that works for all of us. Now someone has discovered our piece.”
Sloane sits back on the couch and props her legs on the table, crossing them at the ankle. “Technically, you led him here. I know how the two of you were six years ago, and I may not know the man he’s become, but I do know you better than anyone. And I know the little boy upstairs. As long as Lachlan has good intentions, this might not be a bad thing.”
Owen returns to the living room. “What do you mean?” He pulls Sloane up by her hands. She slides into his arms, he kisses her forehead, and she leans back slightly to look into his eyes. “
Sawyer knows what I mean.”
I fall sideways on the couch, allowing my head to drop onto the cushion. I know what she means all right. She knows just as well as I do that, given how quickly we fell for each other back then and given the magnetic pull I know he felt tonight, I’m in trouble once again. I don’t know if my heart can take another Lachlan love affair. This time, I won’t let myself get carried away by him, I can’t. There’s more at stake than there ever has been.
What am I even saying?
Tonight might be the last time I see him for another six years.
My brain knows that’s not true.
My heart doesn’t want to believe he’s back.
Morning light creeps into my room as I stare at the ceiling.
Not. One. Hour.
No sleep for this momma. Noah will be up soon, and when he’s up, he’s up.
When Noah shows a side of his personality I’ve never seen before, or one he doesn’t get from me, it makes me think about Lachlan. His father. Even Lachlan’s parents. There is an entire half that makes up my son I know nothing of.
Does Noah get his morning alertness from his father?
When he speaks with a New York accent, even though we’ve never been to New York, and all his I’s sound like U’s, is that something Lachlan did as a child?
His laugh, smile, likes, and dislikes.
For five years, there has been missing pieces to this puzzle. Now, all those parts I thought were gone are back. I’ll have answers.
On cue, Noah bursts through my door, patters to my bed, and jumps up. A smile spreads over my face, and I move back toward the wall, lifting the blanket. He slides in and snuggles into me. I cover us with the comforter and nuzzle his head, placing a kiss in his messy hair.
“Morning, bud. Sleep okay?”
He nods and yawns.
“My love, if you’re still sleepy, why’d you wake up?”
He answers by moving closer to me, so I wrap my arm around his tiny body and pull him in tight.
“Momma likes our morning snuggles, too.”
After a few silent minutes, he wiggles out of my hold and turns on his side to face me. “Is it the weekend still?” His smile grows as I nod. “Can we do a movies day and make poppy corn?”
“I have a better idea. A way more fun idea.”
His eyes widen in anticipation.
I lean in closer to him and whisper, “Let’s go to the zoo.”
Noah scrambles to his feet and begins to jump up and down on my bed. “Really? The one with the monkeys and the big red slide?”
“The one with the monkeys and the slide!”
In the middle of Noah’s happy dance, Sloane shuffles into the room. And I do mean shuffle. I thought I was a bad morning person. She really hates everyone and everything until she has at least two cups of coffee flowing through her veins.
“What’s with the cheering, Shorty?”
“Aunt Sloane, Momma said we can goes to the zoo. The same one with those monkeys. Member the monkeys?”
“Mmm, mommies, yep,” Sloane mumbles as she stumbles out of my room to the bathroom across the room.
Noah giggles. “Not mommies. Monkeys!” He stops jumping, and the bed slowly settles. “Auntie needs her coffee.”
“Yeah, she does, bud. How about some pancakes for breakfast?”
“Yes!” Noah darts from my room while I toss off the blanket and stretch.
“What’s this I hear about the zoo?” I look over to see Owen leaning against the wall.
“Figured I should give him one really good day, before his world changes forever.”
“You keep talking like you know Lachlan is here for good. Do you even know if he lives in this town? Or what he has going on in his life? How do you know he’ll stick around?”
“O, you didn’t see the look in his eyes when he saw a picture of Noah. I may not know the details of Lachlan’s life anymore, but I do know he’s about to change them all to be near his child.”
Owen shakes his head and turns to leave. “You’ve always had too much faith in that guy.”
I hope he doesn’t prove me wrong.
Owen makes his famous Nutella stuffed pancakes for breakfast, and Sloane has her pot of coffee. Noah and I eat while talking about everything we’re going to see today.
“Are you sure you can’t come?” Owen asks Sloane as I buckle Noah into his booster chair.
“No, I have a ton to catch up on at the store. You three go and have a great time.” She kisses Owen’s cheek and bends down to see Noah in the backseat. “Say hi to those mommies for me, okay, bud?”
Giggles burst from Noah’s mouth. “Aunt Sloane! We’re going to see monkeys!”
“Oh yes, you’re right. Well, maybe some of the monkeys are mommies. That would be funny, right?”
“How’s do the monkeys become the mommies?”
Sloane stands quickly. “Well, there’s my cue to leave. Have fun!”
“Thanks, Sloane!” I sarcastically call after her then slide into the passenger seat while Owen gets into the drivers spot and starts the Jeep.
“Do they kiss like boyfriend girlfriends and become mommies?”
I glance back to Noah who is staring at me with the most confused expression of his little face. I let out a sigh and turn to my brother, whispering, “I’m going to smack your future wife.”
He chuckles and reverses from the driveway.
Chapter TWENTY-FOUR
Lachlan
The thought of driving all the way home after talking with Sawyer seems entirely too exhausting, so I get a room at a hotel in town. I spend most of the night tossing under the scratchy sheets. When I wasn’t trying to force my brain to turn off for a few minutes, I was staring at his picture.
My son, Noah.
I was never one to believe in love at first sight. Sawyer was definitely lust at first sight and very quickly and seamlessly transitioned into love. Seeing this face, though, this most perfect miniature face was dancing like a fool, breath-stealing, heart-crumbling, world-stopping love. The fact she named him Noah puts him over the top.
I study his face to the point of unrecognition, and when my eyes burn and sleep is clearly not going to come for me, I wash my face and head out for breakfast. I want to go back to the café Sawyer and I were at last night. Maybe that girl she knew will be there, and I can find out some details about Sawyer. I don’t know what I want to know. Just more. I can’t see her right now, though. I’m not sure if I’ll ever be able to forgive her for not telling me about the pregnancy before I left.
True, I told her I would be back, but, regardless, she should have told me. I had a right to know I’d created a person. No matter what happens from here on out, I’ll never have those years back with him
Those years are gone.
I used to be so mad at my father for stealing a portion of my life from me. I feel like in a way, Sawyer did the same thing.
While I walk toward the café, my phone buzzes in my pocket. I take it out, glancing at the caller display. Shit. With everything that transpired last night, I completely forgot I told Aunt Claire I was just stepping out for a few hours. Not that I need to check in with her. I don’t even really live there, just temporarily. Still, I hate the thought I worried her all night.
I swipe the screen. “Hey, Aunt Claire.”
“Lachlan, good you’re okay. I was worried when you didn’t come home last night.”
“Sorry. I should have called to let you know I wasn’t coming back.”
“You sound strange. Is everything all right?”
No. Not even in the slightest bit is everything all right. And I doubt it ever will be again.
Thoughts of what my aunt and uncle will say when they find out about Noah circle my mind. They’ll be so mad Sawyer never told me. They missed out on knowing their great nephew.
“I’m okay. I…ran into an old friend last night, and we were catching up. That’s all.”
“Oh? Where are you?”
/>
“Just outside of San Jose.”
“You are? How lovely. Which friend did you run into, dear?”
My aunt is still speaking, but her words barely register. Sloane is walking down the street toward me. She stops in front of a shop, placing a large box and coffee cup down on the ground to fish around in her purse.
“Aunt, I have to go. I’ll call you later.”
“Lach—”
I take the phone away from my ear and end the call. I didn’t mean to hang up on my aunt, but if I want to know about Sawyer and Noah, there’s no one else who could help me more.
Approaching Sloane, I notice the name of the store on the window—Revamped. She pulls keys from her bag and unlocks the door, then turns to pick up her stuff and startles when noticing me holding the box she put on the ground.
“Need a hand?” I offer timidly, praying like hell she doesn’t deck me or tell me to fuck off. If I ever wondered what Sawyer’s best friend ever thought of me, she made it perfectly clear last night when I showed up on the doorstep.
She surprises me as she opens the door, gesturing inside. “After you.”
I take a few steps in and am overcome with the smell. It’s a mix of wood, saw dust, paint and…lavender? I take in all the items in the store, it’s a lot to register. There’s a vast amount of pieces of furniture from end tables to chairs, bookcases filled with vases, picture frames, candle holders, and lamps. Larger tables with larger items. All different types of shelves on the walls, pictures, and light fixtures. Every piece is nothing like I’ve ever seen. Antique and worn, painted and new.
“Is this your store?” I remember Sawyer once mentioned Sloane had a hobby of refinishing stuff. When she told me this, I definitely didn’t picture everything that’s held within this small room. The talent is mind-blowing. It’s like walking through another world. A happy, beautiful world.
“Yep. I own it. Sawyer and I run it together.” She grabs the box, setting in behind the counter. “I’m assuming she’s why you’re here. Sawyer? She’s not here.”
Six Years Gone (Gone #1) Page 16
